#cosmicannibalism

[lesbitchka]

If you're interested there's a podcast called "Here to Make Friends" with two women from HuffPost who talk about the bachelor and the most recent episode they posted they interviewed with some of the people who work on the set of The Bachelor Vietnam and they talk about the two women last year who left the show to be together and it's honestly just very touching and I'm loving hearing them talk about how in love they are.

:)

[incorrectxfiles]

Mulder: How can a Fox be happy without a chicken in it's teeth?

Scully: I don't know what you're talking about but it sounds illegal.

[perlukafarinn]

prompt from @cosmicannibalism:  Castiel and Dean work together and Dean got Cas for secret Santa. Dean has a huge crush on Cas of course and gets him something super sentimental and definitely over the $20 gift limit, like a first edition of Castiels favorite book or something, and just hopes and prayes that Castiel never figures out that Dean was his secret Santa.

Thing is, Dean never wanted Cas to find out about his pathetic crush on him.

For one, it’s pathetic. It’s been eight years since Dean broke up with his first boyfriend and he still can’t handle being around men he likes. And Cas is way too good for him. He deserves someone at least half as amazing as he is, and that’s not Dean.

They’re also coworkers. You don’t shack up with coworkers, that’s just common sense.

Dean keeps all that in mind, constantly, because the last thing he wants is to slip up and let Cas know how he feels. He loves the time they spend together too much. They’re sort-of friends, in that way you’re friends with co-workers you never see outside of work, and sitting with Cas in the teachers’ lounge during their lunch break is usually the highlight of Dean’s day.

Yeah, Dean’s pathetic. That’s already been established.

But when Dean drew Cas’ name in this year’s game of Secret Santa, all he could think of was getting him the perfect present. It’s gonna be a shitty holiday season for Cas, as he’s on the outs with his family again – a bunch of wealthy corporate types who look down their noses at Cas for being a teacher – and Dean just wants to make him happy for at least a little bit of it.

He ends up tracking down a signed copy of The Autumn of the Patriarch online, spending half the night in an intense bidding war. Dean’s never read Gabriel Garcia Marquez himself but he’s one of Cas’ favorite authors. Cas will probably be thrilled to get it.

Dean’s feeling pretty darn proud of himself as he puts his present underneath the sad little plastic tree in the teachers’ lounge. It’s not until the presents have started piling up and the lounge is almost filled with people that it occurs to Dean what a terrible idea it really is.

The book almost cost one-hundred and fifty bucks. It’s also a really personal gift – it’s obvious that whoever gave it to Cas is close to him or at least pays intense attention to every word he says. If Cas figures out it’s Dean who gave him that present, he’s gonna know.

By the time Becky Rosen enthusiastically announces that it’s time to open the presents, Dean’s worked himself into a state of near-panic. He barely remembers to pick up his own present, too preoccupied with watching Cas.

He stares in mute horror as Cas tears the wrapping paper off. Cas’ face lights in a smile as he sees the cover of the book but it drops slowly as he opens it, eyes going wide. Dean looks away just as Cas raises his head, no doubt looking around for the creep who got him the inappropriately expensive and personal gift.

Dean busies himself with opening his own present – a box of chocolates, the kind of thing a sane person would get their coworker for Secret Santa – and only glances Cas’ way once he’s sure enough time has passed. Cas is looking at the book again, frown on his face and thumb rubbing absentmindedly up its spine.

Dean knows right then that he can never let Cas know the gift was from him.

*

This is somewhat complicated by the fact that Cas is determined to find his Secret Santa before Christmas break.

“It’s such a lovely gift,” Cas tells Dean during lunch break. “I need to thank whoever gave it to me.”

Dean shrugs helplessly. “Don’t know what to tell you, Cas. That’s not the point of the game.”

“Are you sure you don’t know?” Cas’ eyes seek his out. Dean looks away out of instinct, flinching internally in the next moment. That was a textbook guilty move. “No guesses?”

By the table next to theirs, Garth turns around in his chair. “It has to be someone with money, right? That kind of gift has to be expensive.”

“Definitely over the twenty-dollar limit,” Tracy offers, because everyone is apparently past pretending that they’re not eavesdropping in Dean and Cas’ conversation. “So, someone who doesn’t think the rules apply to them?”

“What, everyone’s a detective now?” Dean mutters. He goes ignored.

“What about Principal Crowley?” Garth suggests.

Tracy frowns. “Did he even participate?”

“He did,” Garth says. “I got him. Bought him a nice tie with a picture of a pug on it.” He frowns. “He hasn’t worn it yet.”

“I don’t know,” Tracy says. “It doesn’t seem like him to be so generous. Besides, he’s got a thing for Dean.”

Dean huffs. “Watch it.”

“It’s not Crowley,” Cas says decisively. Then, for some terrible reason, he adds, “Is it?”

Tracy shrugs. “You could just ask him, dude.”

“Only way to make sure,” Garth agrees.

Dean doesn’t say anything, because he knows it doesn’t matter. Even if Cas does end up asking Crowley, all he’s gonna get out of it is narrowing his pool of suspects down by one.

*

Crowley takes the credit.

Dean’s not sure why he’s even surprised. This kind of douchebaggery is exactly up Crowley’s alley, of course he’d jump at the chance to make Dean’s life more difficult.

Because he knows. He knows that Dean likes Cas and that he would be the love-struck idiot who got Cas such an extravagant present.

Cas doesn’t seem too happy about it, which is even worse than if he actually acted grateful to Crowley.

“It was just about showing off.” Cas sounds so dejected and Dean is about two seconds away from tracking Crowley down and punching him in the face, boss or not. “I didn’t – I suppose I expected that whoever got me that book actually cared-”

He stops short, huffing out a small, bitter laughter, and now Dean wants to punch himself in the face. The present was supposed to make Cas feel better and now it’s done the exact opposite.

He reaches out a hesitant hand, patting Cas’ shoulder. “Hey, who cares, right? Just ‘cause Crowley’s a dick, that doesn’t mean you don’t got friends here.”

Cas gives him a smile, but it’s half-hearted at best. Dean feels like the worst kind of scum but there’s nothing to be done about it. Unless he wants to spill everything, which would probably just make Cas uncomfortable on top of everything else.

It’s better just to write this plan off as a failure and move on.

*

In the next few days, Cas doesn’t cheer up. If anything, he gets more and more depressed as the holidays approach. By the last day before break, he’s barely mustering up a smile for his students.

Logically, Dean knows it doesn’t all have to do with the Secret Santa situation. Mostly, it’s about Cas’ shitty family being their usual shitty selves.

Still, the Secret Santa thing probably doesn’t help.

Dean spends the better part of the day ignoring the guilt gnawing at his gut. He’s used enough to feeling like a piece of shit that he can mostly ignore it but even he has his limits.

His is reached at the end of the day. Dean’s stayed a little late, making sure that everything is wrapped up neatly before he goes on break, and by the time he gets out into the parking lot there’s only one other car left.

It’s Cas’, and it’s not empty.

Dean walks up to it slowly, crouching down when he reaches it to see Cas sitting in the driver’s seat, staring dejectedly ahead. The engine’s not even turned on, and it’s snowing, so Cas has to be freezing. Dean knocks on the window, and Cas startles.

“You okay?” Dean asks.

Cas takes his hands off the wheel, unbuckling his belt and getting out of the car. He slams the door shut with a lot more force than necessary.

“I’m fine,” he says at long last.

“Really? Sitting alone in your car in a darkened parking lot doesn’t look like fine to me.”

Cas ducks his head, his already red cheeks turning even redder. “I don’t want to go home,” he admits. “I don’t want to go to my empty apartment, knowing that I’ll be there alone this Christmas because I can’t handle facing my family, and because I can’t find anyone willing to tolerate me for more than three dates, let alone a proper relationship.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Dean blurts, before he can think better of it. At Cas’ hurt expression, he quickly amends, “I mean, the second half of that sentence. I can’t speak for whatever thing you have going on with your family though to me it sounds like they’re just being a bunch of dicks and you’re fully justified in wanting to avoid them.”

Cas’ lips twitch in a weak attempt at a smile. “It’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Maybe it is, but from where I’m standing they’re in the wrong here, not you.” Dean clears his throat, suddenly realizing how incensed he’s been getting. “Anyway, if you haven’t found anyone it’s just because you’re not looking in the right places. ‘Cause there’s plenty of people out there who want you, warts and all. Trust me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Dean swallows. This is getting too close for comfort. “There’s someone out there for everyone, ain’t there?”

“I suppose so,” Cas says, but he doesn’t sound like he really believes it.

There’s a lot Dean could say here. Some more empty platitudes that don’t mean shit because Dean can’t be honest about how he feels. Assurance that he’ll be there for Cas as a friend, because that much he can at least do. More insults aimed at Cas’ family, even.

Instead, he says, “I was your Secret Santa, not Crowley.”

The confession sounds uncomfortably loud in the empty parking lot and especially in the deafening silence that immediately follows.

“You…” Cas finally says, but that’s all he gets out.

“Surprise,” Dean says, laughing shakily.

“But Crowley said…” Cas trails off. “Crowley lied?”

“It’s kind of what he does.”

“But I don’t- why?”

Dean shrugs. “It’s what he does.”

“Not him.” Cas levels Dean with a challenging look. “You. Why did you lie?”

This is it. Game over.

“’Cause if I told you the truth…” Dean swallows, ducking his head. He can’t do this while looking Cas in the face. “If I told you, you would’ve figured out everything. That’s not the kind of present you give to a coworker, or someone who’s just a friend. It’s the kind you give to someone you’re in love with.”

He heaves out a sigh as he finishes speaking. It feels like he just achieved something momentous and even though it’s gonna bite him in the ass, in the moment he feels nothing but relief.

Then Cas is kissing him.

Dean’s brain stutters to a stop, heart seizing in his chest. Cas’ lips feel cool and a little chapped, and his hand is cupping Dean’s cheek. It’s such a common fantasy of Dean’s that at first it doesn’t even register as real, but then the feel of Cas against him stubbornly persists, warm and solid in the cold evening breeze.

He’s just getting used to it when Cas pulls away. His hand remains, sliding down a little so it’s resting on the top of Dean’s chest. “I’m sorry, that was… extremely inappropriate.”

“It’s okay,” Dean says weakly. He licks his lips, chasing the taste of that kiss. “Way more than okay. Like, if you wanna do it again-”

He’s cut off by Cas’ lips. He remembers to actually kiss back this time, wrapping an arm around Cas’ waist to bring him closer. Their second kiss melts into their third and fourth, and soon enough they’re just making out in the parking lot, the world around them quiet aside from the distant sounds of traffic and snow slowly falling around them.

[bamf-castiel]

(1) So I had an idea for a mob!boss au a while back. Winchester and Novak are rival families. John Winchester has decided that uniting the two gangs will be beneficial to the family business. The best way to bring the rivals together is a marriage. He's mostly gotten Naomi Novak to agree. The numbers add up and profits will sky rocket and she can't say no to that. But the problem is Sam is too young to marry and Dean has already declared he wants nothing to do with this life.

(2) so john stages a "hit" thats supposed to look like the novaks targeting Dean. The plan is to take out Deans driver and then convince Dean that marrying the Novak son is the only way to bring peace and save lives. The problem is no one realized Dean has Sammy with him. Sam gets badly hurt which definitely wasn't Johns plan, but Sammy lives and it ends up being plenty of incentive to get Dean to agree to the marriage if only to protect Sammy.  (3) Cas has been amicable to the marriage proposal from the beginning. He hears about the shooting of course but assumes it's lower level criminals trying to get in good with someone. Dean and Cas get married. Cas views it as a business transaction of course. Completely professional even if Dean is particularly attractive he's determined to view the situation unemotionally. Dean of course while going along with things could never forgive the people who got Sammy hurt.(4) and he of course includes himself in that group of people. As the months tick by and Cas and Dean get to know each other they both find themselves begrudgingly becoming attached to their husbands. Cas knows feelings complicate things especially in his line of work but he's grown rather fond of the stubborn snarky Winchester who gives off so much warmth without even realizing it.(5) And Dean is determined to hate Cas but finds himself a little more infatuated every day with the scruffy, beheaded, slightly socially inept guy who's surprisingly dorky for a mobster. Dean is still trying to keep his nose clean and let's Cas handle all the family business. Cas comes across the shooter who injured Sammy and after some. . . Questioning finds out that it was John who hired him. Cas brings this information to Naomie, he's furious but unsure how to move forward.(6) Naomi already knows of course and tells Cas it's of little importance. They've already put plans into place to remove john and Sammy anyway. Then they'll have complete control of the looked assets from the merge. "And don't worry we've already set up to remove you're problem as well." She tells Cas. They're planning on using Dean as bait to get John Winchester out in the open. John's no fool. They may have merged families but he's still been keeping himself safe. So Dean will lure him out.(I think I'm on 6?) "And once those two are out of the picture all that's left is the one who already as a bullet hole in him." And after that here comes Cas in a flying rage first rescuing Dean and then bringing his own mother down from the top of her regime. He tells Dean everything, which allows Dean to finally admit his feelings for Cas without any guilt. They show John his new place at the bottom of the ladder as well.(7) And together as the hottest power couple in existence they lead the most powerful crime family in the US. Sidenotes: this ended up being way longer than I meant it to be? Also I tried for a bit to see if I could avoid asshole John cause that always breaks my heart for Sam and Dean but I just could not avoid it here.

AAHHH

[quillquiver]

This is kind of late so if you don’t wanna do it anymore that’s totally fine, but this is for the ‘submit a passage of my writing and I’ll give you commentary on it.’ And I chose this section from Akasha because I loved that fic. (this may be over 500 words I didn’t count I hope that’s okay)

He’s clearly frustrated, but Castiel makes a concerted effort to drink more carefully, pulling back only after the glass is totally empty. He stares at Dean, then, unblinkingly. He reaches out and his fingertips flutter against the swollen skin of his cheek. “Oh yeah,” Dean says in response to his unspoken question. “I’m like super allergic to your cat.” Templeton, now tucked into Cas’s side, meows. And Castiel begins to hyperventilate. “Cas. Hey, Cas. Cas, breathe, okay? Everything’s fine. We’re okay. You’re okay. You’re safe. We’re both safe, Cas, breathe… That’s it,” he murmurs, pulling himself up onto the couch and rearranging them until they’re propped up against one another as Castiel take a big, deep breath. “There you go.” Dean’s fingers push through dark hair. “Good.” His words are spoken against Castiel’s temple. “I’ve got you. You’re safe.” By the time Castiel has calmed down, he and Dean are a tangle of limbs and bodies, both parties clutching to the other tightly as the latter rocks the former in his arms, humming and murmuring softness into his skin. Tears continue to squeeze out from the corner of Cas’s eyes, and he buries his face, ashamedly, in Dean’s chest. “Dean,” he rasps eventually. “Yeah, buddy?” Castiel’s shoulders shake with fresh sobs.

It’s totally fine, thank you so much for sending this ask! (And I’m so glad you like the fic!!!)

Okay, um so this excerpt (taken from akasha), was based off of my own experiences with panic attacks, and waking up from super intense nightmares. I wanted to communicate how out-of-control Cas felt with his trouble with drinking slowly, and then also get across how, after a panic attack or a nightmare, you kind of exist in this liminal space for a little bit, where you’re both present and not present, and are overwhelmingly emotional. So, I had Cas notice Dean’s allergies in a moment of clarity, before falling headlong into the aftereffects of such a traumatic experience.

The cuddling and hugging that comes after is pretty much exactly what I feel I need after having a panic attack. But I don’t have a Dean, I have my mom and brother, so they end up being the ones hugging me and telling me everything’s gonna be okay. It was a pretty intense scene to write, actually… my chest hurt like halfway through :P Oh! And I also wanted to kind of add this element of shame to Cas–I feel like he would’ve been pissed at himself for getting captured, and also kind of ashamed that a hunter had to rescue him and then was consequently being so sweet. So that’s another dimension of his emotionality, here :)

Again, thank you so much for sending the ask!

[themonologuearchive]

Hi, I'm auditioning for Pride and Prejudice and was wondering if you had any recommendations that fit that time period and setting?

The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde

Try these lists:

10 Monologues About Romance

10 Monologues from the Scorned Lover

10 New Dramatic Monologues for Young Adult Females

10 One-Minute Dramatic Female Monologues

[lizziebennet]

cosmicannibalism replied to your post: when authors write characters that are supposed to...

Bella Swan wearing khaki skirts and striped shirts in twilight. I mean it’s twilight so I shouldn’t expect much but good god. I will never forget about it.

i didnt mind when bella wore shit like this bc shes not supposed to care ab fashion what i HATED was when ALICE picked bellas clothes and the outfit was still gross

[acklelantern]

So today I was at work and I work security at a supermarket. I was checking this 83 year old guys receipt (I know the exact age because he told me) and he forced me into a really long really weird hug and then told me that I had, 'so many wonderful flavors in there.' And then he told me he wanted to take me home cause he had lots of sons but no daughters. And I'm not sure if he was trying to set me up with one of his sons or if he wanted to eat me tbh.

Your url makes this story 10x better.

Dealing with customers will either make or break your day.