multi-fandom but mostly audio fiction (tma, midnight burger, tpp, amelia project, tsv), arcane, whatever else strikes my fancy. header by @arcanegifs. I follow as casthewise.
Hello Maggie! May I humbly request more lists of things that Shane says (like the mic'd up compilation)? ONLY if you feel like it, of course! I just feel like I get to know Shane so well and I learn about hockey culture through your posts like that and I love them so much. No pressure!! ok thanks bye ❤️🙈 - krb
Hmmm OKAY yes I think I have a few more:
- "Luca come here. Let me see. Open your fucking mouth, kid. Okay yeah, he's bleeding, tell them to give that fucker double, Ilya--"
- "Yeah so like...you eat the food with your hands. No forks. No, they give you this bread. Yeah it's good. Kind of spicy."
- "Hey buddy. Nah, not much. Jackie and the kids good? That's good. Surprised you're not part of the scrum. Yeah he told me he was gonna try to fight you tonight."
- "Ha, no, stay there. I don't wanna hear it. No, I don't want you to whisper it either. Save it for the power play."
- "Can you do this with your pinky? Yeah. Huh, maybe it's because I've broken mine. Hey, Bood, can you do this with your pinky? Huh. Chouinard--tap Chouinard--hey, try to do this--"
- "That ref fucking hates me and you know why--you fucking KNOW why--no I will not calm down!"
- "Yeah it was nice, but I don't think we'll go back. I dunno. It rained the whole time and Ilya said it made him feel homesick. No, like, for Russia. Yeah. Big sad Slavic eyes the whole time. And he's, y'know. My guy. When he's sad, I'm sad. Nah, that's not sappy, that's just marriage, man."
- "Hey, did you know that the point of hockey is actually to keep your blades on the ice? Yeah it helps. You can't go as far skating on your nose."
- "Aw shit, buddy, did he get you? Did my husband use his big stick to put you on your back? Aw man, bud, I dunno. Sounds kind of gay."
- "No, it's fine, not broken. Don't fuss. I'll tell you what I said later. No, later. Uh-huh. You get it. Eyes on the game, Rozanov."
- "Aw, fuck, he threw a blade. Oh you are not serious. Why is he crawling. COME ON, THIS IS WHAT WE LEARNED THE POWER PULLS FOR--"
- "Oh, kiss cam. You know, I asked them not to--helmet, Ilya. I said you could kiss my helme--mmm. Fine."
- "Say that again about my fucking family, motherfucker! Say that shit again! I'm not gonna let you fuckers play like that anymore!"
- "No, shh, I'm still mic'd. Wait until Sarah comes to take it. Ilya, I said no--shh, okay, it's on the right side. Careful, fuck! If you break the mic because you're too...eager...they'll never mic either of us up again."
The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?
first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.
2014
The panic sets in the day after Vegas.
Shane is honestly surprised it took so long. It feels like Rozanov managed to fuck all of the anxiety and second-guessing out of his body, and it's only now with a little distance that they can come back.
And they do come back, with a vengeance, because oh my god what the fuck was that?
Shane didn't know sex could be like that. So intense that his brain would shut off, that he'd loose control of his own reactions. He didn't know it was possible to have that kind of chemistry with someone you'd never slept with before. Rozanov touched him like he knew exactly how he liked to be touched, did things even Shane didn't know he wanted.
It's never been like this with Brian.
Shane feels so guilty thinking it, he could throw up.
He also feels guilty about sleeping with Rozanov in the first place, even though it's exactly what Brian asked him to do. Maybe he should have told Brian about it before it happened. Maybe he should have picked someone he didn't already want to fuck - even though that would have brought his list of prospects down to zero.
This open relationship thing is stressful. Shane thinks he may not be built for it.
He goes to Brian's place after Vegas and even with the guilt eating Shane up from the inside, it's nice. Brian is more attentive than he's been in a while, showering Shane with praise and affection. The sex is better than it's been in a while, too.
(It's not as good as with Rozanov, a thought Shane mercilessly banishes as soon as it pops up.)
So their new relationship status is definitely working for Brian. Shane probably just needs time to adjust.
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but he's not sure what the rules are. Brian hasn't told him about anyone he's fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesn't want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesn't know about Rozanov, he can't tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane can't pretend that's not a little bit of a factor.
+
Months pass and Shane somehow settles into the new status quo.
Montreal plays Boston three times and he meets up with Rozanov after each game and has the best sex of his life. Rozanov texts him in between games, too, and more often than not it leads to sexting.
Shane doesn't like thinking about how even over text, Rozanov is still an amazing lay. He's got stability with Brian, he reminds himself. Love, commitment. That's not something Rozanov is ever gonna offer.
Not that Shane would want it even if he did. Because he loves his boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, dude, pull yourself together.
Brian doesn't tell him about any of his hook ups and Shane doesn't ask. Whoever he's fucking, it doesn't affect their sex life.
Shane can't say the same for himself. After his third time with Rozanov a need starts to set underneath his skin, an itch that sex with Brian just can't seem to scratch.
Shane feels awful about it, especially when Brian notices.
"You good, babe?"
They're naked in bed (the bed Rozanov fucked him in last month) and Shane is on his back, Brian nestled between his legs, hard cock brushing against his thighs. Shane's mind should not be wandering right now, and yet it has been.
"Yeah," Shane says, flushing guiltily when Brian shoots him a disbelieving look. "It's just. Um. Could you be... rougher, maybe? Hold me down?"
Shane rarely asks for things in bed. The things they normally do have always worked well enough for him that he hasn't felt the need to. He's certainly never had to make himself pay attention when his boyfriend's about to fuck him.
This is all Rozanov's fault. That fucker broke Shane's dick.
"Hold you down?" Brian repeats, a little incredulous. "You know you're way stronger than me, right?"
"I wouldn't be trying to really escape. Just... pretending."
Brian sits back on, a sour expression on his face. "Sure. That doesn't sound emasculating at all."
"How would that be emasculating?" Shane asks incredulously.
"You don't think I'm strong enough," Brian accuses. "Why else would you need to pretend different so you could get off?"
Frustration flares hotly in Shane's chest. Rozanov isn't stronger than him, either. When he holds Shane down, it's with the knowledge that it's a game, that Shane could throw him off if he really wanted to. That doesn't make it any less hot, or make Shane wish Rozanov was stronger.
"You're being ridiculous."
Brian blinks. "Fuck this," he mutters, and then he's climbing off the bed.
"You're leaving?" Shane asks, stunned.
"Obviously I'm not good enough to fuck you, so I won't pretend to be."
Shane sits up, his frustration now crushed under a rush of guilt. What the fuck his wrong with him? He's started comparing Brian to Rozanov in his head and now he's got his boyfriend thinking he's not good enough for him.
"I'm sorry," he says, reaching for Brian's arm, relieved when he doesn't pull away at his touch. "It was just an idea, I didn't mean - I'm happy with what we do. It's just been a stressful day."
Brian looks down at him, lips twisted in an unhappy frown. "Where did you get that idea?"
Shane should tell him. He doesn't know why he doesn't want to.
"Porn," he says finally, hoping the redness on his face can be mistaken for embarrassment.
"Hm." Brian turns to face him again, wrapping his arms around Shane's shoulders. His cock pokes Shane's chest in this position, thankfully still hard. "Well, if we're borrowing from porn, I've got a couple of things we could try instead."
Shane nods, relieved beyond measure that his slip-up didn't fuck up their whole night. "Whatever you want."
Brian smiles, petting his hair sweetly. "You're so good to me, babe."
The praise warms Shane, making his heart flutter. It doesn't matter if it isn't the same with Brian as it is with Rozanov, he decides. Brian is the one who loves him, the one who will stick around.
Besides, Rozanov is new and exciting. Surely he won't stay that way for long. Shane will get him out of his system in a few months and then, Brian will hopefully be ready to close the relationship again. They'll go back to the way things were, only better, because both of them will have sown their wild oats.
+
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Ilya cannot commit to a lockscreen so he has a full album of pictures that rotate. Pictures of him and Shane looking happy and disgustingly in love, pictures from Shane's photoshoots where he looks mouthwateringly hot, a couple of pictures of Anya though Shane is also featured in some of them, pictures of Shane at various events looking distinguished and dapper and also still so hot, a few from their wedding day. Every time he picks up his phone and sees that the picture has switched he gets a soft little smile on his face, just taking a moment to look at it before unlocking his phone, heart eyes on full display. It's a running joke among the Centaurs that if Shane isn't around on a night out, Roz is not allowed to look at his phone or he's going home immediately.
Fun fact: Team Russia's coach in Episode 1 is absolutely brilliant, and his speech is hilarious. 😄 The actor said he improvised the whole thing, so now I kind of wish he'd had more screen time.
Not enough skill? Then crush them with your balls, got it? Rozanov, don't you have anything more important to do? Why the fuck am I standing here giving this speech? Look at me when I'm talking to you!
"This is how they survive. You must know this. You're too smart not to know this. They paint the world full of shadows... and then tell their children to stay close to the light. Their light. Their reasons, their judgments. Because in the darkness, there be dragons. But it isn't true. We can prove that it isn't true. In the dark, there is discovery, there is possibility, there is freedom in the dark once someone has illuminated it." - Black Sails
this makes me so happy as a fat hairy guy who likes skirts and dresses i never get to see guys like me in dresses it’s always skinny twinks this makes me so happy 🥺🥺
Thinking about the differences between Shane and Ilya’s early careers and I don’t know how it was in Russia, but I can imagine Shane billeting in like fucking Sherbrooke or some shit when he’s 16, far from home but known as the guy who’s gonna get drafted. Like, barring something disastrous, it’s clear. And this is a fucking multi-edged sword for him, because on the one hand, in terms of skill and play, Shane Hollander is the man. However, he is also quiet and not super interested in socializing and queer and not white.
Shane has to deal with chirps about his race all the time. Chirps about his marked lack of body hair compared to his peers, his pretty face, the fact that his mom is so hands on (thinking of one particular phrase here). Shane is constantly feminized because he’s Asian, and it doesn’t help that he’s such a goody two shoes - I mean, fuck, Holly’s kill count is 1 because he’s so committed to his fucking girlfriend. And I think he can get away with that because of his skill. I think his quirks in the name of keeping up his performance saves him a lot of the time, but it wouldn’t protect him from everything. It can’t. Hockey has a very bro-y herd mentality and if you don’t gel with the team you’re out. Which means he has to gel, and at that level that means being one of the boys.
So, while Shane isn’t necessarily hazed as consistently and violently as the rest of the rookies, I think he is hazed, and it is fucked up. And it fucks him up specifically, because he’s starting to heavily suspect (read: in his heart he knows) that he likes guys. And yeah, he doesn’t have to drink dick beer (he would die before allowing himself to show weakness in front of these guys he doesn’t care he can’t lose), but he feels violated and terrified the whole time he’s doing pushups, because what if the rest of them can tell? What if there’s something about him that gives himself away? It’s not just his career that’ll be ruined (before it even starts). He’s 16, there are guys in the room that are fucking 20. They’re men. And I mean, it’s tough for Shane to tell when something is and is not considered gay when it comes to this shit so he stays out of it all, but what the fuck will they do to him if they find out? Or what will they make him do if they think he’ll like it?
I know that Heated Rivalry is romance and fiction but in the same way that I think there is so much interesting shit to dig into re: the fact that Shane plays for Montreal where hockey is basically a religion, we could have some really interesting conversations about how it’s really likely that Shane would have been incredibly traumatized by growing up in hockey culture because of his race, sexuality, and the fact that the culture is fucked to begin with. I think experiences like that shape how you inhabit the closet and how paranoid you get in protecting a piece of your identity that could actually have physically harmed you if it had gotten out. Add the Montreal of it into the mix, and yeah, I would be fucking paranoid about everything too. And it would take me a very very long time and copious hours of therapy to like, actually feel settled and comfortable after being outed.
Hey so if you’re Canadian, a hockey fan (new to the sport or been here forever), and/or someone who just wants to know a bit more about hockey culture and hockey culture in Canada, you should watch Code of Misconduct. It’s a documentary about the trial of the Canada 5 (SA criminal trial) and it is extremely upsetting and disturbing but very worth it to really understand how fucked up hockey culture is and how systemic the worship of hockey players is in Canadian life. It’s a really important thing to watch and know about, especially because one of the guys who was acquitted is currently the starting goalie for Vegas and is playing in the cup final as we speak.
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