Word Count: 940
Genre: Fluff
AU: Non idol AU
Tropes: Established relationship
Rating: PG but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: None. If you think I missed something, though, please let me know!
Summary: Your boyfriend tells you he loves you for the first time when he thinks you're not listening.
A/N: Welcome to the "Ateez as Jim Croce Songs" series! This one was inspired by "I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song." I can't wait for you all to see what else I have in store. If you're interested in seeing more, the series masterlist can be found here.
Shout out to the absolutely incredible @orbitondgtl for making the banner for this fic!!!! Please please please go show their blog some love <3
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @effervescentorbs, @1-800-jewon, @lov3rachan, @my-neurodivergent-world
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Fic is under the cut.
You couldn’t wait to finally spend the night at Hongjoong’s apartment for the first time. You’d been ecstatic that he invited you over, considering how shitty work had been, not to mention your family driving you up a wall. On top of spending time with Hongjoong, you were incredibly grateful for the opportunity to just rest for once.
As you walked up to the front door, overnight bag in your hand, you realized that for the first time, you had no idea what to expect when you walked into the apartment. Since you’d made plans to spend the night, Hongjoong had been far more secretive than usual when it came to what he’d planned for the two of you to do together, and the mystery was starting to drive you just a little bit crazy. You trusted him, of course, so you knew he didn’t have anything weird or dangerous planned, but at the same time, you would have really liked to know what you would be doing ahead of time.
When you knocked on Hongjoong’s door, you heard a crash, then he yelled, “Fuck!” You wanted to call out and ask if he was ok, but before you could get the words out, you heard what sounded like someone running, immediately followed by the door opening. After taking a moment to catch his breath, Hongjoong smiled softly and said, “Hi, baby. How was the drive over?”
“Not bad. Are you ok, ‘joong?” you asked.
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said, clutching his wrist. “Just dropped some things and banged my wrist on the table trying to set things up.
“What things?”
That was when Hongjoong’s smile turned mischievous as he said, “Come with me and you’ll find out, sweetheart.”
With that, he took your hand and led you into his apartment, grinning from ear to ear as he watched you take in the home movie theater that he’d set up for the two of you. He’d hung lights around his living room, set out some snacks on his coffee table, and put a movie that he knew you’d been dying to watch on the TV. Everything had been planned out in advance and perfectly executed, and you’d never felt more cared for before.
You snapped out of your admiration when you heard Hongjoong clear his throat and nervously ask, “So, what do you think?”
“I think I wanna curl up on the couch with you, split a box of Reese’s Pieces, and watch the movie. Thank you.”
“It’s no problem, angel,” he responded, his signature smile on his face.
With that, Hongjoong took your overnight bag and set it down, grabbed your hand, and led you to the couch, grabbing a box of Reese’s Pieces off of the table before the two of you sat down. Then, he grabbed the remote, and you leaned into him as he pressed play and the movie began.
Pretty much immediately, both you and Hongjoong were so sucked into the plot of the movie you barely said a word to each other, both of you eating the snacks that he’d set out as you watched. You didn’t exactly mind that, though. One of the many things that you loved about quality time with Hongjoong was the fact that you didn’t have to fill the space with conversations to feel seen or cared about. His presence was all you needed, and you loved having the opportunity to rest when the two of you were together.
You were about halfway through the movie when you realized you were close to falling asleep. You really didn’t know why, but something about spending time with Hongjoong always made it hard not to doze off, and apparently your movie night was no different. Without really thinking about it, you closed your eyes, relaxing in Hongjoong’s arms on the edge of sleep but not quite drifting off.
Before you knew it, the movie was over, but Hongjoong didn’t get up from the couch. Instead, you felt him moving as he took something out of his pocket. Then, you heard a soft instrumental playlist start playing, and you felt him press a soft kiss to your forehead as he said, “I hope you’re sleeping well, sweetheart. I love you so much.”
Your heart swelled when you heard Hongjoong tell you that he loved you for the first time, and as you thought about it, you realized that you had two options. You could either continue letting him think that you were asleep, or you could tell him what you’d been waiting to tell him for weeks: that you loved him too. In the end, you chose the latter.
“I love you too, ‘joong,” you said softly as you opened your eyes.
“I thought you were sleeping,” he responded, trying to hide the shy smile on his face.
“I just had my eyes closed.”
Hongjoong looked nervous when he hesitantly asked, “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?” you asked. After you thought about it for a minute, though, you realized what he was referring to and said, “Yes, I meant it. I love you."
“I love you,” Hongjoong repeated before pulling you into a soft kiss. When you pulled away, he added, “I’ve wanted to say it for so long. It just never seemed like the right time.”
“Well, I think tonight was the perfect time,” you replied.
“Yeah, so do I.” After a brief silence, he said, “It’s getting a little late. Should we clean all of this up and get ready for bed?”
“That sounds like a plan, my love,” you answered before you pulled him into another kiss.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged in future parts of this series, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added to or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
🚨Who: Choi Seungcheol (Seventeen) x female reader
🚨What: Angst. Comedy (lowkey crack). Fluff. Smut (18+). Gang au. Gang boss Seungcheol. Gang member Reader.
🚨Word count: 16.3k
🚨Warnings: Do not take anything I write about police/ law seriously; I don’t know shit about anything, okay. Reader is unhinged and shameless (and emotionally incompetent). Mentions of masturbation (both). Voyeurism (which may or may not be known/ consensual, it’s genuinely unclear even to me and I wrote this 🥴). Gang typical stuff: violence, drugs, alcohol, prostitution, theft etc. Handcuffs. Profanity. Degrading names. Mentions of being sterile. Kissing. Unprotected PIV sex. Hair pulling. Oral (both). Multiple sex scenes and positions. Breeding kink. Choking (female receiving). Multiple orgasms. Clit slapping. Marking and potentially other fun things I’m likely forgetting about. Bonus notes about side characters I just wanna point out: Best friend Soonyoung (I love them). Prostitute/ escort Junhui & his pimp Jeonghan 😌.
🚨Summary:
You're known for being able to get your hands on anything you want: drugs, weapons, money, cars. Except your boss; he's always been a little out of your reach.
At least, until the day you have him handcuffed in the backseat of your car.
Minors do NOT interact. I WILL block any account that interacts without an age indicator in their bio, or for any of the reasons listed in this post, including blank blogs and blogs without any fics reblogged.
Masterlist
A/N- This was originally on my old account @/whipped-for-kpop-fics, but I’ve decided to private a lot of stuff on that account and just move it over to here after some editing, where I can actually track it all properly.
It's a beautiful sight to pull up to; the Choi Seungcheol on his knees, thick thighs spread wide, fingers laced together behind his head, biceps bulging in his plain white t-shirt. The same Choi Seungcheol who, for the past four years, has been running the most cunning, slippery gang that has graced the city in decades.
Local law enforcement has been trying to get their mitts on him since before he even started the gang, but Seungcheol is smart, he's always made sure to keep his hands squeaky clean.
Which is why, when you heard the news come through on your police scanner that he's been spotted with some real nasty fuckers and this is the chance to get him cuffed, you wanted to get there asap to witness and join the scene.
Who wouldn't want to have the pleasure of slapping some cuffs on Choi Seungcheol and shoving him around a little, after all?
“What did you get him for?” you ask as you approach the scene with nothing but confidence, thumbs hooked into your belt casually.
Seungcheol glances over at you, and his jaw tightens with how hard he clenches his teeth as he takes you in from head to toe, dressed in uniform so crisp it's like you've just pulled it on. You have. He doesn't look impressed.
“Probable cause,” the young, over-eager cop who is getting ready to handcuff Seungcheol informs, sounding almost proud, while his partner keeps his gun pointed firmly at Seungcheol's head.
Seungcheol isn't stupid, reckless at times, yeah, but not stupid. He's been known to get pretty injured, and take some big risks with his own body in order to get what he wants, but even he wouldn't risk making a move in front of a trigger-happy rookie-cop.
“Oh, you fucking idiots,” you laugh, walking over to snatch the cuffs into your own hold.
“What the fuck?” the younger cop baulks, dumbstruck. “Who the fuck are you to just–”
“You really think you're going to get brownie points with the captain by bringing him Choi Seungcheol with no solid fucking cause? You think you can just put the guy in cuffs and the rest will follow? You're fucking stupid, kid.”
“But we caught him.”
“Yeah, and you know what his legal team is like? You're fucking lucky I turned up.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm willing to take him off your hands and deal with it myself. I've had my eye on Choi for fucking years, boys; I've got quite the file on him. What have you got?”
Admittedly, you take a hell of a lot of joy in grabbing Seungcheol's right forearm to force it down and around to his lower back, where you can secure the cuff around his wrist. He grunts at the unexpected force yet doesn't fight you, just clenches his jaw tighter.
“That's a good boy,” you whisper into his ear, while the two cops exchange lost, almost torn expressions as they attempt to silently communicate with one another about what to do.
Clearly, they don't want to just hand the man over to you, but you're right; they don't have shit on Seungcheol, and it would only cause them a lot of hassle to arrest him. He's too smart to talk, even in holding, and would just stare darkly at them, not moving a muscle until he's released. It’s happened before, once, over a year ago, and his legal team tore apart the station so thoroughly that the cops who arrested him had to resign and get minimum wage jobs, despite being the best the precinct had to offer.
Once you've got Seungcheol securely in the cuffs, you grab his bicep and appreciatively squeeze it as you tug on him to signal him to get up. You have to bite back your pleased grin as the powerful man silently obeys your order and gets to his feet. Though he does glare at you over his shoulder. It just makes it all that much sweeter.
“You boys better get back to your patrol before you get demoted,” you warn, shoving Seungcheol towards your car. He stumbles a little and glares at you again, but you ignore it to reach past him and open the back door.
Seungcheol swears and mutters under his breath when you roughly push his head down to urge him into the back of the car. He almost falls flat on his face onto the cheap imitation-leather seats. You shut the door before his colourful language cussing you out spills out any further to reach the cops and they can try to drag this out further. That’s the last thing you need right now.
“What?” you ask the two young men upon facing them again once you’ve closed the door and turned away from the car; they’re still watching you dumbly. “I know; my ass looks great in these.” You smirk smugly to yourself and smack your own ass, making both men jump at the loud, sudden sound.
“Yeah,” the younger agrees mindlessly, eyes now glued to your ass as you open the driver's door.
“Idiot,” his partner hisses, backhanding him. “Don't fucking agree, now she's gonna report you for sexual harassment!”
“She started it!”
While the pair are arguing, you take the chance to climb into your car and drive off with a pleased little cackle at causing the most chaos you can with so little to work with. It’s a point of pride for you.
At the end of the street, Seungcheol kicks the back of your seat. You don't need to look at him to know he's glaring at you; you can feel the burn of his gaze on the side of your face. You love it.
“Now, now, Mr. Choi, please respect my car.” He kicks the seat again, making you snicker. “So ungrateful; I just saved you from being locked in an interrogation room for 24 hours. You'd think you'd be at least a little appreciative.”
“Like fuck am I,” he grunts and shuffles closer to the crisscross of bars separating the two halves of the car. “Didn't have to be so fucking rough, you bitch.” You lift your eyes to the rearview mirror to meet his gaze and grin smugly at him, before returning your gaze to the road in front of you. “Sick fuck; you get off on it, don't you?”
“Damn right,” you confirm shamelessly, with an almost twisted smirk. “Big boss man on his knees for ickle ol' me. Gets me all warm and tingly, Cheolie.”
“How many times have I got to tell you not to fucking call me that?” He's too close to the front seats to kick them again, but he does knee the back of yours where his legs are spread as wide as possible in his pale, ripped jeans to allow him so close.
Fuck, you wish you can see his thighs right now. You quickly look over at him to test your range of sight, but the fucking seats are in the way. Dammit.
You sigh and turn back to the road forlornly. “Well, maybe if you ever punish me like you claim you will, yet never stick to, I might learn my lesson.”
“You'd fucking like it,” he grumbles. You just grin. Yeah, you definitely would. “Pull over and uncuff me.”
“Nope.”
“I'm warning you, little one.”
“Pretty sure I'm the one in charge here,” you chirp, unaffected by his low, warning tone. Though a second later, you're choking on a laugh when his body jerks forward due to you suddenly breaking to join the queue of traffic at a red light. Seungcheol's forehead slams into the grate, making him swear harshly. “Oops,” you offer with false innocence and a big grin.
“You fucking–” he starts harshly, only to cut off when you pull away rapidly at the green light, sending him toppling back in the seats and cutting off with a surprised sound. You don't stop yourself from laughing this time.
“Now, here's what's gonna happen, Cheolie,” you declare when you turn around in your seat to look at where the big gang boss is sitting quietly in the back seat, hands still cuffed behind him between his thick body and the backrest. His thick legs spread with his slouched position.
Man, he's so fucking thick; you know it's true all over his body. You've conveniently walked in on him fucking enough people to know that the man's blessed with a diabolically thick cock too.
Not forgetting the memorable time that he didn't notice your very obvious spy camera in his bedroom for a full two months. For two glorious months you got to watch him wrap a hand around his cock and cum over his chest in live action; automatically recorded for your rewatch pleasure.
You've never been gladder that he has a strict policy of not taking anyone to his home to fuck; you quite enjoyed his solo sessions and still watch them regularly.
In fact, you had been watching one while spread over your own bed when the scanner had caught your attention. You didn't even have the chance to clean up; your thighs are still sticky. But that could also just be from having Seungcheol in handcuffs. It really does a lot for your endless arousal where Choi Seungcheol is involved.
“You happened to interrupt my favourite hobby by almost getting arrested and making me come to your rescue.”
“If you say you were watching those fucking videos again–” he starts.
“I wouldn't have to if you didn't increase your security and make it harder for me to put up new cameras.” You can’t help but pout a little; disappointed and heartbroken at your inability to get new spank-bank material. At least currently. You’re determined where stalking Seungcheol is involved and have already been devising plans.
“I did that so that I don't have your perverted ass watching me in my private spaces!” he barks. “I swear, one day, I'm going to actually choke you.”
“Do it.” The sparkle in your eyes makes Seungcheol groan in frustration and tip his head back, eyes closing as he prays to a god that he doesn't believe in for the strength to handle you and your endless depravities. “Question.”
“What?” He sighs and lifts his head to look at you resignedly. After knowing you for so many years, he knows it's just easier to play along, unless he wants to deal with you badgering him for the rest of the day.
“Would you use your hands to choke me?”
“What else?”
“Your thighs–”
“Shut up,” he groans and pushes himself further upright. “Can you go a single day without making a remark about my thighs?”
You don’t hesitate to respond shamelessly “No. Can you crush my head between them like you did that watermelon?”
“I should've never done that. I thought playing along would make you shut the fuck up asking, but no, you're even worse.”
“I appreciate art, and those thighs, Choi Seungcheol, are pure fucking art.”
“We have very different definitions of art,” he deadpans.
“Yes, I know.” You roll your eyes. “You like silicone and spray tan.”
“Do I?” He raises an amused eyebrow at you when you look at him suspiciously.
“Every woman I've seen you fuck are more silicone than my dildo collection.”
“Not gonna comment on the collection,” he mutters, looking more like he's convincing himself that his curiosity about how extensive your collection may be is not worth actually engaging you in a discussion about your sex life. Which, he knows, heavily involves you masturbating to those videos of him masturbating.
“Do you want to see?” you offer brightly. “I have one that I think could compare to your cock.” Your gaze drops down to his crotch where there's an obvious bulge, which you know is him flaccid. “Maybe...” You suck on your bottom lip thoughtfully as your mind runs wild with memories of the sight of his cock peeking through his fist as he chased his high. Or wrapped in rubber as he bent another woman with fake tits over his desk, or face first against a too-rough wall, to take what he wants.
You really don't know how he can claim to not have a type when you truly have only seen him actually having sex with one type of woman. You've seen him seduce and hit on a wide range of people— not even just women—, but that's always to get his way, and he doesn't fuck them, even if he does sometimes make out with them just to win them over.
“Stop thinking about my cock,” Seungcheol deadpans, snapping you back to reality, and causing you to look up at him, though your gaze darts back down upon realising there's a change in the bulge in your periphery vision. “Don't–”
“Are you getting hard?!” you gasp, shuffling onto your knees excitedly and gripping the grate.
“No.”
“Liar.” You grin, eyes sparkling.
Seungcheol knows he's done for now. For years you've been trying to fuck him, and now, now he's actually lost his usual firm grip on his own libido and let you see that he's not actually turned off by you in any way.
“So, what's going to happen, Cheolie–” He swears at you, head tipping back to stare up at the ceiling. Of course, you ignore the interruption. “Seeing as you ruined my me-time, I'm going to come back there–”
“And uncuff me.”
“No, silly boy,” you giggle. “And ride your giant cock.”
Seungcheol curses under his breath and swallows before lifting his head to look at you.
For a few moments, you both just stare at each other. You, in wait for permission— because although you do a lot of questionable shit, you'd never physically force yourself on anyone—; and Seungcheol clearly in thought.
“Get back here,” he decides in a low, rough tone that makes your lower stomach twist and squeeze with genuine aroused excitement.
“Fuck yeah,” you exhale, climbing out of the car, where minutes ago you parked in one of the many empty warehouses belonging to Seungcheol’s gang.
Seungcheol watches through the window as you make short work of kicking off your shoes and removing your trousers and panties. He tries to look at you properly, but that stupid fucking police uniform shirt you're wearing hangs to the top of your thighs and makes it so that he can't see shit. Not even once you've got the back door open and crawl into the backseat.
“You got a condom?” he asks. He lets out a harsh exhale when you start to palm at his cock without warning.
“Nope.” You shrug carelessly and use your free hand to open his belt, before working on the button and zipper of his jeans. “Got a problem with that?”
“Fucking you raw?” You hum in confirmation and reluctantly let go of his cock so that you can yank down his jeans and boxers. Seungcheol helpfully lifts his hips off the seat, leaning back onto his shoulders against the backrest for balance to let you get the clothing down to his knees and reveal his rapidly hardening cock to your greedy gaze. “You may be fucking psychotic at the best of the times, and weirdly fucking obsessed with me–”
“Hey,” you complain, pouting at him offendedly.
“Are you really pouting at me for calling you psychotic?” he deadpans in disbelief. He's called you worse before, much worse, and you usually just giggle and act like he's given you a giant compliment.
“What? No,” you scoff and move over to straddle his thighs. “It's you saying weirdly obsessed as if you're not the single hottest person I've ever met. How dare you?”
Seungcheol licks his lips and looks down to watch what he thought was you making a move to ride his cock like you said you would. But no, you adjust your position at the last second and sit directly on his left thigh.
“You're so fucking wet,” he comments, voice thick with arousal and awe. His mouth drops open a little when you drag your slick pussy over his thigh and smear wetness over bare skin. “Fuck.”
“This is what you do to me, Cheolie,” you complain, and wrap your hand around his cock roughly. He groans and tips his head forward, thunking his forehead on your shoulder as you jerk him in time with the drag of your pussy up and down his thigh; he tenses it to make his muscles bulge and give you something firmer to grind your clit down on. It feels better than you could’ve imagined, and you’ve fantasised about riding Seungcheol’s beefy thighs more times than you can count.
“You're so fucking shameless,” he grunts after a moment of just watching your movements. You're torturing him with the too-rough, slow pull of your palm against his cock, never close enough to the top to catch any of the precum that's starting to dribble down the side.
“For you, not anyone else.”
“You're going to give me a giant head.”
“It'll match your cock.”
Seungcheol huffs a laugh and lifts his head to look at you. “You gonna sit on it then?”
“I'd love to, but you didn't actually say you're okay with not using a condom. I know you always do with those women.”
“You're not them,” it's perhaps the softest fucking thing Seungcheol has ever said to you. Your movements slow to a stop as you stare at him in surprise. “I trust you with every fucking aspect of the gang; trust you to back me up more than I do anyone else. You think I'd put my life in your hands and not the health of my dick?” He scoffs. “I trust you to not do this if you have anything you could pass on, and I know I sure as fuck don't.”
“And what if you knock me up?” Seungcheol raises his eyebrows at you bewilderedly, barely even noticing that you've stopped grinding on his thigh and have moved over to hover over his cock. “What?”
Seungcheol opens his mouth to respond but you decide to drop down onto his cock, letting his thick length split you open harshly as you both moan at the sudden friction. “Fuck!” he exclaims, head tipped back and eyes screwed shut. “You–you fucking idiot!” He lifts his head to look at you. “You didn't even take it slow! You could get fucking hurt!”
“Good, I like it.” You smirk, proud of yourself for getting the usually so put-together man so worked up. There's something beautifully wild in his dark eyes, and a pretty pink smeared over his cheeks.
You really wish you hadn’t left your phone in your trousers; you’d love to take a photo of him right now. You’d put it as your lock screen, and he’d probably threaten to beat your ass if you don’t remove it, yet he never follows through with his threats to you. A bit of spanking surely wouldn’t be undesirable, not if it’s Seungcheol’s firm hand landing on your ass.
“You're fucking crazy.”
“Yep.” You grin, and grind down against him, breath catching as his cock presses against multiple sensitive spots inside you that has you repeating the swirl of your hips again, and again, and again.
“Fu–fuck, just ride me, shit,” he groans, trying to urge you to bounce by thrusting his hips up against you.
“Don't you like this?” You pout at him, faux-offended, and keep at your grinding. You know he likes it, it's obvious by the tightness of his expression. The pleasure is clear in his furrowed brows and tense jaw, in his shoulders pressed back against the seat, and biceps bulging as he tries to free himself from the cuffs.
You really hope he doesn't break them; you really fucking like him like this. Then again, the thought of Seungcheol using his stupidly beefy arms to break free from his binds so that he can grab your hips and force you to take the pummelling of his giant dick against your pussy walls, well, that's a real fucking nice thought.
It makes you clench down on him, and he moans, head tipping back and showing you the unblemished expanse of his throat. You wonder if he'd let you bite him.
“Can I bite you?” you ask, falling still.
“What the fuck?” He looks at you as if you're insane. Which, not exactly a new expression on the man when he's faced with you. But this time he looks utterly offended too.
“Is that a no?” You pout.
“I don't give a fuck, just keep going!” he demands, looking crazed.
“Can I kiss you too?”
Seungcheol rolls his eyes and instead of verbally responding, he tilts forward to crash his lips to yours, desperation urging him to kiss you in such a filthy way that your pussy throbs. “Bounce,” he growls against your lips, before letting out a string of almost whispered praise when you obey and start to lift and drop yourself, finally riding his cock like both of you have been wanting for, admittedly, longer than he's been in cuffs.
To your surprise, Seungcheol keeps kissing you and chases your lips every time you lean back or turn your head for breath, or just because you think he probably wants to stop and focus on your pussy dragging up and down his cock, soaking him with every wet smack of your thighs against his.
“Che–Cheol,” you pant out, knotting your fingers in his hair to force him back and allow you to actually breathe. He moans deeply, and his eyes roll back.
Very interesting reaction indeed.
You never took Seungcheol to like having his hair pulled; but the filthy moans he lets out every time you experimentally tighten or yank on the strands now you've got the idea in your head, tells you that the man really fucking likes it. Not even mentioning how he fucks up into you harder every time too.
“Good boy,” you compliment breathlessly, looking down at his cock sliding into you as you pretty much just hover over him now; more interested in finding out what makes him tick and turns him on than actually riding him. Not that you need to when he's doing a good enough job fucking you, even with his arms restrained.
You just know he'd ruin you if he had full use of his body. He'd ruin you, and you'd thank him for it and ask to repeat it every fucking day. He could break your hips and you'd thank him.
“Oh, fuck, I–I'm gonna cum,” he warns, making your eyes widen in alarm.
“No!”
Seungcheol opens his eyes to look at you with equally as wide eyes yet doesn't stop fucking into you. “The fuck you mean no?”
“You can't cum yet! I'm not done!”
“I'm gonna–”
“No!”
“Fuck.” His eyes roll back, and he lets out a string of porn-worthy moans as he jerks up into you a few times harshly while filling you with cum.
You can only gawp at him in disbelief, one hand still in his hair and the other braced on his heaving chest. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” you exclaim, slapping his chest as he slouches against the seat while trying to catch his breath back. “You useless man!” You pinch his nipple where it's pressing against his t-shirt, making him yelp and shoot his eyes open to look at you.
“What the fuck?!”
“What kind of a gang boss are you, huh?” you berate, climbing off him, and wincing at the feeling of his softening cock slipping out of you, trailing cum with it. You don't even care that it's getting all over him and the seats as you move. “To bust in minutes; you that pussy whipped, Choi Seungcheol?” you tut and shove him down on the seats.
“Ow, you fucking–” he cuts off, awkwardly wriggling to get on his back instead of laying painfully on his right shoulder. “I'm gonna beat your ass as soon as these cuffs are off, bitch,” he warns, watching you with dark eyes, half warning, half aroused, as you clamber over his body.
“Ooh, call me more names, my likey.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him as you plant your knees either side of his face.
It visibly takes everything in Seungcheol to keep his eyes on your face and not look at your pussy where it’s inches from his face and dripping cum down your slick inner thighs. “You're clinically fucking insane, aren't you?”
“I work for you; comes with the job,” you coo, leaning over to plant your left hand on the door above his head to get your balance while your right hand knots into his hair, making him let out a groan that travels through your body as your pussy meets his parted lips. “Now, make me cum like a good boy, Cheolie.”
To your utter delight, the words are barely out of your mouth before Seungcheol's tongue is dragging through your folds, uncaring that he's swallowing down his own cum as he enthusiastically starts to eat you out like a man starved.
Honestly, you've never seen Seungcheol do this. You've never known if he's the type of man to eat pussy and if so, if he does it as a means to get his dick wet or because he actually enjoys it. But now? Now you fucking know.
Seungcheol is making more noise than you are as he greedily laps and sucks at your pussy, alternating between thrusting his tongue into your hole and suckling on your clit. You swear, the man is determined to suck your soul out through your clit. He's not gentle about it at all; but you can't lie, you really fucking enjoy the rough, messy actions.
“T–that's it,” you encourage when his tongue is back inside of you as deep as he can get it to lick at your inner walls greedily, nose grinding against your clit with every movement of his head, and his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
His face is buried so deep between your thighs that you're positive he can't breathe, but even when you loosen your hold on his hair and stop moving your hips against his face to let him have space, he dives in even deeper somehow.
The pure unfiltered enthusiasm he devours your pussy with sends you hurtling to a powerful orgasm that takes you a bit by surprise when he gets a little too into it and his teeth drag over your skin. You didn't know you like that, but now you certainly do as you shudder and gasp over him. Your fingers tighten in his hair, and you let the vibrations of his groans and moans help ride you through your climax as you smother him in your pussy.
Your legs feel like jelly when you shakily clamber off his face and drop to sit on his still exposed thighs. His cock is making a valiant effort to get hard again. It's very distracting, but you're both breathing too hard and trying to remember how to get air into your lungs to even consider going for round two. Well, mostly.
“Please tell me you have a key for these,” Seungcheol says once he's caught his breath a few minutes later, still laid on his back across the seats with his eyes closed.
“No.” You snigger at the pissed off look he gives you once he lifts his head enough to look at you. “Since when have I needed keys to open locks?”
“Good point.” He drops back down, though immediately lifts his head again when you dance your fingers teasingly over his semi-erect dick. “Don't.”
“Why not?” You pout and wrap your hand around his cock, thumbing at the head a little harshly, but he clearly likes it, judging by the way he gets harder in your hold and hisses, hips pushing up automatically to encourage you.
“Because I'll fucking dislocate my shoulders,” he points out, trying to roll his shoulders but not really doing a good job thanks to his forced position. “And I can't hold you down and fuck you if my arms don't fucking work, can I?”
“You actually want to do that?”
“Always have.” He shrugs, then slumps in relief when you let go of him and shuffle back.
“No, you've never wanted to fuck me.” You frown confusedly at him as he sits up with a few little grunts from the effort and release of pressure against his arms from being laid on them.
“I've always wanted to fuck your insane ass, which I guess makes me insane too. I know you're into some fucked up shit; I've seen the porn you watch.”
“Don't kink shame me.”
“Don't fucking use my computer to watch porn then!”
“But your office chair is big enough that I can spread my legs comfortably on to touch myself.”
“You've masturbated in my office chair?” he deadpans, looking unimpressed. Yet, when you nod in confirmation, you notice the flicker of arousal in his gaze. “Great, now I'm going to be thinking about that when I'm supposed to be working.”
“You can always call me, and I'll happily sit under your desk with your cock in my mouth; keep it warm and ready to sit on when you're done working.”
“This is why I never fucking let you know.” He shuffles towards the still open door, making you back out until you're standing on still slightly trembling legs. “Knew I'd never be able to stop once I had you.” Seungcheol gets out of the car and turns his back to you. “Get these off me so I can bend you over and fuck you until you can't walk.”
“Don't need to tell me twice.” You quickly grab your lock-picking set from your trouser pocket before kneeling down behind Seungcheol to unpick the cuffs.
It takes you longer than it should to pick the lock, purely because you're very distracted by his bare, plump ass right in front of your face. As soon as he moves his just freed hands to roll his shoulders and rub his red-raw wrists, you lean forward and bite his asscheek.
“What the fuck?!” he shrieks, jolting away and turning to face you with wide eyes and red cheeks. “Did you just bite my ass?”
“Yes,” your confirmation is utterly shameless, as you stare up at him from where you’re still on your knees.
Seungcheol stares back at you for a moment, before sliding his hand into your hair and tugging you forward, smirking as your mouth opens wide to accept his cock without question or complaint.
“Good girl,” he breathes out as you immediately start to suck and lick at him, humming and making appreciative noises at finally having his cock in your mouth. It's only taken five years.
Though Seungcheol doesn't let you enjoy him as thoroughly as you'd like. As soon as his tip touches your throat from your attempt to start deepthroating him, he pulls you off and yanks you up to your feet.
You're not given time to even complain or whine or beg for his cock back before he's got you with your hands on the roof of the car, and chest bowing into the open doorway so that he can grind his cock against your still sopping wet pussy.
“You never explained the knocked-up comment,” he informs as he crowds up against your back, one big hand holding your wrists by the edge of the roof and the other gripping your hip tight.
“What?”
“You said about me getting you knocked up.”
“And?”
“We both got done, on the same fucking day, remember? We’re medically infertile.” He nips at your earlobe a little harshly, and grins smugly when your breath catches and you press back against his cock.
“Never heard of a breeding kink, Cheolie?”
“Huh, you're into that?”
“I'm into anything if it's you.”
He pauses his movements, lips parted against your ear for a few seconds, before he suddenly lets go of your hip and pulls his own backwards so that he can grab his cock and lead it to your entrance. He feeds it into you just far enough that he can let go and take your hip back into his hold before he thrusts forward, burying his cock into you in one quick, hard thrust. It jolts you forward and makes you moan loudly.
“Gonna fill you up every fucking day, baby,” he promises, sounding far more affected than he did moments ago. “Gonna fill you with my cum until it sticks. Gonna breed you so fucking good, yeah?”
“Fuck, yeah, yeah, fuck me full, Cheolie,” you agree, nodding madly, and arching your back to push back against him, while widening your stance to get him deeper— even if it means you have to push up onto your tiptoes to account for the height difference.
“That's my good fucking girl,” he approves, pushing your shirt up and holding it at your waist to give him full view of your ass as he begins to fuck into you harshly.
Honestly, you have no idea if you're truly alone in the warehouse; you know that various gang members use the warehouses for meets and their own trysts, but you do not give a single flying fuck.
You moan loud and shameless as Seungcheol fucks all thoughts from your head. He clearly doesn't care if anyone hears either; he moans and grunts without care, growling dirty words at you— which you can barely babble a response to due to the quickly growing pleasure in your body.
“Never letting anyone touch this pussy again,” he declares in amongst his moans and panting, not slowing down once in his determination to ruin you. “You’re mine, understand?”
You nod rapidly but can’t answer as that ball of pleasure in your belly clenches so tightly at his possessive words. As soon as his palm comes down on your ass with the intention of prompting you to verbally respond, that ball bursts; sending pleasure through your whole body, and making your consistent moans turn higher in pitch, babbling his name repeatedly as your pussy convulses around his still-pistoning cock.
“Fuck, baby,” he groans, fucking into you a few more times before he slows to a gradual stop. You can feel that he’s still hard within you and it makes you whine a little, pushing your hips back against him to try and get him back to work. “You’re shaking,” he points out, pulling out and carefully helping you down onto flat feet, taking some pressure off of your thighs. You melt back against him when he winds his arms around your waist supportively and kisses your head.
The two of you remain like that for a few minutes as you catch your breath back, and your body stops shaking like a fucking leaf.
“You okay?” he asks softly, lips trailing over your cheek and temple. It’s much too tender. You like it, yeah, but you hadn’t been prepared for the care he’s giving you.
He’s always cussed at you and called you names while looking at you with disturbed expressions. You’ve never cared about that; the names and harsh words have truly never bothered you, they amuse you more than anything. Seungcheol has never actually hurt you; even when he’s slapped you away from him or thrown items at you, he’s always purposely near-missed you. His aim is too good to unintentionally miss you all the time.
But this; the fingers trailing over you mindlessly, the lips brushing against your skin, and the words spoken in a fond voice you’ve never even fucking heard the man use, well, that’s a lot to take in.
“No,” you reply.
“Oh, what can I do? Did I hurt–”
“You can go back to fucking me.”
“You’re still shaking.”
“That’s because you were doing a good job! Gold star, Seungcheol!”
“What happened to Cheolie?”
“You don’t even fucking like it!” You groan and wriggle out of his arms with every intention of pushing him away and getting your clothes back on, but he pulls you right back in, chest to chest, and looks at you so devastatingly fucking adoringly that your breath catches in your throat in a giant ball of what the fuck Choi Seungcheol.
“I like it,” he murmurs. “I like it because it’s you. I just…couldn’t let you know that.”
“And now you can? You fucked me and now suddenly everything changes?”
“You wanted things to be the same?” He frowns, hurt trickling onto his expression as his arms fall away from you.
“I thought it was just sex,” you admit.
“Right,” he scoffs, yanking his boxers and jeans up as he steps away from you, dick sadly deflated despite being hard and pressed against your ass a minute ago. “See, this is why I never fucking wanted this!” he exclaims, turning angry now as he reaches down to grab your panties and trousers to toss at you harshly. You wince when the police-issue gun and holster smack into your ribs.
Seungcheol pauses for a split-second, noticing that he hurt you, but then he carries on, throwing your boots at you next. You don’t even bother trying to catch them and let them collide painfully with your thighs then topple down, the hard edges of the soles sending pain through the tops of your feet.
“Why are you just fucking standing there?!” he barks, stalking over to yank the items from your hands and get to his knees to roughly force your feet into the trousers and panties at once.
“Seungcheol–”
“Shut the fuck up,” he snaps. For the first time, you listen to him.
A few minutes later, you’re in the passenger seat of the car as Seungcheol drives recklessly through the back streets. You don’t even have it in you to tell him to slow down because you both would get arrested, and you don’t think even his lawyers could talk him out of getting locked up for driving a fake police car— with fake licence plates, and a fake cop in the passenger seat— over the speed limits, without either of you wearing seat belts.
He drives to a side street behind his apartment building, and doesn’t even put the car in park, just stops it and gets out, slamming the door behind him before storming off. You take it for the harsh dismissal it is and climb over the centre console to get into the driver’s seat to head off.
For the first time in years, you don’t see Seungcheol for days. You don’t think it’s wise to test him right now. You still don’t think he’d hurt you, but you think your presence would hurt him, and you don’t want that.
Despite what Seungcheol obviously thinks— and with good reason too because you didn’t say anything otherwise—, you do care about the man. A hell of a fucking lot.
It wasn’t instant; there wasn’t a moment where your eyes fatefully locked across the table on that set-up blind date between you and you just knew you were destined to live happily ever after together, that stuff is all bullshit anyway. You met like any other pair on a blind date with nothing spectacularly big and romantic about it. Really, the date was really both of your little groups of criminals and deviants trying to get information on the other group. You had both easily clocked one another, and although it could’ve gone badly, Seungcheol had asked you to team up on a job, and his gang was born shortly after.
Your connection was about work from day one; but spending time with the man— even when he told you to fuck off when you would jokingly hit on him—, it kind of really gave you a giant fucking weak spot in the shape of his stupid, charming face.
The relentless flirting and sexual remarks, although they are all genuine, became your way to hide the truth of your feelings. Lean into lust to hide the love. It just seems that it worked too fucking well.
You had honestly forgotten that the flutter in your stomach when your eyes meet Seungcheol’s isn’t all lust; that it isn’t just horny little demons running rampant and trying to tell you to get his cock in you, but butterflies too. Excited, pretty little butterflies flapping their wings and trying to lift you up into the clouds to where you and Seungcheol can skip merrily through the meadows together hand in hand like that scene in Shrek before the villagers chased the ogres down with pitchforks.
But that isn’t realistic. You can’t skip hand in hand through a meadow, mostly because Seungcheol has damaged his knees from throwing himself around too much to skip anywhere— though it would be funny to watch his hobbling attempt.
Well, at least up until a few days ago you thought it wasn’t realistic. You didn’t think Seungcheol has anything but a respect for you as one of his gang members, and a fucking good one too. He often turns to you to get shit done when others have failed. Or if it’s too risky, too important to send others in, you’re the one he goes to. You thought that’s all your relationship equates to.
But it seems, you haven’t paid enough attention to Seungcheol to have missed the man apparently having feelings for you.
It’s now obvious to you that he holds some kind of candle for you, but you’re not naive or hopeless enough to assume his tender touches— which had turned to hurt then anger— to be love. Choi Seungcheol likes you. Romantically.
Sexually too. That part was great, top marks. Gold star indeed. If that’s all it had been, you’re pretty sure you’d have been spread over his desk every day since; or tucked under it to cockwarm him with your mouth just like you offered. That would’ve been great.
But nope, feelings. And not the touching each other up kind of ones.
All in all, it’s a giant fucking shitshow, and not in the way you purposely orchestrate for your own twisted amusement. You hope things will fix themselves shortly, because you don’t know how much more of this you can handle.
But honestly, you really don’t think they will.
“So,” Minghao starts as he invites himself to join you in the car you’ve borrowed for the fun of it. You look at him with noodles hanging out of your mouth, and wide eyes. “What the fuck did you do to piss Seungcheol off so much?”
“Me?” you garble around the food still hanging out of your mouth and point at your own chest. The look the man gives you is utterly disgusted, and it makes you snigger before you actually chew and swallow your food. “Why do you assume I did something to piss him off?”
“Maybe the fact you haven’t been around in a week and every time I’ve suggested he asks for your help like we need, he pretends to have never heard of you while breaking yet another fucking pen in his fist.”
“Sounds like you need to stop getting cheap pens,” you mutter, reaching for your drink in the cup holder, but he takes it.
You watch as Minghao noisily slurps up the liquid through the straw, defiantly holding eye contact with you. But then he gags and quickly puts the cup in your awaiting hand so that he can turn, open the car door, and spit the drink out onto the parking lot of the restaurant you’ve parked in to enjoy your lunch.
“What the fuck is in that?!” he shrieks when he’s done sputtering, turning to look at you with wide eyes behind his wire-framed glasses.
“Coke.”
“That is not coke.”
“Both kinds. And mint schnapps.”
“I fucking hate you.”
“Valid.” You nod and slurp at your unholy concoction.
It wasn’t even your choice; you accidentally dropped a badly sealed baggie of the white powder into your cup when you tipped the contents of the hip flask from the glovebox— where you also found the baggie of illegal drugs— into the cup. You had assumed it was whiskey or vodka or something normal, not fucking mint schnapps of all things. That’s what you get for tipping out the contents of a stolen hip flask from a stolen car into your drink without at least giving it a cursory sniff-test first.
Minghao watches you with something like fear on his features when you don’t even flinch at the truly disgusting flavour that coats your tongue. You’ve had worse things in your mouth, you can say that much.
Mostly thanks to Soonyoung’s own habit of shoving any food and drink into his mouth to consume like some kind of tastebud-less heathen. There’s probably a reason you’ve been friends for so long. One that doesn’t involve a blood pact you made as idiot children that you’re both too stubborn to turn your back on first.
“So, what did you do? Ask to put something questionable in his ass?” Minghao soldiers on as he steals the unopened chocolate bar from the dashboard to open and bite into, looking very relieved to have the haunting taste of your drink covered by the sweet on his tongue. “Ask him to put something questionable in your ass?”
“No,” you scoff, poking at your noodles with your chopsticks.
Minghao pauses in his rapid chewing to watch you consideringly. He’s never seen you like this; like you have actual human emotions beside lust and maniacal joy at making others suffer in various ways borne of your chaotic ideas.
“It’s serious,” he realises in a mutter. You shrug and give up with your lunch, suddenly not hungry for it, and pass it over to him so that you can start the car up. “What happened?”
“What’s the job?” you ask as you drive out of the lot in a way that closes the car door he hadn’t fully closed. The slam of the door makes Minghao jolt, he had forgotten it was even open, and then he rolls his eyes a little at you not asking him to shut it before driving off.
“He’s dealing with it.”
“That’s stupid if you think I should be doing it.”
“Yeah, well, according to him, you don’t exist, so he’s the best chance.”
“If you wanted to send me in, that means it requires a delicate touch–”
“You set a warehouse on fire last month; that’s not a delicate touch,” he reminds in a deadpan tone. You’d think that after these years of knowing you, he’d be used to your habits and hobbies by now, but nope. Minghao never fails to look at you like he has no idea what kind of demonic entity you truly are under your meatsuit. It’s kind of a compliment, really.
“That wasn’t for a job, that was for fun, leave me alone.”
“You…whatever.” He waves a dismissive hand, batting the subject aside before you can divulge further information about your less than moral interests. Which says a lot coming from the second-in-command of such a notorious gang. “He can handle the job; it’s just a different direction than you’d take.”
“Has he gone in fists swinging?”
“No. He’s seducing someone for information.”
“Ah, dick swinging,” you mutter, feeling a sourness growing in your chest and rising up your throat. You’ve not felt this before when you’ve heard of Seungcheol seducing someone to get the job done.
You haven’t even felt it when you’ve literally walked in on him balls-deep in some woman bent over his desk. You always just stand there until he notices you, then annoy him by dragging out whatever it is you’ve turned up for. It’s all fun and games. This burning tickling your throat isn’t.
Jealousy is not something you’re personally familiar with, and you immediately decide you hate it.
“You know he doesn’t…” he trails off, expression twisting as he recalls something, based on his expression. “Well, usually he doesn’t fuck his marks, but–”
“What?!” you exclaim, slamming on the breaks, and looking at Minghao with crazed eyes.
Minghao yells, which only grows when a car audibly swerves behind to not rear-end you. “Fucking drive, you idiot!”
“He’s fucked the mark?” you ask, voice eerily level in a way that makes Minghao look at you and swallow thickly.
For the first time, Minghao is genuinely scared of you. He knows you’re an unhinged, unrelenting mess at the best of times; and in a way, you do always scare him, because he never knows what you’re going to do. You could easily hurt him or anyone, but you haven’t; you’re usually too busy making sexual remarks to Seungcheol. Or to someone about Seungcheol, loudly enough that the man himself can clearly hear.
And Minghao knows you’re a competent fighter, he’s seen proof of it, but he’s never seen you fight yourself. He’s never seen you look so serious and pissed before either.
The carnage he’s seen the aftereffects of; the destruction you’ve caused, yet you’ve always had a grin on your face afterwards as if you’ve just been to an amusement park and had the time of your life splattered with blood. He knows how much damage you can cause in a good mood. So Minghao is genuinely terrified of what hell you can create when you’re in a foul mood, and right now? He thinks you would burn the world down along with anyone who gets in your way.
“He–he hasn’t, but he said he will if he needs to.”
“Where is he?”
The apartment you let yourself into is familiar, and really not where you expected to end up when Minghao had given you his phone to let you use the app he and Seungcheol use to track each other. You hadn’t known about this app, and you can only assume Seungcheol had made sure you didn’t know so that you couldn’t use it to stalk him. Which…valid worry. You definitely would’ve stalked him.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you demand as you step into the living room and find Seungcheol slouched on the couch with a glass of whiskey in one hand, the bottle in the other and balanced on his thick thigh.
“This is my home,” he points out. “The fuck are you doing here?”
“Where is she?” you ask, peering around before inviting yourself to walk through the apartment, slamming open doors to rooms as you go in search of the woman Seungcheol was seducing for information.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” he retorts, following after you once he’s put the glass and bottle down on the coffee table. “Who?”
“The mark; Hao said you were planning to fuck her for information.”
“And you thought I’d bring her here?”
“Well how the fuck should I know?!” You turn to face him. “You don’t fuck your marks, Seungcheol! But you were going to, or have…” You eye him over; a black shirt unbuttoned to his chest and tucked into black trousers that show off his thick thighs and plump ass. Trousers you’ve told him you hope he never stops wearing, and then he promptly did stop, to your disappointment. At least you thought he had.
“I didn’t,” he replies, shoving his hands into his pockets after they twitch at his sides.
“No?” You lift your gaze up to meet his eyes, or at least try to, but he’s pointedly looking at the wall beside your left shoulder. “Did you get what you needed without fucking her?”
“No,” he admits, and tenses his jaw a few times.
“Then what?”
“I don’t want to fuck her! I thought I could do it, but I can’t.” He huffs and turns to storm back to the living room. Of course, you follow, and watch as he downs the contents of his glass before pouring out more.
“Why did you suddenly think you could when you’ve never wanted to fuck for a job? You said that to me before; that you don’t ever want to fuck for work.”
“Because…it doesn’t fucking matter.”
“Obviously it does.” You walk over and take the glass from him after he’s swallowed down the contents again. “This isn’t you, Seungcheol. I’m the one who drinks at 1pm, not you.”
“Well, maybe I should be allowed to be the fucked-up asshole for once, huh?” He stares down at you darkly. “Why are you allowed to be a fuck up and I can’t?”
“Because you’re better than me, you always have been.” You pick up the bottle and turn to take it to the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” he apologises as he follows you. “I don’t mean that. You’re not a fuck up.”
“I am. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it, Seungcheol, so–”
“Please stop calling me that,” he breathes out.
You finish putting the lid on the bottle and put it in the liquor cabinet before putting the dirty glass in the dishwasher, and then you turn to look at him while leaning back against the counter behind you with your arms crossed loosely over your chest.
He looks…sad. You hate it.
“That’s your name, that’s what everyone calls you. That’s what you’ve been trying to get me to call you for years.”
“And you never fucking listened. Can’t…can’t we go back to that?”
“I don’t know, can we?”
Seungcheol does nothing but look at you for what feels like more than enough time for him to come to a definite answer hours ago. But he just keeps looking at you with those giant sad fucking eyes, and his fingers gripping the edge of the island counter in front of him as if he needs to hold on to something and what he wants to hold isn’t in reach.
“I can try,” he offers. “Can you?”
“I’m not the one who has been denying the other’s existence.”
“You’re not the one who got their heart broken,” he retorts sharply before taking a deep breath as he closes his eyes. A clear sign of trying to calm himself. “No, I can’t; I can’t do this,” he decides, opening his eyes to land them back on you. “You need to leave.”
“For how long?”
“This is my apartment–”
“That’s not what I meant,” you uncross your arms and walk the few steps to the island in front of you, on Seungcheol’s adjacent right and close enough that either of you could easily reach out and touch. Neither of you do. “I’ll leave your apartment; I won’t argue about leaving now. But I need to know if this is the end of everything, Seungcheol. The past five years of working together; does it end now?”
“Is that all you care about? The fucking gang? Not our relationship? But the fucking gang?”
“That is our relationship.” You give him a bewildered look. “Before last week there’s never been anything but the gang.”
“You’re serious,” he mutters in disbelief.
“Well, yeah.”
“Get out.”
“That doesn’t answer–”
“Are you seriously that fucking stupid?!” he snaps, poking his own head. “You got nothing going on up here past work, huh?”
You just stare at him, not sure how to respond, because admittedly, the things he’s been saying to you today have been hurting. Five years of insults and degrading names hasn’t once bothered you. But he’s never said hurtful things like this before.
“How Soonyoung has put up with you for so fucking long is beyond me.” He scoffs, and steps backwards away from you with a nasty expression on his face, eyes dark and cold in a way he has never looked at you. “He must be as fucking stupid as you.”
“Don’t you dare talk about him like that,” you warn, your own expression turning hard in defence of your best friend. “Say whatever you want about me but do not say a bad word against him.”
“Why not? Hurt your feelings?” he taunts. “Didn’t know you have those. Sure fucking fooled me.”
“Of course I have feelings, you dick, some of us just know how to keep them to ourselves and not let them rule our mouths.”
“Well you’ve kept yours really fucking close, great fucking job there. Gold fucking star. You’ve kept to yourself so much nobody knows shit about how you feel. I thought I did, but obviously, I was fucking wrong.” He turns to walk off yet turns back around and stalks right back to lean his palms on the counter and stare intently at you. “Just tell me this, did I ever mean fucking anything to you? Did you ever even think of me as a friend? I thought you did, but you’ve dismissed this so fucking easily. You’re so fucking willing to walk away and only ask about the gang that I’m pretty sure I’ve been a naive fucking idiot this whole time.”
“Friends?” you mumble in surprise, because honestly, you’ve never thought of Seungcheol as your friend. You’ve never tried to name what he is to you, but you’re not sure you could if you tried.
Soonyoung is your friend, even Minghao you’d consider a friend. But Seungcheol? Perhaps, at one point, you could’ve thought of him in such a way, but now you’ve been pushing down your true feelings for him for so long that you don’t even know how to classify him. Friend doesn’t feel right.
“Yes, friends, you know, people you like being around, people you can talk to about stuff other than work, get a drink with and have fun with.”
“Have we ever done any of that?” you genuinely wonder quietly.
You watch as the realisation dawns on Seungcheol, and his anger melts into something pained. “No,” he admits quietly. “We haven’t.”
“Well, I guess there’s the answer,” you mumble, chest aching at what you know this means. That you and Seungcheol have never truly had a relationship of any kind outside of work. You’ve never realised that before; never before had to consider what that means. You wish you had, maybe then things now would be different.
“Right,” he huffs a humourless laugh as he backs up, eyes looking anywhere but you even as he turns. “Show yourself out and don’t…don’t come back.”
You can’t be certain, he talks too quietly and moves out of the kitchen and down the hall too quickly, but you think you catch the glint of tears on his cheeks.
Weeks pass as you go about your life. As you try to make a new life without Seungcheol or his gang playing such a pivotal part in it.
You listened to his wishes; you left and didn’t return. You deleted his number and told Minghao it’s probably wise if he tells everyone that you’ve left the gang and won’t return; and then you deleted and blocked all of their numbers too, once they started calling and texting to ask what the fuck happened.
Soonyoung didn’t know what happened at first, but he loyally left the gang too, and then you both decided to just get new numbers to avoid the hassle of blocking everyone you’ve ever known in relation to the gang. And then they started to turn up at your apartments, so you packed up and left the city, and Soonyoung still didn’t ask what happened.
Of course, you did tell him though. You told him everything that happened with you and Seungcheol and had to talk Soonyoung down from driving back to the city to try and beat up Seungcheol for the things he said to you in his apartment. Try being the keyword, because although Soonyoung is more than a competent fighter and plenty strong enough, one of Seungcheol’s biceps is likely bigger than Soonyoung’s head.
But Soonyoung did calm enough to slap you around the head and call you an idiot for not telling Seungcheol the truth about your feelings when the man was clearly trying to start a relationship with you after fucking you dumb. You argue that the man had just fucked you dumb, so your brain wasn’t working. Soonyoung said your brain doesn’t work full stop. Which…is kind of valid, at least where human relationships are involved.
And that leads us to your new life with your best friend in another town a two-hour drive from the city, and where Soonyoung has already made friends with a man who it took Soonyoung a worryingly long time to realise is a hooker.
You quite like his new friend, and you like playing bodyguard with Soonyoung when Junhui dresses up in expensive clothes to bag the expensive clients his pimp sends him to meet. Junhui loves it too; having the two of you dressed up in suits and following behind him to keep him safe. He doesn’t even mind that you both stay at the edge of the room when he gets to work; honestly, you think he likes putting on a show for an audience.
“This guy is a friend of Jeonghan’s,” Junhui explains from the backseat of the fancy car that you can proudly say you didn’t steal. Soonyoung stole it. You’re so proud of him.
“Which is why daddy Hannie is joining,” Soonyoung hums in understanding, nodding his head, and almost hitting a lamppost before swerving at the last second after peering over the top of his dark sunglasses.
“Remove the fucking glasses, Soonyoung,” Jeonghan, Junhui’s pimp, sighs from Junhui’s right, with both hands gripping the leather seats under him. Which is very understandable. “And please stop lying to me that you have your driver’s licence.”
“Told you it’s obvious,” you mutter to your best friend, who slaps your tit as he childishly mocks you. So you backhand him in the dick, making him groan and double over, one hand over his crotch and his other arm hugging the steering wheel he’s leaning his chest against while biting the top of it in pain.
Junhui sniggers at the antics between you and your best friend, as amused as he ever is by the two of you. While Jeonghan, not for the first time, wonders what kind of circus Junhui found the pair of you in and if they’d take you back.
“So, what’s the deal with this dude?” you ask a few minutes later when Soonyoung parks over three spaces in the hotel parking lot and Junhui cheers at Soonyoung remembering to apply the brakes in time for once.
“He’s an old friend in town for business and wants to sweeten the guy he’s meeting tonight, so he asked me to bring my best,” Jeonghan replies while checking he has everything in his pockets by patting his clothing down thoroughly.
“Aw, Junnie, you’re daddy’s best,” Soonyoung coos, grinning over at Junhui, who preens proudly.
“I don’t remember giving you permission to call me daddy, Soonyoung. I said that to her, not you,” the pimp points out as you all get out of the car.
“What’s hers is mine and mine is hers,” your best friend replies airily.
“You’re married?”
“What? Ew, gross, no,” Soonyoung retches, and then stumbles when you shove him. He collides with the wall of the hotel, making you snort a laugh; at least until he turns and you notice that his glasses are broken, and you can see his unimpressed glare through the missing section of the lens. “I just got these!” he exclaims, taking off the sunglasses, and then carelessly tosses them into the bushes you pass by.
“I’ll get you another pair.”
“Better do. I want Gucci ones.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
When Jeonghan looks over at the pair of you in the elevator up to the penthouse suite, he has to do a double take at the Gucci sunglasses perched on Soonyoung’s nose. “Where did you get those?” Soonyoung points at you. Jeonghan gives you a flat look. “Well?”
“They were just sitting there.” You shrug.
“Where?”
You stare back at Jeonghan, making your expression innocent, knowing how much Jeonghan hates it when you pickpocket people for the fun of it. “Some guy’s head.”
“You stole sunglasses while someone was wearing them?”
“It was really impressive.” Soonyoung nods, entirely missing the point of Jeonghan’s gawping. “Jun’s really good at distracting; they make a good team.”
“You fucking helped?” Jeonghan gawps at Junhui, who just smiles sweetly at his pimp. “I’m banning you from hanging out with them.”
“You’re mydaddy, not my father,” Junhui scoffs.
Jeonghan clearly wants to argue more, but the ding echoes in the metal box, signalling that you’ve arrived at the suite; so he just takes a breath, and schools his expression in an impressively short time while the doors open.
The four of you step out into the little lobby before the suite entrance doors, and immediately, you swear, recognising the suited men standing guard outside of the suite.
“Oh, fuck,” Soonyoung whispers.
“You assholes!” one of the men exclaims, stalking over to flying-kick Soonyoung in the back of his thigh. “You fucking ghosted us!”
“Ow, ow, Kwan, stop it!” Soonyoung cries out, trying to stop Seungkwan’s furious kicks and slaps. “I need my legs to protect my slut!”
“Hey!” Junhui exclaims, and slaps Soonyoung too. “I am not yours.”
“Ow, attack her!” Soonyoung tries to shove Seungkwan over to you, but he takes one look at you and shrinks back before going back to hitting Soonyoung while hissing that you scare him too much to try to hit.
“Were you part of the gang?” Jeonghan asks, looking at you.
“You could say that,” you murmur, and look over to the grand double doors, then back to him. “You’re meeting Seungcheol?”
“Yes.”
“We shouldn’t be there, me especially.”
“Do you owe him money?”
“No, nothing like that we just…aren’t on good terms, I guess you could say.”
“Yeah, what happened anyway?” Seungkwan wonders, suddenly at your side and linking his arm with yours. “What’s the gossip?”
“I assume you enjoy having the use of your hands,” you speak, raising an eyebrow at Seungkwan, who backs away with his hands held up in surrender. “Good boy.”
“How much issue would it cause to take you in there?” Jeonghan asks, looking between you, Soonyoung, Junhui, his own expensive watch, and then the doors and back again.
“Oh, a shit ton,” Soonyoung answers with a hum. “We moved two hours away for a reason.” His face falls, and he looks at you with a sad pout. “Do we have to move again now that they know where we live?”
“No!” Junhui whines, wrapping his arms around you. “You have to stay. You’re my bodyguards! I feel so much safer with you watching over me, and I like having you watch too!”
“You can discuss this later; we need to meet Seungcheol before he gets sulky at us for being late,” Jeonghan sighs, tugging Junhui to his side. “You two wait out here. I’ll have to discuss this with Seungcheol to see if he will be against you doing what I fucking pay you for.”
“You pay us?” Soonyoung mutters confusedly, while you just nod at Jeonghan in agreement, so he and Junhui go into the room. “He pays us?”
It all goes a lot better than you expect. You don’t even need to be in the same room as Seungcheol. In fact, you don’t even see him until 3 am the next morning when you’re pulling him off of the man he was supposed to be making a business contract with; but apparently, Seungcheol found it necessary to beat the shit out of him in the hotel lobby.
“What the fuck are you doing?” you ask once you’ve got Seungcheol outside and around the side of the building. He’s seething, blood smeared over his hands and splattered on his face. “You were supposed to be making an ally, and I thought it was going well! What the fuck happened?!”
“You! It’s always fucking you!” Seungcheol turns to you and puts a hand on your upper chest to roughly pin you against the wall. You let him. “It was going well until he fucking– Why are you even here? You’re not a bodyguard!”
“Yes, I am,” you frown. “I’m here to keep Junhui safe, and I’m good at it.”
“Not in the eyes of assholes like that. You’re just more eye candy bastards like him think they can have. “
“Is that why you beat the shit out of him and ruined the past hours of work? Because he said some remarks about me?” you scoff. “I can handle that, Seungcheol, I–” You cut off when his hand is suddenly at your throat. He’s not squeezing or applying any pressure, but it’s a solid warning that he could.
You should probably be scared, but you’re not; even if the man looks utterly psychotic with blood smeared over him and wide eyes staring down at you. It’s probably really fucked up how hot you find it.
“Don’t fucking call me that,” he growls, crowding you further against the wall, getting so close that his thick thigh slots between yours and his left forearm leans on the wall above your head. “What’s my name?” You raise your eyebrow. “Well?”
“Seungcheol,” your defiant response has his fingers curling around your throat and starting to cut off your air flow. It just makes your excitement grow and show in the sparkle of your eyes.
“Try that again,” he warns in a murmur, moving even closer, and pressing his thigh up against your crotch. “Go on.”
“Seungcheol.”
“Bitch.” And then he’s kissing you with the same desperation he first kissed you. His hold is firm around your throat, and his thigh is already rubbing against you in a way that has you grinding down while gripping his waist in one hand, and hip in the other over those fucking trousers that drive you insane. Well, more insane than you already are where Choi Seungcheol is involved. Which really says a lot.
“Uh.” Of course, of fucking course it’s Soonyoung who interrupts you, making you both look at him with matching pissed off expressions. “We should go; that dude is getting taken to the hospital, and the hotel is willing to look the other way thanks to Hannie, provided we all leave and you never show your face again here, Seungcheol. Hannie and Junnie have already gone.”
“She’s coming with me,” Seungcheol informs. “You go.”
“Can’t. Daddy’s banned me from driving.”
“Then fucking walk, Soonyoung.”
“We live so far away,” Soonyoung whines.
“I’m going to break his face if he doesn’t leave right fucking now,” Seungcheol warns as he looks at you.
“Just drive, daddy’s gone,” you point out with a shrug.
“Good point.” Soonyoung nods, then turns and walks off just like that without another word or complaint.
You hope he won’t crash on the way home, or forget that he’s driving a stolen car, meaning that he shouldn’t take it to your shared apartment. But you can never be too sure with Soonyoung. Oh well, he already knows you won’t visit him in jail; just like he wouldn’t you. Your blood pact never said anything about prison, after all.
“This is stupid,” Minghao mutters, glancing over to where Seungcheol has a possessive arm around you in the lift of the hotel they’re staying in for the night— a much less fancy one than the meeting happened in. “You told her to leave, and now you’ve fucking glued yourself to her and lost a lucrative deal to defend her honour or some bullshit.”
“Did I ask for your opinion?” Seungcheol retorts, giving Minghao a look that his right-hand man just rolls his eyes at.
“Whatever; just don’t expect me to walk on eggshells around you anymore. You’re hurting yourself here and you know it.”
“I’m the one who’s going to get choked,” you point out, earning a disgusted look from Minghao. “What? I know you’re into choking, don’t look at me like that.”
“How do you know what he’s into?” Seungcheol asks, looking between you.
“How do you not know?” you scoff, looking at Seungcheol as if he’s the weird one.
“Because I’ve never had sex with him.”
“Neither have I.”
“Or watched him have sex.”
“I haven’t…okay once or twice…maybe thrice…” Your expression twists thoughtfully as you try to recall every instance where you’ve watched Minghao have sex, intentionally or not.
“What the fuck?!” Seungcheol glares at Minghao, who holds up his hands placatingly.
“She’s a voyeur and I’m an exhibitionist; it just made sense when it happened. She usually walked in anyway. You know she has no sense of personal boundaries and invites herself wherever the fuck she wants to go.”
“You should’ve stopped!”
“You never did,” you point out, and push away from the wall when the doors open and let the three of you enter the corridor. “You never stopped when I walked in on you.”
“That’s different.”
“How? Sex is sex.”
“Right.”
“And I’m leaving, quickly,” Minghao informs, and then all but runs down the hallway ahead of you two to get to his room.
Seungcheol doesn’t say anything until you’re both in his hotel room ensuite and he’s leaning back against the sink counter while you clean his split knuckles for him. “Is sex really just sex to you?”
“What else would it be?”
“It means nothing?”
“Is it supposed to?” You raise an eyebrow at him when you lift your head to meet his gaze. He’s got that sad puppy look again, the one that twists your heart painfully. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like…” You sigh and focus back on his hand. “Why did you kiss me, Seungcheol?”
“Because I can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t want you to leave.”
“And that means choking and kissing me?”
“That’s what you want from me, right? Sex? Just meaningless fucking.”
“No.”
“Oh.” You don’t need to be looking at Seungcheol to know his expression has fallen further into depths that will drag painful claws across your pitiful little heart if you witness it. “You don’t want me anymore?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what are you saying? I don’t know how to fucking read you, you know? I need you to talk to me. Every time I try to have an honest fucking conversation with you about this, you just stare at me and break my heart without even saying a word; at least have the fucking balls to do it verbally this time.”
“I don’t want to hurt you. It hurts me too; seeing you with that fucking kicked puppy dog look.” You give up cleaning his hand and toss the blood stained cloth into the sink to step back with your hands on your hips. “And I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. I’m fucking…emotionally incompetent!”
“What?”
“I don’t know, that’s what Soonyoung called me when I explained all this to him.”
“Emotionally incompetent?” You nod. “Why did he call you that? I mean, he’s probably right, but he’s usually the first to defend you, so for him to call you that means you fucked up.”
“I hurt you, of course I fucked up.”
“Not returning my feelings doesn’t mean–”
“Cheol.” He immediately cuts off, eyes rounding out at the nickname you haven’t called him in so long. Granted, you haven’t seen him to call him anything in so long, but the point still stands. “When did I actually say I don’t have feelings for you?”
“You said we’re not even friends.”
“We’re not; we might’ve been at one point years ago but…I can’t think of you like that. You…” You sigh and drop your arms to your sides. “You mean too much to me. I don’t know how to put any of it into words, and I was too shocked that day at the warehouse to say anything. And then you got pissed off and threw shit at me, and I just didn’t know how to navigate that. It was a lot.”
“You didn’t even show your face after,” he pretty much whispers, hands gripping the counter either side of his hips to try and ground himself. It reminds you of the day in his kitchen, the last day you saw him; when he was holding the island so tightly to stop himself from reaching for you. “You could’ve come to me and explained, and then we could’ve…things would be different.”
“I thought giving you space would be best. I didn’t want to make you worse. I thought that space would help, but Hao found me and said you were denying my fucking existence and planning to fuck a mark, and obviously you weren’t any better with the space.”
“I was a fucking wreck. I can’t do this; I can’t not have you there turning up to make remarks about my thighs or ass or whatever. I need you there by my side, so come back, please.”
“Just like that? I come back and things go back to how they were?”
“No. You come back and we figure out what works for us.”
“Sex works great; that was good.”
He chuckles and nods a little in agreement. “It was, and I’d really fucking love to do that more; I’m sure you’ve probably got an endless list of fucked up shit you want to do to me.”
“Oh, hell yeah I do,” you confirm, eyes widening as you think of your endless fantasies involving the man in front of you. “How do you feel about taxidermy?”
“We’re not involving taxidermy into our sex life, no fucking way,” he replies firmly. “That’s a hard fucking no; you keep that in your freaky head.”
“Noted. What about anal?”
“You went from taxidermy to anal how exactly?”
“Stuffing.”
Seungcheol tries not to laugh but breaks into an amused smile and motions for you to get closer. “You’re seriously insane, aren’t you?”
“Yes, we discovered this years ago, Cheolie.”
“Mm.” He slides his hands onto your hips as he smiles at you in a soft kind of way that makes your heart race.
“Cheol?” He hums. “Is…I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Seungcheol’s eyes widen in surprise before they soften back out, and he takes a gentle hold of your face and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to your lips. “I love you too.”
“Oh, really?” He nods, and you grin happily at him. “That’s cool. We should get married or something.”
“Fucking hell, you can’t just spring that on me,” he groans, hiding his blushing face into your neck as his arms wind around your waist to hold you close.
“But we’re in love; we love each other, why should we wait?” You’re genuinely confused, and it makes him chuckle a little. “I’m serious, Cheol! Why should we wait to get married if that’s what’s going to happen anyway?”
“Alright, baby, let’s get married,” he agrees, straightening up and beaming at you so happily that you can’t help but smile back at him. “We’ll start arranging it as soon as we’re home, hm? But for now–”
“Sex, lots of sex,” you finish for him.
“I was going to say let’s sleep, but you’re right, who even needs sleep?” He hoists you up with a cheeky grin, while you giggle and wrap your arms and legs around him to make it easier for him to take you into the bedroom.
“You didn’t answer me about anal.”
“I don’t have anal lube, babe,” he chuckles, laying you down onto the bed and climbing between your thighs while removing his shirt.
“I don’t have a dildo or strap either,” you pout at the reminder.
“Wait, you meant my ass?”
“Yeah, I really want to fuck your ass; it’s made to be fucked.”
“Uh, I’ll consider it.”
“Okay.” You reach out to pull him back down and slot your lips together shortly. “Now, you owe me.”
“What, why?”
“You said you were going to fuck me until I can’t walk, and that never happened.”
“Because you let me think you don’t want me for more than just sex!”
“All I’m hearing is excuses and not enough action to put your cock in me.”
“Yeah, yeah, get naked.” He slaps your thigh a few times in encouragement while leaning back on his knees to unbuckle his belt. You make zero effort to move at all, except to prop yourself up on your elbows and watch intently as he slowly unfastens his belt. “Are you seriously just going to watch me strip?” he asks while teasingly dragging his fingers across the skin along the edge of his waistband with a cocky smirk once his belt is open.
“Dance for me, pretty boy.”
Seungcheol puts his hands on his hips and waits until you’ve dragged your gaze up from staring at the outline of his cock, over his bare torso, and to his face. He’s raising an eyebrow at you. “Did you just call me pretty boy?”
“Yes.”
“Fucking crazy,” he huffs a short laugh.
“Hey!” You lean up just enough to slap his thigh scoldingly, then sit up fully so that you can grope at his thighs with both hands— while he just watches with an amused, fond little smile at your utterly shameless actions. “You are pretty, my pretty boy.”
“Mm, I can accept that,” he agrees, holding your jaw with one hand firmly to tilt you up as he leans in to brush his lips over yours teasingly. “So long as I’m your pretty boy, I don’t mind being called that. So long as I’m yours, you can call me anything.”
“Okay, sugarplum.” You cackle at the world-weary sigh that Seungcheol lets out against your lips before he leans back to look at you unimpressed. “What’s the matter, pookie?”
“Why did you have to ruin the mood?”
“I ruined the mood?” You smirk and slide one hand up his thigh to grip his cock firmly, making him hiss through his teeth at the sudden, tight pressure. “Feels like you’re still in the mood to me, pretty boy.”
“I really must be insane.”
“We match well then, huh?”
“Mm.” He leans down to kiss you shortly. “Good thing we’re never having kids; they’d be sectioned before they reach adulthood.”
“Our house would be so fucking loud and chaotic, our neighbours would hate us.”
“They would,” he chuckles. “We’ll find somewhere new to live together once we’re married; away from noisy ass neighbours, and with a garden so I can fuck you outside and see how gorgeous you’ll look with the sun shining on you when you’re covered in my cum.”
“There’s a park down the road.”
“No,” he scoffs, and shoves you back to make you lay down before his hands move to roughly yank his belt free. “You’re mine, I’m not letting anyone else see you like that.”
“Even knowing they can look but not touch?”
“Maybe once I’ve covered you in marks and made up for the past five years of not being able to fuck you.”
“Sounds like a party.” You grin and then wiggle excitedly as he taps the folded middle of his leather belt against your inner thigh. “That’d leave pretty marks.”
“Mm, it would. You need to be naked for that though, baby.”
“You need to dance for me first,” you remind matter-of-factly before lacing your fingers together behind your head comfortably.
“You really want me to dance for you?”
“I’ve dreamed about you giving me a strip tease, don’t kill my boner, Cheolie.”
“You’re going to kill my boner if you keep saying shit like this.”
“Guess we need to invest in some gags.”
“Guess we do,” he murmurs, and licks his lips automatically at the thought of your lips stretched around a gag and drool running down your chin as you moan for him. “I’ll give you a strip tease another day; I need to fuck you too much right now.”
“Promise?”
“I promise, baby.”
“Okay.” You sit up and get to work, quickly stripping off your clothes, so Seungcheol climbs off of the bed to force his fitted trousers off his body along with his boxers.
When he kneels back on the bed naked, he finds you already laid there utterly nude with legs spread in wait for him to join you.
“How the fuck did you strip so fast?” he gawps, running his hands reverently over your thighs as he settles between them on his knees.
“Years of practise.”
“Stripping?”
“Had to be prepared for the day you give in to my seduction.”
“Well…good job.” He leans down over you, hands propping himself on the mattress so that he can kiss you.
“Thank you,” you preen, and run your hands up his sides to take the chance to touch as much of his strong torso as you can for the first time. You can’t fucking wait to spend the rest of your life touching him up. It’s going to be great. “Now, cock please.”
Seungcheol chokes on a short laugh at your words. “Good use of manners, sweetheart.”
“I thought so too. Definitely deserves a reward.”
“Mm.” He shuffles down a little, so that he can wrap his full lips around your left nipple and suck harshly, intent on starting his plan to cover you in hickies and handprints to mark his property.
“That’ll work,” you mutter, lacing fingers in his hair to encourage his mouth against your breast. “Not cock, but it’ll do for now.”
“Shut up,” he laughs against your skin.
“Make me.”
“Brat.”
“You like it.”
“I do,” he sighs before moving one hand over your chest and throat until he can press against your parted lips. There’s no resistance at all; your jaw drops enough to allow his middle and ring finger to slide into your mouth. “Good fucking girl,” Seungcheol praises in a low, rough voice as you instantly start to suck at his fingers, swirling your tongue around and between them with happy little moans.
Seungcheol keeps his mouth against your body, sucking and biting violent looking marks into your skin until he’s satisfied with his artwork. He moves down, dragging the fingers from your mouth as he does, smearing your own saliva in a trail all the way until he’s laid on his stomach between your thighs and attaching his mouth to your clit in the same moment he pushes those two wet fingers into you.
“Cheol,” you breathe out, pushing down against his fingers so that he doesn’t even dare think of waiting. He hums against your clit, making your thighs tighten momentarily, before he starts to work his fingers in rapid movements that make your eyes flutter, and fingers grip at him.
As your nails drag over his shoulder lightly, Seungcheol moans and arches up towards your hand, urging you on, encouraging you to grasp at him. Dig your nails in until he hisses and fucks his fingers into you harder and faster.
“H–how much can you take?” he asks, leaning up on his free hand, mouth and chin smeared with your arousal.
“Anything,” you promise, feeling as desperate as the wild darkness in his eyes tells you he feels.
Seungcheol nods and pulls his fingers from you as he moves up onto his knees. He doesn’t even ask you to move, just grabs you and manhandles you onto your front, chest against the mattress, and hips up just enough to give him a better angle to begin sliding his thick cock into you.
Maybe you hadn’t been quite as ready as you could’ve been. As you perhaps should’ve been. It’s been a while since you put anything but your fingers in your pussy for a quick session since moving away from the city. Living with your nosey ass best friend doesn’t give you the freedom to get your toys out; Soonyoung seems to have the uncanny ability of popping up and making a big deal out of it. Lots of screaming and acting like he’s been visually assaulted. You do the same to him. Your relationship is full of a lot of love and mutual, mature respect, clearly.
It’s a tight fit, and Seungcheol grips your hips tight as he painstakingly splits you open, with his mouth parted and eyebrows furrowed as if in pain. Not that you can see. Or have the mental capacity to do anything but grip the pillow and almost suffocate yourself in it with the way you press your open mouth against the material.
“Shit, you’re so fucking tight,” he pants when he stops before he’s even buried his entire length in you. “Baby, I don’t–I don’t know if this is a good idea, fuck.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” you warn, turning your head to glare over your shoulder at him while reaching back to grab his ass and stop him from pulling out as he starts to.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then I’ll do it,” you huff and push yourself up onto your hands. Admittedly shaky hands, but you’re too focused on your task to care. Too stubborn and desperate to get obliterated by his cock.
“Babe–”
“Shut the fuck up, Choi Seungcheol,” you demand, pushing yourself back harsh enough that he flails and drops down onto his haunches as he swears, hands still gripping you though. His mouth says one thing and his body another.
It’s a task getting your body upright until you’re on your knees, hands free to hold onto his forearm and thigh, but when you do, you only take a moment to stop the spinning of your mind before you start to bounce on his cock.
“Fuck,” he groans, spreading his thighs a little wider, and rolling his hips in time with your bouncing. He’s not thrusting, but his minute movements help to open you up a little more with every slap of your skin against his.
This position isn’t very practical for you, not with Seungcheol. Not when it makes his cock feel even bigger than it actually is, and your entire body trembles as it presses and drags against your walls in ways that feel like utter sin. You’re dripping all over him, ruining the bed, and you don’t even care. Neither does he.
“Your turn,” you murmur, falling still on his lap as you lean back against his chest to catch your breath at least a little, and give your burning thighs a break. It’s a lot more work to ride him like this than you expected. You’ll have to take up a new workout routine so that you can do it for longer next time. You’re determined.
Seungcheol takes the moment of calm stillness to brush his lips over your shoulder and let his hands explore over your chest and spread thighs.
One of his hands trails between your legs to feel at where your pussy is spread around his cock. He makes a low, pleased sound before abruptly rubbing quick, harsh circles over your clit. You shriek in surprise, body tensing at the sudden attack, and nails digging into the skin of his thighs under your own.
“You gotta cum first,” he informs, stopping his circles for only a second to bring his hand back then down, landing a firm slap to your clit, and making your body jerk as you moan brokenly. “That’s my dirty girl, fucking knew you’d like this,” his tone is nothing but aroused and approving as he slaps your clit again, while holding you in place with his other arm wrapped securely around your waist and his hand on your chest. “You’re gonna cum like this, understand?”
“Cheol–”
“I said, do you understand?” Another slap: this one harsher in a toe-curling way, before he drags his palm and fingers over your clit in a way that could be considered almost soothing if he wasn’t pressing as firmly as he is.
“Fuck, y–yeah. Don’t stop,” you agree, nodding where your head is tilted back against his shoulder. “But…”
“What?” You don’t answer verbally and instead grip his left wrist to pull his hand up from your chest and to your throat. “I fucking love you,” he declares, before squeezing your throat at the same time as he sucks on the side of your neck to create a new claim, his right hand moving to slap your clit in rapid succession.
It’s only a few seconds of the combination; the intense pleasure from all ministrations melding together and sending a sharp orgasm through your body. Your body moves naturally as if trying to fight it and get away as you gasp for air you can’t get yet. Your nails drag deep red marks over his skin, which only encourages him to fuck up into your convulsing walls.
“Good, good,” he breathes against your neck, and drops his palm from your throat back to your chest, both so that you can breathe clearly, and so that he can hold you to him. He doesn’t stop playing with your clit though, his hips humping up into you and barely moving his cock, but it’s still almost too much stimulation.
The first orgasm is barely even over before another rocks through your body.
This time, Seungcheol removes his hand from your clit, giving you some respite, and murmurs praise against your shoulder the entire time it takes you to come down from the combination of both climaxes.
“You okay?” he asks gently when you turn your head to blink your eyes open and peer at him. You hum and nod, giving him a dopey, sated smile that makes him laugh. “Can you take more?”
“Whatever you’ve got,” comes your confident response.
“That’s my girl,” he smirks, looking nothing but proud of you and your pussy for being able to handle his thick cock. You’d puff like a peacock if, you know, you weren’t human.
Seungcheol takes a moment to just kiss you, lips and tongue meeting languidly as best as you both can considering the angle. You personally think it works very well, and you’d give you both top marks.
And then, he pushes you down against the mattress, one hand on the back of your neck to keep your cheek smushed against the pillow, and his other hand holding your hip firmly to fuck into you in a brutal manner.
The headboard knocks harshly against the wall with every powerful stroke of his hips. The back of your thighs and ass are already starting to sting with the strength of his thrusts. His fingers bruise marks into your hip and neck as he hold you securely in place and forces you to just fucking take it.
And you’re in heaven.
If you weren’t in love with the man before, you sure as fuck are now.
Nobody has ever fucked you like this. Nobody has handled you so well in every way. And you just know with everything in you, that nobody else ever will. You’re definitely gonna marry the fuck out of Choi Seungcheol.
It doesn’t last much longer really; not that you can really blame Seungcheol considering he sat there and felt your pussy squeeze and cream over his cock twice already. And now he’s battering your walls so perfectly in a way that borders on painful in the most delicious of ways, so you’re squeezing him all over again in minutes, and almost screaming into the pillow as he forces another strong climax from your body.
You don’t even have the mental clarity to realise he’s stopped, his hips juddering against you as he cums as deep in you as possible with a string of low, rough moans with your name sprinkled in.
“Oh, fuck,” you grunt when he lowers your hips to the mattress without pulling out, just so that he can almost flatten you under his own body weight. You know he’s not entirely laid on you; you can feel the bulge of his biceps against your upper arms as he holds himself up just enough to not squish you.
“Shut up; you said you can take anything I give you,” he reminds in between pressing sweet, lingering kisses to your neck.
“Meant your giant cock, not giant ass.”
“You love my giant ass.”
“Mm. So, can I peg you?”
“Can’t we just enjoy the post-sex bliss without you ruining it?”
“No.” You wiggle your ass, making him groan, and then bite your shoulder in retaliation.
“Don’t get me hard again; I’ll pass out if we go again before I sleep.”
“That’s not a problem, unless you squish me, or go soft.”
“Are you implying you’d carry on fucking even if I pass out?”
“What? Because you wimp out, I have to suffer?” You scoff and then wiggle again. “Got a problem with me using your body when you’re unconscious?”
Seungcheol is silent for a moment in thought. “Just don’t stick anything in my ass.”
“Mm, I can accept that. I want you to be awake when I ruin you anyway.”
“I really don’t know what I’ve got myself into with you, do I?”
“Nope.” You grin over your shoulder at him. “You said you’ll marry me; you’re stuck with me forever.”
“I think I’m okay with that.” There’s a smile on his face as he moves off of you so that he can turn you enough to comfortably kiss you in a way that feels something like a promise.
A promise to be okay with your endless depravities. A promise to marry you as soon as possible and buy a house together. A promise to spend the rest of his life loving you; his utterly bat-shit crazy troublemaker.
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Pairing: Vampire!Jimin x Vampire!OC (named reader)
Summary: The oracle has given you an impossible choice; leave and get vengeance for your coven or stay and find your fated mate. You want both but the choice may have just been taken out of your hands.
Rating: 18+ (NSFW) MDNI
Genres: vampire au / strangers to lovers / fated lovers au / fantasy / angst / fluff / suggestive
Warnings: mention of death of family / mention of murder / mention of fire / mentions of grief / lots of anger / making out / both characters get naked.
Word count: 2.9k
Banner and moodboard: me
Beta: @colormepurplex2 thank you so much!
Author notes: This is for @btskitten7 with the song "serendipity" I really hope you enjoy it.
Revenge or love.
The oracle had given you her advice and said it plain as day. They were your two options – Take revenge for your murdered coven and possibly bring death upon everyone here, or, stay and find your fated love.
For a vampire to find their mate, living side by side for the rest of eternity can be a rarity, and yet, something most vampires strive to find.
You had seen your sister, Rayla, with her fated love, Seokjin, the way they were so involved with each other – he doted on her and she adored him. It was something straight out of a fairy tale, which had quickly turned into your horror story.
Remembering the two of them hurts your heart, like a stake driving through it and splitting it in two. You wished for nothing more than for them to be beside you again, the mothering way your sister had about her, and Jin's sense of humour that had you in hysterics most days. You would never hear another lame joke of his or be comforted by your sister's embrace. Tears prick at your eyes, but you quickly blink them away, replacing the sadness with rage as your hands ball into fists at your sides.
The images of your coven burning and trapped inside, the feeling of helplessness as you'd found them too late, looking in from the outside, burn behind your eyelids. How can you move on when it's still so fresh, when the scene plays out for you all day, every day? The oracle has to be wrong. There must be a way you can get to have both. Perhaps you can find who did this and make them pay, then come back and find your love. Why was that not an option on the table?
The oracle had seen you in her visions long before you entered her building, you are sure of it. The familiarity in her stare when you walked in, the sadness in her eyes before you told her anything, you have no doubts she was expecting you.
You're unsure if that unnerved you or brought you comfort, never having encountered an oracle before. But Rayla had always insisted, if anything happened to her or the coven, to go to the oracle, and so you had.
But now, you have a choice to make, and with the rage and grief that still courses through you, it feels like an impossible decision to make. How can you move on from losing everyone you love? How are you supposed to forget about finding out who took them from you?
You need revenge, it's all you can think about as you sit in the covered courtyard of this new coven. You look around at everyone walking about freely in the shade, even in the late afternoon before the sun has set.
Could you condemn them all to death for your need for revenge? You know the answer to that, you can't. But how can you move past it?
They say grief comes in stages, and you seem to have skipped denial and gone straight to anger. You can feel it lighting your veins, powering your body. All you want to do is kick and scream and pull someone apart with your bare hands, nails clawing at skin, teeth ripping through flesh. Fingernails dig into your palms, making you bleed, seeing the scarlet crescent moons, you take a deep breath and decide to occupy yourself with something else. But as you uncross your legs, about to stand, your eyes notice someone across the courtyard. Something about him renders you speechless, the shoulder-length blonde hair blowing softly in the breeze, his flawless skin that looks as soft as satin, or maybe his kind eyes as he surveys the courtyard, and for a brief moment it provides you a welcome distraction from your chaotic thoughts and decision-making.
His gaze meets yours and you freeze, but even if you wanted to look away from his intense stare, you couldn't. His soft and open stare pulls you in, deeper and deeper, until you feel like you're drowning in it, too far out of your depth and struggling to stay afloat. Only you didn't want to be saved, you wanted to go deeper.
Other members of the coven move quickly across the stone path, but you both remain, as if time has stopped momentarily just for the two of you.
His full lips stretch into a shy smile, breaking eye contact and looking down at his feet, giving you a moment of respite before meeting your gaze again. His dark, piercing eyes, now crescent moons, accompany the purest smile you've seen on a vampire. He almost takes your breath away, your heart picking up pace from its usual slow, featherlight beats, as you watch the way he's watching you. It feels as though you're the only other person on the whole grounds with the look of wonder on his face. He takes a step towards you and your breath catches in your throat, but before he can continue closing the space between you, someone he seems familiar with steps into your path, shattering the moment into tiny shards of glass and sending them flying along on the breeze.
They drag him off towards the main entrance, and disappointment lands heavy in your stomach and settles like a rock. With a longing glance back in your direction, he follows them, leaving you alone with your thoughts once more.
And just like that, the rage you felt comes hurdling back like a slap on the face, sharp, hard and unexpected. It was a nice moment of peace, no matter how brief, one you will surely think about all night. As you head off to your room thinking about the handsome stranger you just encountered, and wondering what he would have said to you, given the chance.
*
The round moon sits high in the sky tonight, and something about it calls to you, pulls at your insides and makes you restless. Before you know it, you're walking through the woods, twigs snapping under your feet as you head towards the lake. The water sings to you like a siren, each gentle wave shimmering in the moonlight, inviting you in.
Pulling off your shoes, you walk to the water's edge and stand in the shallows. Your toes sink into the earth as the cold water laps at your ankles. Taking a deep breath, you tilt your face up to the moon, letting its light bathe you. It rejuvenates you and sates some of that rage you feel. It's as if the moon goddess has called you here herself to aid you in your troubles.
“What should I do?” you ask up to the black sky, endlessly stretching on. The many stars shine bright, sparkling like thousands of tiny jewels placed neatly above you.
A twig snaps behind you, causing your head to snap in its direction, fangs and claws out, ready to use them.
“Sorry, I'm sorry,” the man from the courtyard says, stepping out of the shadow with his hands up in surrender, “I mean you no harm, I assure you.”
Retracting your fangs, you relax your stance, assuming he's not a threat. He doesn't seem like one.
“I didn't mean to frighten you,” he says, with a voice so sweet it completely disarms you. “I saw you earlier, didn't I?”
You watch him as he takes careful steps towards you, stopping just short of the water.
“I'm Jimin,” he says, holding a hand out that you take a step forward to accept. As soon as they touch, you're surprised by the softness of his skin, so smooth you almost don't want to let go. An electric current passes through you and he jolts a little in surprise, apparently you're not the only one who felt it.
“Nyrie,” you respond, sounding more than a little dazed, even to your own ears.
“What a beautiful name,” he says quietly, almost to himself, before shaking his head and grinning. “You're new here.”
It's a statement rather than a question but you nod, regardless, as you take a few steps over to a nearby fallen tree and take a seat.
Hesitantly, he follows. “May I?” he asks, pointing at the space on the log beside you. Nodding, you shift slightly to give him space and as he takes a seat, your arms touch once more, the current returning in full force. It's so powerful you can barely think straight, everything in you is screaming, pulling you closer to him. Slowly, you peek across and find him already staring back at you with a look of the same bewilderment you feel. Shifting away slightly, so that you may breathe again, he clears his throat.
“What brings you to us?”
The question stills you, images of that burning building flash in your mind again, taunting you, but you swallow down the rage that rises like bile inside and push it away. Your hesitation is long enough that he starts to backpedal, eyebrows knitting together full of regret.
“I’m so sorry, that was entirely too personal for a first meeting, please forgive my manners, this is most unlike me,” he says, staring off at the lake in confusion. “Perhaps, I should go and leave you to it. I disturbed your night, I'm terribly sorry.”
He stands and walks quickly back towards the clearing he emerged from. Something swells inside you and escapes from your mouth before you can stop it, “No, wait.”
He pauses, turning slowly back to you, seeming unsure of the next words you're about to say. You didn't know this man and yet, he's a peaceful presence beside you. An enigma you wish to fathom.
“Stay,” you whisper, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious in the silence of the night.
His eyes search yours somewhat hesitantly before he nods and joins you back on the log.
You sit there a moment in silence, watching the lake and listening to it lapping up onto the earth, the ripples seem to chase you, getting higher and higher.
“Can I ask, what were you doing in the water?”
Snapping your attention back, his question catches you off guard, making you chuckle, realising how you must have looked to a complete stranger, standing in water staring up at the sky.
“It's something my sister and I used to do when we needed advice.” Looking over at him sheepishly, you find he's still watching you, his curious gaze even more intense now.
“You talk to the moon goddess?” he asks, and there's an undertone of shock that ordinarily would have made you want to shy away from this conversation but instead you nod. Since losing everything, caring about what people think of you is the least of your worries.
“Does she ever answer?” he asks with a sadness in his eyes you really want to explore. You're skating the surface with this man but something is telling you to dive in deeper.
Smiling, you stare up at the pale moon, recalling every time you've gone to her in the past, needing guidance and every time she's answered, in one way or another, to give you clarity. Looking at Jimin, wanting nothing more in this moment than to explore the depths of his dark orbs – like the black lake before you, mirroring the sky. You want to get lost in him, wanting to know him in ways you've not wanted to know anyone else, you can see she's answered you, even now.
“She always answers,” you say simply.
He's so focused on the moon you can see the tension in his body, as if preparing to dive in.
“You should try it, I can go and give you some privacy–”
“No,” he says quickly, reaching out to gently grab your hand, “please stay.”
The warmth of his digits as they envelope yours brings you such great comfort, tears prick at your eyes, and all you can do is nod in response, for fear that words would open the dam.
“Does it have to be in the water?” he asks, curious but unsure in his hesitant gaze across the lake.
“The water and the moon have a powerful connection, how else do you expect her to hear you?”
When you turn to him you're shocked to see your face only inches from his and judging by the way his eyes pop, so is he, and yet, neither of you move. It's as if a magnet is pulling the two of you together, it feels harder keeping your distance than it does being close to him, something very odd considering you know nothing about him.
His breath fans out across your face, drawing you in. Looking down at his full lips, so smooth and inviting, you can't help but lean in. What is it about this man that makes you lose all composure?
I hear you, moon goddess, I hear you. She can be so loud sometimes.
“So, why don't we go and talk to her?” you whisper, snapping him out of whatever thought he was lost in as he stared down at your lips, too. “How about a swim?”
Standing, you head to the water’s edge, looking back at him over your shoulder. He watches you with bewildering fascination but his mouth teases a mischievous smile, and it sends a wave of excitement to your core.
Slowly, you remove your clothing piece by piece and let it drop to the ground, your movements are teasing and deliberate, almost as if the moon goddess herself is controlling your every move. When your naked skin shines in the moonlight, you glance back, pleased to see it's having the desired effect with his stare focused on you as his teeth dig into his bottom lip.
“Are you coming?” you ask before walking into the water until it's deep enough for you to swim out a little way. By the time you turn back to him, he's already half undressed. His chiseled torso glows in the white light, highlighting each ripple of muscles along his arms and down his stomach. The view has your core fluttering with its own excitement. Turning back to the moon to give him some privacy, you listen as the water ripples as he swims to you.
“So, what should I do?” he asks quietly, his voice deep with a heat that makes your skin feel hot, even in the cold water.
“Ask her your question,” you say, spinning to face him.
He hesitates a moment, suddenly seeming unsure of what it is he wants to ask. “You asked her a question just before you saw me,” he says, fingers touching yours under the surface as you both tread water. “You asked what you should do…did she answer?”
His genuine curiosity is sweet and endearing but with a cheeky smile, you reply, “I told you, she always does, now it's your turn, unless you want me to go…?” You start to swim away. He grabs your hand and pulls you back towards him until your bodies touch and your mouths are barely an inch apart.
Something happens in that moment, you can't quite explain it, but that pull you've been resisting since he came to you tonight, you decide to stop fighting it. Under the white light of the goddess, you press your lips to his, and that electric current runs rampant through you, sending a heat with it that rivals the way the sun burns your skin. His arms wind around your waist, holding you flush against him, you can feel every muscle ripple as you move in the water, trying to stay afloat. The feel of his lips, soft like the inside of a rose petal, and the way he tastes is unlike anything you've had before, better than any blood. If you could live off of this moment forever, you would.
Unable to get enough as you explore each other's mouths, your hands find their way into his hair, gripping the blonde locks and holding him firm in your grasp.
His tongue darts out and begins a romantic dance with yours, swirling around yours like the movements in a rumba. You can barely breathe, and yet, you did not want to stop kissing him, the urgency to continue powers your lips.
Suddenly, twigs snap back at the shore and both your heads snap in the direction, only to see a frozen deer staring right back at you. Chuckling, you use this moment to breathe, as the deer leaps off into the trees.
“You are like no one I've ever met,” he says, eyes full of awe.
Your heart swells, feeling twice its size. “I was thinking the same thing.”
He tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, fingertip skating down your cheek, neck and chest, sending a train of goosebumps rippling along in its path.
“Didn't you have a question for the goddess?” you ask, remembering why you were here in the first place.
He looks at you, searching your eyes, still holding you firmly in his arms. “I don't think I need to anymore.”
Pressing your lips against his, this kiss is different, full of love and hope and a need that chokes you.
“Give me your hand,” he requests against your lips, and you oblige. He lifts his hand while holding yours and tilts your wrists up to the moonlight, it takes a moment but when you see it, your heart almost stops.
There on both your wrists, arewere the matching pearlescent marks of fated lovers.
This series will be a collection of drabbles written about whatever unhinged thought I have when I'm writing them. It'll probably get a little weird, but like the fun kind of weird, you know?
If you'd like to be included on the taglist for this series, you can leave a comment on this post, send me an ask, send me a dm, or fill out my drabble series taglist form. You'll also be able to sign up to be tagged in my "Life as a Pastor's Wife" drabble series!
This post will include the title, pairing, word count, and summary for each fic as it is posted. Content warnings will be listed in the posts for each individual fic.
XLOV
Rui
Drabble 1: Bratty!Rui
Chen Kuanjui x fem!Reader
WC: 889
Summary: Kuanjui decides to break a couple of rules just to see what you'll do, so you decide to show him how you handle brats.
Thank you for reading and interacting with my posts! I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of the ideas I have for this series.
Pairing: RebellionLeader!KimHongjoong x Female!Reader
Summary: In a dystopian world controlled by a corrupt government, rebellion leader Hongjoong and his second-in-command, Shadow, fight side by side while secretly harbouring feelings for one another. When betrayal leads to Hongjoong's apparent death, Shadow sets out on a path of revenge…only to discover that the man she’s lost has one final secret.
Rating: 18+ (NSFW) Mature (MDNI)
Genres: friends to lovers / angst / smut / fluff / colleagues to lovers / Collab / apocalyptic au / Dystopia au / Fantasy
Warnings: main character death / Violence (gun, knife, hand to hand combat) / mentions of blood / mentions of kidnapping / mentions of holding a hostage / hinted at torture, abuse and sexual abuse of a main character / main character tortures someone / very brief mentions of experiments on children and child murder / characters being stabbed (inc main character) / using a knife to mark someone / explosions / bombs / strangulation / snapping necks / shooting someone kneecaps / vomiting / mentions of mind control /
Smut warnings: Unprotected sex / sex on furniture / making out / groping / clit play / cream pie
Word count: 9998
Banner: Me
Authors notes: This is an adrenaline fic which is part of a collaboration with writers in @lapydiaries Please see the other fics by @sanjoongie @anyamaris @potatomountain @flurrys-creativity @daemour @an-annyeoing-writer @defwoodz
“They won't get past me, Joong.” you stress, full of confidence, as you slap the back of your right hand against the palm of your left. The sound echoes in the deathly silent room and the four other faces in the room glance hesitantly in your direction.
“I’m sure it won't come to that.” Hongjoon replies, straight faced and watching you carefully from the corner of his one good eye.
If the government wants him dead, they can try but you will stop them, you have to. Besides, he's escaped their clutches many times before, he'll do it again with or without your help.
“Let's focus on the plan at hand.” He insists, looking away from you and down at the map on the table. Everyone around him sits up a little straighter, giving him their undivided attention. But you can't focus, not on this, not when you've all just found out the government has put a ‘kill on sight’ order out on him. You feel like you can't breathe, the air left your lungs as soon as he had said the words. But what set your nerves on edge was the strange calmness he exhibited, he’s never been one to panic, always cool, calm and collected in any situation but this felt different. There was an air of acceptance to it that you weren’t willing to accept, and you would fight it tooth and nail.
As you watch him relay the details of the next attempt to fight against the government regime, barely able to focus on the words being said, panic sets in. You ball your hands into fists at your side, attempting to swallow it but it remains, simmering away and concealing itself as rage. Anger you know how to deal with, it’s your go to, your M.O. but Hongjoong made you feel things you weren’t capable of managing. He made you feel a plethora of emotions you were ill equipped to handle.
You didn’t grow up in a happy, loving household, far from it, and that taught you at a young age not to rely on anyone, to always have you guard up and to play your cards close to your chest. But with Hongjoong that seemed impossible now, having become increasingly difficult over the years. He is the only person you can be yourself around and know there’s no judgement, he’s held you when you’ve cried, he’s calmed you down when you’ve been murderous but right now, you were terrified to show him how scared you truly felt. You’re the strong one, his protector, a soldier in the rebellion, you couldn’t afford to look weak with fear.
But he’s the leader of the rebellion, he needs to be strong and to fight, if he doesn’t then what’s left? Submit to the corrupt regime trying to get everyone to conform to their own sick and twisted ideals? Forming an army of super soldiers with no minds of their own to destroy anyone who steps out of line, and you’re supposed to, what…join them? The idea is laughable. Hongjoong didn’t build this rebellion because he wanted to change the law and make it better, he wanted to burn it down and write a new one, and you supported him ever since he saved you from that…that doesn’t matter. He found you and got you out and you will forever be indebted to him for that.
But that’s not the reason you’ve stayed by his side all these years.
At first, you needed to find a way to repay him, then the more time you spent with him, you found a close friend. Maybe the first real friend you’ve ever had. He taught you to do things you never thought you’d be capable of, he taught you to channel your rage and make it work for you instead of fighting against it. He gave you that power and freedom of not needing to rely on anyone else and in doing so you became your own protector. Naturally, you spent a lot of time together, honing your skills, and you got to see a side of him he never seemed to show anyone, a raw vulnerability you quickly came to love.
So, now you stay because there is nowhere else you want to be. You made the choice years ago that your entire heart belonged to him, not that he’d ever know. Always so focused on the cause, just one of the things you loved about him, but lately something about him has been off…different. There didn’t seem to be any fire in him anymore, no drive to keep pushing, that was unlike him and it terrifies you.
You want to help, you want to fix it but you have no idea how. So, you’re stuck in limbo, feeling lost and useless. At his side as usual and where you will remain but waiting for the impending doom you can feel looming in the distance. You don’t know what’s coming but something is, and when it does you will be ready for it.
*
He knows you will put yourself in the path of a bullet for him and it turns his stomach every time he thinks about it. He can barely look at you. Every time he sees your worried expression he almost confesses right then and there but he can’t. You trust him too much. You've built such a companionship over the years, he’s not sure who needs who more at this point. But it’s definitely him.
A life without you would be meaningless for him. Even thinking that seems absurd. He’s someone who’s never been in love, never had time for it. Never even known what love has felt like in any form…until he met you.
There’s no one else like you and he loves that. You’re remarkable and unforgettable, you blaze like an inferno, with a heat that sears everyone. You’re a force to be reckoned with, one he does not and would not want to control. You’re an unusual blend of chaos – your fists first, ask questions later, approach to most things isn’t the way he would choose to resolve issues, but it kept him on his toes – and home. You are the person he searches for after a hard day, the face he looks for in the crowd, the one he shares his thoughts and dreams with, the one he would love to fall asleep holding, making you feel protected for once.
The news of his head on the chopping block came as no shock to him, the regime has wanted him dead for years, but watching the fear in your eyes – something he hasn’t seen since the day he found you in that god-forsaken den.
He thinks back to that fateful day. Hearing rumours of a group of ex-government soldiers, hiding out and causing havoc, never did he imagine that he’d find you, chained up and kept prisoner. The look of fear as he approached you made his chest hurt and his stomach churn. The way you quivered with wide eyes darting from face to face, like a trapped animal, and flinched as he reached out to release your binds. He still remembers the raw hated he felt as his eyes traversed the bruises that marred your skin, some in the shape of fingers around your throat and wrists. It made him feel an anger he didn't think he could control, and what he did to those men that day was a line he'd never crossed before but he did and he doesn't regret it.
He had taken you back to the rebel base, where you had clung to him, not leaving his side. He didn't mind, he was just glad you didn't seem to be afraid of him. He knows he can look intimidating to some with his eye patch and scar peeking out from under it. But you didn't seem to mind, you never have, even when he's not wearing it, you never make him feel self conscious about his milky eye or the fact he can't see out of it.
He had led you to a room of your own, sat you down on the bed where you curled up, hugging your legs, eyes trained on the window, but he gave you some space to settle. When he returned a couple of hours later, the fresh clothes he had left on the edge of the bed were still untouched, you remained, still sitting in the same place, eyes unmoving as he entered, almost catatonic.
Your wounds needed tending to, and so he had run you a bath. He cautiously led you into the bathroom where you walked like a zombie and just stood there. He felt so helpless, he could only imagine the trauma you went through at that place and he would have given anything, even then, to have taken that away from you and erased it completely. What he wouldn't give for it to have been him to have suffered in your place.
He had said he would bring another woman in to help you, but you had caught his hand and shook your head. And for the first time you had spoken. Just one word in a raspy voice “Stay.”
You began to undress, he turned to give you some privacy in the small room but before he did, he could see the extent of your injuries and a fury rose from the depths in him again.
He had helped you in, unsteady on your feet he had to practically hold you up. But as soon as you were in the warm water he could see you relax into it. It was a relief, just to see that slight bit of peace on your face. He had sat in there with you while you soaked, you even seemed to doze off at one point before jolting awake, frantically looking around the room and clinging onto the sides of the bathtub in panic. He was at your side, holding your hand that you gripped onto so tight and stroking your matted hair to reassure you. He had washed your hair for you and combed out as many of the knots as he could but most of them had to be cut out later, giving you a shoulder length style that seemed to suit you.
He had brought their female doctor in to examine you, he had left the room for that, hoping you would open up to her about what had happened and when she had emerged the horror on her face told him everything he needed to know.
That first night you had asked him to stay and how could he refuse when you looked terrified of your own shadow.
He slept in your room the first two weeks you were at the rebellion, woke to your screams and sobs, and would hold you until you fell asleep again in his arms.
Once you had gotten used to the place and some of the people, he stopped sleeping in your room but instead moved his bedroom to the room next to yours, hoping it would help make you feel safe.
You followed him around everywhere but he didn't mind. You began talking more, asking him things. You were so curious about the work they were all doing and soon enough you wanted a part in it, but your rage became apparent very quickly. He bore the brunt of it on more than one occasion but he didn't mind, he understood. So, he showed you ways to channel it better, but when he saw what you could do, he knew you were someone special. You may not have adrenaline powers but you were closer than anyone else would get.
You spent everyday together, it became routine. He’d bring you coffee in the morning like your own personal alarm clock, but he loved seeing your tired eyes, face puffy from sleep. He'd wait while you showered and dressed and then you would begin whatever planning or tasks you had to do together and at some point over the years, you began to protect him.
Out in the field you were a force to be reckoned with and he loved to watch it, ruthless and powerful and more beautiful every time. When he had nightmares, seeing the people in the rebellion that had been lost, you'd be the one to come in and calm him, wrap your arms around him and he'd wake in the morning, with his face buried against you.
There may have been a time when you needed him but that had long passed, it's him who needs you. But with the worry of what you would do in retaliation to his death, it plagued him.
He can’t sleep at night and not with the concern of his own life ending, but at the thought of you dying trying to prevent it. Every time he closes his eyes he sees your lifeless body behind his lids, haunting him each time he looks at your beautiful face. Every flawless feature turned cold and grey, your blinding smile - gone. He can’t bear it.
Your presence as his shadow, once a comfort, now felt like a hindrance, but not for him, for you. It made you a walking target but he knew if he mentioned anything about keeping you safe, it would only fall on deaf ears. You would follow him into the shadows of hell if you could, and there was only one thing he could think of to stop that from happening.
*
His heart pounds as he listens to Mingi’s voice from the phone at his ear. A deep fury begins to rise in him, something he hasn’t been able to feel for some time, not since the images of your demise keep him in a choke hold. He hangs up without a word and shoves the phone back in his pocket before leaving his quarters as quietly as he can, as to not wake you and making a beeline to one room in particular. Even at this late hour he doesn't knock politely like he usually would but instead slips inside unnoticed.
He stalks over to the man sleeping soundly on his bunk and leans down to him. Taehyung. A man he took in, housed, clothed and fed. A man he has trusted, only to be betrayed by him all along. He watches him, breathing in and out, clearly feeling safe in his web of lies he’s spun around him. He pulls his knife out of his holster on his belt and brings it down slowly to Taehyung. The silver of the blade glints dangerously in the moonlight streaking through the gaps in the slacked blinds. Holding it to the man’s throat, just in time for his eyes to fly open in panic and a scream to get smothered by the hand clamping around his mouth. Hongjoong had a plan for him tonight, and that was to find out everything he had told those that sent him here to begin with. By any means necessary.
*
The fear in Taehyung’s eyes is obvious and if Hongjoong’s honest with himself, he would admit that he’s enjoying it. He’s never been a cruel person, never wanting to hurt people without cause, he wasn’t even keen on unnecessary violence, although he’d given into that beast on a few occasions, but in his desperation to keep you safe, he’s prepared to be ruthless.
“I have all night, Taehyung.” Hongjoong says darkly, sitting on the chair in front of the frightened man. He spreads his legs wide as he watches and waits for him to talk, flipping his pocketknife between his fingers.
“I-I’ve t-told you everything.” he stammers, blood running from his nose past his lips until it drops off his chin onto his top. The red spots seem luminous against the white of his t-shirt.
Hongjoong takes off his eye patch, revealing his eye with the scar that runs from his forehead and ends an inch or so under his right eye.
“You know,” he starts, “going blind in this eye was probably the most painful experience I've ever had.” He stands and walks around the man bound to the chair. “As they sliced through my retina,” he pauses and hisses, “I can’t describe what it was like, the burning. It felt like someone had lit my face on fire, and it would not stop.” Hongjoong pauses, crouching down in front. “Maybe I should just show you, then you’ll know what I mean.”
“N-no, no. I’ve told you everything!” he strains against the chains but to no use, they’re not budging. “I can prove it.”
This stops Hongjoong in his tracks. “Go on.”
Taehyung relaxes slightly in his seat, “I have a phone, hidden in my room, in my mattress, it’s how I contact them. You can see everything I've told them.”
Hongjoong rushes out of the room so fast he’s like a ghost floating down the halls in the middle of the night. He wastes no time flipping the mattress and slicing it open with his knife, it doesn't take him long before the little grey object falls out and clatters to the floor. He snatches it up and strides out, down to the tech room in their basement.
“Can you unlock this phone?” Hongjoong asks their tech expert, Minho.
He looks down at it, glasses perched on the end of his nose and nods. “Piece of cake.”
He takes it and connects it to his computer, thrums some keys on his keyboard and then leans back in his leather chair, pointing at the screen.
“Show me all correspondence received.” Hongjoong orders.
“There's nothing.” Minho replies.
“Are you sure?”
The man nods. “Positive. Nothing has come into this phone, no texts, no calls, nothing. There's not even any saved contacts.”
That put Hongjoong’s mind at ease a little more. “What about outgoings?”
Minho fingers thrum on the keyboard once again, “No nothing.”
Hongjoong simply stared at him. Something about this didn't feel right, what kind of mole hides a phone but doesn't use it? It didn't make any sense.
“Search for anything that may have been erased.”
Minho nods, face full of concentration as he stares up at the screen. A big smile spreads across his face, “bingo.” Before quickly disappearing into a look of shock and turning the screen around for Hongjoong to see.
“Look at the message time stamped today at 9:45.”
Hongjoong's eyes scan down to the last message. Fury blazens, burning his insides as he stalks out of the room with eyes only for Taehyung. Lying sack of shit. He didn't mention your name or a description apart from that you were a female but he did pair it with the words Hongjoong had been dreading, ‘second in command’. It may not be much but it's enough to put a target on your back. As his feet rush through the building, he relives every moment with you, wondering where he could have stopped this from happening, wondering where he went wrong. But there was something else, something more pressing, the last message carried something else in it…their location. The rebel’s base has been compromised.
*
Hongjoong drags an unconscious and bleeding Taehyung through the hallways, leaving a trail of red behind him. He pulls him to the back exit, where he had arranged to meet Mingi, and hand him over as a hostage, after all it's what Mingi does best.
“Keep him alive.” Hongjoong orders as he lets him drop onto the floor between them. The man lands with a sickening thump.
Mingi nods then laughs as he stares at the man and the message carved across his torso. “Traitor.” He reads, “couldn't think of anything more subtle, Joong?”
“Get as far away from here as quickly as you can. We've been compromised.” Hongjoong says watching Mingi lift the man over his shoulder as if he weighs no more than a backpack.
“And if I don't hear from you…?”
“I don't care, kill him, cut him loose, it won't matter.” Hongjoong says carelessly. He has bigger things to worry about right now and all of them begin and end with you.
Mingi nods, pulls a scarf over his face and begins his journey across the dunes. “Don’t die!” He calls over his shoulder, disappearing into a flurry of sand.
Hongjoong heads back inside, racing back through the building and straight to your dorm. There is something he needs to do before setting his plan in motion, and the urgency coursing through him has him pounding his fist against your door. When you pull it open, irritation and confusion marrs your sleepy face, but is soon replaced with surprise and concern when you see him.
However, it's the floral nightdress that steals his attention. He's never seen you in anything but your practical clothes, comfortable, moveable and ready to fight in combats and plain tops.
His eyes skate down the dark fabric to the lace frill around the bottom that teases at your thighs, his throat is suddenly the dessert and he swallows to try and ease it.
“Hongjoong? What's wrong? Are you ok?” you ask him through the gap in the door.
“We need to talk.”
*
Those four little words he's said have your stomach plummeting. The blood on his shirt combined with the critical look you're met with have your mind racing, considering a wild number of possibilities and none of them bringing you any kind of good news.
You open the door for him and grab your robe, pulling it tightly around you, not that it helps, you've never been in something so intimate in front of him before. He steps in, eyes traversing your outfit, probably thinking how ridiculous you look, it seems apparent when he looks quickly away. Any hope you did have that he might reciprocate your feelings die at his reaction. He stares off into the corner of your room, clearing his throat.
“There’s something I need to tell you. And the order I'm about to give is exactly that, there's no space for arguing.” He says, glancing hesitantly in your direction.
You nod, not liking where this is going at all. That feeling of dread you've sensed for weeks, it's finally happening, whatever he tells you to do you're not going to like.
“We had a mole and the base’s location has been compromised. The regime knows where we are and they are coming.”
This wasn't what you were expecting to hear. “Shit,” you mumble, hitting the side of your fist against the wall, “who was the mole?”
“Taehyung.” He says slow and controlled, you can see the rage he feels by the tic of his jaw.
“Mother fucker. I'll destroy him for this.” You say, heart pounding a fury through you you'd be more than happy to unleash.
“He's irrelevant right now. Mingi has him–”
“Mingi? Why would you trust him with this?” Your anger takes on a new direction, aimed at Hongjoong for keeping you out of this. He involves you in everything, why start excluding you now?
“It doesn't matter, Shadow!” He snaps, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a frustrated sigh, “I just need you to listen.”
Swallowing your pride, you attempt to ease your wrath by staying silent, crossing your arms across your chest and waiting for him to continue.
“I'm going to raise the alarm and when I do, I need you to lead everyone through the tunnels to our back up location.”
That rock forming in your stomach drops. Here it is, the words you’ve been waiting for, come to life in front of you. “I won't leave you here, Hongjoong.”
He turns to you, taking a step forward, you can feel the heat radiating off him as you stare at the veins protruding in his neck. “I'm not asking, Shadow, I mean it. As my second in command it is your job.”
“My job is to protect you!” You yell, poking him in the chest as you take your own step forward, leaving only a hairs width between your bodies.
“For once, don't make this anymore difficult for me, please.”
You laugh, “Difficult for you? You're the one sending me away, how is that difficult for you?”
He stops, snapping his mouth shut, eyebrows pinched together. “I'm trying to keep you alive, Shadow.”
“Bullshit. You're just tired of fighting, you're giving up.”
Standing toe to toe, both of your chests rising and falling with each quick breath, hearts pounding in unison, he does something so out of character, it stops you in your tracks. He reaches out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, an action so gentle it has your cheeks heating.
“I'm not giving up, I just have something I want to protect more than myself; more than any cause, more than anything, because if anything happens to you, I really wouldn't have anything left to fight for.” His thumb brushes across your cheek, and all you can do is stare up at him in disbelief. “I wanted to tell you in a different way, at a different time, but it's been four years and no moment ever felt like the right one.” He holds your face, eyes unwavering and flitting between yours, “and now we're out of time.” His words hang heavy in the air and tears prick at your eyes. “‘I love you’ doesn't feel quite enough to explain how I feel…” he smiles shyly, “but if something happens and I haven't at least tried, I will regret it.”
In struggling to explain his own feelings he has still managed to mirror yours, a disbelief lurks in the back of your mind but you shut it down. How could you not believe him when he's looking at you and waiting for a response with such a raw vulnerability. You hardly recognise the man in front of you.
A deep, hidden urgency arises making you act just as uncharacteristic, if you are to be separated from him then you would pour every ounce of feeling you have for him into this moment. Leaning up, you press your lips to his and he stiffens, frozen beneath your touch, it's enough to make you believe that maybe you misunderstood his words, only for a split second, before his lips start moving against yours. A heat erupts inside you, burning and making it hard to breathe. It turns into a frenzy, a clash of tongue and teeth as you move messily across the room. His hands roam down your body and when they reach the back of your thighs he lifts them out from under you. Wrapping them around his waist, your back crashes against the cold stone wall, making you gasp, as he sits you on your chest of drawers. His hands travel up to your hips, gripping the flesh while still somehow managing to be gentle. You can feel his desperation digging against the inside of your thigh, you need him, now.
“Hongjoong, please.” You beg, grappling with his belt.
*
Hearing those words fall from your lips he could just about stand upright, this all felt like some kind of fever dream. To be kissing you and touching you like this after all these years of longing…
You manage to undo his trousers and your hand reaches into his pants to free him. Just the warmth of your digits around him had him bucking up into you. You open your legs and wrap them around his, pulling him further against you, until he's pressed up against the wooden draws.
He lifts your silky nightdress and robe, bunching it around your waist, as you manoeuvre him to your entryway. He pauses, reluctantly pulling his lips away from yours, “Are you sure?”
You stare up at him with such a heated expression the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ comes to mind and he would definitely be incinerated.
“Don’t make me wait any longer, Hongjoong.” you reply, stroking your finger down the scar on his eye.
He captures your lips again, pouring his entire self into the kiss as he repositions himself at your entryway.
He can feel your arousal allowing him to slide swiftly inside you, he wants to stop and savour the moment, to watch the way you react when he bottoms out but now is not the time. You both need each other too much. Instead, he begins to move, in and out, faster and faster, loving the way you moan against his mouth.
He wishes you were naked so he could appreciate you completely. If there was more time he would worship you until the sun came up, pry his name from your lips as many times as he could, explore your naked body with his mouth, his tongue, everything.
You roll your hips joining his movements and hongjoong can't help but drag his teeth across your bottom lip.
His hand finds your rear, grabbing the supple flesh and using his grip to pull you deeper on him with every thrust.
The feel of you around him, so tight, warm and wet, it takes all his focus not to finish right there.
Your lips break from his as you lean backwards, holding the back of the drawers for support. He takes advantage of this, holding up your nightgown and watching as he slides in and out of you, a slight he could easily get lost in. He coats his thumb in your arousal and uses it to make fast circles against your clit.
The moans coming from you are like music to his ears, he would descend into madness if he could never hear them again.
“Don't stop, Hongjoong.” You gasp and hearing his name like that has his eyes rolling in his head.
Your legs clamp around him before suddenly, you're unravelling around him, squeezing him so tight he can no longer hold back, and he releases inside you. Ripples of pleasure cascade through him as he watches you ride out your high.
He buries his face in your neck, suddenly unsure what to do now. He knows what he has to do but he doesn't want to, how can he now after this?
Your hand holds the back of his neck, as you pepper kisses against the side of his head. Surely, fate is teasing him by allowing him to see what he could have had all these years if he had just been brave enough, only to take it away once he's got it.
Your lifeless body appears beneath his eyelids and that snaps him out of it. He needs to take charge and make the hard decision for everyone.
“Shadow, I need you to get dressed and lead everyone out…now.” he says looking into your eyes.
“I don't want to leave you.” You whisper, eyes desperate and pleading.
He strokes the side of your face. “I know, but it's what needs to be done.”
He slides out of you, feeling cold and incomplete, as he adjusts his trousers. He watches you rush around, throwing clothes and boots on before looking back at him again with tears brimming your eyes. He's at your side in an instant.
“I promise, I will find you, you hear me?”
You nod and a tear escapes, running slowly down your cheek. He can't bear it, so he kisses you again and holds you against him before rushing out of the room, without looking back for fear he'd change his mind completely.
*
Once you hear the bombs going off you almost turn and go back but these people need a leader in the absence of Joong. You aren't sure it should be you but you're here…for now. Ushering everyone through the tunnels, a small child falls in front of you, and you scoop her up before she gets hurt, carrying her the rest of the way.
You make it safely to the second base, and hand the girl back to her parents. Your thoughts are immediately back on Hongjoong. Only a handful of men stayed behind with him, it wasn't enough, you would have argued given the chance.
But you focus on everyone else, handing out food packs and supplies as evenly as you can, until only three men come running, covered in dirt, battered and bruised, hands on knees as they try to catch their breath. Three, just three. You wait along with everyone else for more footsteps heading this way, but the silence is thick and choking.
The man at the front lifts his head, Eden, his eyes search the crowd and when they land on you, the tormented look he gives you tells you everything you need to know. You simply shake your head, refusing to believe it even if deep down in your gut you know this is the dread you've been waiting for.
He walks over to you, limping, watching you carefully with soft, sympathetic eyes, “I'm sorry, Shadow but he's dead.”
“No.” you say quietly, taking a step away from him, aware of the panicked murmurs surrounding you.
“The bombs were coming so fast and part of the building collapsed. We tried to get to him, but we couldn't. I'm so, so sorry.”
Your throat constricts, you try to suck in air but you can't, even though you can hear your ragged breaths coming fast but your chest feels tight and suffocating. The floor seems to be swaying beneath your feet and you move unsteadily back towards the tunnels. Bile rises up before you can stop it and escapes from your mouth, retching in the entrance of the tunnel, Eden comes up behind you and hesitantly touches your back. You shrug him off, an inferno of rage brewing inside you but your disbelief outweighs that. You need to see for yourself, only then can you accept it.
“It's not safe to go back there.” Eden says behind you as you stare into the dark passageway. “The government are all over it.”
“I have to go, I have to see.” you rasp out.
“You’re the leader now, you can't leave them.”
He's right but the trouble is without hongjoong you don't care enough about anything. “You're my second, when I'm not here, you're in charge.” you say over your shoulder before you jog off into the dark.
“They'll kill you if they see you!” He calls out but you're too far gone to care.
Your legs power you forward even though they wobble with each step making you unsteady, you use the curved wall of the tunnel to keep you upright. The stone feels like it's vibrating as you rush along it, but it's actually you who's trembling uncontrollably. Eden must be wrong, he has to be.
You come to a fork in the tunnel and you split off choosing the route you know leads you outside rather than into the building. It's still dark out, you can use that to your advantage. You emerge at the back of the building and make your way around to see the front, giving it a wide birth. The air is dusty, and already feels choking as you watch the clouds of smoke roll away. Government agents are everywhere, counting them as you move into the shadows, six…seven…that you can see around the outside. You pause behind a large rock, stuck in the sand and let two of the agents pass. As soon as they're gone you're running off to another bit of stone from a demolished building and taking cover there.
The two agents sit there mumbling to each other when one of their radios start up. “Target confirmed, I repeat, target confirmed, HJ was seen in the building, over.” The voice says and your heart stills.
Oh god, they’re talking about Hongjoong. Your fingers cling onto the rock you're leaning against, hoping it will keep you upright while your legs feel like they could give way.
The agent picks up the radio and clicks the button, “Confirm target status. Do we still have a live target? Over.”
The silence seems to stretch on for an unbearably long time, you bite your fist the more the seconds tick by trying to keep from screaming, as soon as you hear the static on the radio your heart races so fast you feel like it could leap right out of your chest.
“Negative. Target is KIA, I repeat target is KIA. Over.”
The world around you falls apart, your knees giveaway and you sink down into the ground, a strangled sob escapes echoing into the quiet. You want to scream up into the sky and ask why? Why him and why now? He was a good man who wanted to help people, that’s all, he didn’t deserve what these people have done to him! A dangerous heat burns inside you, starting right at your core and growing so big it squeezes the air out of your lungs. Staring down at your trembling hands, you watch as they ball into fists, as if they don’t belong to you.
A click of a gun clocking beside you, draws your attention as you look up into the eyes of one of the agents, you watch the side of his mouth turn up in a devilish smile, so sure that he has you. Rage lights your veins, muscles straining against your fight for resolve, but that cocky smirk switches something inside you, something you try to keep buried but today, with hongjoong gone, you have no reason to do that anymore.
The agent says something to you, but you can’t hear it, the blood rushing through your ears deafens you as you snatch out and grab his gun, pulling it and him to you, using his body as a shield. When the agent on the other side starts shooting at you they enter the man pressed up against you, and you watch that smirk fade as the light in his eyes disappear too.
Pulling your knife out of its holster, you throw it at the other agent, straight into his throat, he falls making a gargled sound. You shove the dead agent off you and run over to get your knife, pulling it out of him roughly, leaving him struggling for air with blood pumping out of the hole in his neck.
Other agents begin to descend on you but you welcome it, you'll make them all pay for what they've done.
Running full pelt towards an agent, legs powering you forward like a machine, and before he even has time to raise his gun towards you, you lunge at him. Both of you fall behind another broken wall, he tries to wrestle out from under you but you quickly snake your arm around his neck. Squeezing him hard, his legs flay wildly but soon enough he goes limp. You let him slump to the ground as you unhook his gun strap from him and peek out from behind the stone. A few agents are closing in on your left, you roll across the ground hearing their shots ring out around you before crouching behind a burnt out car. You aim the gun and shoot all three of them in the knee caps and smile when they collapse in agony. Throwing the gun away – you didn't care for them, you prefer fighting up close – you glance at the concealed entrance of the tunnel you came out of and make your way in that direction. An agent cuts you off aiming at you and shoots, you dodge but slightly too late as you feel the bullet graze your shoulder. This only has the big ball of fury emblazoning in your chest. You leap on him, grabbing the sides of his head and twist hard, hearing the snap, and as he falls you roll off him. Another agent grabs your arm and pins you to his chest, holding a knife up to your throat. You stop all movement but this is not the first time you've been in this position and you know just what to do. Grabbing the arm that has the knife, you force it away from your neck and kick at his legs backwards. His shin makes a sickening crack and he screams, falling backwards. You snatch the knife away and pull out your own as another agent rushes towards you. Circling out of his grasp you stab him repeatedly in the side, until he too, ends up another body decorating the floor. You move closer to your destination, but another man cuts you off, you spin around to the back of him and slice his throat before shoving him to the ground. Another agent pops up in your view a few feet away, you watch as he pulls a pin out of a grenade and in that split second, you throw your knife. It lands right in his chest, sending him stumbling backwards before the grenade explodes in his hand, taking two more men with him.
You freeze behind the wall of the place you called your home, full of memories with you and Hongjoong.
No more movement, no footsteps rushing your way, just the screams of the men whose kneecaps you shot. The coast is clear…for now. You head over to the only three unlucky enough to be alive, enjoying the fear in their eyes as you close the distance between you. Grabbing their scruffs one by one you drag them over to the nearby posts outside of the now crumbling building you used to live in.
You spot some rope hanging off of one with a shredded government flag tied to it and feel inspired. Pulling it down, you use it to tie all three men together by the feet. Their begs and pleas fall on deaf ears as you crouch down next to one, grabbing his face roughly in yours and pulling out your knife.
“You can tell them,” you say darkly, “Hongjoong may be gone but the rebellion still lives on and we will destroy you all.”
You slice through his dark-coloured uniform, ripping a piece off at the bottom, balling it up and shoving the material in his mouth. Taking a seat on his thighs, you pin his arms with your feet and hold his face right, before taking out your knife and carving the words ‘child killer’ across his forehead. He struggles beneath you, muffled screams fill the darkness of the night. The other two beg and plead but all you do is smile. Smile for Hongjoong, for everyone they've killed in the rebellion, for all the children they've kidnapped and experimented on, for everyone they've taken and tortured, for all the women they've abused and raped. Each man gets a different message carved into him, before you string them upside down on the post and leave them for their friends to find.
As you head back, covered in blood, taking a slow walk back through the tunnels, you listen to the radio you had stolen from one of them, waiting eagerly to hear when they've been discovered.
*
A knock on the door breaks you out of your immersion from your current task, and without you saying a word Eden hesitantly enters, stopping a few feet away from you.
“Sorry to bother you, but we need to get word to San about Hongjoong and let him know our location has changed.”
The last thing you needed to be doing was telling people Hongjoong was dead, you could barely think the words let alone say them out loud.
“We could send a coded message to Wooyoung,” he suggests, “I'm sure San will go to his safe house at some point, if not, Wooyoung will know where he is.”
“Yep, fine.” You reply nonchalantly, eyes down at the paper scattered all over the floor.
“What are you doing?” Eden asks as you frantically move between maps, circling and drawing lines of possible routes.
“I’m making a plan.” You say through gritted teeth, jaw set so tight you have to refrain from pushing your pen right through the paper. You needed something to do, you could not just hide out and lay low, you'd go insane and take everyone with you. You're at a loss why you don't feel better after what had transpired last night at the base. You thought hurting them would help but it doesn't, you don't feel anything, only numb.
“For what?” He asks, you can feel him at your side, peeking over your hunched form. You must look like a crazed goblin the way you're crouched down on the floor, bent protectively over your papers, but you don't care. The only thing you care about right now is revenge.
“We're going to attack them this time.”
“Didn't you already do that?” He replies dryly. He had been impressed when you'd made it back alive, even with you returning looking like something straight out of a horror movie.
“It's not enough.” You retort, feeling the anger bubbling away inside you about to boil over.
You prepare yourself for the backlash, you had already rehearsed your argument in the shower, of how you would get your point across, but it doesn't come. Looking over your shoulder you're met with his solemn face.
“For Hongjoong?” he asks quietly and you nod.
“For Hongjoong.”
*
Diving straight into planning the attack, like an ostrich you buried your head in the sand with your grief, not willing to deal with it, not wanting to. That meant admitting Hongjoong wasn't coming back and you weren't ready to do that. Right now, you were channelling all your rage into this attack.
Standing on the edge of your old rebel base they've now taken over, it makes you sick to your stomach, this was your home for years, they have no right to take it from you. You are not foolish enough to believe you'll get it back but they will not be keeping it, that's for sure. You will hit them hard with everything you've got today and make sure people talk about this for years to come, regardless of what happens to you in the process.
The cover of darkness works in your favour as you all surround the area. You'd made sure when you told your plans to the rest of the rebellion they knew this was a volunteer mission only, no one was forced, no one was guilted. Every single person is here because they want to be, and boy, did you have some serious fighters on your side.
The plan is to fight quietly and take out as many as we can without raising the alarm, if you are honest you didn't care how long that lasted, you just wanted to make them bleed. You wanted to make them hurt.
You nod to the others that you can see and sign for them all to begin, the message gets passed along the chain as each of you move silently to a nearby target.
Your footsteps are feather light as you close the distance between you and one of them. An agent surveys the area, you sneak up behind him and wrap your arm around his throat, squeezing as hard as you can. It doesn't take long for him to give up the fight and slump in your arms. Laying him gently on the ground you move to the next one and repeat the action, it almost seems mechanical as you move within the shadows. Until suddenly there's a cry, a call for help from one of the agents. The sound pleases you, sneaking around and taking them quietly did not bring you the same satisfaction as seeing the fear and pain you inflict.
Everything happens so fast after that. It's almost as if someone switched you onto auto pilot as you ran, ducking for cover and taking agents out as fast and aggressively as you can.
Grenades explode around you and it's almost as if some higher power, Hongjoong himself in the beyond, was protecting you. The way you move, managing to evade bullets, arrows and knives, it didn't feel real.
Your soldiers utilise their strength using their powers, you could see bolts of electricity shoot out of their finger tips and send agents' bodies flying. Others held flames in their hands and blew fire around the base watching it spread viciously as the regime screams echoed through the night. The healers concealed nearby were completely focused and keeping them alive and you were attacking anyone who came at them.
You scan the area as you run around the perimeter and see Eden inside the building, three agents surrounding him. Your legs burn as you push them like you never have before, charging right at them. As you close in you jump, kicking your legs out as you fly through the air and straight into the back of the agent, sending him flying off across the room, head slamming against the wall, spraying blood everywhere. You and Eden take on one each, a mess of punches and kicks until more of the regime seems to appear from nowhere.
Pulling out your knives, you take out as many as you can, using them as shields for their own bullets when you can, but suddenly it seems like you might be losing. You glance over at Eden, being choked by one agent and kicking another, everything seems to move in slow motion. A bomb goes off outside, stealing your attention as someone hits you hard in your side, stealing the air from your lungs. You fold over, a sharp, stinging pain makes you cling to it, but when you feel wet you look down at your crimson hand. Scarlet droplets decorate the sandy ground beneath you, and for a moment you're frozen, suddenly unsure what to do. A door to your left swings open and shouts echo through the building, as more people run through, taking out agents in their path, only, they're not your soldiers.
More people here to help, who could have sent them? That was a question for later. But with your new allies you find a new fire alight inside and straightening up you charge at those nearby.
You're a deadly force as you snap necks and slams heads against walls. Spinning, you see an agent make a play for his gun but you grab his throat, lifting him off the ground before slamming him down onto it and stamping a foot over his neck.
It's only then you feel the tightness in your chest, the way you seem to have to suck in each breath and the weakness of your legs when you collapse to the ground.
Another agent spots you and makes a beeline, you try to stand but you can't, all you can do is watch as he stalks towards you, knife in hand ready. You thought you would feel fear in this moment but you don't, there's a strange sense of calmness that washes over you as you prepare to meet your end. As the agent raises the knife about to plunge it in, you close your eyes, Hongjoong's face appears behind your lids. You are ready to be with him again. But nothing happens. Your eyes snap open and you're face to face with the agent, looking into his pain and terror filled eyes as blood seeps out of his mouth and dribbles down his chin. You watch as he collapses in front you. Your vision blurs and the pressure in your chest makes the room spin as you start to fall backwards. Something catches you, arms, strong arms and as you look up, you see a hazy Hongjoong come to meet you at your end and take you to wherever people go after.
*
Something rouses you but trying to get your eyes to open feels impossible, they seem to be weighted down and stuck shut with glue. You focus back on the sound, a whisper tickling at your ear, “Open your eyes, please.” They plead with you, followed by the soft press of lips against your forehead. There's something familiar here but you can't quite reach it and the more you try the further away it seems to get.
You want to reassure the person, to let them know you can hear them but trying to form any words feels equally difficult.
“Shadow, wake up. Come on, my love.” Another whisper sounds, full of sadness and desperation. You know this voice, you know it but you can't place it. Trying to think feels like you're wading through mud, and you can feel yourself being pulled under the blanket of sleep again but you resist. An urgency to follow what's being asked of you rises up and makes you determined.
Focusing all your energy into one task, you will your eyelids to open and very slowly, they do. Bright white light blinds you making them snap shut again.
“No, no, no, baby. Keep them open.” the voice says, breath fanning out across your face.
He calls out for a doctor, the sound piercing through your skull like a sword and making you wince.
You try again, prying your eyelids apart, the light hits you but you force them to stay open, blinking rapidly, and focusing on the painted white ceiling. You stare at a thin crack in the ceiling, trying to get your eyes to follow along its line until it stops at the walls edge.
“Shadow,” a different voice sounds, a woman's voice, “Shadow can you hear me?”
A face leans over you, familiar again, her eyes flit between the two of yours.
“Shadow, if you can hear me, blink twice.”
You do as she says and she smiles, “Good, that's good. I'm just going to shine a light in your eyes, I know it won't be nice but I'll be quick, ok?”
You blink twice again and she nods happily, fishing a small flashlight out of the breast pocket of her white jacket. The light blinds you for a moment before she whisks it away again leaving you seeing spots of green decorating the ceiling.
“Can you try and talk for me?” She says back in your eye view.
Your mouth opens, lips trembling as if they haven't been used for quite sometime. You're both shocked and pleased to hear a hoarse, “yes.” in response.
“Perfect.” She beams at you, “Do you know who I am?” She asks, a slight frown pinching between her eyes.
You think about it for a moment, you do know her, everything about her brings you a familiar sense of comfort, your mind races trying to land on a name. “M-Mi-sun.” You manage to rasp out, throat so dry it's as if you swallowed a cavern of sand.
Relief smooths her face into a relaxed smile. “Good. And you know who you are?”
You give her a pointed, unamused look and she laughs. “Humour me, please.”
“Shadow.”
She nods, satisfied with that. “You gave us quite the scare.” She looks over at something next to you, her expression changing from one of relief, to worry in seconds before focusing back on you.
“We need to talk about some things that have come to light.”
Your heart starts racing as images explode behind your eyes, a machine in the room seems to sound as erratic as your pounding organ, with a high pitched beep that hurts your head.
The attack. The one you plotted and rushed into, hell bent on revenge in your grief. It all comes back to you, flooding your mind and filling it with so many emotions you can't keep up with them, tears prick at your eyes, burning as you try to keep them in. “Hongjoong.” A sob escapes as you grab fistfuls of the sheets around you, the pain ripping through you like wildfire. Your insides burn, the blood in your veins feels like lava pumping through your body, you want to scream and cry and fight–
“I'm here.” A voice beside you says and snaps you out of your misery, and stops every chaotic thought you were spiraling into. Slowly, you turn your head towards the sound and when your eyes meet his, the world around you falls away, crumbling, but you're not afraid.
“I thought death would not be as uncomfortable as this.” You whisper, throat protesting at even that.
Hongjoong smiles then, a bright, beaming smile you've never seen before. “My love, you're not dead, and neither am I.” He reaches out to cup your face, wiping away an errand tear trailing down your cheek.
Your throat swells as if he has you in a choke hold as you try to fathom his words. You can barely suck any air into your lungs, they're moving too fast, trying to catch up to your racing heart.
“But…” you rasp, “...the building…it collapsed…you were in there...”
He shakes his head, “No, it was all a lie. I'm so, so sorry Shadow.” He says, his eyes brimming with tears, eyebrows knitted together in anguish. “Atfer I found out about the kill order on me, all I could think about was you and how to protect you. I needed them to think I was dead, I needed it to seem real.” He sits on the bed beside you, holding your hand in one of his and stroking your hair with the other, “They were about to find out about you and I couldn't let that happen, I couldn't let you die. I meant what I said Shadow, I love you, more than my own life.”
Your heart stutters and then stampedes in your chest, thrumming a song meant only for him.
“And so, I sent you away to protect everyone else, and while the government thought I was dead, it gave me enough time to make a plan.”
You can’t process what he is saying in a way where it makes sense. You don't want to try and make sense of it, your brain feels like its going to explode. His words echo in your head as if they’re bouncing around a deep, dark cave.
“I knew you would be plotting to take revenge and I knew you'd be lethal, so I had Eden relay every detail of your plan, so I could time mine with yours. It worked out well, until you got hurt.”
His face falls, a solemn look marrs his handsome features and a darkness seems to seep out of him that you've never seen. “I thought I lost you.” He says quietly, his voice wavering slightly, “I couldn't–I didn't–” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “If I lost you, I would burn the world to the ground.”
He means it, you know because you were ready to do exactly the same thing.
You should be angry, you know you should, but right now, staring into his face, the face you've been longing to see again, wishing you'd done so many things differently, you're determined not to waste anymore time.
“Glad we're on the same page then.” you reply, grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket and pulling him to you, pain in your stomach causes you to wince.
“Are you ok?” He asks, full of worry, breath fanning out across your face.
“Kiss me.”
His eyes drift to your lips, “Are you sure? If you're in pain…”
“I'm in pain every moment you're not kissing me, Hongjoong.”
He smiles at that, cups either side of your face and places his lips against yours in a tender but urgent kiss. You explore his mouth, relishing the sweet taste of him as he holds you firm in his grasp. There's more work to be done to try and stop the regime and you're ready to do it, feeling safe and at peace by his side where you belong.
Word Count: 6,433
Genre: Angst, fluff, suggestive
AU: Non idol AU, sex worker AU
Tropes: Friends to lovers, coworkers to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT! Infidelity, swearing, alcohol consumption, harassment at work, reader is a stripper, suggestive flirting, making out, Vernon's abusive ex is mentioned but nothing graphic is shown, controlling behavior, judgment of sex workers, mentions of previous suicidal ideation, reader panics when Vernon gets angry about something, Jeonghan is an emotionally abusive piece of shit that's implied to have previously assaulted reader but nothing graphic is shown or explicitly stated. If you think I missed something, please let me know!
Summary: An affair with your best friend gets you out of an unhealthy relationship.
A/N: This fic is another incredibly late submission for the Angst Olympics collab with character dynamics heavily inspired by Angel Dust, Husk, and Valentino from Hazbin Hotel. If you like this one, feel free to check out the other fics that were part of this collab!
I also wanna shout out the lovely people that listened to me yap about this fic and gave me advice during the writing process: @nothoughtsjustfic, @mylovesstuffs, @effervescentorbs, @noniesgummysmile. I love you guys!!!
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @okiedokrie-main, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @1-800-jewon, @myneurodivergentworld
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
If someone had asked you when you first moved in with Jeonghan if you thought that you’d be dancing in a sketchy club, you would have laughed in their faces. But there you were, dancing on stage night after night, trying desperately to pretend that the looks you got from the club’s clientele didn’t make your skin crawl.
You hated your job, but Jeonghan loved that you did it, and you wanted to make Jeonghan happy. After all, you loved Jeonghan with every fiber of your being. Plus, you knew from experience that making him happy was how you got to stay in the cushy apartment he rented and keep wearing the fancy clothes he bought you. Sure, you didn’t exactly love that he only bought you clothes that showed off your body, but you were desperate to stay in a relationship with the man you loved and stay out of the life that you’d left behind when you moved in with him. So, you kept your mouth shut.
The one positive part of your job was your friendship with Hansol, one of the club’s bartenders. You knew he hadn’t been around long, but you didn’t know exactly how long he’d worked there. Actually, the more you thought about it, the more you realized that you didn’t know a lot about him at all.
“Another great show tonight, doll,” Hansol said with his signature smile as you approached the bar and took a seat.
“Thanks, cupcake,” you replied with a wink.
“Your usual?”
“Sounds great. Thanks, ‘sol.”
“No problem, angel,” he said as he turned away to make your drink.
The bar was pretty much empty by the time your shift ended, with the few patrons left paying off their tabs with Chan, the other bartender. That meant you had pretty much all of Hansol’s attention in that moment, and you loved it.
“So, sweetheart,” you said, “got plans after work?”
“Not really,” Hansol answered with a shrug as he handed you a glass. “Just going home to catch up on some sleep. Why? You wanna make some plans, princess?”
“Maybe. Depends on whether you think you’d be able to keep up with me,” you said before taking a sip.
As you continuted to chat with Hansol and drink your cocktail, you felt yourself relax for the first time in weeks. Between your job and your relationship with Jeonghan, sometimes it felt like all that mattered about you was your appearance. But when you were talking to Hansol, he treated you like you were a person with thoughts and ideas that actually had value.
At some point, however, your phone vibrated, and you knew without looking that it was Jeonghan. So, you smiled, paid for your drink, thanked Hansol for the conversation, and got an Uber to go home.
When you got back to your apartment, Jeonghan raised an eyebrow and asked, “What were you doing out so late? It's an hour after your shift.
“I wanted a drink after work so I sat at the bar and got one.”
“You didn't think to ask first? Or at least tell me?”
“I don't need permission to get a drink, Hannie,” you answered. “Especially because I didn't even leave the club.”
“Whatever, I'm going to bed.”
“Fine. Good night.” Almost as an afterthought, you added, “I love you.”
Jeonghan didn't respond as he walked away.
A few weeks later, you stayed after work for a drink again. Sure, you knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t exactly be happy when you got home, but honestly, you didn’t care. You’d had a shitty shift, and you wanted a drink to take the edge off. It didn’t exactly hurt that Hansol was working that night, either.
Truthfully, you didn’t know why you were so drawn to Hansol. All you knew was that you loved when his attention was on you, especially when no one else was around. Sure, you’d always loved attention, which made your job significantly easier, but the way you felt when you were around Hansol was different.
You thought about it a little bit more, and you realized that it was exactly what you felt when you first started dating Jeonghan. It was the giddy excitement that you’d thought was love four years before, and the realization made your stomach churn with guilt and fear.
Before you could think about it any more, though, Hansol got your attention and asked, “What'll it be today, angel? Your usual?”
You opened your mouth to answer, but before you could, you heard a familiar voice behind you ask, “Is this what you do while you’re supposed to be at work, sweetheart? Just sit at the bar and complain about ‘boy trouble?’”
You immediately stood up from your seat, turning to greet your boyfriend. “Hi, Hannie. I just wanted to get a drink after my shift.”
“Why not come back home for a drink?”
“I’m not ready to go yet,” you answered halfheartedly.
“Why? We could have some fun when we get home,” Jeonghan said as he looked you up and down. “You know the outfit you have on tonight is one of my favorites.”
Jeonghan looked like he wanted to say something else, but before he could, Hansol cleared his throat and asked, “Are you gonna order something, or are you just gonna harass my customers?”
“I’m not harassing her. She’s my girlfriend,” Jeonghan answered, wrapping his arm around your waist as he spoke. You jumped at the contact, and he just grabbed your waist tighter.
“Doesn’t change that you’re acting like a creep right now.”
“It’s ok, Hansol,” you said, forcing a smile as you tried to keep things from escalating. Then, you turned back to Jeonghan and said, “I’ll come home with you after I get a drink, ok? Then we can have as much fun as you want, promise.”
“Alright, I’ll go wait in the car. I love you,” Jeonghan answered before he pulled you in for a kiss. Hansol cleared his throat again, and Jeonghan stepped away from the bar.
After Jeonghan walked away, you sat back down and said, “Sorry about that. He comes in sometimes to check on me while I work. I didn’t know he was coming or I would have avoided the bar.” Hansol gave you a concerned look, so you quickly added, “He just wants to make sure I’m safe, considering the types of people that come into the club.”
Hansol nodded slowly as he said, “Right.”
“What? You don’t believe that he wants what’s best for me?”
“I believe that if he does, he has an odd way of showing it.”
“What do you mean?” you asked, trying not to get too defensive.
“It’s nothing,” Hansol answered. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but I really think that you should try to leave him.”
You thought about what Hansol said for a minute before you replied, “Look, I know it looks bad, but he does love me.”
“I’m not saying that he doesn’t. I’m just saying that the way he treats you isn’t a healthy kind of love,” he said as he stepped away to get your drink.
You were quiet after that, getting lost in your own thoughts while you waited. When Hansol set your cocktail on the bar, you gave him a halfhearted smile and said, “Thanks.”
Unlike your usual interactions, you finished your drink and paid without a word before going home to think. Sure, you knew that what you had with Jeonghan wasn’t healthy, but you didn’t know if you could walk away. After all, you had no family in the area, and the only person you really thought of as a friend was Hansol. So really, who was there to turn to besides Jeonghan?
The next day, you walked into the club like you owned it, desperate not to let Jeonghan’s actions the night before bother you. Sure, that was easier said than done, but no one in the building knew just how bothered you really were, and that was what mattered most to you while you worked.
After your last dance of the night, you walked backstage, got changed, and walked past the bar instead of stopping for a drink. Hansol noticed you walking by and called your name before he asked, “Where are you going? You’re not gonna get something to drink today?”
“Can’t,” you answered matter-of-factly.
“Why not, princess?” Hansol teased. “I thought you enjoyed our little ritual.”
Something in your chest stirred when Hansol called you “princess.” You didn’t quite knew what it was, but you knew that it was too much to handle in that moment, so you barked, “Don’t fucking call me that.”
“Hey, I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
“Well I wasn’t trying to get held up when I just wanna go home, Hansol.”
“Alright what the fuck has gotten into you?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
“Well it’s also none of your goddamn business!” you practically yelled as you stormed out of the bar.
Once you were finally out of the club, you started to cool off, and that was when you plopped yourself onto the sidewalk and started to cry. You honestly had no clue where the tears came from, considering the fact that you’d always been good at keeping the storm in your head that seemed to never end hidden from the rest of the world. Still, your frustration with yourself for crying in public didn’t change the situation, so you desperately tried to focus on anything else long enough to calm down.
You had no idea how much time had passed before you heard a familiar voice ask, “What’s going on, angel? This isn’t like you.”
“I’m just so tired,” you answered through the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.
“Hey, it’s ok,” Hansol said softly, sitting down next to you and pulling you into a hug.
Through your tears, you told Hansol about everything that you’d tried to pretend didn’t matter to you. The late night fights that started because you’d had the “audacity” to tell him no, the accusations of not really loving him every time you told him that he’d hurt you, and every other moment you never wanted to relive poured out of you like wine out of a bottle. By the time you were done, you felt like you were going to throw up as you really thought about everything that Jeonghan had put you through.
Hansol was silent as he fully processed what you were sure that he’d already figured out. You were terrified of him judging you for falling in love with someone like Jeonghan, just like your friends and family back home had done. Instead, though, when he finally did speak, he just said, “Let me help you.”
“Help with what?"
“Leaving him.”
“What?”
“You need to leave him. None of this is right, and I can’t stand seeing you hurt.”
“I can’t. As bad as he is, you don’t know what I left behind when I moved here with him.”
“I know that you don't have to go back to it, though. Not while I'm here.”
“Why are you so invested in my relationship, ‘sol?”
Hansol was quiet for a minute, like he was struggling to figure out how to answer your question. When he was finally ready to speak, he asked, “How long do you think I've been working here, angel?” You didn't answer him, so he continued, “Six months. Do you know how I got this job?” You shook your head, and he said, “Seungkwan owed me a favor, and I needed to get out of my hometown quickly. Do you know why?”
Again, you shook your head, once again realizing how little you knew about him compared to what he knew about you, and you asked, “Why?”
“I was with a woman that treated me the exact same way Jeonghan treats you,” he answered, sounding like he was fighting tears of his own. “Took everything I had to walk away without any help. It would kill me to not at least try to be the person that I needed when I left her.” You were quiet for a minute, and he added, “Even if it’s just spending time together outside of work so that you’re not alone with him all the time. Please.”
And just like that, you started to cry again. Whether you were crying for yourself or for Hansol, or both for that matter, you had no idea. All you knew was that you were desperate to not feel so lonely. So, once you felt like you could breathe again, you whispered, “Please help me.”
Hansol gently wiped your tears before cupping your face in his hand as he said, “I will. It’s going to be ok, I promise.”
Something about how gentle Hansol was with you gave you a sense of calmness that you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you knew as he held you that you could trust him.
A few days after Hansol offered to help you leave, you called him and asked, “Are you busy tonight?”
“No, why?”
“Jeonghan is out with his friends, and I just need an escape from it all. Do you wanna go out and do something?”
“Define ‘something,’ princess.”
You thought about it for a minute before you said, “Well, maybe we could go to the cafe by the club?”
“That sounds great, angel. I’ll be there in 15?”
“That works. I’ll get ready. See you soon, honey.”
With that, you hung up, got dressed in one of the less revealing outfits you’d managed to convince Jeonghan to let you buy, and left for the cafe. When you got there, Hansol was already sitting at one of the tables with two chocolate chip muffins sitting in front of him.
“I wasn’t sure how you like your coffee, so I didn’t order you a drink, but I got us muffins.”
“Thanks, ‘sol. I’m gonna go get a drink, and I’ll be back.”
With that, you left the table to order your coffee. While you waited for it, you thought about what you wanted to talk to Hansol about. Sure, you wanted to start planning to leave Jeonghan, but at the same time, you didn’t want that your failed relationship to be the only topic of conversation. After all, you wanted a genuine friendship with Hansol.
Your name was called, snapping you out of your thoughts, so you grabbed your drink, paid for it, and went back to your table. When you sat down, you asked, “So, now what?”
“What do you mean?”
“Should we start planning? To deal with Jeonghan, I mean.”
“Ok first of all, calling it ‘dealing with Jeonghan’ makes it sound like you’re planning to kill him,” Hansol answered with a laugh. “Second, why don’t we just talk tonight? There’s plenty of time to plan, and you look like you need a break.”
With a sigh, you said, “I really do.”
“Well then, enough about Jeonghan for tonight. Tell me about you.”
“What do you wanna know?”
“Anything that you’re comfortable telling me, doll.”
After a moment of thought, you answered, “I worked at the public library in my hometown before I moved here with Jeonghan.”
Hansol’s eyes widened as he said, “Wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
“A lot of people don’t. I stopped telling people because of it. I got tired of the judgment and pity.”
“Pity?” he asked, tilting his head.
“Most people see going from ‘librarian’ to ‘stripper’ as a downgrade and look at me like they’re trying to figure out what life choices led me to this point. A couple of people have actually asked me what I’m doing in ‘in a place like that’ considering I’m ‘such a nice girl.’”
“I’m guessing the answer to that question is Jeonghan?” Hansol asked hesitantly.
“Yeah.” You were silent for a minute before you added, “When we first met, he told me that he loved seeing me do my job, but after we moved, he said that I should be doing something that actually fits ‘someone like me.’”
“I really hate that guy, you know.”
“I know. What I don’t know is why I still love him.”
“The heart works in mysterious ways.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” You were quiet for a second before you added, “Now tell me about you. I don’t wanna get all sad again.”
"I’m not sure if asking me about my life is a good way to avoid talking about something sad, sweetheart,” Vernon answered with a laugh. After another minute of thought, though, he said, “I know it isn't the most glamorous life, but to tell you the truth, I really love being a bartender. I don't think I would go back to the job I had before, even if I actually had a chance.”
“What did you do before?”
“Some boring office job. I don't even remember what the official job title was. It was basically spreadsheets all day every day for like, shockingly good pay.
“Would you go back for the money?” you asked.
“Hell no. I don't make as much as I used to, but it is enough to pay the bills. Besides, going to work doesn't make me wanna run into oncoming traffic anymore, which is worth everything.”
As you thought about what Hansol said, you silently hoped that you'd be able to stop working at the club one day. After all, you wanted to find the same joy in what you did that he had. You'd had it when you worked at the library, but now, it was hard to push through the way you felt when you danced.
Not wanting to think about that anymore, you just said, “I'm really happy for you, "‘sol.”
With that, Hansol reached across the table, taking your hand in his as he said, “We're gonna get you there too, angel. I promise.”
Not knowing what else to say, you mumbled, “I really like it when you call me angel.”
“Well, I really like you,” Hansol answered without missing a beat.
That was when you smiled for the first time in what felt like hours and asked, “You do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
You were quiet for a minute after that, deciding what to say next. When you saw the anxiety written all over Hansol’s face, though, you squeezed his hand and said, “I like you too.”
“Does that mean we're actually-”
“Yes,” you answered.
With that, the two of you got up to throw away your trash and left, walking out of the cafe with your hands intertwined and a new source of hope for the future.
Jeonghan was out with his friends again when you texted Hansol and asked him if you could come over. He said yes in a heartbeat, texting you his address. So, you got ready and left, turning your phone’s location off so your boyfriend wouldn’t figure out where you were.
When you got to Hansol’s apartment, he had soft-looking blankets laid out on the couch, a movie ready to play on the TV, and a variety of snacks set out on the coffee table. You almost teared up as you hugged him and said, “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked before he kissed your forehead.
“Doing all of this for me.”
“You know I do it because I care about you, right?”
“I know, but it still means a lot to me.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me.”
The two of you were silent after that, just enjoying each other’s presence before you let go of Hansol, took his hand, and pulled him over to the couch to ask, “What movie did you choose?”
“Just some rom-com. Are you ready?” he asked. You nodded, and he pressed play.
After Hansol pressed play, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, and you leaned closer to him as you really relaxed for the first time all day. The two of you didn’t stay focused on the movie for very long, though. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, and you had climbed into his lap.
A soft sigh slipped out of your mouth as you relaxed on top of him, and Hansol brought his hands down to your hips. His mouth on yours felt like heaven, and as you lost yourself in the feeling, a small part of you wondered if a future with him was really possible.
Hansol gripped your hips tighter, groaning softly as you kissed him and snapping you out of your thoughts. After he pulled away for air, he said, “You feel so good on top of me.”
That was when you noticed his erection pressing against you, and your heart dropped. You'd been pushing yourself way harder at work lately, and you were way too tired to go any further than kissing. As you got lost in thought, you silently hoped that Hansol really was nothing like Jeonghan.
“Hey, what's going on, princess?” Hansol asked, gently cupping your face with his band. “You look a little lost in thought.”
“Sorry, just tired. Would it be ok to just cuddle?”
“Of course, angel,” Hansol answered, helping you off of his lap and pulling you close. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” you answered, trying not to show that you were caught off guard.
“You know I’m not upset with you, right?” he asked hesitantly.
“You’re not?”
“Darling, why the fuck would I be upset with you for saying no?” he asked, both confused and concerned. The look on your face must have given something away, because his expression immediately shifted from confusion to horror as he said, “That piece of shit.”
You practically jumped away from Hansol when you realized he was angry, immediately trying to apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“Hey, it’s ok. I’m not angry with you, sweetheart,” he answered, softening his voice and taking your hands in his. “I promise you I’m not angry with you. You can always, always, say no to me. Ok?”
You nodded as you tried to steady your breathing, immediately pulling Hansol closer to you while you processed the fact that he actually respected you. You had a fleeting thought that maybe you could have a real relationship with him if you actually left Jeonghan, but you quickly shooed the thought away. After all, you needed to find the strength to actually walk away first.
For the rest of the night, you and Hansol didn’t speak much. Instead, both of you got lost in your thoughts as you watched another movie. You had no idea what Hansol was thinking about, but you knew that you were thinking about what else you needed to do to prepare to leave Jeonghan for good.
It was late when your phone vibrated, and you knew without looking that it was a text from Jeonghan asking you to pick him up because he got too drunk. So, you looked up at Hansol and said, “I think I need to go now.”
“That’s ok. Next time you’re here, though, I have some things to show you.”
“What are they?”
“Just some things I found that might help when you’re ready.”
“Ready?”
“To leave Jeonghan.”
“Oh, right. Thank you.”
“No problem, doll.”
With that, you checked your phone to get the address, gave Hansol another quick peck on the cheek, and left to find your drunk disaster of a boyfriend. As you drove, you thought about ways to prepare to finally walk away from the man you’d thrown away years of your life for.
You spent as much time as you possibly could with Hansol after that night. He made you feel seen in a way you didn't know was possible, he treated you like a queen every time you were together, and you actually felt like a person with him instead of an object. It was exactly what you’d missed about being in love since you’d been with Jeonghan.
Eventually, though, Jeonghan started to get suspicious of how much time you spent out of the house. On a day that you had plans with Hansol, he stopped you before you left and asked, “Where are you going, star?”
“Oh, just some shopping with a coworker,” you answered without missing a beat, used to lying to him by that point. “One of the other dancers at work asked me for help choosing a dress for her sister’s wedding.”
“Which dancer?” Jeonghan pressed. “And are you planning to buy anything?”
“Sojeong. And I’m not buying any clothes, but I asked her to get lunch after we’re done, and I’ll be paying for that.”
Jeonghan considered what you told him for a minute before he said, “Ok, but if you change your mind and do want to buy clothes, I expect photos before anything is paid for.”
“I understand,” you answered with a nod, trying desperately not to give yourself away by looking too happy.
With that, Jeonghan kissed your forehead and said, “I hope you have fun,” and you left.
To be fair, what you’d told Jeonghan hadn’t been a complete lie. You were in fact going to the mall with Hansol, and you did make an agreement with him that if he paid for the clothes that you were going to keep at his place, you would buy him food after. Plus, Sojeong’s sister really was getting married soon. You’d overheard her talking about it at work, and you knew that she would never tell Jeonghan that you were lying about helping her choose a dress.
And after you got lunch with Hansol, you went to a nearby gas station, withdrew money from the station’s ATM, and put it into an account that Jeonghan had no knowledge of. After all, you knew that you’d need money that he couldn’t touch.
Hansol continued helping you get just a little bit closer to leaving Jeonghan every time you snuck out with him. Whether it was making space in his closet for your clothes, helping you look for another job for when you quit working at the club, or holding while you cried over the decisions that had gotten you to this point, he was right there.
“I’m really proud of you,” Hansol told you as the two of you worked together to fold your clothes so that they would fit in the drawers he’d cleared out for you.
“That means a lot, cupcake.”
“Well, you mean a lot to me,” he said before he leaned over to kiss your cheek.
“You mean a lot to me too,” you said, your face growing warm as you tried to maintain your composure.
Before you knew it, the clothes were folded, and it was time for you to leave. So, you kissed Hansol one last time and started to drive home. While you drove, you thought about Hansol and how much had changed since he entered your life, and how badly you wanted to experience whatever else life threw your way by his side.
As your relationship with Hansol progressed, you felt more ready than you’d ever been to actually walk away. Sure, there were still a few practical steps that you had to take, like saving a little bit more money and buying some last minute supplies, but you knew that all of it would be ok as long as you had Hansol.
Just when you thought life was getting better, everything came crashing down. Your relationship with Hansol was the first thing to fall apart, because of course it was. The universe had always been cruel to you that way, reminding you that the good things in your life were never meant to last.
It happened when you were least expecting it. You’d brought Hansol to your apartment, since you thought Jeonghan was at work, and the two of you were planning to start packing your things so you could move into Hansol’s apartment with him when you were ready. When you walked into your living room, however, you found Jeonghan sitting in the middle of the couch, looking angrier than you’d ever seen him.
“What the fuck have you been doing,” he asked, every word dripping with disdain.
“I-”
“You know what, I don’t want to hear it,” Jeonghan said, standing up and stepping in front of you. “Do you want to go back home? Back to them? Is that why you’re so determined to destroy our relationship?”
Your stomach started doing backflips as you thought about what your life was like before you met Jeonghan, and the thought alone was enough for you to start to reconsider. So, you stepped slightly away from Hansol and whispered, “I can't go back.”
“Exactly.” With that, Jeonghan stepped just a tiny bit closer, making sure only you could hear him whisper, “If you don't stop this, I'll drag you back there myself.”
And that was what broke you.
As you started to cry, you turned toward Hansol and said, “I think you should leave.”
You could tell Hansol didn't want to, but something about the way your entire demeanor changed told him that he shouldn't interfere in this moment, if for no other reason than to keep you safe. So, he softly said, “I'll be here whenever you're ready, angel.” Then, he walked out of your apartment, leaving you alone with Jeonghan.
The silence that fell after Hansol left almost shattered you, but you knew from experience that if Jeonghan saw you crying, it wouldn't end well. So, you bottled everything up as Jeonghan pulled you into a stiff hug and said, “Never forget that you're mine.”
The day that Jeonghan proposed should have been one of the happiest of your life. After all, you’d wanted to get married since you were a little kid, and now you were one step closer to the happily ever after you’d always wanted. At least, that’s what you tried to tell yourself. But instead of anything even close to joy or excitement, you just felt broken, trying desperately not to crumble as Jeonghan slid the clearly expensive ring onto your finger.
“Doesn’t it look perfect, baby?” he asked as he held your hand up to admire the way the diamonds sparkled in the light.
“It does. I love you, Hannie,” you said, trying to fight back tears that you’d tell Jeonghan were tears of joy if he noticed.
“I love you too, my star.”
A month after Jeonghan proposed, the two of you were out shopping for more fiance-approved clothes for you to wear on dates. While you looked at dresses that you could only hope he would say yes to, he walked away to find some shoes that he said he needed for work.
The second Jeonghan was out of earshot, you heard a familiar voice say your name and ask, “How have you been?"
“I’m fine, Hansol,” you answered, trying desperately to keep your face and voice neutral. “How are you?”
“Are you alright, angel?” he asked.
“Don’t call me that,” you snapped, your voice breaking. With a sigh, you collected yourself and whispered, “I don’t want him to hear you.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. You were silent in response, too embarrassed to admit it. You didn’t have to though, since he said, “You stayed.”
“We’re engaged now.”
“What?”
“He proposed a few weeks ago.”
“And you said yes?”
“I still love him,” you mumbled, unsure how else to defend yourself. Before you could say anything else, you heard Jeonghan approaching, so you said, “Go home, Hansol. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
Hansol looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. So, you silently watched the man you loved walk away and went back to planning the rest of your life with the man that you thought that you were supposed to love.
For days after you ran into Hansol at the mall, you couldn't get the look in his eyes out of your head. The fear of promising Jeonghan forever, the guilt of not keeping your promise to Hansol, and the longing for a forever with Hansol instead of Jeonghan kept you up at night. Before you saw him again, you’d tried desperately to forget how you felt with him and accept that you were meant to live your life with Jeonghan. But now that you knew that Hansol still cared about you, how could you let that go?
The truth of the matter was that you couldn’t. Even as you tried to focus on planning your wedding, your thoughts drifted back to Hansol. What cake flavor would he choose if he was the groom instead of Jeonghan? What flowers would he want decorating the venue? Would he want to choose the song for your first dance together, instead of just deciding and telling you to listen to it before the wedding like Jeonghan?
You finally got tired of wondering on your way home from a dress fitting. You’d spent hours in the bridal shop, modeling countless options for Jeonghan to approve. Every dress had something you loved about it, but the elements that you adored were exactly what Jeonghan despised. Whether it was a lace trim that he thought looked too expensive or an elaborate beaded bodice that he said made you look “too classy for someone in your position,” every single thing that made you happy got stomped on, and you finally broke.
The ride home was dead silent until you finally sat up straighter in your seat and said, “I’m done.”
“What?” Jeonghan asked, already irritated.
“I said I’m done, Jeonghan.”
“What do you mean ‘done?’” he asked.
“I’m not marrying you.”
Jeonghan was silent for a minute before he said, “You’re throwing away almost five years together?”
“Yes.”
“Are you gonna tell me why?”
“No.”
Jeonghan slammed his hand on the top of the steering wheel, making you jump before he said, “You have three days to pack your things and get out. I don’t care where you end up, but you’re not staying in the apartment.”
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Do you have a plan for where to go, then?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
With that, the two of you drove home in silence. When you got back to the apartment, you immediately gathered all of your belongings and packed everything into suitcases you’d been keeping hidden in your closet. You knew that you needed to organize it all, but you didn’t care about that in the moment. All you cared about was getting out.
After everything you owned was packed up and ready to go, you called Hansol. You probably should have done that before you broke it off with Jeonghan, but you weren’t thinking clearly when it happened. So, you just hoped that he would pick up.
“Hello?” Hansol asked, clearly confused.
“It’s me,” you said through the tears that had started to fall.
“Angel? What’s going on?”
“Do you still have the clothes that we bought?”
“Yeah, I do,” he answered hesitantly. “Why do you-”
“I left him,” you said, not letting him finish his question.
The line was silent for what felt like an eternity before he said, “I’m so fucking proud of you. Do you need me to come get you when my shift ends?”
“Please,” you responded as you tried to calm down.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can, princess. Just breathe for me, ok? It’s gonna be ok. I’ll pick you up, we can go back to my place, and it’ll all be ok.”
“Thank you,” you choked out.
“Are you gonna be ok while I finish my shift? I think I have like an hour left.”
“I’ll be ok,” you answered, starting to calm down.
“I’ve gotta go back to work now, but I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He was quiet for a minute before he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you said before hanging up.
After the call ended, you stayed in what was no longer your bedroom and tried to keep your breathing steady until Hansol picked you up. While you waited, you processed the fact that he told you that he loved you. Not only that, but you said it back.
You’d spent months trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t true, but now that you could actually be with Hansol without Jeonghan getting in the way, you knew that there was no denying that you were in love with him, and you knew that you would be safe with him.
After all of your things were moved into Hansol’s apartment, the first thing you did was quit your job at the club. After all, you had enough in your savings to pay your share of the bills for a couple of months, and Hansol had insisted that you find a job that you actually enjoyed and felt safe going to.
Finding a new job was hard, especially considering the career that you’d just left behind, but after weeks of looking, you managed to get a job at the public library. It took what felt like an eternity for the application process to end, but when you got the call, you felt lighter than you had in years.
Hansol was there for you every step of the way while you got ready for your first day. While you ironed your outfit the night before, Hansol told you stories about the people that he'd met at the club since you left. When you lost your favorite pen an hour before you had to leave, he was right alongside you digging through the couch cushions until you found it. When your shoes were on, and he could see your full outfit in the mirror, he looked at you like you were made of stardust and said, “You look so happy. It's beautiful.”
“I feel happy.”
Hansol pulled you into a hug as he said, “See? I told you that I would get you out.”
“I know.” You were silent for another minute before you added, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, angel. I always will.”
With that, Hansol kissed your forehead, and you left for work. As you drove to the library, you couldn't help but think that you were finally starting to feel like yourself again.
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
This series will include a collection of drabbles as a continuation of my fic "Worship Like a Dog." I really loved this fic and was considering writing a sequel, and then @okiedokrie decided to send me a dm on Discord specifically asking for a drabble series. After a poll to gauge interest, I started planning!
If you'd like to be included on the taglist for this series, you can leave a comment on this post, send me an ask, send me a dm, or fill out my drabble series taglist form. You'll also be able to sign up to be tagged in my upcoming series "Slut Goblin Mode" if you fill out the form!
This post will include the title, word count, and summary for each drabble as it is posted. Content warnings will be listed in the posts for each individual fic.
I haven't posted anything for this series yet. Stay tuned, though! The first post is planned for August or September.
Thank you for reading and interacting with my posts! I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of what I have planned for these two.
Word Count: 5,852
Genre: Angst, fluff
AU: Non idol AU, Parent AU
Tropes: Established relationship (Jaehyun), lovers to co-parents/friends (Doyoung)
Rating: PG, but I still ask that MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Religious themes, brief anxiety about going to hell, probably inaccurate representation of parents making custody arrangements, Dongyoung is a little weird about reader at the start but they eventually settle into a healthy friendship. If you think I missed something though, please let me know!
Summary: As you adjust to life after leaving Dongyoung for the last time, you find comfort and companionship in his best friend and experience some unexpected mindset changes.
A/N: Finally, this series is done. This part is really different from the previous chapters, so I cannot wait to hear what everyone thinks about it! It was really cathartic to write because of how perfectly reader's thoughts/feelings/experiences in this chapter mirror some things I've been struggling with in my own life.
I'd like to give a special shout out to @petrichor-han and @effervescentorbs for giving me feedback on the ending.
And last but not least, If you'd like to read the previous parts of this series, the masterlist can be found here! Thank you for all the love on this series.
Adjusting to life with Jiyeon was a lot more difficult than you ever could have anticipated. Sure, you knew that your life would change after having a baby, and you loved your daughter more than words could ever say, but you never could have anticipated just how exhausted you would be all the time while you learned how to take care of a newborn as you went.
The additional problem of learning how to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with Dongyoung didn’t help matters, either. Still, you knew that it was the right thing to do. Dongyoug would never be the man that you wanted him to be, and expecting him to change was like expecting hell to freeze over.
Not having Dongyoung in your life anymore didn’t mean that you were alone, though. Nayeon, Jisoo, and Jaehyun were right by your side, and having your friends and lover in your corner was a lifeline as you adjusted to life as a mother. Not only did they step in and take care of Jiyeon when you needed to rest, but they also made sure that you didn’t lose the parts of you that had taken a backseat to your new role as you struggled to balance it all.
But before you knew it, your maternity leave was almost over. So, you made arrangements with your parents, Jisoo, and Nayeon to take care of Jiyeon while you worked. You went over your lesson plans over and over to make sure that you were in the right place when you went back to teaching. You even sat Jaehyun down to figure out how much longer he would stay with you to help with Jiyeon after you went back to work. You’d thought of every possibility, and once everything was in place, you felt like you were ready to go back to teaching.
The day before you were supposed to go back to work, you were putting some finishing touches on a presentation for your students, since Jaehyun had offered to feed Jiyeon before her nap. After she was fed and burped, you heard Jaehyun start singing a lullaby, and your heart swelled. Sure, Jaehyun wasn’t Jiyeon’s biological father, but as far as you were concerned, the love that he’d shown her from the moment that she arrived more than qualified him to be her dad.
Once Jiyeon was sleeping soundly in her crib, Jaehyun found you in the living room and kissed your forehead, asking, “How long have you been working on this, baby?”
“No idea, but I’m almost done!”
“Define ‘almost,’” Jaehyun said with a laugh.
“I just need to add a few more pictures and fix some typos.”
“Ok, as soon as you’re done, you’re taking a break.”
“Fine,” you said with a dramatic roll of your eyes as you went back to work.
Just like you agreed, you finished fixing all of the little details, and once your presentation was done, you basically collapsed into Jaehyun’s arms. Between preparing to go back to work and caring for Jiyeon, you’d been exhausted, so you were relieved when you got the opportunity to finally rest.
However, your cozy moment with the man that you loved was interrupted by a knock on the door. With a dramatic sigh, you stood to answer it, expecting your parents or one of the traveling salesmen that refused to leave you alone on the other side.
Instead, you opened the door and saw Dongyoung for the first time since Jiyeon was born.
“What do you want?” you asked, too tired to even try to pretend you were happy to see him.
“Can we talk? I’d really like to make some sort of plan to see Jiyeon more often.”
“You had months to have this conversation, Dongyoung. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I just realized that I haven’t seen her since the birth, and I wanna make it right,” he answered, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact as he spoke.
Not wanting to deny Dongyoung time with his daughter, you stepped aside so he could come in and said, “Ok. How much time do you want?”
“As much time as you’re willing to give me,” he answered as he stepped inside and looked around your apartment. He stopped exactly where he was when he turned and saw Jaehyun sitting on your couch and asked, “What is he doing here?”
“He’s been staying here to help me take care of Jiyeon,” you answered, leaving no further room for questions. Then, the two of you went over your work schedules and discussed when each of you would be available to care for Jiyeon, moving plans around until you had a custody arrangement that both of you were happy with.
“Can I see her now?” Dongyoung asked.
“She’s sleeping.”
“Oh, ok.”
With that, you tried to gently encourage Dongyoung to move toward the door, but before he actually left, he turned around and asked, “By the way, are you busy this weekend?” He tried to make it sound casual, but you could tell exactly what he wanted from the hopeful and slightly desperate look in his eyes.
“Jaehyun and I have plans, actually,” you answered.
Dongyoung’s face fell as he muttered something about how he shouldn’t have come. You opened your mouth to ask him what he meant, but before you could say a word, Jaehyun asked, “Sorry, what was that?”
“Nothing,” Dongyoung answered.
“No, say it,” Jaehyun said, standing from the couch and stepping closer to Dongyoung. “What was that about how you shouldn’t have come?”
“I was just disappointed that you two have plans because I was hoping that we could reconnect,” Dongyoung mumbled, clearly embarrassed that he’d been called out.
“Well she isn't interested,” Jaehyun snapped, stepping between you and Dongyoung.
The two of them went back and forth for what felt like an eternity, but was probably just a few minutes. At some point, however, Dongyoung stepped around Jaehyun, turned to you, and begged, “Come on. Say something, please.”
“You have a lot of audacity showing up here and lying about wanting to see Jiyeon.”
“I wasn’t lying. I just-”
“Used our child to try to talk to me about getting back together? I know.”
With a defeated sigh, Dongyoung said, “I’m sorry.”
You let out a sigh of your own before you said, “Dongyoung, I need you to do two things for me. Ok?”
“What are they?” he asked, perking up slightly like he thought that he had a chance.
“First, I need you to only contact me if it is directly related to Jiyeon. Nothing else.” There was a moment of silence as he processed your words, and you continued, “Second, I need you to remember that Jiyeon is the only reason we’re even speaking right now. Do you understand?” you asked matter-of-factly.
Dongyoung seemed to deflate at your words, but he still said, “Ok,” and left your apartment.
After Dongyoung left, you practically collapsed into Jaehyun’s arms, exhausted by both the argument and the chaotic day you’d had. Your lover held you close while you tried to relax, whispering soft reassurances that everything would be ok and desperately hoping that you believed him.
A few hours after Dongyoung left, Jiyeon woke up crying. Without a second thought, you went to your bedroom, carefully lifting her out of her crib as you whispered, “It's ok. I'm right here.”
You checked her diaper, and just like you were expecting, it was full. So, you immediately got everything out and changed her, humming softly while you worked. Once she was clean again, Jiyeon calmed down, and you savored the quiet moment with your little girl.
Sure, you greatly appreciated the people around you that were available to help you take care of your daughter, but your favorite moments of the day were always when it was just the two of you. No work-related interruptions, no distractions, just bonding time that kept you grounded while the world seemed to spin out of control around you.
After your conversation, Dongyoung kept his word. He only contacted you when it was related to Jiyeon, and he didn’t bring up the idea of rekindling your relationship again. Considering your history, it was the last thing you were expecting, but you were immensely grateful for it.
A small part of you was disappointed by how your relationship with Dongyoung had changed over the years. But, as you grew apart from Dongyoung, you grew closer to Jaehyun, and that made you miss what you used to have a lot less. A small part of you felt guilty for immediately making it official with your ex’s best friend, but at the same time, you were relieved that you had someone to help you handle the things that life threw at you. Especially considering the fact that Jaehyun made you feel safer and more loved than Dongyoung ever had.
The day that you asked Jaehyun to move in with you permanently was one of the best days of your life. Nayeon and Jisoo had agreed to take care of Jiyeon so the two of you could have the conversation privately, so you invited Jaehyun to a nearby park.
When you got to the park, the two of you sat down on a nearby bench, and you decided to just bite the bullet and asked, “How do you feel about moving in permanently instead of going home next month, like we agreed when my maternity leave ended?”
Jaehyun was quiet for a minute before he said, “I was hoping that you would ask. Are Nayeon and Jisoo ok with it?”
“Yeah, they are. I talked to them about it before I asked you.”
“Then yeah, I think that sounds wonderful.”
With that, Jaehyun pulled you close, and you couldn’t help but think that there was nowhere else you wanted to be in that moment.
The weekend after Jaehyun's belongings were all moved into your apartment, Dongyoung came over to pick Jiyeon up. Just like always, he knocked on the door, and you answered, holding your daughter in your arms. When Dongyoung saw Jiyeon, he lit up, asking, “How is my little angel doing?”
Jiyeon reached for her father immediately, and with a soft laugh, you gently placed her in Dongyoung’s arms and said, “I think she missed you.”
“I missed her too,” he said as you moved out of the way to let him in.
Dongyoung carefully stepped into the apartment that used to be his, sitting on the couch with Jiyeon falling asleep in his arms as you updated him about the last week. You went over everything from an updated burping routine to the lullabies that seemed to be most effective at putting her to sleep. He listened intently to all of it, adding his own thoughts and observations from his weekends taking care of Jiyeon.
While the two of you talked, you noticed Dongyoung looking around the apartment and asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Oh, yeah,” he answered, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “I just noticed that the layout looks a little different. Did you move stuff around?”
“Yeah, we moved some things to make room for the rest of Jaehyun’s stuff. He’s moving in long-term.”
Dongyoung didn't speak for a minute, clearly surprised, but when he did speak, he just mumbled, “I'm happy for you two.”
“Thank you,” you said, not really sure how to continue the conversation. After a brief awkward silence though, you decided to ask, “How are you doing?” Sure, it wasn’t exactly related to Jiyeon, but you figured that a quick check-in couldn’t hurt.
Dongyoung looked surprised by your question, but he still answered, “I think I'm ok.” He hesitated before he continued, “Kind of lonely, if I'm being honest? Most of my friends don't live nearby anymore, so it's basically just me in the new apartment unless it's my time with one or both of the kids.”
“I didn't know that,” you mumbled.
Dongyoung immediately sat up straighter and said, “It's ok. I'm fine, really. I've been looking for churches in the area, so that'll help. I talked to my neighbor, and she said that she'd watch the kids during service if I find one.” He spoke quickly, like he was desperate to convince both you and himself that everything was ok.
Not wanting to push him, but also not wanting him to be alone, you just said, “If you need to talk, just send me a text.”
“I thought you didn't want me to talk to you unless it was related to Jiyeon.”
You thought for a minute and sighed before you said, “Well, you show up for her, and that means a lot to me. I meant what I said about not getting back together, but I don't mind talking sometimes. Besides, if you're not at your best, it's gonna be harder to give Jiyeon what she needs.”
Dongyoung looked genuinely relieved as he said, “Thanks. That means a lot.” He was quiet for a minute before he continued, “Could you help me get her stuff to the car?”
“Yeah, of course.”
With that, Dongyoung carefully placed your sleeping daughter in her car seat, and the two of you worked together to load the car. Then, when you were done, he smiled at you before he got in and drove home with Jiyeon.
As you walked back in, you thought about the shifts in your relationship with Dongyoung over the years, wondering if your conversation today was a sign of another shift. After all, the two of you clearly weren’t meant to be lovers, but maybe the two of you could respectfully co-parent and potentially be friends again down the line.
It was a random Sunday when Jaehyun asked you if you would be willing to meet his parents. Jiyeon was at Dongyoung’s house for the weekend, and Nayeon and Jisoo were out of the house, so you and Jaehyun were just enjoying the time to yourselves. You took your time grading papers while Jaehyun organized the bookshelf that sat in your bedroom, and at some point, he just asked, “What do you think about meeting my parents?”
“I’m open to it. Why do you ask?”
“Well, I talk about you a lot,” he answered with a shy chuckle. “They really wanna get to know you.”
“Do they know how we met?”
“They know some of the details, but at the end of the day, do they need to know the whole story? They know that I love you, and that’s what matters as far as I’m concerned,” he said, moving away from the bookshelf to sit next to you at the table.
With a sigh, you answered, “I guess you’re right. I’m just worried about being judged, you know?”
“I understand that completely. But I promise you, my parents aren’t the judgemental type. They have no room to be, trust me.”
You thought about it for a moment, then you said, “Ok. As long as you're sure that it'll be ok.”
“I am. I'll call my mom later to set everything up.” There was a beat of silence before he said, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
With that, the two of you went back to your respective tasks, finishing them in silence. As you graded the rest of the assignments in your pile, you enjoyed the comfort that you found in Jaehyun’s steady presence in your life.
When you actually showed up to Mr. and Mrs. Jeong’s house a few weeks later, overnight bags in your arms, you were far less nervous than you expected to be. You couldn’t really explain it, but a sense of peace had settled over you, and you were certain that no matter what happened, everything would be ok. Your best guess as to why you weren’t nervous was the feeling of safety that came from going into a new experience with Jaehyun by your side.
When Jaehyun knocked on the door, his mom opened it and said, “Hi! Come on in. Jaehyun has told us so much about you.”
After Mrs. Jeong stepped out of the doorway, you slowly stepped into her home, holding Jaehyun’s hand. Something about his hand in yours just kept you grounded in unfamiliar situations.
From the moment you sat next to Jaehyun on the couch, Mrs. Jeong was eager to get to know you. “So,” she began, tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I've been a teacher for the past six years, and I have a four-month-old daughter.”
“Jaehyun talks about Jiyeon all the time. We would have loved to meet her today,” Mrs. Jeong responded.
“She's with her father this weekend, but I'd be happy to arrange a visit during my time with her so that you can meet her.”
Mrs. Jeong beamed, and her husband finally entered the room. With a warm smile on his face, he approached you, shook your hand, and introduced himself. Then, he sat down next to Mrs. Jeong and asked, “How did you and Jaehyun meet?”
You thought about how much you were comfortable telling them for a minute before you looked down and said, “I was in a relationship with Dongyoung when we met. He visited to catch up with Dongyoung, and we hit it off. Then wfter Dongyoung and I split, we started seeing each other.” You looked up to see how they would react, and you saw a hint of understanding in Mrs. Jeong’s eyes. So, you smiled and continued, “I really didn't expect our relationship to move so quickly. Originally, Jaehyun was planning to stay with me temporarily to help me take care of Jiyeon. But as time passed, I fell for him harder than I ever could have expected, and now I can't picture my life without him.”
You looked over at Jaehyun, and with a soft smile, your lover said, “I knew you were the one as soon as I saw that smile for the first time.”
“I'm so happy Jaehyun found someone like you,” Mrs. Jeong said.
With that, the four of you continued to talk, and your anxiety about Mr. and Mrs. Jeong judging you for your past mistakes practically melted away. They were nothing but warm and kind to you, and you were optimistic about the future of your relationship with Jaehyun and his family.
Eventually, the conversation shifted to your upbringing, and you spoke about your time at church. “My parents are religious, but I never really connected with any higher power the way they did,” you explained. “I don't know if I was doing it wrong or if there just isn't anything to connect to, but as an adult I made peace with the fact that it just isn't for me.” Almost as an afterthought, you mumbled, “I sort of wish it was, though.”
You’d never admitted that you wanted to believe in God before. Not to Dongyoung, not to Jaehyun, not to anyone. So why were you telling Jaehyun’s parents now? Especially considering this was the first time you’d ever met them? You had absolutely no idea. Still, it was kind of nice to finally say it out loud.
Mr. and Mrs. Jeong looked at each other with an expression you couldn’t quite identify before Mr. Jeong turned back to you and said, “Would you like to come to church with us tomorrow?”
You thought about saying no. You really did. But a feeling that you couldn’t name settled into your gut as you processed the question, and you found yourself saying, “Yes, I would.”
“Wonderful!” Mrs. Jeong said. “Service starts at 9:30, and we usually leave at 9:00 to get there on time to find our seats.”
“I’ll make sure I’m ready,” you responded, still questioning why you said yes.
“Now, I’m sure Jaehyun told you this,” Mrs. Jeong continued, “but we set you two up in his old bedroom for the weekend. Do you need me to show you where it is?”
“I’ll show her,” Jaehyun answered. Then, he turned to you and asked, “Are you ready?” You nodded, and he silently motioned for you to follow him to where you’d be sleeping for the night. Then, once your belongings were put in their temporary places, you took some time to yourself to think, mainly wondering what the feeling in your gut was that told you to go to church with your boyfriend’s parents.
The next day, you walked into church with Jaehyun's family, still asking yourself why you agreed to go. Of course, you knew the answer already. You agreed because you loved Jaehyun, and you wanted to get to know his family. Plus, every time you thought about it, you felt something pulling you in. For a brief moment, you wondered if that something was a higher power, but you shook the thought away. After all, you’d spent literal decades trying for a connection that clearly wasn’t gonna happen. So why now?
As you sat in the pew next to Jaehyun, you tried desperately to calm your racing thoughts. Thoughts of listening to another sermon about how basically everyone who didn’t do whatever they could to be perfect were destined for hellfire were rampant, and you were desperately hoping that the service would be different from the ones you were used to. Or at least, if it was all the same, you hoped that service would be short.
While you tried to stay present in the moment instead of drifting back to your childhood and getting stuck in memories, you heard the pastor start to speak. “Hello, everyone,” he said. “Thank you for joining us today.”
You heard a few people greet the reverend back before he said the opening prayer, and a sense of calm washed over you that you weren’t expecting. As you listened to the first few hymns, you started to wonder if maybe you could find the connection with the divine that you’d always wanted.
When it was time for the sermon, you felt nervous for the first time since you walked in the door. What was the pastor going to say? Would he turn out just like the pastor from your childhood church and spew hate from the pulpit? Or would he approach ministry more like Dongyoung did and emphasize love and truth above all else?
“Hello again, everyone,” the pastor began. “Before I begin today's sermon, I want to remind you all of something. I know I tell you this every week, but it always bears repeating. God love you, no matter what you've done, and you're on this earth because you are loved by Him.”
His words practically smacked you in the face, and before you could even try to stop it, you started to cry. The idea that he started every sermon that way made you far more emotional than you were prepared to handle, and you silently hoped the rest of the sermon wouldn't be as emotional.
However, things didn't usually go the way you hoped they would. The rest of the sermon was about helping those that need more support, both in life and their faith journeys. The entire time, you struggled to hold it together, but not because you were upset. Instead, it was because you felt more seen than you thought was possible, especially in a religous setting.
The reverend concluded his sermon by saying, “Find a way to show love to someone who needs it this week, and remember that it's ok if you need to show yourself a little bit of extra love.”
After the final hymn and closing prayer, Mrs. Jeong turned to you and said, “Follow me.” You did, and she brought you over to speak to her pastor. After she found him, she introduced him and explained that you were attending with her family for the first time.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” he said as he took your hand to shake. “I'm Reverend Suh.”
“Your sermon today was lovely,” you said, trying desperately not to start crying again.
“Thank you. It was an important one, I think. A lot of people forget to show themselves the kind of love that God has for all of us.”
With a sigh, you responded, “Yeah, I definitely think I fall into that category.”
Reverend Suh processed what you said, and after a moment of thought, he asked, “Would you like to pray with me?”
You hesitantly said yes, and Reverend Suh and Mrs. Jeong took your hands. After everyone bowed their heads, Reverend Suh prayed that you would find the peace you were looking for, and just like when service began, you felt uncharacteristically calm.
After the prayer, you thanked Reverend Suh and left with Mrs. Jeong to find her husband and Jaehyun. While you walked around the church, you wondered if maybe faith was for you, after all.
When you went back home after meeting Jaehyun’s parents, you had way more questions than answers. What did the way you felt during service mean? Was it the connection that you’d been seeking for most of your life? You had no idea. So, you decided to do the one thing that you never thought you would do. You prayed.
You asked whatever higher power was up there to tell you what they wanted from you, and as a show of good faith, asked for guidance to be the best mother that you could be to Jiyeon. Once you were done, you felt uncharacteristically calm, and once again, you wondered if the church you attended as a kid just wasn’t leading you down the path that you were meant to be on.
Throughout the next week at work, you wondered constantly about what it all meant. So, one day, during your lunch break, you downloaded a Bible app on your phone and started reading. Sure, you’d always preferred reading physical books to using apps, but you really didn’t want to spend money on something that you didn’t know yet if you wanted to explore further. Besides, using an app allowed you to compare translations in a way that made the text way easier to understand than when you’d had to study it as a kid. But before you knew it, your break was over, and you had to get back to work.
When you got home, the first thing you did was check on Jiyeon. Your little girl was perfectly content in Nayeon’s arms, looking like she was about to fall asleep any minute. So, you left the room, softly thanking Nayeon as you walked away, and went to the living room.
Once you were back to the living room, you did the same thing you’d done during your lunch break. You opened the Bible app you’d downloaded, selected a random book, and started to read. Almost right away, verses started to stand out in ways that they hadn’t before. You sort felt like you were losing it, if you were being completely honest with yourself. But at the same time, you felt more calm and focused than you ever had in previous attempts at studying the Bible.
Still, you couldn’t help but wonder, why now? Why after you’d already made mistakes that you were certain put you in the “too far gone to save” category? After you’d basically given up on the idea that any higher power or divine being would bother to listen to you? You had no idea, but you did know that the certainty that you were doing the right thing that settled into your gut as you grabbed a notebook and pen to write down the verses that stood out to you as you read was stronger than anything you’d ever felt before.
As you stared at the list of proverbs that you’d written down, you started to cry. You cried for the years that you’d spent wondering why you weren’t good enough for God to love you. You cried for the pain that came with walking away from a faith that kept your parents going but only made you want to give up when you were a kid. You cried for the parts of you that were still desperate for a sense of purpose, a reason that you belonged in the world around you. But most of all, you cried tears of joy because of the way that everything seemed to fall into place for you to find your way back.
You were so lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice Nayeon enter the living room and ask you what was wrong. You didn’t even realize she was there until she tapped your shoulder, causing you to jump. When you looked over to see your roommate and friend standing next to you, you quickly wiped your tears away with your sleeve and asked, “What’s up?”
“I asked you what’s wrong. I heard you crying.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” you answered, still fighting back tears.
“Bullshit.” As she looked at your frantic notes, she looked slightly uncomfortable and asked, “What’s all this?”
“Long story.”
“I have an hour before I need to be ready for a date with Jisoo. Try me.”
That was when you told her everything, from the way you felt going to church with Jaehyun’s parents to the fact that you were taking actual notes reading the Bible for the first time in your life. As you spoke, you started to cry again, and Nayeon pulled you into a hug.
“Listen, I’m gonna be honest with you,” she said. “I know that church isn’t for me. I tried, but it just isn’t. But everything you’re telling me makes me think it might be for you. Just, don’t go down any pipelines or anything. That won’t end well for anyone, including you.”
“I won’t,” you said, smiling for the first time in what felt like days. “I promise.”
“Thank you,” Nayeon said, looking like she was about to start crying too. After a brief silence, she asked, “Are you ok?”
With a sigh, you answered, “Yeah, I think I am. Thanks for listening.”
“It’s no problem. I’m gonna go get ready now, but if you need anything else, just let me know.”
“I will.”
After Nayeon the room to get ready for her date with Jisoo, you decided to find Jaehyun. Just when you started to get frustrated with looking for him, he walked in the door, and you said, “Hi, baby.”
“Hi, my love. Are you ok? You look like you’ve been crying.”
“Yeah, I’m dealing with some stuff.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked as he set his things down.
You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you practically collapsed next to him on the couch, hugging him so tight you were almost worried that you were going to hurt him. After you calmed down a little bit, you told him about what you were doing and asked, “How do you feel about continuing to go to church with your parents?”
“I think it sounds like a good idea. I’ve been thinking about it anyway. Besides, my mom will be thrilled.”
You laughed softly and said, “I don’t really know how to explain it. I just know that I need to do it, if that makes sense.”
“It does, and I promise I’ll be right there with you.”
“Thank you.”
After your conversation with Jaehyun, the two of you started to go to church together every week. With every service sitting in a pew next to the man you loved, you grew more certain that you were doing the right thing, and you were frankly ecstatic that you were finally starting to build the relationship with God that you’d been looking for since childhood.
Once you were certain that it was what you wanted, you went to a nearby bookstore to buy a physical copy of the Bible, instead of continuing to use an app. Sure, using an app had helped you start reading the book again, but for long-term study and reading, you really wanted to use a physical copy. Once you chose one that spoke to you, you found a pen and a set of highlighters so that you could take notes, and you were overjoyed.
On top of reading and studying the Bible itself, you spent hours researching different denominations and their beliefs, trying to understand where your own worldview fit into things. In the end, you decided that the denomination that Jaehyun’s parents’ church belonged to aligned with your values, and you were happy to keep attending with them. Plus, the fact that you got along so well with his family certainly helped your relationship with Jaehyun.
A few months after you started regularly attending church with Jaehyun’s family, Dongyoung arrived at your apartment to pick Jiyeon up and stopped to look at you for a minute, which he didn’t usually do. You wondered if you had something stuck in your teeth or something, but before you could ask, he said, “You look different.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re carrying yourself differently than you used to. You seem a lot calmer than usual. Did something happen recently?”
For a brief moment, you wondered if you should tell him about going to church with Jaehyun. You initially decided against it, but after another moment of thought, you said, “I mean, I started going to church again. Maybe that's it?”
“You what?” Dongyoung asked, clearly surprised.
“I know,” you said with a sigh. “When I met Jaehyun’s parents a few months ago, they invited me to go with them. I went, and actually felt something for the first time. I've been going to their church since, and I've never felt more at home.”
“Wow,” he said, his voice softening as he processed what you told him. “Not what I expected, but I'm happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
Dongyoung was quiet for a minute before he said, “I went back a few weeks ago. Ministry may not have been the right path for me, but I couldn't just walk away fron faith entirely.”
“I understand that,” you said as you helped Dongyoung pack his car with Jiyeon’s things. “For what it's worth, if it's what you want, I think you could find your way back to it.”
“Thank you,” he said, clearly trying not to show how emotional he was. After taking a moment to collect himself, he said, “If you ever wanna, you know, talk about it, or have any questions, I’d be happy to listen. No matter what it is, I'm sure I've wrestled with it on my own.”
“That means a lot to me. I might take you up on it at some point. I have some things I've been wondering about lately.”
“You know where to find me.”
With that, he got in his car, and you watched him drive away. Once he was out of your line of sight, you went inside to spend some quiet time with Jaehyun and think about how your life had changed so much in what felt like a short period of time.
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