―PAIRING: jeong jaehyun x f!reader
―GENRE: university/college au, break-up au, angst, romance/light fluff
―WARNINGS: time line jumps, suggestive content, alcohol/drinking, light on plot/heavy on atmosphere, general angst, probably some innaccurate depictions of law school lol [finalised warnings on finished fic]
―ANTICIPATED WORD COUNT: 14k [approximately]
―EXPECTED RELEASE DATE: out now! read here
―SUMMARY: you've had your whole life planned out since you were a child. every move calculated accordingly to achieve the goals you had mapped out on your timeline. jaehyun was never part of that plan. but when you meet him at a halloween party in your first year of university, it becomes incresingly harder to ignore his influence on your emotional landscape
―AUTHOR'S NOTE: i've had this story in the works since early 2021 and could never fully lay it to rest. it has finally been completed and heavily overhauled from it's original iteration. i dont know whats left of nctblr at this point, or if anyone really reads for them these days, but i had to see this one through for my own sanity
March 12th, Junior Year
Half-asleep, Jaehyun intertwines his fingers with yours. He tugs you closer to his side in bed, sheen of sweat over your bare bodies shining in the lights that filter in through his open window. You stare up at the ceiling, gaze unfocused, and let your mind wander. Your thoughts twist around each other before flowing outwards and escaping the confines of the apartment walls that surround you. Dancing away into the night air. You let them go—let them surge forward as your conciousness trails behind.
Jaehyun sighs into your side, drifting deeper into sleep, and you follow your thoughts as they weave through campus. They bathe in the white glow of the full moon hung heavy in the sky. They sparkle with the mischief that daydreams so often do, teasing you forward with the all of the hopes that they promise. Beckoning you closer. Asking you to step outside of yourself, to leave the present moment, and wrap your attention around them. Focus shifting to the future.
You see yourself, years from now—maybe 5, maybe 10—walking barefoot across the hardwood floor of the New York apartment you’ve been manifesting since you were 13. It had materialized, a pin in your mental vision board, over afternoons spent sitting on your mom’s couch, binge watching HGTV and reading Architectural Digest. Forbes 30 Under 30 list splayed out on the cushions next to you even as your teeth still ached with the tightness of the braces the dentist had convinced your parents you needed.
Row upon row of leatherbound volumes line the shelves of your office—designed especially for your future self. Richly stained walnut furniture contrasted by soft white walls. The air is crisp with the scent of mint and spruce. An assertive combination inteded to enliven the senses and clear the air of the staleness of time. A booming law practice in the city—criminal prosecution. Defending the word of law. From those who would seek to silence it and for those without a voice to defend themselves.
Your parents teased you about it for years. Every time it was your turn to pick a Friday night movie, they knew it could only be one of three choices: Philadelphia, The Rainmaker, or Legally Blonde (when you were in the mood for something light).
For your 14th birthday they got you a miniature gavel. For your 15th, a novelty Law & Order t-shirt emblazoned with Rafael Barba’s face. For your 16th birthday they finally accepted how serious you were about your future and got you the selection of books you had been asking for for every previous birthday.
For them, this dream of your was always something they half-expected you would abandon. Likely to change your mind as soon as you got out into the ‘real world', or started branching out socially. Dating, new friends, new hobbies. After all, don't most teenagers go through phases? Changing their minds at the drop of a hat as they develop their tastes and inclinations.
For you though it had never been an abstract. Never anything other than an absolute certainty just waiting to come to fruition. You were occupied daily with it. Goals to achieve, targets to meet, data to collect. A future as solid and unwavering as the mattress beneath you. Propping you up as you moved forward with all the determination that reaching that goal required of you.
Every move had been calculated, every step had been leading you to this future version of yourself. Your life in the heart of the city, at the heart of justice.
Every move—save one.
―AUTHOR'S NOTE; PART DEUX: still finalizing editing the bulk of it and filling out some of the scenes, but it is otherwise ready for release and will likely be posted on the date above barring some horrible accident or divine intervention. if you're reading this, thank you. i hope you enjoy
Since the Donghyuck version of this story was so loved, I made a Jaehyun version since he got discharged from the military recently. I hope you enjoy!
Jaehyun is in an accident during his military service and forgets the past year of his life, including his breakup with y/n. When he wakes up, he thinks they're still together. Y/n and everyone around him scrambles to play the part so the shock doesn't ruin his recovery, but will it work?
11.1k (full ver is 15.6k), First person POV
Unprotected sex, riding, more angst than my usual stories but happy ending!
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You and Jaehyun had been together for three years. Three years of inside jokes and late-night convenience store runs, of him learning exactly how you liked your coffee and you knowing the precise spot on his back that made him shiver when you touched it. Three years of building a future together—talking about moving in, about trips you'd take, about everything that glittered on the horizon.
Then he enlisted.
You'd known it was coming. He'd talked about it since before you got together, a sense of duty ingrained in him by his father and his father's father. You'd braced yourself for the distance, for the letters and the phone calls and the long stretches of missing him.
What you hadn't braced for was the breakup.
A week before he shipped out, he sat you down on the same park bench where he'd first kissed you. His hands were shaking. His voice cracked when he spoke.
"I can't do this to you."
You blinked at him, confused. "Do what?"
"Make you wait." He wouldn't meet your eyes. "Two years I''m gonna be gone Y/N.. You deserve someone who's here. Someone who can give you the time and attention you need. I'd just be holding you back."
You argued. You pleaded. You cried until your throat was raw, telling him you didn't care about the wait, that you'd be here when he got back, that you wanted to wait.
But his jaw was set, his eyes distant in a way you'd never seen before.
"I'm sorry. I love you. That's why I'm doing this."
He stood up. Walked away. Didn't look back.
That was fourteen months ago.
Fourteen months of silence. Fourteen months of deleting his number and re-saving it. Fourteen months of driving past his parents' house and wondering if he was home on leave, if he'd changed, if he'd found someone else. Fourteen months of building a wall around your heart brick by bitter brick.
You told yourself you were over it. You told yourself he was a coward who didn't deserve your tears. You went on dates that went nowhere, laughed at jokes that didn't feel funny, and pretended the ache in your chest was just heartburn.
He was supposed to be discharged in two months. You knew because you'd checked. Because you were weak. Because some pathetic part of you still hoped he'd call, show up at your door, tell you he'd made a terrible mistake.
But he didn't. And you told yourself it was time to move on for real.
Then your phone rang.
It was a Tuesday. Rain streaked your window. You were halfway through a bowl of instant ramen, scrolling through Netflix, wearing the oversized sweater you'd stolen from him years ago—the one you never threw away, no matter how many times you told yourself to.
The caller ID flashed an unknown number. Base prefix.
You almost didn't answer. Probably a wrong number. Probably a scam.
But something made you swipe the screen.
"Hello?"
"Am I speaking with Y/N L/N?"
Male voice. Professional. Tense.
"This is her. Who's asking?"
"This is Sergeant Park from the 8th Army Corps. I'm calling regarding Private First Class Jeong Jaehyun. You're listed as his emergency contact."
Your heart stopped. "What? No. That's—we're not together anymore. I shouldn't be on that list."
"Ma'am, I understand. However, the information we have indicates your number as his primary emergency contact. I'm afraid this is somewhat urgent. Can you come to the base hospital as soon as possible?"
Ice flooded your veins. Hospital. Urgent.
"Is he okay? What happened?"
"Ma'am, I'd prefer to explain in person. Please come to the main gate and ask for Sergeant Park. I'll have you escorted to the medical wing."
The line went dead.
You stared at your phone. Your hands were shaking. Your ramen had gone cold.
You were in your car before you fully registered what you were doing, the tires squealing as you pulled out of your parking spot, rain hammering against the windshield, your mind a hurricane of worst-case scenarios.
The base was a maze of checkpoints and identical buildings. True to his word, Sergeant Park met you at the gate—a stocky man with tired eyes and a clipboard—and walked you through the sterile halls of the medical wing.
"He was in a training accident this morning," Sergeant Park said as you walked. "Simulated breach exercise. Structural collapse. He was pulled out within minutes, but he took some hits to the head. Multiple contusions, mild concussion, bruised ribs. He regained consciousness a few hours ago."
Relief. Then confusion. "So he's okay?"
"Physically, yes. He'll recover. But there's... a complication."
You stopped walking. "What kind of complication?"
Sergeant Park stopped too, turning to face you. His expression was difficult to read—guarded, maybe pitying.
"I'll let you speak to the doctor so she can explain the rest" he says.
The moment you stepped into the room, the doctor—a tired-looking woman with kind eyes and a clipboard—gestured you aside. Jaehyun was asleep, his breathing slow and even, the monitor beside him beeping a steady rhythm.
"Can I speak with you privately for a moment?" she asked quietly.
You followed her into the hallway, your pulse still racing. She introduced herself as Dr. Choi, the attending physician.
"You're the emergency contact listed in his file," she said. "I understand you and Private Jeong—"
"We broke up." The words came out flat, harder than you intended. "More than a year ago. He broke up with me right before he enlisted. We haven't spoken since. I don't know why I'm still in his phone."
Dr. Choi's expression didn't change. She nodded slowly. "I see. That complicates things."
"Can you call his parents? They should be the ones here."
"I already have. They're on their way. But in the meantime, I have to be honest with you—Jaehyun is still under the impression that you're together. He has amnesia and can't remember the past 2 years of his life. When he woke up, he asked for you by name. He asked when you were coming to visit. He thinks you're still his girlfriend."
Your throat tightened. "There is no way this is really happening."
"And given the extent of his memory loss, the fact that you were together for a long time before his enlistment... telling him abruptly that you've been broken up for over a year could be a significant emotional shock. We're already monitoring him for signs of traumatic stress from the accident. A sudden revelation like that—while he's still disoriented and vulnerable—could hinder his recovery."
"So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that for now, it might be best to let him believe what he believes. Just for a short while. Let him stabilize physically, let his brain rest. Then we can gradually reintroduce the truth in a controlled way, with his family's support."
You opened your mouth to argue, to tell her that this was insane, that you weren't his girlfriend anymore, that he broke your heart and you couldn't just pretend—
But before you could speak, the door to the ward opened and a familiar couple rushed in.
His parents.
Mrs. Jeong looked exactly as you remembered—small, warm-eyed, with grey threading through her dark hair. Mr. Jeong stood behind her, stoic but with worry etched into every line of his face. They'd always liked you. They'd been devastated when Jaehyun told them about the breakup.
"Y/N," Mrs. Jeong breathed, rushing to you. "They called us. Is he—is he okay?"
"He's stable," Dr. Choi said. "Physically, he'll recover. But there's an issue with his memory."
She explained the situation again, quickly, while Mrs. Jeong's hand found yours and squeezed tight. When Dr. Choi finished, his mother turned to you, her eyes glistening.
"He still thinks you're together?"
"Yes."
"He was so in love with you," she whispered. "When he ended it, I told him he was making a mistake. He wouldn't listen. He said he was doing the right thing."
You felt the old anger flicker in your chest. "He threw me away like I meant nothing."
"I know, sweetheart. I know." Her grip on your hand tightened. "But please I'm begging you. Just for a week or two. Let him recover. Let him get stronger. Then we'll tell him everything together. I don't want him to relapse or hurt himself further because of the shock."
Mr. Jeong, who rarely spoke, cleared his throat. "We know it's a lot to ask. You don't owe him anything. But if you could find it in your heart... for a little while..."
You looked past them, through the half-open door of the hospital room.
Jaehyun lay in the bed, turned slightly on his side. His face was slack with sleep, but you could see the bruises painted across his cheekbone, the scrape along his collarbone peeking above the hospital gown. His hand—the same hand that had held yours a thousand times—rested limply on the pillow.
He looked so vulnerable. So different from the man who'd stood on that park bench and told you he was letting you go.
A part of you hated him. Hated him for giving up on you. Hated him for making you feel disposable. Hated him for all the sleepless nights and angry tears. A part of you truly despised him.
But another part of you, the part you tried to bury, still loved him. Still missed him. Still ached when you thought about the future you'd planned together.
And now he didn't even remember destroying it.
"What's a couple of weeks, right?" you heard yourself say, the words hollow and resigned.
Mrs. Jeong let out a shaky breath. "Thank you. Thank you, Y/N. We'll be here too. We'll help. You're not alone in this."
You nodded, not trusting your voice.
When Jaehyun woke again, the light in the room had shifted to a warm afternoon glow. You were sitting in the chair beside his bed, scrolling through your phone without seeing anything, when you heard him stir.
"Hi baby."
Your heart seized. His voice—soft, hoarse, full of sleepy affection—hit you like a punch to the chest. He was reaching his hand toward you, palm open, fingers curling in that familiar way that meant come here, hold me.
You forced a smile onto your face. It felt fragile, like paper stretched too thin.
"Hey," you said softly, taking his hand. His fingers closed around yours, warm and real. "You're awake."
"What happened?" he asked, blinking slowly, looking around the room with confusion. "Why am I in the hospital? My head hurts."
You squeezed his hand. "You were in an accident. A training exercise. They said you hit your head pretty hard."
"An accident?" He frowned, trying to remember. "I don't... I can't remember. What day is it?"
You told him the date. His frown deepened.
"That doesn't make sense. I should be... I was supposed to enlist next month. I was still in civilian life."
"No," you said gently, hating every word. "You enlisted. You've been in for over a year. The doctors think the accident made you forget more than a year of your life."
His eyes searched your face, looking for any sign of a joke. When he found none, he exhaled slowly, his grip on your hand tightening.
"So I don't remember the military at all even though I've been serving for months?"
"Yes."
He smiled—that same soft, loving smile—and tugged your hand gently.
"I'm glad you're here. I was scared when I woke up and didn't see you."
"I'm here," you said, the words scraping past the lump in your throat. "I'm not going anywhere."
The doctors decided to discharge him early. His physical injuries were minor enough to treat at home, and they believed a familiar environment would help his memory recovery. When he was fully healed he would still need to come back to base to finish his military service. But there was no point keeping him in the hospital for observation when his home—his parents' home, technically—was only an hour away.
But when Mrs. Jeong mentioned taking him to their house, Jaehyun shook his head.
"No, I want to go to our place. My apartment with Y/N. I want to be with her."
You froze. Your apartment. Your apartment, which he'd visited a hundred times, which still had a drawer of his clothes in it because neither of you had ever bothered to empty it after the breakup.
His mother shot you a look. Go along with it.
"Of course," you heard yourself say. "I'll take you home."
So now you were driving, Jaehyun in the passenger seat beside you, his hand resting on your thigh like it used to, his eyes closed against the glare of the afternoon sun. He smelled like hospital soap and antiseptic, but underneath it, beneath the unfamiliar scents, there was still him. The boy you'd loved. The man who'd broken you.
And you were bringing him back to your bed.
You ask him what's the last thing he remembers. Jaehyun's brow furrows as he tries to pull the memory forward. "Discussing enlisting early with you," he says slowly. "I still had a couple more months before I had to go, but I wanted to join and get it over with. You were so supportive about it." He smiles, the warmth of that memory softening his face. "I remember you holding my hand, telling me you'd wait."
You nod once, a short, tight motion. "Yeah," you say, your voice carefully neutral. Inside, the thought spikes sharp and bitter: That was ultimately our downfall.
You don't say it out loud though.
Jaehyun studies your face, concern bleeding into his expression. "You look upset."
"It's just—" You swallow, forcing yourself to meet his eyes. "Seeing you hurt like this. It's really hard."
That, at least, isn't a lie.
His smile turns gentle, almost grateful. He lifts your hand from where it rests on the arm of the chair and presses a kiss to your knuckles, lips warm and soft against your skin. "I'm fine," he murmurs. "Promise."
Your heart twists. You let him hold your hand, feeling the lie settle heavier around you both.
The drive back to his apartment is quiet, punctuated only by the low hum of the radio and the occasional directions from the GPS. Jaehyun's hand finds yours over the center console, fingers lacing together like it's the most natural thing in the world. You let him, telling yourself it's for the act, but your palm tingles where his thumb strokes slow circles.
When you finally step through his front door, the familiar scent of his place—laundry detergent, sandalwood, a hint of the lemon cleaner he always used—hits you hard. It smells like memory, like three years of coming and going, like home. You swallow the lump in your throat and toe off your shoes.
Jaehyun drops onto the couch with a satisfied groan, stretching his legs out and letting his knees fall wide apart in that classic manspread that always used to make you roll your eyes. He does it now, and you do roll them, a reflex that comes before you can stop it.
But underneath the exasperation, something warm curls in your chest. He's still him. His simple presence—the way he fills a room without trying, the way he exists so casually, so comfortably—always had way too big of an impact on you. Even now. Especially now.
He pats his lap, that easy smile spreading across his bruised face. "Come here. I've got a few questions. Things are still fuzzy."
You hesitate. Sitting beside him would be safer. A little distance. But you know Jaehyun—the real him, the one who remembers everything—would notice that immediately. You're usually clingy. Both of you are. Hands always finding each other, legs tangled, bodies pressed close. If you keep space, he'll sense something's wrong.
So you move forward, settling carefully onto his lap, mindful of his ribs. His arms come around you immediately, pulling you flush against his chest. He presses a warm kiss to your cheek, lips lingering a second longer than necessary.
You sigh, giving in, and wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder. The tension in your body slowly unwinds. You can't lie—this feels nice. You missed this. Missed him. Even with all the anger and hurt still simmering underneath, you've missed him so much it aches.
His hand runs up and down your spine in a lazy, soothing rhythm. "So," he says, voice low and content, "catch me up. What've you been up to the past two years? How's 127? Any new hobbies? Interests?" He presses another kiss to your hair. "I need to know every little thing. I feel like I've been asleep for ages."
You shift slightly, buying time. "It'll come back with time," you say softly. "There's no rush."
He pulls back just enough to look at you, eyes searching. Then he leans in and kisses you—slow, deep, his lips moving against yours with aching familiarity. Your heart stutters. A soft moan escapes your throat before you can stop it, and you kiss him back for a breathless second.
Then you force yourself to break away. "We can't," you murmur, voice shaky. "No physical stuff for at least a week. Just to make sure it doesn't mess up your recovery."
Jaehyun smirks, that cocky tilt of his mouth that always made your knees weak. "Actually," he says, voice dropping an octave, "it might help my recovery. Endorphins, you know."
He dips in again, and this time you let him. Your lips part, tongues meet, and for a moment you lose yourself in the taste of him. His hand slides to your hip, grip firm, and he starts to shift underneath you, trying to angle you differently—
You plant a hand on his chest and push back, breaking the kiss. "Nice try." You slide off his lap and stand, smoothing your shirt. "But we're gonna do this right."
He licks his lips, that slow, deliberate motion that always made your stomach flip. Then he smiles, easy and accepting. "Okay."
You know him. You know he always gets his way eventually—with that charm, that persistence, that way of wearing you down until you give in. But this time, you're determined to make it different. You're not the same girl who let him walk all over your heart.
This time, you'll hold the line. Even if every cell in your body wants to fall back into his arms.
The moment the bathroom door clicks shut and the sound of water starts with him the shower, you pull out your phone. Your thumb hovers over the screen for a beat before you open the folder with the little red badges you've been ignoring for days.
Delete.
You don't let yourself hesitate. One by one, the apps disappear. Tinder. Bumble. That other one you downloaded on a lonely Friday night when wine made you reckless. Gone.
Then you open your messages.
Your stomach twists as you scroll through conversations—some casual, some surprisingly serious. You pause on the thread with the guy you've been seeing for the last few weeks. His name Soobin blinks back at you: a kind smile, a gentle voice, someone who made you feel like maybe you could move on.
His texts are sweet.
"Good morning, hope you have a good day." "That café you mentioned? I went. The pastries are incredible. You were right." "You free this weekend? I’d love to see you again."
You type back: "Hey, I’m so sorry. Something came up. I can’t explain right now but I need to pause things. I’ll reach out when I can. I’m sorry."
Your finger trembles before you hit send. Then you delete the thread.
Not because you want to. Because you have to.
Another notification pops up. Minhyun.
Minhyun: "You okay? Haven't heard from you in a few days. I'm starting to think you've finally ghosted me like everyone else." A winky face follows, but you know him well enough to catch the real concern underneath.
You glance at the bathroom door. Still running. You call him.
He picks up on the second ring. "There she is. I was starting to think my best friend had fallen into a pothole or gotten abducted by aliens."
"Minhyun." Your voice comes out quieter than you intended. He must catch something in it because his tone shifts immediately.
"What's wrong?"
You sink onto the edge of the couch, rubbing your forehead. "It's... a lot. Okay, so, you know my ex? Jaehyun?"
"The one who joined the military? The one you were with for three years before I met you?"
"Yeah." You take a shaky breath. "He was in a training accident. He lost his memory. The last two years—he doesn't remember the breakup, the military, any of it. He thinks we're still together."
Silence. Then: "That's crazy."
"I know." You laugh, but it comes out hollow. "I know. But—Minhyun, you should've seen his mother. She showed up at the hospital and begged me. On her knees, practically. The doctors said it could set back his recovery if he finds out the truth right now. She just wants a week or two for him to stabilize, and then they'll handle it."
"And you said yes."
"I said yes."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, softer: "Y/N. You don't owe him anything. You don't owe his family anything."
"I know." You press your palm against your eyes. "I know that. But... I saw him. He was so confused, so scared. And he kept looking at me like I was the only thing that made sense." Your throat tightens. "I couldn't just leave him alone. I couldn't...even though he left me."
"So what about the guy you've been seeing? What's his name?"
You wince. "Soobin. I... I just sent him a message. Put things on pause. I don't know if he'll wait."
Minhyun lets out a long breath. "You're juggling a lot, Y/N. Are you okay?"
No. You're not okay. You're overwhelmed and confused and still angry at Jaehyun for breaking your heart the way he did, and yet here you are, playing house like nothing happened. But you can't say that out loud.
"I'll manage," you say. "It's only for a week or two."
"Famous last words."
The water stops. You hear the creak of the shower door sliding open.
"Hey, I gotta go. He's done in the shower."
"Call me if you need anything. And I mean anything. Doesn't matter what time."
"Thanks, Minhyun." Your voice softens. "Really."
"Of course. Stay strong."
You hang up just as the bathroom door starts to open.
The soft sound of footsteps pads across the hardwood floor. You're already halfway gone, eyelids heavy, the day's weight pressing down on you like a warm blanket you can't fight. Your head lolls to the side, cheek pressing into the couch cushion, and the last thing you register before darkness pulls you under is the faint scent of soap and the quiet rustle of fabric.
Jaehyun steps out, towel still scrubbing at his damp hair, and stops when he sees you. A soft smile spreads across his face—genuine, unguarded, the kind he used to wear when you'd fall asleep on him during movie nights. He finishes drying his hair in silence, tosses the towel over the back of a chair, and disappears for a moment. When he comes back, he's carrying a folded blanket from the linen closet and a pair of your socks he'd thrown in the dryer earlier. He drapes the blanket over you gently, tucking the edges around your shoulders, then carefully pulls the warm socks onto your feet. His fingers brush against your ankle, featherlight, and he lingers for just a second before pulling away.
He stands there, watching you breathe, and something in his chest tightens. He doesn't know why. There's only you, safe and asleep, and the quiet hum of the TV filling the space.
He heads to the kitchen.
You wake slowly, consciousness seeping in like honey. The first thing you notice is the warmth. Not just the blanket—soft and smelling faintly of lavender—but the cozy heat wrapped around your feet. You wiggle your toes and realize you're wearing socks that are still slightly warm from the dryer.
Your heart does something complicated. A twist, a squeeze, a swell.
You sit up, blinking the sleep from your eyes, and look down at yourself. The blanket is tucked in carefully, the kind of meticulous care he always took. He used to do this—little things. Warming your socks in the dryer on cold mornings. Making sure your coffee was exactly the way you liked it. Leaving notes on the bathroom mirror when he left for early schedules.
How did things go south so fast?
The question lingers, bitter and unresolved. You'd been so angry at him for leaving—for making the choice to enlist early, for saying he didn't want to make you wait, for deciding for both of you. And yet here he is, not remembering any of it, still caring for you like it's second nature.
The sound of footsteps pulls you from your thoughts. Jaehyun walks in from the kitchen, holding two plates. He's changed into a loose t-shirt and sweats, and his hair is still slightly damp, curling at the ends.
"Hey, sleepyhead." His voice is soft, amused. "Figured you'd wake up soon. I made sandwiches."
He sets the plates on the coffee table—turkey and cheese on toasted bread, cut diagonally, the way you used to like it. Your chest tightens.
"I was hungry," you admit, your voice a little rough from sleep. "But—Jaehyun, I should be taking care of you. You're the one who just got out of the hospital."
He shakes his head, settling onto the couch beside you. His knee brushes yours, and he doesn't pull away. "No. We take care of each other. That's how it works."
We take care of each other.
The words hit you harder than they should. You look down at the sandwich, not trusting your voice, and take a bite. It's good. Simple, but good. He always made the best sandwiches.
You eat in silence, the TV playing some dumb sitcom with a laugh track that feels too loud and too hollow at the same time. But the quiet between you isn't uncomfortable. It's almost... familiar. Like slipping back into an old rhythm you thought you'd forgotten.
Jaehyun finishes his sandwich first and leans back, groaning. "I need to catch up on so much stuff. Music, TV shows, movies... I don't even know what's been popular the last two years."
You glance at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Hey, it'll come back to you. Just give it some time." You pause, considering. "But... music might be a good way to jog your memory. You always had that playlist we made together."
He perks up at that, a flicker of recognition in his eyes. "The one with all the road trip songs?"
"Yeah." Your smile widens despite yourself. "That one."
He nods slowly, thoughtful. "You're right. Music is—it's like a time machine." He throws an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, and grabs the edge of the blanket, draping it over both of you. The warmth of his body seeps into yours, solid and grounding.
You let yourself lean into him. Just for a moment. Just for tonight.
The sitcom plays on, and your eyes grow heavy again. The sleep you've been running from for months—the restless nights, the anxious mornings—finally catches up to you. Your head finds the curve of his shoulder, and you let go.
For the first time in a while, you really sleep.
And it's the best sleep you've gotten in years.
The doorbell rings at exactly eleven in the morning, and you're in the middle of wiping down the kitchen counter when Jaehyun calls out, "I'll get it."
You freeze. You know who it is—Jaehyun mentioned last night that Jungwoo and Johnny had texted him, insisting on coming by. Your stomach knots. You haven't seen them since the breakup. They were his friends first, but you'd grown close over the three years, shared meals, inside jokes, late-night conversations. And then you'd just... vanished from their lives. No explanations, no goodbyes. Just silence.
You hear the door open, followed by Jaehyun's surprised laugh. "Hyung! Jungwoo-a!"
"Holy shit, look at you," Johnny's voice booms, warm and familiar. "You look like hell, but a good kind of hell."
"He's been through an accident, Johnny, be nice," Jungwoo chides, but there's laughter in his tone. "How are you feeling hyung?"
You dry your hands on a dish towel, taking a breath, and walk toward the living room just as they're wrapping him in careful hugs—gentle, mindful of his bruises. Jaehyun winces slightly when Johnny's hand pats his back, but he's smiling.
"You guys look older," Jaehyun says, cocking his head. "Did you get gray hair already, Johnny hyung?"
"Yah, I'm only thirty-two," Johnny protests, but he's grinning. "And you're still an asshole, I see. Head injury didn't fix that."
Jaehyun laughs, and the sound is so easy, so familiar, that your chest aches.
Then their eyes land on you.
You're standing at the edge of the living room, arms crossed loosely, a strained smile on your face. "Hey."
The atmosphere shifts for half a second—a flicker of uncertainty in their eyes, a shared glance between them. But then Jungwoo steps forward, pulling you into a hug before you can react.
"Y/N," he says softly, squeezing you tight. "It's good to see you."
You hug him back, your voice catching. "You too."
Johnny follows, wrapping his arms around both of you briefly, then pulling back to look at you. His expression is careful, knowing. "You hanging in there?"
It's whispered, just for you, his hand still on your shoulder. You nod, blinking quickly. "Yeah. The plan is to tell him in a week or two. His mom's idea."
Johnny gives a firm nod, his jaw tight. "We'll follow your lead. Just... let us know if you need anything."
Jaehyun is watching from the couch, oblivious, a curious smile on his face. "Hey, are you guys keeping secrets from me already?"
You laugh, shaking your head. "Just girl talk. Or... guy talk? Girl-to-guy talk?"
Jungwoo snorts. "That's not a thing."
"Come sit," Jaehyun says, patting the spot beside him. "Let's catch up. I feel like I've been in a time machine and I missed everything."
You settle into chairs around the dining table, the afternoon light filtering through the curtains. You've set out glasses—wine for the guests, and a tall glass of apple juice for Jaehyun, which he eyes with theatrical disappointment.
"Really?" He picks up the glass, swirling it like it's a fine vintage. "I'm a grown man. I can have a glass of wine."
"No," you say firmly, sliding a plate of snacks onto the table. "You're on medication for another four days, and I don't know how alcohol interacts with a concussion. So juice."
"A concussion," Johnny repeats, raising an eyebrow. "That's what they're calling it?"
"It's retrograde amnesia," Jungwoo supplies, pouring himself a glass of red. "Which means he forgot a lot of stuff, including all our inside jokes. So we have to reintroduce ourselves."
"You're my best friends," Jaehyun says, deadpan. "I didn't forget you. I just forgot what you've been doing. So... fill me in. What comebacks did I miss? Who's dating who? Any scandals?"
Johnny leans back, swirling his wine. "Well, I've been working on some solo stuff. Thinking of dropping a single next spring. Nothing huge, just... something for me."
Jaehyun's eyes light up. "Solo? That's amazing, hyung. What genre?"
"R&B, mostly. A little hip-hop. I'll send you a demo when we're done."
"And me?" Jungwoo points at himself. "I'm enlisting soon. Next month, actually."
Jaehyun's face falls. "Already? Didn't you just... I mean, you were supposed to have more time."
Jungwoo shrugs, but there's a flicker of nervousness in his smile. "Time flies. And you're almost done, right? Two months?"
"Two months," Jaehyun confirms, glancing at you. "They discharged me early because of the accident. Medical leave, then I finish out my service."
You nod, keeping your expression neutral. You remember the paperwork you'd signed at the hospital, the official forms listing you as his primary contact. The irony wasn't lost on you.
"Anyway," Johnny says, raising his glass, "to Jaehyun's miraculous recovery. And to Jungwoo's imminent suffering."
"Yah!" Jungwoo protests, but he's laughing. They clink glasses, and Jaehyun takes a long drink of his juice, making an exaggerated pleased face.
"Mm. Delicious," he says flatly. "I feel so healthy."
You can't help but smile. It's the old Jaehyun—playful, sarcastic, warm. The one you fell in love with.
After an hour of catching up—stories about missed comebacks, industry gossip, and Johnny's detailed recounting of a disastrous blind date—you stand up, stretching.
"I'm going to run to the grocery store," you say, grabbing your bag. "We're out of a few things. You guys keep talking."
Jaehyun looks up, a flicker of concern in his eyes. "You don't have to go. I can come with—"
"No, no." You wave him off. "You stay. Catch up. I'll be back in an hour."
He hesitates, but Johnny claps him on the shoulder. "Let her go, man. We'll keep you company."
You give them a small wave and head out, the door clicking shut behind you. The hallway is quiet, and you lean against the wall for a moment, letting out a breath you didn't realize you were holding.
Inside, the three men fall into an easy rhythm. Jaehyun finishes his juice and sets the glass down, his expression sobering.
"I feel bad," he admits quietly. "I can't remember anything. The last two years are just... blank. Like a hard drive that got wiped. I know things happened—I know I enlisted, I know we had our schedules—but I don't remember. And you guys have been through stuff too, and I wasn't there."
Johnny and Jungwoo exchange a glance. There's a weight in the air, a secret pressing down on them.
"Hey," Johnny says, reaching over to squeeze Jaehyun's shoulder. "It's okay. You're here now. That's what matters."
"Yeah," Jungwoo adds, his voice gentle. "And you have Y/N. She'll help you remember the important stuff. The little things. The things that matter."
Jaehyun's face softens at the mention of you. A small, genuine smile touches his lips. "I know. She's... she's been amazing. I don't know what I'd do without her."
Jungwoo's throat tightens, but he pushes through it. "She's strong. And she loves you."
Loves you. Present tense. The words hang in the air, and Jaehyun doesn't question them. He just nods, looking down at his hands.
"Yeah. I know."
The shower hums in the bathroom, steam curling under the door, and the sound of water hitting tile fills the apartment. Jaehyun sits on the edge of the bed, phone in hand, the screen glowing against his face while he waits for you to finish your shower. Johnny and Jungwoo left ten minutes ago, their cheerful goodbyes still echoing in his ears, but now the silence settles heavy around him.
He scrolls through his gallery. Photo after photo of barracks, training grounds, group shots with faces he doesn't recognize. Guys in uniform, arms slung around each other, smiles wide and genuine. He should know their names. He should remember the jokes, the late-night conversations, the shared exhaustion. But it's all blank, like looking at strangers.
He swipes further. A few landscapes. A meal at a base cafeteria. A selfie he must've taken on a rainy day, looking tired but grinning. Nothing from before. No photos of you though, at least not recently. His thumb hovers over the empty space where memories should live.
Why did I delete everything?
He opens his messages. The list is sparse—mostly numbers without names, conversations he can't place. A text from someone named "Hyejin" asking if he's okay after the accident. A thread with "Sanghyuk" about a workout schedule. He scrolls down, finds your name. The chat is clean, empty. A few messages from yesterday—you asking if he wanted soup for dinner, him replying with a heart emoji. But before that? Nothing. Cleared. Wiped clean like the rest of his memory.
He frowns, tapping the screen absently. When did I do that? Why?
The water stops in the bathroom. He hears you moving around, the rustle of a towel, the click of the cabinet. Your phone is on the nightstand, screen face-up. A notification lights it up.
Minhyun: hey how're you doing?
Jaehyun's eyes catch it before he can look away. He knows Minhyun is a friend—you've mentioned the name before, he thinks—but the timing, the casual intimacy of the text, makes something flicker in his chest. Curiosity, maybe. Or something sharper.
He stares at the phone for a long moment. The screen dims, then darkens. The bathroom door creaks open, and you step out, hair damp, wrapped in a robe.
"You alright?" you ask, seeing him sitting there, phone in hand, expression unreadable.
He looks up, and the worry softens his features. He sets the phone aside. "Yeah. Just... looking at old photos. Trying to remember."
You cross the room, sitting beside him on the bed. Your hand finds his, fingers intertwining. "Anything come back?"
He shakes his head slowly. "Not really. Just a lot of guys I don't know." He pauses. "I saw you got a message. From Minhyun?"
You blink, caught off guard. "Oh. Yeah, he's just checking in." Your voice is careful, neutral. "He's a friend from...from the past few months so I guess you wouldn't remember him."
Jaehyun nods, but his eyes search yours. "You never mentioned him before."
"Because it's not important." You squeeze his hand. "You're the one I'm focused on right now."
He wants to believe you. He wants to let it go. But the cleared messages, the missing years, the growing sense that something is just out of reach—it gnaws at him, quiet and persistent.
"Okay," he says finally, and leans in to kiss your forehead. "I trust you."
But even as he says it, a small voice in the back of his mind whispers: Do I?
The towel in your hands stills as you catch Jaehyun's silence—that particular kind of quiet that settles heavy, loaded with unspoken thoughts. You finish drying your hair, the damp strands clinging to your neck, and sit beside him on the bed.
"What's wrong?" you ask, keeping your voice light.
He looks at you, and there's a vulnerability in his eyes that makes your chest ache. "I was looking through my phone. I don't have any recent photos of us together."
The words land like a stone dropped into still water. You force yourself to breathe, to think fast. "We haven't seen each other much since you enlisted," you say softly, reaching for his hand. "It's been mostly phone calls and texts. You know how it is when you're on base."
He nods slowly, accepting the explanation, but you see the flicker of disappointment. "Yeah, I figured. I just had to ask."
It's terrifying, how easily the lie slips out. How smooth and practiced it sounds, like you've been rehearsing it for weeks. You hate yourself a little for that.
He shifts the topic, casual but pointed. "So you've made new friends while I've been gone?"
"Yea, a few."
"Good. I'd like to meet them. I'm sure I already have, but it'll be like the first time." He smiles, and it's genuine, hopeful.
You hesitate—just a second too long. Your mind races to Minhyun, to the other casual dates you'd been seeing before this whole mess started. "Actually, they haven't met you yet," you say carefully. "You were so busy with training. But sure, I'll set something up."
He doesn't notice the crack in your voice. Or if he does, he doesn't show it.
"Okay, good." He pulls you into his lap, and you let yourself be moved, your damp hair brushing against his cheek. His lips find your forehead, your nose, your cheeks—featherlight kisses that make your skin tingle despite everything. You giggle, squirming, the sound surprising even yourself. It feels almost natural.
He strokes your hair, looking into your eyes with that old adoration you'd forgotten existed. "I love you so much, you know?"
The words hit you like a wall. The smile on your face freezes, then slides off entirely. For a heartbeat, you're fourteen months ago, right in front of him, hearing him say I can't do this anymore with a face that held none of this warmth.
You blink. Slowly, you nod. "Yea, I know." A pause. "I love you too."
The smile you offer is weak, barely holding.
He doesn't seem to notice, or maybe he chooses not to. He kisses you then—soft, lingering, his hand cradling the back of your head. When he pulls back, he just holds you, his arms wrapped tight around your waist.
"I missed this," he murmurs into your hair.
You press your face into his shoulder, breathing him in. Fabric softener, soap, the faint musk of his skin. It smells like home. Like the home you used to know.
But you don't say anything. You just let him hold you, guilt coiling in your stomach like a snake, and wonder how many more lies it will take before you both break.
The call to Minhyun is brief, your voice steady as you explain the situation. He listens without interrupting, and when you finish, there's a pause.
"Sure," he says finally. "Anything for you."
You meet at a small café near the river, the kind of place with mismatched chairs and the smell of fresh pastries drifting through the air. Jaehyun stands a little straighter than usual when Minhyun approaches, his posture sharper, more deliberate. He extends his hand first.
"Hi. Jaehyun. Thanks for coming."
Minhyun shakes it, a polite smile on his face. "Minhyun. Y/N's told me a lot about you."
"She's told me nothing about you," Jaehyun replies, but there's no edge to it—just curiosity. He glances at you, then back at Minhyun. "I'm going to order for us. Y/N, the usual?"
You nod, and he kisses the top of your head before walking to the counter, leaving you alone with Minhyun.
Minhyun watches him go, then turns to you, eyebrows raised. "He's really handsome."
You roll your eyes, a playful smirk tugging at your lips. "You wanna date my boyfriend?"
He doesn't laugh. Instead, he looks at you with that knowing expression, the one that always cuts through your bullshit. "You're not even dating him."
The words hang in the air. You pause, and then you genuinely laugh—a real, unguarded sound that surprises even yourself. "I guess not, huh?" You lean back in your chair, the humor fading into something heavier. "This situation is absurd."
He doesn't push. He just waits, letting you sit with it.
Jaehyun returns a few minutes later, balancing three cups. He sets an iced Americano in front of you, a hot latte for himself, and a black coffee for Minhyun.
Minhyun glances at your drink, then back at you. "Didn't you stop drinking coffee?"
You shrug, taking a sip. "It's fine."
Jaehyun's head turns, his brow furrowing. "What? When did you stop?"
"A year ago, maybe? I don't know. It just started making me jittery."
He stares at you for a moment longer than comfortable. There's a flicker of something in his eyes—hurt, maybe, or the sting of not knowing. He forces a smile, but you see through it easily. You always could.
The conversation shifts. They talk about how you and Jaehyun met, how he asked you out even though he thought you might hate him because you seemed so closed off. Minhyun laughs.
"Yea, I thought that too when I met her. She's got this wall up."
"She's worth breaking through," Jaehyun says, his hand finding yours under the table.
You squeeze back, but your smile is tight.
When the café date ends, you walk out together, the late afternoon sun warm on your shoulders. Minhyun heads off with a wave, and Jaehyun turns to you, his expression thoughtful.
"I liked him," he says. "He seems nice."
"Good."
But you know him. You know the slight tension in his jaw, the way his eyes are just a little too bright. "What's wrong?" you ask softly.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I don't like how I can't remember things about you that have changed. I don't like that someone else knows you better than I do right now."
You stop walking. Turn to face him fully. Your heart pounds, but your voice is steady.
"No one knows my heart, soul, body, and dreams like you, Jaehyun. No one." And it's not a lie.
He looks at you, and there's so much vulnerability in his gaze that it hurts. You don't think. You just step forward, rise on your toes, and press your lips to his.
It's you. For the first time in this strange, twisted game, you're the one initiating physical contact. Your hand cups his cheek, feeling the faint stubble, the warmth of his skin. He freezes for half a second, then melts into it, his arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer.
The kiss is soft at first—tentative, like a question. Then it deepens, and you feel his breath hitch, his fingers threading into your hair. You let yourself sink into it, just for a moment, letting the taste of his lips erase the lies you've been telling.
When you pull back, his eyes are still closed. He opens them slowly, and there's something raw in them—gratitude, longing, love.
"Thank you," he whispers.
You don't know what he's thanking you for. The kiss. The reassurance. All of it.
You just nod, taking his hand, and walk home together in silence.
The next morning, Jaehyun kisses your forehead before he leaves, promising to text you when he's done with the members. You watch him go from the window, his gait still a little careful, a little guarded, like his body remembers the accident even if his mind doesn't.
You meet Minhyun at the same café. He's already there, nursing a black coffee, scrolling through his phone. When you slide into the seat across from him, he looks up and doesn't bother with pleasantries.
"You're fucked," he says.
You blink. "What?"
He sets his phone down, leans forward. "I thought you were doing this out of pity. Or kindness. Some noble ex-girlfriend bullshit." He shakes his head slowly. "But you're still in love with him."
Your mouth opens. Closes. "What?"
"It's clear as day." He holds your gaze, steady and unflinching. "I saw you two together. The way you look at him. The way you kissed him at the end there. That's not pity. That's a woman who never stopped."
You want to deny it. The words are right there, lined up on your tongue. No, I'm just confused. I'm just going through the motions. I'm just—
But you can't say them. Because they'd be lies.
Minhyun's voice softens. "For what it's worth, it's just as obvious he feels the same. That guy is wrecked for you, Y/N. Even with his scrambled brain, he knows."
You drop your gaze to the table, tracing the grain of the wood with your fingertip. "Maybe I never fully got over him." The admission comes out raw, scraped clean of pretense. "And no matter what, I'll always love him. I don't know how to not."
Minhyun smiles. It's a sad smile, the kind that carries the weight of things left unsaid. He reaches across the table, his fingers brushing yours. "I know this is messed up. But maybe… this accident was a blessing in disguise? To bring you two together." He lets out a quiet laugh, almost to himself. "I don't believe in destiny or soulmates. But sometimes… maybe things happen for a reason. Don't waste this chance."
The tears come before you can stop them. One slips down your cheek, then another. You press your palm to your mouth, trying to hold it in, but your shoulders shake.
"I have to come clean," you whisper, voice cracking. "Soon. But I'm so scared of how he'll react. What if he remembers everything and he's disgusted? What if he already chose to walk away two years ago and I've been pretending we're still together? What if he hates me for lying?"
Minhyun gets up, rounds the table, and pulls you into his arms. You collapse against him, face buried in his chest, your tears soaking into his shirt. He rubs your back in slow, steady circles, his hand warm and grounding.
"It's alright," he murmurs. "Everything will be okay."
You cry into his shoulder, ugly and raw, and he doesn't flinch. He just holds you, letting you fall apart in the middle of a café, surrounded by strangers who don't know the mess of your heart.
And for a moment—just a moment—you let yourself believe him.
The door clicks shut behind you, and the silence of Jaehyun's apartment wraps around you like a wool blanket—heavy, warm, suffocating. You kick off your shoes without bothering to put them away, drop your bag by the entrance, and drag yourself through the hallway.
Your body feels hollowed out. Every muscle aches with the weight of the morning, of Minhyun's words, of the tears you let him catch.
You don't even remember crawling into bed. One moment you're standing in the bedroom doorway, staring at the sheets that still smell like him. The next, you're face-down on the mattress, fully clothed, the world fading to black.
Jaehyun comes home to darkness.
The apartment is quiet, no light from the living room, no hum of the TV. He calls your name softly, but there's no answer. He checks the kitchen, the bathroom, and then pushes open the bedroom door.
You're sprawled across the bed, still in the jeans and sweater you wore this morning. Your hair is fanned out messily across the pillow, one arm dangling off the edge. You didn't even pull the covers over yourself.
He frowns, his brow knitting with concern. He sits down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, and places a gentle hand on your back. "Y/N," he murmurs. "You want to change into something more comfortable?"
You shift, a soft sound escaping your lips, but you don't wake. Just burrow deeper into the pillow.
He doesn't push. Instead, he carefully pulls the duvet from under you, draping it over your body. He brushes the hair from your face, his thumb tracing along your cheekbone. Your skin is warm, slightly puffy around your eyes. He notices. His fingers still for a moment, but he doesn't ask. He tells himself it's just fatigue, the stress of the past days.
He leans down, presses a feather-light kiss to your temple, and whispers, "Sleep well."
Then he gets up, undresses quietly, and slides into bed beside you. He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close, and rests his chin on your shoulder. Within minutes, he's asleep.
Morning comes in pale gray light filtering through the curtains.
Jaehyun wakes first. His internal clock is still military-trained—up before the sun, even on leave. He eases out of bed carefully so as not to disturb you, padding barefoot to the kitchen.
He makes himself a black coffee. For you, he boils water and steeps a chamomile tea bag, knowing you prefer it mild. He sets the mug on the counter, waiting.
You sleep for another hour. Then two.
When you finally stir, the tea has gone cold. He reheats it, brings it to the bedroom, and sits beside you. His hand finds your neck first—a gentle touch, checking your temperature. Then his palm presses against your forehead.
"Hey," he says softly. "You okay?"
You blink, groggy, your voice raspy. "Yea. Just tired."
He studies your face, searching for cracks you've already learned to hide. "Don't stress over me, okay?" He strokes your hair back. "I'll get better. The doctors said it might take time, but I'm already remembering bits and pieces. It'll come."
You force a smile. If only that were my biggest problem.
He tilts his head. "What did you do yesterday? You were out when I got back."
"Met Minhyun again," you say, the name slipping out before you can weigh it.
"Oh." His voice is neutral, but there's a flicker in his eyes. "So soon?"
"What does that mean?" You sit up slowly, pulling the duvet to your chest.
He shrugs, looking down at his coffee cup. "Nothing. I don't know." A pause. "I've just been feeling a bit insecure since I can't remember anything lately. You have this whole life I'm not a part of. People you see, things you do. I feel… behind."
Your heart clenches. You reach for his hand, lifting it to your lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "If you want to know something, you can just ask me. You don't need to hide anything."
He looks at you then, really looks, and the insecurity melts into something softer. He leans in, presses a kiss to your cheek, his lips lingering. "We should eat something. I'll make pancakes."
You nod, and he gets up, heading for the kitchen.
You sit there, the tea warming your palms, and wonder how much longer you can keep this up. How many more mornings of pretending everything is fine before the truth shatters the fragile peace you've built.
But for now, you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and follow the smell of batter hitting the pan.
The date unfolds like a memory you've been trying to forget but can't stop replaying. Jaehyun insists he takes you out tonight, claiming it'll bring back memories.
He takes you to a small restaurant tucked away along the coastline, the kind of place you used to visit on lazy Sunday afternoons when the world felt small and safe. The wooden deck overlooks the ocean, lanterns strung overhead casting warm pools of light across the tables. The salt breeze carries the sound of waves, soft and rhythmic.
You order shrimp pasta, he gets lasagna. And for a while, it is like old times.
He asks about your week—the parts you're willing to share—and you find yourself laughing at his jokes, the way he scrunches his nose when he's being particularly silly. He reaches across the table to hold your hand, kisses your knuckles between bites. Then he cuts a piece of his lasagna and holds the fork out to you, eyebrows raised in that familiar, teasing way.
"Open up."
You roll your eyes but accept, the warm cheese and meat melting on your tongue. He grins, satisfied, and goes back to his own plate.
The conversation drifts between nothing and everything. He talks about the band, about Jungwoo's upcoming enlistment, about how Johnny's been texting him ideas for a solo track. You nod, you smile, you add your own commentary. The weight in your chest loosens, just a fraction.
After dinner, he pays before you can argue, then leads you down a narrow path to the beach. He kicks off his shoes, then kneels to help you with yours, unlacing your sandals with careful fingers. He holds them in one hand, his other hand finding yours, fingers lacing together.
"Walk barefoot," he says, glancing at you sidelong. "I know you love it."
You do. You always have. The sand is cool and damp between your toes, the water kissing the shore just inches away. The moon hangs low and silver over the horizon, painting the waves in soft light.
You walk in silence for a while. The kind of silence that used to feel comfortable, but now presses against your ribs like a held breath.
Then he stops. Turns to face you, the ocean at his back, his eyes soft and earnest.
"After I finish my last two months in the military, I'm a free man," he says, voice low but steady. "We can spend the rest of our lives together."
You freeze.
The words hit you like cold water. Rest of our lives. He's planning a future that doesn't exist. He's talking about after, about a timeline where you're still his, where the breakup never happened, where the year of silence and hurt and moving on was erased by a head injury and a hospital bed.
"What's wrong?" he asks, his smile faltering.
You force your mouth to move. "Nothing. I just… didn't think about that. But you're right."
It comes out hollow, but he doesn't seem to notice. He's already looking out at the water, his thumb tracing circles on your hand.
"We should go looking for a ring soon," he says, almost to himself. "I want to do it right. Maybe next week, after I see the doctor again."
Your stomach lurches. A wave of nausea rolls through you, hot and sudden. You pull your hand from his, pressing your palm to your mouth.
"I feel sick," you manage. "Maybe it was the shrimp."
He's immediately at your side, his hand on your back. "Hey, hey—come here."
You stumble toward the edge of the water, doubling over as your body rebels. He holds your hair back, his other hand rubbing firm circles between your shoulder blades. You heave, nothing but bile and the remnants of dinner, your eyes watering.
"It's okay," he murmurs. "Let it out. I've got you."
When it passes, you straighten up, shaky and pale. He hands you a water bottle from his jacket pocket—always prepared, always caring. You rinse your mouth, drink slowly, and let him guide you back to the car.
He drives with one hand, the other resting on your thigh. Every few minutes, he glances over, concern etched into his brow.
"You sure you're okay? We can stop at a pharmacy if you need something."
"I'm fine," you whisper, but you're not. You're the opposite of fine.
You're sitting next to a man who's planning to marry you, who doesn't know you've been broken up longer than you were ever together in his memory. And every second you don't tell him the truth, the lie grows deeper, more tangled, more dangerous.
You close your eyes, the hum of the engine filling your ears, and know—with a certainty that sits heavy in your gut—that you have to tell him. Soon. Before he buys a ring. Before he falls any deeper into a dream that isn't real.
But the thought of his face when he learns the truth makes you want to throw up all over again.
You close the bathroom door softly, the click of the lock echoing in the small tiled space. The mirror reflects a stranger—pale, hollow-eyed, a woman who's been lying for days and is about to break.
You pull out your phone and dial the number you'd saved in a moment of guilt-ridden foresight. Jaehyun's mom picks up on the second ring, her voice warm but wary, like she already knows bad news is coming.
"Sweetheart, is everything okay?"
"No," you whisper, voice cracking. "It's not. I can't do this anymore."
Silence on her end. You press on, the words tumbling out before you lose courage.
"I have to tell him the truth. Tonight. Tomorrow at the latest. He's talking about marriage, about spending the rest of our lives together, about looking for rings. I can't—" Your breath hitches. "I can't keep pretending. It's tearing me apart."
"Please," his mom says, her voice gentle but pleading. "Just a little longer. The doctor said his memory might return on its own. If you tell him now and it shocks him, it could set back his recovery. Please, for his sake—"
"No." You shake your head even though she can't see it. "You don't understand. He's planning a future. He's picking out rings. I'm going to have to look him in the eye and lie while he puts a ring on my finger if I wait any longer. I can't."
There's a long pause. You hear Jaehyun's mom exhale slowly, the sound heavy with years of maternal exhaustion.
Then she speaks, her voice quieter, almost fragile.
"I guess… he doesn't remember."
You frown. "Remember what?"
"He already bought a ring." The words land like stones. "About a month before he enlisted. He called us, so excited. Said he wanted to propose soon. He'd been saving up, found the perfect one. He asked for my mother's ring—to have it reset, combine it with something new. He wanted it to be special."
Your throat tightens. "What?"
"He loved you so much, sweetheart. We'd never seen him like that. He was glowing when he talked about it." Her voice wavers. "And then a few weeks later… he called again. Said he'd broken up with you. Wouldn't tell us why. Just kept saying it was for the best, that you deserved better, that he was being selfish by holding you back. We thought he was just scared of the military, of the distance. But we never knew the real reason."
You lean against the sink, the ceramic cold through your shirt. The phone feels heavy against your ear.
"Why didn't he propose?" you ask, the question raw, scraped out of you. "Why did he end it instead?"
"I don't know," she says softly. "I wish I did. Maybe he'll remember. Maybe… maybe this is a second chance for you both. To find out."
You close your eyes. The water is running in the kitchen, the soft clink of dishes, Jaehyun humming a melody you used to fall asleep to.
"I have to go," you murmur.
"Think about it, please. Just a little more time."
You end the call without answering, shoving the phone into your pocket. You stare at your reflection again—the smudged mascara, the trembling lips, the woman who got a ring she never knew existed from a man who broke her heart instead of giving it to her.
You don't know whether to cry or scream.
So you do neither. You splash cold water on your face, dry it with a towel, and open the bathroom door.
Jaehyun looks up from the sink, hands soapy, a smile softening his features.
"You okay? Heard you talking in there."
"Fine," you lie, the taste of it familiar now. "Just my mom. Checking in."
He nods, turning back to the dishes. "Tell her I said hi."
You lean against the doorframe, watching the way his shoulders move under his shirt, the way he hums without a care, the way the future he's building for you both is built on sand.
And you wonder—if he remembered the ring, if he remembered why he never gave it to you—would he still want to marry you now?
Or would he break your heart all over again?
The knocking comes sharp and insistent, rattling the door in its frame. Three rapid thuds, then a pause, then two more.
Your eyes snap open. The morning light filters through the curtains, pale and gray. Beside you, Jaehyun is dead weight, one arm flung across your waist, his breathing deep and even. He doesn't stir.
You slide out from under his arm carefully, your bare feet hitting the cold floor. The knocking comes again—harder this time.
"Coming," you hiss under your breath, grabbing the first thing you can find. Jaehyun's t-shirt from last night, crumpled on the floor. You pull it over your head—it hangs past your thighs, the fabric warm and smelling like him.
You pad to the door, unlock it, and crack it open just wide enough to see who it is.
Your stomach drops.
Soobin.
He's standing on your doorstep, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, hair messy like he ran his fingers through it too many times. His eyes are bloodshot, worried.
"Y/N," he breathes, relief flooding his face. "Thank god. I was so fucking worried."
You push the door shut behind you, stepping out onto the small porch, your bare legs exposed to the crisp morning air. You cross your arms, hugging yourself, suddenly very aware that you're wearing nothing but your ex-boyfriend's shirt.
"What are you doing here?" Your voice comes out hoarse, frazzled. "Soobin, you can't...you need to leave."
He takes a step closer, searching your face. "You ended things out of nowhere. No explanation. Just a text saying 'I can't do this anymore.' I thought something happened to you. I thought you were in trouble."
"I'm fine." You press a hand to your chest, feeling your heart hammer. "I'm sorry I did it like that. I should have called. But I'm fine, and you need to go."
"Fine?" He laughs, but there's no humor in it. "You look like you haven't slept in a week. You're wearing a guy's shirt. Y/N, what the hell is going on?"
You swallow. The truth sits heavy on your tongue, but you force it out. "I got back together with my ex."
Soobin's expression shifts. His jaw tightens, his eyes narrowing. He looks at you—really looks—and something cold settles into his features.
"The one who broke your heart?" His voice drops, low and sharp. "The one you cried about? The one who left you for the military and didn't even call?"
Your throat closes. The tears prick at your eyes, hot and unwanted. "Please," you whisper. "Please just leave."
He stands there for a long moment, studying you like he's trying to find the person he thought he knew. Then he shakes his head, steps back, hands raised in surrender.
"Fine." He turns, walks down the path, then stops. He looks over his shoulder. "You deserve better than that, Y/N. You always did."
He leaves.
You stand there, frozen, the cold biting into your legs, the tears finally spilling over. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, take a shaky breath, and turn back to the door.
You push it open.
Jaehyun is standing in the hallway.
His hair is mussed from sleep, his chest bare, pajama pants slung low on his hips. He looks like he just woke up—but his eyes are wide open, dark, fixed on you. There's a crease between his brows, a tension in his shoulders.
"Who was that?" His voice is quiet. Careful.
You freeze. The door clicks shut behind you. The silence stretches, suffocating.
"It was... no one," you say. The lie tastes like ash.
He doesn't move. "I heard you talking. You said you got back together with your ex."
You can't breathe. He's looking at you like he's trying to piece together a puzzle that doesn't fit.
"Y/N." He takes a step forward, his voice steady but fragile. "Who was that?"
---------------
Wanna read the rest (ending + smut)? Subscribe to my NCT patreon here OR read the FULL story here!
pairing: donor! jaehyun x client! reader I genre: smut | words: 12k+
warnings: STRICTLY 18+
an: donor jaehyun is here and he’s super sweet! i think this is the most fun i had writing for this series hehehe ;) i just love me my valentine, roses, cheeky gentleman. anyways, i’ll stop talking now, it’s time to be taught how to touch! and figure it out! - with love, c
you eyed the coupon clutched in your hand, the glossy paper crinkling under your fingers. it’s your birthday gift from your friends, a prepaid session at that new clinic that’s been receiving all the hype since it opened a couple of months ago.
according to the reviews, the neo orgasm clinic has surpassed people’s expectations in every possible way. not just with how sleek their setup is or their promise of discretion but also — the donors themselves. effortlessly attractive. professional. patient. skilled in ways that leave clients lingering in their reviews, revealing just enough to make your ears burn.
and you know damn well you needed it.
twenty-something now and you’ve mastered the art of dodging real-life conversations about your sex life. it’s easy to laugh it off or pretend you know what your friends are talking about because in some way, you kind of do? i mean, you’ve read all about it! in books, in fanfictions. in fact, all the knowledge you have about sex probably comes from reading about it.
when it comes to real life though? you stall. every time — no awkward firsts. no impulsive decisions. not even quiet attempts on your own. just you, untouched and curious, stuck somewhere between knowing and experiencing.
the coupon’s tagline stares back at you, catching your eye for what feels like the hundredth time:
make your fantasies come true. book now. you deserve it.
you let out a quiet breath. because it’s not just the words. it’s the timing. the way it landed in your life like a question you’ve been avoiding finally demanding an answer.
you’ve already imagined it all — the rush of sensation you’ve only ever read about.
what would it feel like to finally chase that lust for real?
before you could second guess yourself, you pull up the clinic’s website on your laptop. you read through sections you pretend you’re only skimming. policies. confidentiality. client care.
then you take a huge breath before finally convincing yourself to click the appointment section.
✚ BOOK NOW ✚
“it’s just booking,” you murmur, under your breath, like saying it out loud will make it less real.
step 1: medical verification – a form requesting a recent full panel STI test within the last month.
your brows knit slightly. weirdly enough, even though you were an extra virgin, you had just gotten a recent check up — it was like another sign from the universe to continue on.
you upload your medical form with ease. the next page loads and your breath catches at the list.
step 2: sexual preferences & boundaries – check all acts you’re open to exploring with your donor. this does not guarantee they will occur. your donor will review and operate within your boundaries at all times.
your fingers tighten around your mouse, each click of a checkmark making your ears burn brighter than ever. your cursor moves. hesitates. selects. unselects. then selects again.
☑️ blowjob
☑️ clitoral stimulation
☑️ domination
☑️ dirty talk
☑️ fingering
☑️ guidance
☑️ hand job
☑️ kissing
☑️ masturbation
☑️ nipple play
☑️ oral
☑️ praise
☑️ vaginal penetration
you look at your final list. pretty tame considering you passed over more vulgar options like choking, spanking, vaginal fisting, threesome, toys, etc.
but even then, your list is still intimidating for a virgin.
step 3: why are you booking this appointment?
a blank box appears. you stare at it longer than you expected to. because suddenly — this feels personal. you compose your thoughts before finally typing:
“i’ve spent years lost in books about intimacy, learning every detail from pages that make my heart race. but i’ve never experienced it. no touches. no real connections. not even with myself. just endless curiosity and a longing to feel what i’ve only imagine. i’m hoping this can help me turn fantasy into something real. i want to finally awaken that part of me, guided by someone who knows what they’re doing.
you hit enter, the text saving with a soft confirmation.
step 4: choose your donor.
this should be the easiest part. you tell yourself that. just scrolling. just looking. just choosing the boy you imagine in all your books. nothing serious.
profiles load one by one. each polished. each composed. carefully written descriptions.
you scroll and scroll until —
jung jaehyun. the most valuable donor.
his photo catches your attention — handsome, sharp features, an inviting smile and dark hair falling just so. your pulse stutters and almost instinctively, you click on him.
his reviews were endless:
“jaehyun does a great job at adjusting to whatever you want!”
“if you’re nervous, choose him. gentle yet commanding, and the praise? leaves you floating.”
“he’s so pretty to look at and god…that voice…i was wet way before he even touched me.”
“jaehyun made me feel so special…incredibly patient, nothing felt rushed, it was perfect.”
“he lowkey broke my back but i would do it again”
“'he made my first time feel like a dream i didn't know i needed. so attentive. pure magic.”
“fuckkkkkkkkk, can everyone cancel their appointments with him so i can take all the days?”
“too. fucking. good.”
“if it's your first time in this clinic, or your first time in general, booking jaehyun is a guaranteed good time. 127/10 will cum again.”
every single one felt like a magnetic pull and before you could even realize what you were doing. you were inserting the coupon code and clicking BOOK NOW.
Neo Orgasm Clinic Consultation: CONFIRMED
Donor: Jaehyun Jung
Date of Consultation: April 30, 2026
you stare at the screen, heart pounding, because it’s done. there’s no undoing it now.
✚ THE CONSULTATION ✚
the days leading up to today had been a blur of restless nights. you’ve checked the booking confirmation a dozen times just to check if it was real or if you somehow imagined the whole thing.
and now you’re here, heart hammering as you push through the doors.
the lobby envelops you immediately, a curated haven designed to soothe. soft golden light spills throughout the room, cream colored walls that were easy on the eyes, plush armchairs in neutral tones and the subtle scent of lavender and eucalyptus. everything about it is calming, grounding, whispering relax with every breath you take.
but even then, your feet feel rooted to the spot, nerves twisting into knots. you have half the mind to turn and flee before anyone notices. but a voice calls out softly from the reception desk, smooth and reassuring.
“welcome to the clinic.”
you look up to see the receptionist, johnny, his nametag reads. he was sitting behind a computer, flashing you a warm smile as if he can sense the storm inside you. even he was handsome, and you’re pretty sure you saw his profile on the website with the words the first donor.
“you feeling nervous?,” he adds.
you try to laugh it off as you make your way over to him, but it comes out shaky, a breathy sound that betrays you, “y-yeah, this is new for me.”
he nods, no judgment in the motion. just understanding, “it’s new for a lot of people, but don’t worry, we’ll take care of you.”
his words ease the tightness in your chest just a little bit.
“what’s your name?” he asks next.
“y/n l/n,” you manage, voice steadier now.
he types it in with a few clicks, his screen reflecting in his eyes as he pulls up your file.
“alright ms. y/n, donor jaehyun will be out in a few minutes,” he says, that smile returning, soft and encouraging, “in the meantime, please review your file then click agree if everything is okay. your consent is required for everything.”
he hands you a tablet carefully – the screen already glowing with your details. you take it with trembling fingers, murmuring a thank you as you retreat to one of the chairs. sinking into the cushions.
your thumb hovers over the agree button, ears burning red, pulse racing so loud you fear johnny could hear it. with a deep inhale, you finally tap it, the screen flashing with the words:
welcome to neo orgasm clinic.
you don’t know how many times you read it before the door to the right side of johnny opens and out steps the most valuable donor.
jung jaehyun.
he’s taller than you expected, his frame filling the space effortlessly, handsome in a way that steals your breath, his casual soft grey polo making him look softer than his large frame, while his dark hair falls slightly tousled, angling his face perfectly.
his pictures don’t do him justice. you’ve never seen a man more beautiful.
and the realization crashes over you, twisting your nerves into something sharper. you feel so nervous you think you might throw up, hands clammy against the tablet.
he makes his way over to you with unhurried steps.
“good afternoon,” he says, and fuck, those reviews were right. he’s only said two words and his voice, deep and smooth, has got you hooked. so hooked that you don’t even reply, just staring at him, mouth dry, brain short-circuiting under the weight of his proximity.
he tilts his head slightly, a smile tugging at his lips, amused, like he’s trying to hide his laugh but the deep dimples carving into his cheeks give him away completely.
“are you ms. y/n?” he asks, fully smiling at you now, the expression lighting up his features and making your heart stutter.
you clear your throat, the sound awkward and too loud in the quiet lobby, “uhm–yeah, that’s me, sorry mr. jung…i’m so nervous i think i might pass out,” you admit, the words tumbling out before you can stop them, heat flooding your face.
his eyes widen a bit at that, concern threading through, softening his gaze into something genuinely caring.
“c’mon, let’s get you some water,” he says, holding his hand out to you.
you hesitate for a split second, then place your hand in his, the warmth of his skin against yours making you even more nervous. he gives a gentle squeeze, just enough to guide and lead you towards one of the consultation rooms.
the door opens into another pocket of calm – neutral tones, a comfortable couch facing a low coffee table, an armchair across it and a small side table with a pitcher of water and glasses.
jaehyun releases your hand once you’re inside, gesturing for you to sit on the couch as he pours a glass of water for you. he hands it to you with another one of those dimpled smile, settling into the armchair across from you.
“take your time,” he says, sitting comfortably, the tablet now in his hands, “we can talk through everything at your pace. no rush.” his eyes meet yours patiently, waiting for you to find your footing in this new reality.
you sip the water slowly, the cool liquid steadying the flutter in your chest as you sink deeper into the couch, focusing instead on the vase of roses in the middle of the coffee table.
jaehyun sits across from you, his posture relaxed yet attentive. he’s scrolling through your file, his expression neutral, professional, but not cold. he’s taking way longer to read it than one should and you can tell he’s letting you get used to the space. to let the initial shock of his presence and this whole thing reside a bit.
minutes pass like that until he sets the tablet aside, looking up slowly, his gaze catching on the way you’re biting your lip, a nervous habit you can’t quite shake.
“y/n,” he calls out your name, softly, like the two of you are just friends catching up over coffee. the informality of it disarms you, pulling the air from the room into something warmer.
“i know this can be nerve-wracking,” he continues, his voice a low, reassuring hum, “are you sure you’re ready for this?”
he’s gentle. so gentle. it catches you off guard. you look at him, surprised. you were sure he was here to convince you to go through with it — after all, this is still a business. but…there’s no sales pitch in his tone.
“what?” you say, the word slipping out softer than intended, laced with confusion.
he just smiles at you, that dimpled curve returning patient and unforced.
“there’s no proper timeline to these kinds of things,” he explains, his words measured, like he’s sharing a quiet truth rather than reciting policy, “it’s your body. your life. your choice when you’re ready.”
you take his words in, letting them settle over the whirlwind in your mind, easing the knot of anxiety that's been building since you stepped through the clinic's doors.
“i-i am ready,” you admit, your voice gaining a touch of steadiness as you meet his eyes, “it’s just i…don't really know how to start this conversation.”
he nods, his expression shifting to one of quiet understanding. it’s as if he's seen this hesitation before, not as a hurdle to overcome, but as a natural part of the path.
“that’s okay,” he replies, his tone encouraging without pressure, “starting can be the hardest part. maybe we begin with what brought you here? your file mentions this is your first time exploring sex…what made you decide now?”
you hesitate for a moment. jaehyun’s eyes remain steady on yours like a quiet invitation to share as much or as little as you want.
“it was…a gift,” you start, “for my birthday…but i have been curious for a while…i just always held back. books and stories were enough,” you pause, glancing down at your hands, now folded in your lap, “but turning another year older made me realize i don’t want to just keep reading about it.”
“that takes real courage,” he says softly, “turning those stories into something real isn’t simple, especially when they’ve been your safe space for so long.”
his words land gently, validating the swirl of emotions you’ve kept bottled up and a faint smile creeps onto your lips, the first genuine once since you arrive.
“it does feel like the right time,” you reply, your voice steadier not, “the clinic’s reviews…and yours specifically…made it seem less intimidating. like it could be empowering instead of overwhelming.”
he smiles in return, “i’m honored that came through— our goal is to always create that sense of empowerment, no judgments, just support as you explore at your own rhythm.”
he glances briefly at the tablet in his hands, then sets it aside, focusing fully on you.
“it sounds to me like you’re interested in a gentle introduction without rushing into anything too intense. is that right? or has anything changed since filling out the form?”
you pause, letting his words sink in.
“no…that sounds right—i want to be taught, guided through it all, so i can experience every bit i’ve imagined.”
a subtle smile curves his lips, warm and knowing, as if he’s heard echoes of your words from others but savors the uniqueness in yours.
“i can definitely do that for you,” he replies, leaning forward a just a fraction, “i’ll guide you step by step, help you feel every sensation you’ve read about…all you have to do is show up.”
you nod slowly, every second gets more real than the last.
“would you like to proceed with booking your session?” jaehyun asks, a reassuring smile on his face. like it was okay and totally not a waste of his time if you chose not to.
“yes,” you nod after a while, “i would like to proceed.”
jaehyun’s eyes light up with a quiet approval, “perfect,” he says, his smile deepening, revealing those dimples that you can’t stop noticing, “how does may 3 work for you?”
may 3. just two days away. this is it – the threshold between fantasy and reality. it’s now or never.
“sounds good,” you say, your voice gaining a quiet strength, sealing the choice with a steady exhale.
“okay y/n, i’ll see you in two days,” he says, his voice carrying a subtle promise laced with the kind of steadiness that eases the last knots of doubt in your stomach.
and for the first time, the stories feel like previews to your own unfolding chapter, and you’re ready to turn the page.
Neo Orgasm Clinic Session: CONFIRMED
Client: Y/N L/N
Donor: Jaehyun Jung
Date of Session: May 3, 2026
✚ THE APPOINTMENT ✚
you enter the lobby right on time, not a second too early and not a second too late. you’ve chosen comfort over anything flashy, dressed in slightly oversized grey sweats and an off the shoulder sweater hoping that it would make this feel more casual and not some grand event.
johnny greets you, “perfect timing, ms. y/n you can go ahead to the private rooms, jaehyun’s waiting for you in suite 14.”
you thank him, letting your feet carry you step by step, each one making your heart race wildly in your chest.
as suite 14 gets closer, it hits you then – you never once asked what to expect behind the door. no details on the setup. the realization sends a fresh wave of uncertainty but before it can pull you back, the door swings open.
and there’s jaehyun. looking every bit as handsome as before, except this time he looked like comfort—with the simple white t-shirt clinging to his broad shoulders and chest, paired with plaid pajama pants that hang low on his hips, making this feel like a lazy sunday rather than clinical encounters.
“hey y/n,” his dimples flash like a secret shared just for you, “come on in,” he says, tone warm and inviting, stepping aside to make space.
you return the smile, feeling the edges of your tension soften under the casual welcome.
you scan the room quickly — it was nothing like you imagined at all. just an average comfy bedroom, the kind you’d sink into after a long day. there’s a king sized bed draped in white sheets piled with soft pillows, a full length mirror tucked in the corner, plush carpet that muffled your steps and sultry music currently playing from somewhere.
the only thing that stands out, adding a layer of unexpected sweetness, are the vases brimming with fresh roses scattered throughout the room – on the nightstand, the dresser, the table against the wall – shades of deep red and soft pink, like a boyfriend had orchestrated this as a surprise for a quiet night in with his partner. it’s intimate, thoughtful and it tugs at something soft in your chest, making the space feel less like a session room and more like a private haven.
“you didn’t have a hard time getting here, did you?” jaehyun asks, his voice low as he closes the door behind you with a soft click.
he lingers there for a moment, watching you from behind as you take it all in, his shoulder lightly propped against the wall, giving you that space to breathe.
you turn toward his voice, “this is not what i expected at all,” you blurt, the words spilling out, “and no, i got here really easily.”
he smiles softly, the expression crinkling the corners of his eyes as he pushes off the wall and takes a measured step towards you.
“do you like it? i noticed you were looking at the roses during our last meet up…thought it would help.”
you nod, a warmth blooming in your chest — god, he’s perfect. like the best romantic lead stepping straight out of your favorite book, all effortless charm and quiet insight.
“yeah…roses are my favorite.”
he nods in return, closing the distance with another step, his presence pulling you in without force.
“i didn’t think you’d notice,” you add.
he hums thoughtfully, “of course i noticed.”
duh, you think — that’s part of his job, being this attentive, tuning into every little detail about his client. you just weren’t aware he was already taking that many notes. plus the way he talks to you doesn’t make it feel like this was just his job.
he takes another step closer, the air between you thickening just a touch.
“i’m sure you already read the terms and conditions over and over,” he teases lightly, like you two were in on some inside joke because he knows your love for reading, “but just a quick reminder – nothing happens without your consent and we can stop whenever you want.”
he’s so close now that you can feel the subtle heat radiating from his body. he leans down, bringing his gaze level with yours, those deep brown eyes locking in with gentle intensity.
“are we clear on that?” he asks softly, and you catch the fresh mint on his breath, clean and inviting.
you bite your lip, nodding up and down, the motion automatic as your heart races.
“i’m gonna need words, love,” he says so casually, the endearment rolling off his tongue like it’s the most natural thing and — oh my godddd, this is really the start of your own fanfiction.
“yes,” you manage, your voice steadier than you feel, “i know the rules.”
he brings his hand up then, palm open and inviting. you hesitate for just a heartbeat before slipping your hand into his, the warmth of his skin enveloping yours in a gentle grip that feels surprisingly reassuring.
he starts guiding you deeper into the room, his steps slow and unhurried. you thought he was heading straight for the bed like the next inevitable step in this unfolding scene. but when you walk right past it, your brows furrow, glancing up at him, confusion flickering across your face.
he catches your look and offers a small, knowing smile, releasing your hand only to lower himself against the side of the bed with casual ease. then he pats the space right in front of him, between his outstretched legs.
“are we gonna do it on the floor?” the question tumbles out – this isn’t how you pictured your first time to go. not when there’s a perfectly inviting bed just inches away.
he shakes his head, the motion gentle but firm, “no, not yet…come on,” he says, his voice light with encouragement, “i don’t bite,” he adds, the tease curling at the edges of his words, drawing a reluctant chuckle from you.
you finally take your seat, sliding into the space between jaehyun’s legs on the soft carpet.
as you settle, you realize the full-length mirror is positioned directly in front of you, reflecting the two of you in this intimate arrangement.
his hands find your shoulders then, fingers pressing in with a deliberate slowness, starting to massage the tension there in firm, circular motions that coax the stiffness from your muscles.
he pulls you back toward him gradually, giving you time to adjust, until your back completely melts against his chest, the solid warmth of him grounding you. the fabric of his white t-shirt brushes your skin where your sweater has slipped and you can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat against your spine.
“relax, baby,” he murmurs, right by your ear, his breath warm and even, “you have to trust me for this to work.”
before you can respond, he lands a soft kiss just below your earlobe, the light press of his lips sending a shiver racing down your neck, making you hold your breath as goosebumps rise throughout your skin.
“you said you wanted to be taught,” he continues, his voice a low rumble that vibrates through you, “and i’m here to teach.”
you exhale shakily, leaning into him a fraction more, the scent of his clean soap mingling with the faint floral notes from the roses. it’s overwhelming in the best way – his body a solid wall of warmth behind you, the mirror capturing every subtle shift.
his fingers pause on your arms, then one hand lifts gently to turn your head softly toward him like he’s handling something precious. he tilts your chin up, eyes locking into yours, dark and intent but softened by that reassuring smile.
“have you ever kissed anyone?”
you nod, the admission slipping out shyly, “a couple times…but…i was drunk each time.”
heat creeps up your cheeks but his expression doesn’t shift to judgment. he just nods in understanding, thumb brushing once along your jawline.
“just follow my lead, okay?”
the words are simple and before you can overthink it, he’s leaning in, closing the small distance to press his lips to yours, starting with slow, innocent pecks. each one is light, testing, feather-soft. your eyes flutter shut, the only thing in your mind is the warmth of his mouth.
then he deepens it, his lips sucking gently on yours, a little pull on the bottom one, then the top, drawing out the contact so each kiss lingers. the rhythm shifts, more deliberate, and when his tongue traces along the seam of your lips, memories from all those books flood back – the cues, the surrender.
you part your mouth open for him instinctively, inviting him in and he takes it with a low hum of approval that resonates against your chest. he tastes like toothpaste and vanilla chapstick and you're slowly coming to realize how kissing is so much better when you’re not just reading about it.
your hand lifts on its own, fingers threading into the soft strands of his hair at the nape of his neck, tugging lightly in this awkward angle but enough to pull him closer.
the hand on your jaw moves then, trailing down your side with deliberate slowness, fingertips grazing the hem of your sweater before dipping beneath, skimming the bare skin of your waist.
he breaks the kiss off abruptly, both of you panting for air, his lips tingling and swollen. you wonder if yours matches his.
“arm’s up,” he instructs, voice roughened at the edges. you follow without question. he tugs the sweater up and off in one smooth motion, setting it aside and leaving you in your bra and sweats.
“look at you,” he murmurs, lips brushing the shell of your ear, sending another shiver through you. his chin settles over your shoulder giving you no choice but to stare ahead at the mirror. your reflection stares back — your face flushed pink, lips matching his, eyes wide with a mix of nerves and building heat.
his fingers move to the clasp of your bra, unbuckling it with a quick, practiced flick that loosens the straps instantly. he slides the fabric down your arms slowly, letting it drop to the carpet beside your sweater, the cool air hitting your bare skin and making your nipples harden immediately.
you watch your chest rise and fall in quick pants, each breath pulling your breasts up and down, the motion exposing the rush of heat flooding your body, the tangle of nerves twisting in your gut, the raw shyness of being this naked in front of someone else for the first time.
before you can completely shy away, his hands are right there again, palms flattening against your stomach, fingers splaying wide as he holds you steady against his chest, pressing just enough to remind you he’s in control.
“beautiful,” he whispers right into your ear, his breath hot and steady, and you can feel his gaze locked on your reflection, taking in every inch of you like he’s memorizing it.
then he reaches for one of your hands, his grip loose but insistent as he drags it upward, guiding your palm to cup your own breast, your fingers brushing the curve tentatively at first.
“touch yourself.”
his voice drops to a commanding timbre, low and rough. you hesitate for a split second, heart hammering, but the way he looks at you urges you on — your fingers curl slightly, squeezing the soft flesh, thumb grazing over your nipple experimentally. it hardens further under your touch, a spark of unfamiliar pleasure shooting through you, making you hold your breath.
he watches in the mirror, his free hand now inching lower toward your waistband, but he doesn’t push yet.
“just like that, pretty girl,” he encourages, voice softening just a touch, lips pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
“squeeze a little harder — roll your nipple between your fingers. tell me what it does to you.”
your fingers tighten as instructed, the pressure sending a fresh wave of heat blooming across your skin, shooting straight down to your core, making your pussy clench emptily. the sensation is raw and new, like your body’s been holding back this fire until now.
“f-feels good,” you admit, your voice shaky and breathy, barely above a whisper.
“yeah, it makes you wanna moan, doesn’t it?” he teases, that small, playful smirk curling his lips, softening his commanding presence just a fraction, making him seem even more intoxicating.
you bite your lip hard, the sting grounding you as you nod, cheeks burning hotter than before.
“well, go on, let me hear those pretty sounds,” he urges, his tone dipping lower, his breath warm against your neck.
hesitation locks your throat, the idea of letting go like that in front of him feeling too exposed, too soon.
he senses it and without a word, one of his hands slides up from your stomach to take over your breast. his palm cups it fully, larger and rougher than your own touch, his thumb flicking your nipple up and down in quick, deliberate strokes.
the friction builds fast, a teasing rhythm that pulls a tiny, breathy moan from your lips before you can swallow it back, the soft sound betraying you completely, echoing in the quiet room. your head falls back against his chest at the rush of it, leaving you dizzy and wanting more.
“wanna feel even better?” he whispers, his voice a low rumble right by your ear, lips grazing the lobe as his other hand lingers at your waist, fingers hooking lightly into the band of your sweats.
all you can manage is a breathless, “please,” your body already arching subtly toward whatever comes next.
he doesn’t make you wait. his hands move with sure intent, tugging your sweats down your hips in one fluid pull, lifting your feet one by one to slide them off completely. they join the pile on the carpet, leaving you in just your underwear now — the thin cotton clinging damply between your thighs, the wet spot at the center impossible to ignore.
he reaches down and parts your legs wide, knees bending and lifting toward the ceiling like he’s opening you up for display. the view in the mirror is obscene and intimate, your bare breasts heaving with each pant, legs splayed shamelessly, his arms bracketing you like a frame.
his hands settle on your inner thighs, palms hot and steady, thumbs tracing lazy circles that inch closer to your core without touching yet, letting the anticipation coil tighter.
“look at how wet you are already,” he murmurs, nuzzling your neck as one hand drifts upward again to knead your breast, keeping that slow, rolling pressure on your nipple,
“now…,” he grabs one of your hands, sliding it down your body and stopping at the edge of your panties.
“i want you to use these fingers,” he taps on your pointer and middle finger, “—and rub yourself over your panties for me.”
his eyes meet yours in the reflection, dark with hunger but still holding back, waiting for you to follow.
your hand trembles slightly, finger hesitating at the edge of your underwear before dipping lower. you press two fingers against the damp fabric right over your clit, the cotton already soaked and clinging to your folds.
the first rub is testing, a slow circle that presses the material against your sensitive nub, a breathy moan escaping your lips – soft and needy, like a sigh you couldn’t hold back.
“that’s it,” he praises, his breath hot against your ear, watching intently as your fingers move, “just like that — feel how wet you are? circle it, press a little harder, figure out what makes you feel good.”
you obey, adding pressure as your fingers glide in tighter loops, the friction building heat that makes your hips twitch involuntarily. another moans slips out, a little louder this time, hitching as the sensation coils tighter in your belly, your pussy throbbing under the teasing barrier.
“good girl,” he whispers, leaving trails of kisses down your neck, “see how your body responds? you’re soaking right through — rub faster now, up and down.”
both of his hands are on your thighs now, his touch roaming.
your fingers continue to slide up and down the length of your pussy lips, the drag pulling a series of soft moans from you — each one higher, more desperate as the pressure mounts.
“mmm…oh,” you gasp when you hit a certain spot, your head lolling back against his shoulder.
“that's the spot – keep it there,” he chuckles slowly, the vibration rumbling through his chest into your back, “you’re doing so well…how does it feel?”
“s-so good,” you breathe out, voice shaky, as you continue rubbing over your clit, your free hand clutching at his arm for support.
“such a quick learner,” he murmurs, his hand trailing up your panties teasingly.
his fingers gently stop yours, wrapping around your wrist with a firm but careful hold as he guides your hand away from your core. you let out a quiet moan in protest but it’s cut off when he speaks again, voice low and steady.
“you’re ready for more.”
then he hooks into the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your thighs in one smooth motion, the cool air hitting your exposed skin. the fabric pools at your ankles, and you kick them aside instinctively.
“touch your bare pussy now, feel how wet you really are.”
his words sends a rush of embarrassment flooding to your cheeks, mixing hot with the arousal pooling low in your belly as you see it all laid out — your glistening entrance completely exposed to the cool air, clit swollen and begging for attention.
heart pounding, you let two fingers meet your bare skin, slipping easily through the wetness as you rub along your slit, tracing the soft, soaked lips from top to bottom. the direct contact is electric, no barrier to dull the sensation, and you moan louder, the sound raw and unrestrained.
“oh god… jaehyun,” you whine his name for the first time and the way it tumbles from your lips turns you on even more.
“hmm,” he hums in approval, leaning in to place a messy kiss on your shoulder, his lips lingering with a soft suck before pulling back.
“push one finger in now—slide it right along your entrance, feel how your pussy opens for it.”
you hesitate for a split second, then press one finger at your hole, pushing in slowly. the tight ring of muscle gives way with a wet squelch, your walls clenching around the intrusion as you sink deeper, inch by inch.
another tiny moan escapes you as you hold your breath. the fullness is strange but intoxicating, your finger buried to the knuckle inside your heat.
“good girl,” jaehyun praises, his breath warm against your ear, and you could feel your walls react around your digit.
“move it in and out now — slow strokes, tell me what you feel.”
you pump your finger experimentally, drawing it out before sliding back in, the drag pulling another moan from your throat, breathier and higher.
“mmm… it’s… warm…and—fuck—tight,” you gasp, the slick sounds echoing softly as you find a tentative rhythm.
“perfect — add the second one,” he murmurs, nipping at your earlobe, “push them both in together, stretch yourself a little.
swallowing hard, you ease a second finger alongside the first, the added thickness making your pussy stretch with a delicious burn.
“curl them up toward your belly — that’s the spot that’ll make you see stars.”
you thrust them deeper, curling as he said, the tips brushing a spongy patch inside that sends sparks shooting through you, exactly like he said it.
“jaehyun–,” you moan breathily, hips jerking forward into your hand as you start to pump, in and out, curling on every upstroke.
“fuck, yes — just like that,” he groans softly.
“keep curling, rub that spot hard. feel how your walls flutter? you’re learning so fast, baby,” his praises wash over you, punctuated by wet kisses and his warm hands roaming all over your skin
after a while, you start getting the rhythm of it all, instinct taking over as your body chases after the sensation — fingers plunging faster, curling with precision, thumb occasionally grazing your clit. soft moans continue to spill from you, your head falling back against his chest, thighs trembling as the pleasure builds like a wave.
“that’s it, my perfect girl,” he whispers, lips pressing fervent kisses along your neck and shoulders, anywhere his mouth can reach, tongue flicking out to taste your skin.
“look at you fucking yourself so well — your pussy’s dripping down your hand. don’t hold back, chase it.”
but as the heat continues to rise, coiling tighter in your core, it starts to feel overwhelming, the intensity bordering on too much, your fingers falter, and — you stop abruptly, pulling them out halfway.
“fuck—wait,” you pant, chest heaving, a whine edge in your voice as you try to catch your breath.
“what’s wrong?” he asks immediately, voice laced with gentle concern as he lifts his head to meet your eyes in the reflection.
“my stomach felt weird,” you reply, cheeks burning with the admission, your fingers hovering uncertainly at your entrance.
he adores your innocence in that moment, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he presses a tender kiss to your jaw.
“good weird or a bad weird?”
“i don’t know… it felt…hot,” you explain, voice small and breathless, your body still thrumming with unmet need.
he smiles wider, another kiss landing on your flushed skin, “that just means you’re close.”
your eyes widen in the mirror, a mix of surprise and lingering uncertainty flashing across your face, “did i mess it up?”
he shakes his head no, his tone reassuring and firm.
“no. just touch yourself again for me and this time — don’t stop until i say so.”
nodding, you slide your fingers back inside — two at once, curling right away as he taught you, resuming the rhythm, pumping steadily, the heat reigniting almost instantly. desperate moans pour from you now as the coil tightens again, faster this time, your pussy clenching rhythmically around your digits.
but when the the pressure builds to an unbearable peak —
“jaehyun… it’s… too–” you try to pull your hand away again, whimpering.
he doesn’t let you this time.
his large hand coming over yours, keeping your fingers buried deep inside as he holds you in place.
“shhh, stay with it — i've got you,” he murmurs.
his other hand slipping down to rub at your clit in firm, tight circles, pressing just right to push you over.
“let it happen, cum for me.”
the sensation completely shatters you — your walls tightening around your digits — and your first orgasm ever crashes through you so hard you can’t even contain yourself anymore, the sounds spilling out raw and desperate, echoing in the quiet room.
“ahh—jae—fuck!”
you cry, the words breaking into a high-pitched keen as your body arches off his chest, your toes curling tight against the carpet, eyes rolling back, vision blurring with stars, as your thighs clamp down around his hand, trapping him there. the pleasure pulses hot and endless, flooding every nerve until you're shaking uncontrollably, slick gushing over your fingers.
jaehyun holds you through it all, his arm banded securely around your waist to keep you from bucking too wildly, his free hand still working your clit in slowing strokes to help you ride the waves.
“that’s it, love — feel every bit of it,” he murmurs softly, his lips brushing feather-light kisses along your temples, grounding you as the tremors start to fade.
he slows his fingers gradually, letting the aftershocks ripple through you, your pussy fluttering weakly around your buried digits until the intensity fades to a warm, satisfied glow.
your breaths come in ragged pants, body limp and heavy against him, sweat-damp skin sticking to his shirt. finally, your eyes flutter open, hazy and unfocused at first, meeting his gaze in the mirror — dark eyes full of pride and something deeper, more possessive.
with a gentle tug, he guides your hand out of your pussy, your fingers emerging slick and shining with your cum, the wet pop audible in the stillness.
“look at yourself, look at your pretty pussy,” he instructs, voice husky and commanding, as he lifts your hand between you.
your eyes snap to the reflection, cheeks flushing anew at the sight — your thighs splayed wide, pussy flushed and puffy, entrance gaping slightly from the stretch, glistening with arousal that drips down toward your ass.
you watch, mesmerized, as he brings your slick digits up to his lips, parting them to take them inside his mouth. his tongue swirls around your fingers, sucking deliberately, drawing your cum off them with slow, savoring pulls — hollowing his cheeks like it's the sweetest treat he's ever had.
you stare wide eyed, arousal stirring fresh despite the exhaustion, a new heat blooming in your belly as you watch him devour your juices.
the way his eyes lock on yours, the soft hum of approval vibrating against your skin — it's filthy and captivating, making you wonder how it tasted, what it felt like on his tongue.
“how does it taste?” you ask, finally finding your voice, breathy and tentative, your gaze flicking from his mouth to his face.
he smirks, releasing your fingers with a wet pop, a string of saliva connecting them briefly before he licks his lips, “you want to know?”
you nod, heart racing again, curiosity overriding any lingering shyness.
without a word, he cups the back of your neck and pulls you in for a kiss — deep and unhurried, his tongue sliding past your lips to share the flavor, your own arousal coating his mouth as he explores yours.
you moan softly into it, tasting yourself on him, the intimacy of it sending a shiver down your spine as his free hand strokes your thigh soothingly, fingers tracing lazy patterns over your skin.
the kiss deepens, growing hungrier, his tongue stroking yours in firm sweeps while you tilt your head for more.
you shift, turning around in his arms for a better angle, rising onto your knees between his spread legs, hands sliding up his chest over the thin shirt. your fingers catch the hem, tugging insistently, suddenly aware he’s still fully clothed while you’re completely exposed.
jaehyun breaks the kiss just long enough to yank it off swiftly over his head, tossing it aside with your clothes, revealing the sculpted ridges of his eight pack abs — hard, defined lines flexing under smooth skin, a dark happy trail snaking from his navel down and sharp v-lines disappearing into his pants.
you pause, eyes widening as you admire him, one hand trailing down his abs, “god…i don’t think any fictional man can compare anymore,” you murmur, voice laced with awe.
he laughs low and rich, the sound vibrating through his chest, clearly enjoying this bolder side of you over the earlier nerves.
“good thing i’m real and all yours,” he winks, dimples flashing as he pulls you back in for another kiss, lips claiming yours with renewed heat.
“all mine…for another hour or two,” you tease breathlessly when you pull back, a playful glint in your eyes.
his dimples deepen then, eyes darkening with amusement and desire, “let’s not waste a second then,” he teases.
“that would be a shame,” you say quietly, a smile curving your lips before your graze drifts lower, lingering on the thick bulge straining against his plaid pajama pants.
“you can take it off, you know?” he says, reading your mind, his hand guiding yours to the waistband.
you nod, cheeks heating as you shyly hook your fingers in and slide the pants down his hips, exposing the black boxers that do nothing to hide his impressive length – thick and throbbing visibly beneath the thin material.
“take that off for me too, sweet girl,” he instructs, voice firm and coaxing, eyes locked on yours.
you obey without hesitation, palms sliding up his thighs before tugging the boxers down, watching as his cock springs up immediately — heavy and erect, veined shaft curving slightly upward, the flushed head already beading pre-cum.
he lifts his hips to help, kicking the pants and boxers off and you can’t help but gulp at the sight of him fully exposed. with your pulse racing, you reach out without asking, fingers wrapping around his length at the base.
his hips buck up sharply into your grip, a low grunt escaping his throat as you surprisingly squeeze experimentally, feeling him twitch and harden further in your palm.
“what are you thinking about?” he asks, noticing your silence.
“i’m comparing it to my fingers,” you say quietly, stroking once from base to tip before meeting his gaze straight on, “this is gonna hurt, isn’t it?”
jaehyun slowly guides your hand towards his mouth, eyes on yours the whole time when he lets his spit slowly drool from his lips to your palm. it’s vulgar and messy and it makes your head spin.
then he brings your hand back down to his cock, guiding you into a slow pump along his shaft, his abs tightening under where your other palm rests.
“it might sting at first, yeah—especially since you’re new to this,” he admits honestly, making your thumb circle the sensitive underside of the head with your joined hands, smearing his pre-cum down the length, “—but i’ll go slow, make sure you’re wet and ready. you’ll take me like you were made for it…until you’re begging for it.”
his words send fresh heat flooding your core, pussy clenching emptily as you watch your hand glide over his cock. he groans softly, hips rolling up into each stroke, free hand tangling in your hair to tilt your face up.
“keep stroking me like that, twist your wrist at the top.”
you follow his guidance, earning a grunt from him.
“yeah—fuck, baby, just like that.”
it’s hot. he’s hot. the sounds he makes are hot.
you pump faster, mesmerized by him, feeling his cock throb thicker in your fist. his breaths grow ragged, eyes half lidded as he watches you, then pulls you up for a messy kiss, tongue fucking your mouth in time with your strokes.
his hand leaves yours, sliding down your back to cup your ass firmly, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he lifts you up slightly. your knees spread wider on the carpet, ass rising into the air, pussy exposed and dripping from behind.
and without warning, he presses one long finger against your slick entrance and pushes inside, stretching your walls with a single smooth thrust.
you moan loud into the kiss as your grip on his cock tightens, strokes pausing mid-pump while you adjust to the intrusion.
it’s so much different from fingering yourself — his finger is thicker, longer, moves with purpose you can’t anticipate.
he drags it out slow, then slams back in, curling deep against that soft spot inside, sending sparks exploding through your nerves.
you try your best to resume pumping his cock, hand jerking unevenly along the slick length, but the sensation overwhelms you. after a few shaky strokes, you give up, fingers digging into his muscular thigh for anchor as your mouth hangs open against his, breaths panting hot and desperate.
he breaks the kiss to nip at your jaw, lips brushing your ear as he whispers praises, voice rough and commanding, “so fucking tight—you like that, don’t you? like it when my fingers fuck you like this.”
his digit pumps faster, plunging in and out with wet squelches, thumb now circling your swollen clit in firm presses.
and god, the not knowing makes it so much better — when he’ll curl, when he’ll thrust, when he’ll grind his palm over your clit.
nothing registers but him finger-fucking you — the stretch, the heat, the relentless pressure building low in your belly.
“you’re so wet baby, this pussy is ready to take me,” he grunts, adding a second finger without mercy, scissoring them wide to open you up, knuckles bumping your entrance as he dives deeper.
you’re a goner. your head falls to the crook of his neck, nose buried in his skin, teeth clenched, body seizing as your second orgasm crashes over you just like that. your walls clamp down hard on his fingers, creaming all over his hand, the fresh slick dripping down your thighs. your cries are muffled against his shoulder as your hips buck wildly onto his palm, chasing every brutal thrust through the waves.
jaehyun doesn’t stop, his free arm banding around your waist to hold you steady as you tremble and spasm.
“fuck, that’s it—soak my fingers, sweet girl,” he praises, watching your body shake through the mirror.
your breaths come in shattered gasps, body going limp in his hold as the aftershocks ripple through you.
he eases his fingers out slow, then brings them to your lips, “taste yourself,” he murmurs, pushing the soaked digits past your parted mouth.
you suck obediently, tongue lapping at your own release, eyes fluttering up to meet his heated gaze.
he groans at the sight, cock jerking visibly, “now get on the bed—it’s time for the real lesson.”
your eyes widen slightly, pulse racing at his words, but at this point you’re so ready for this — your body practically begging as your pussy clenches around nothing, aching to be filled.
you push up on shaking legs, knees wobbly from the orgasms, turning toward the bed. before you can climb on and sit down — jaehyun’s large, strong hands grip your hips, spinning you around fast. his lips crash onto your again, kissing you hungrily.
he walks you backward step by step, guiding you onto the bed. your back meets the soft sheets, sinking into the plush mattress as your legs part on instinct, thighs spreading wide. he settles between them heavy and hot, his muscular frame caging you in, his rock hard cock dragging teasingly along your inner thigh.
jaehyun breaks the kiss only to trail his mouth down your jaw, to your neck, sucking hard enough to mark the skin red, drawing out a sharp moan from you.
he moves to your breasts next, mouth closing over one nipple, tongue flicking the peak before sucking on it. your body arches off the bed, pressing your chest into his face, the pull shooting straight to your core.
“jaehyun—,” you moan, the sensation so new and overwhelming in the best way possible. he switches sides, lavishing the other nipple with the same attention — suck, bite, soothe with his tongue — leaving behind a couple of dark hickeys blooming purple on your skin.
finally, he pulls back, sliding down your body until he’s on his knees. one hand wanders flat over your stomach, tracing down to your hips, then dipping to your inner thigh until his fingers reach your pussy lips, parting them open and exposing your dripping entrance and throbbing clit to the cool air.
you watch him the entire time, breath held, excitement buzzing through your veins like electricity.
jaehyun grips his cock at the base, sending you a playful smirk before he guides the flushed head up through your folds – but not inside.
he slides it along your slick, coating himself in your arousal, then swirl the tip around your clit in lazy circles, letting you feel him skin to skin.
the pressure edges you mercilessly, building that coil together once again. you whine high and desperate, hips bucking up to chase the friction, needing more.
“please….jaehyun.”
he smiles down at you, dimples flashing wickedly, eyes locked on your pleading face.
“gotta make sure you’re nice and wet, sweet girl.”
he doesn’t give in just yet. tapping his cock against your clit — once, twice, three times — each tap leaving you wanting more. then he drags down your folds again, nudging your hole but pulling back every time, teasing the stretch.
your whines turn to full begging, thighs trembling, your pussy getting wetter and wetter with ever second.
when he finally deems you ready, he leans over to snatch the condom on the nightstand, ripping the packet open with his teeth and rolling the latex down his length with practiced ease, the sight making your mouth water. you had no idea who you were anymore, all you know is that you needed him. badly.
he crawls back up, face hovering inches from yours, “ready?” he asks, voice softer than it’s been the whole night, his cock nudging right at your entrance, the tip kissing your hole.
you nod frantically, hands going to the nape of his neck.
“yes—please, jaehyun, i need to feel you inside me.”
he doesn’t make you beg anymore after that, pressing forward slowly, the thick head of his cock breaching your tight ring with a wet pop, stretching you inch by burning inch.
it burns so good, fuller than his fingers, your walls yielding reluctantly to his size as he sinks deeper. you’re thankful he took the time prepping you because you can’t even imagine he’d fit if you weren’t this wet.
you shut your eyes tight, hissing sharp at the slight sting of the stretch.
jaehyun notices immediately, hips stuttering just a fraction, “you’re doing so well, love – almost there,” he grunts low, voice strained as he fights his own urges.
you’re so fucking tight, so fucking wet and it feels like heaven and torture rolled into one because he knows you’re a virgin — knows he has to go slow, let you savor it.
once he bottoms out, his balls snug against your ass, he stills completely, giving you a long moment to adjust to the impossible fullness splitting you open, your pussy fluttering wild around him. he peppers your face with soft kisses, a tender contrast to the raw stretch.
you open your eyes, a little watery from the intensity and he thumbs away a tiny tear before it can fall, gaze locked soft on yours.
“you still with me?” he murmurs, breath hot against your skin.
you nod quick, but he tilts his head, dimples faint in that patient smile, “what did i say about words?”
“i’m with you,” you confirm, voice breathy, hands clutching his biceps.
“i’m gonna move now, okay?”
“okay,” you whisper, pulse thundering.
he starts thrusting slow, pulling out halfway then pushing back in with a smooth roll of his hips, letting you get used to the drag.
the pain starts subsiding quick, morphing into sparks of pleasure that bloom deep in your belly, your body starting to react to it as your hips buck up instinctively to match his slow rhythm, chasing more.
“faster, please,” you plead, voice wrecked.
he obliges without question, picking up the pace slightly.
he hikes one of your legs higher, hooking it over his waist, opening you wider — and then he’s hitting it. every snap of his hips grinding right against that spot inside. you moan loud, unrestrained, the sound ripping from your throat.
“yeah, there we go, baby, let me hear you — you sound so fucking pretty,” he praises, voice rough with lust, urging you on as sweat beads on his temple.
“right there, right there, right there, please jaehyun—,” your whines mixes with your moans, hands wrapping around his torso, nails scraping his back to pull him closer.
he knows exactly what you need, his cock slamming that spot deeper — relentless, pounding now.
you’ve never felt anything like it, pleasure coiling vicious and hot, building to a peak that whites out your vision.
you last a couple more thrusts, walls clamping down hard before your third orgasm crashes through you fully. your entire body heats up, pussy spasming wild around his cock, mouth falling open in a breathless moan, the feeling of raw ecstasy making your eyes shut tight while stars burst behind your lids, limbs locking and trembling in his grip.
“that’s it, baby, fuck—you’re coming so hard for me,” jaehyun praises you through it, his hips grinding deep to drag out every pulse.
“look at you, creaming all over my cock, squeezing me so tight — perfect little pussy.”
you barely have time to catch your breath and process the fact that you’re no longer a virgin when jaehyun pulls out with a wet slide, your empty pussy clenching around nothing, as your release slides out of your hole and down to your ass crack.
you hear the sharp snap of latex being yanked off and tossed aside. and the next second – jaehyun’s hovering over you – on his knees, his length obscene and huge, flushed dark and throbbing, veins bulging. he taps the swollen head onto your parted lips.
“wider,” he commands, tone firm, eyes dark with hunger.
he definitely fucked you stupid because you obey instantly, parting your lips wider, tongue flicking out instinctively.
“good girl,” he praises low, dimples flashing wicked before he shoves his cock down your throat in one smooth thrust. it hits the back of your throat immediately, making you gag hard, drool spilling from the corners of your mouth.
you think back to all those books, the smut you devoured, and you’re prepared for this more than you thought — you force your jaw to slack, relaxing the muscles as much as possible, breathing raggedly through your nose and ignoring the tears welling fast, blurring your vision, as you let jaehyun fuck your mouth.
his hips snap forward, grunts and groans rumbling deep from his throat, so hot they vibrate straight to your core. you could listen to him forever — that raw, animalistic sound of need. it makes you horny again, pussy clenching empty, aching fresh, thighs rubbing together for some comfort.
you almost can’t believe you’ve avoided sexual acts for this long and now you have a man balls deep in your throat in the same hour you lost your virginity.
but fuck, you wouldn’t change a thing.
this was all your fanfictions exploding into reality and it’s so much hotter — thicker, messier, real sweat and musk and stretch.
jaehyun’s abs clench tight above you, “nngh–,” a low sound rattles in his throat, somewhere between a moan and a growl, “i’m gonna cum—fuck.”
he’s losing his bearings, his thrusts turning erratic and sloppy. you feel him start to pull back and it’s almost sweet how he doesn’t want to force you to swallow his cum when he’s already choking you with his cock — but your desire is ravenous, your hands shooting up to grip his ass cheeks firmly, nails digging in to yank him deeper, holding him in place. you suck harder, hollowing your cheeks, tongue swirling frantically around him.
“oh—god,” he groans, head tipping back, “you dirty, dirty girl.”
he grabs a fistful of your hair tightly, yanking your head steady as your tearful eyes lock on his — blown pupils, jaw slack, pure feral lust.
“you better swallow every drop,” he growls through clenched teeth, his voice breaking, and then he’s erupting — hot ropes pulsing straight down your throat, thick and endless. you gulp it down greedily, not spilling a bit, throat working around him until he’s spent and shuddering above you, cock twitching with aftershocks.
jaehyun finally pulls out slow, slick strands of spit and cum connecting your lips to his tip before snapping free.
you let yourself cough for a bit, finally regaining air in your lungs as he slides back down your body.
“so good for me, taking it all like that – my perfect girl,” he praises, caressing your face gently before capturing your mouth in a deep kiss, tasting himself in you.
“who taught you how to suck somene off like that, huh?” he teases, eyes sparkling wickedly as he props on his elbows, his body against yours.
you smile shyly, cheeks burning hot, biting your lip.
he grins wide, dimples carving deep, already knowing, “those books are that good?” he asks, voice playful.
you laugh bright, playfully shoving his shoulder, “yeah, well, the writers are pretty damn amazing.”
he quirks a brow high, smirk tugging, “anything else they write about that you want to try?” he waits, gaze intense, hand tracing lazy circles on your skin.
“i—uhm,” you start, voice soft, “i kinda want to ride you.”
he chuckles deep, hand roaming down your hip, squeezing the curve firm, “you gotta give me five minutes, love,” he says playful, making you laugh again, the tension easing into giddy warmth.
you’re thankful he’s not making this whole thing a bigger deal than it has to be, that he’s not treating you like something breakable just because it’s your first time.
“do they write about how it feels to be eaten out?” he smirks slow, breaking you out of your thoughts.
you nod quick, pulse racing fresh.
“let me know if the writing is as good as the actual thing,” he says teasingly.
and then he’s shifting down, strong hands spreading your thighs wide, hooking under your knees to pin you open. his breath ghosts hot over your soaked pussy before his tongue flattens, licking a long stripe up your slit from your hole to your clit, lapping your juices clean.
your head sinks deep into the pillow, back arching sharp, body reacting immediately to his touch,“god—jaehyun,” you whine high, hands flying down to grip his dark hair, tugging the strands between your fingers.
he groans into you, vibration humming straight to your core and dives in hungrily — lips sealing around your clit, sucking, tongue flicking rapid circles around the sensitive bud. your hips buck up desperately, grinding your folds against his face, chasing the pressure.
he eats you out filthily, nose bumping your clit as his tongue thrusts in, slurping every drip of your arousal. spit and cream smear his chin, dripping down.
your thighs quake around his head, heels digging into the mattress, your grip tightening in his hair as that spark builds low in your belly once again.
“jae—fuck, yes,” you gasp, legs trembling now, toes curling into the sheets.
he presses his face deeper and you shatter hard, your fourth orgasm crashing through you like fire, pussy spasming as you squirt tiny bursts against his mouth.
jaehyun drinks it down, sucking your pulsing clit to drag out every throb. your back arches off the bed, cry ripping raw from your chest, as you push his head off of you, giving yourself a moment to breathe.
his lips are glistening with your release, eyes dark and smug as he crawls beside you, sitting against the headboard as he caresses your hair.
“better than the book, yeah?” he murmurs playfully, earning an eye roll and a tired laugh from you as you calm your racing pulse.
“still wanna ride me, baby?” he asks, voice low and coaxing.
you look up at him then. in truth, you’re feeling tired, but on the other hand, you still wanted to feel it.
“c-can i?” you ask shyly.
he nods, thumb stroking your cheek, “of course you can, anything you want to do, love.”
he reaches for another condom on the nightstand. you sit up now, watching him move.
“can i put it on you?”
he gives you a soft smile, handing it over, “yeah, here.” his hand covers yours, showing you how to pinch the tip and slide it down smooth over his hard cock until it hugs him tight.
once it’s on, he guides you over his lap to straddle him, thighs spreading wide around his hips, “now…just grip the base of me like this,” he says, wrapping your fingers around his cock, steady and thick in your palm, “and sit whenever you’re ready.”
you nod, heart pounding, lining his tip up with your soaked entrance. you take a soft breath before slowly, pushing down, the stretch burning sweetly.
“oh—shit,” you moans, sinking lower inch by inch, the new angle making you feel him even more, “oh my god—you feel so big.”
he tries to hide his smirk as his hands settle on your waist, rubbing soothing circles, letting you control the drop.
“take your time, sweet girl—you can do it,” he praises. then his mouth latches onto one nipple, lips sucking softly and sweetly.
and fuck, there’s a reason why he’s the most valuable donor.
you whimper, hips dipping further, taking half of his length now, walls clenching greedy around the invasion. he switches nipples, sucking the other into wet heat, humming approval that vibrates through your chest.
“fuck, you’re tight,” he groans against your skin, one hand sliding up your back to pull you closer, the other kneading your ass.
you continue until your ass meets his thighs and he’s buried balls deep, the fullness stealing your breath, pussy stuffed full and pulsing around him.
you pause there, panting, adjusting to his size. jaehyun kisses between your breasts, up to your neck, murmuring, “move when it feels good, yeah? bounce or grind—whatever you need.”
his words sink in, a gentle push to explore and figure out what your body likes.
you lift your hips slowly, slick pussy dragging up his shaft, then sink back down slow, the friction sparking fresh heat low in your belly.
then you try grinding circles next, your clit pressing firm against his pubic bone, cock buried deep and still. a soft moan slips out at that — your body likes this roll, the way it rubs that inner wall just right.
he watches close, eyes locked on your face, hands loose on your hips. and you can’t help it, he’s just so handsome and patient and everything you wanted this to be. you lean forward, capturing his mouth in a messy kiss, moaning into it as you grind harder. each second builds pressure, pussy clenching around his thickness, learning the rhythm that makes your thighs quiver.
“that’s it, baby—fuck yourself on my cock—you love it don’t you?” he breathes against your lips, still letting you lead.
“f-feels s-so full, jaehyun,” you admit in moans, bouncing slightly now, moans pouring into his mouth louder while your hips chase that rising coil, your sweat beads on your skin, tits brushing his chest with every grind.
the heat swells fast again, that now familiar ache demanding more. you rock frantically, your pace faltering as your thighs start to burn. whines escape between kisses, desperate little sounds that demand more.
“what do you need, love? tell me,” he asks, his voice husky, though his smirk says he already knows.
“need it faster—please,” you whine, nails digging into his chest.
that flips the switch.
he plants your heels firm into the mattress on either side of his hips, “hold here,” he says, guiding your hands up to grip his shoulders tight. then he takes over — hips snapping up at a punishing pace, each thrust slamming into the spot that whites out your vision, his grip on your hip hot and bruising.
you moan louder than you thought you could, your raw cries bouncing off the walls as the sound of skin slapping wet and loud fills your ears.
soon enough, your knees buckle as you collapse against his chest. he doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow — his strong hands grips your ass cheeks, bouncing you up and down his cock easily.
“jaehyun—fuck!”
your pussy stretches around every ruthless plunge, walls fluttering wild. he grunts by your ear, breath hot on your neck, cock throbbing thicker inside you.
“i’m–i’m gonna cum—,” you scream between clenched teeth, body seizing as the edge crashes, bringing you to your fifth orgasm.
“that’s it, baby—squeeze me just like that,” he growls low in your ear as you shatter completely, pussy convulsing violently around him, juices gushing down his shaft, pushing him to his own orgasm. he thrusts deep one last time, his cock pulsing hard as he fills the condom with thick ropes of cum.
you’re both wrecked, panting, locked together. his arms wrap tight around your back as he kisses your shoulder.
“so fucking perfect,” he murmurs, holding you close through the aftershocks.
you stay like that for a while, his hand stroking your back in lazy circles, letting you catch your breath and piece your scattered mind back together. the fullness is almost comforting, warm inside, a reminder of how thoroughly he wrecked you.
you lift your head finally, meeting his gaze, his eyes soft and searching, “you okay?” he asks, thumb brushing your cheek.
you nod, a shy smile tugging at your lips, “that was—i don’t know how that’s going to be topped…you may have set the standards too high for real men,” you say, laughing softly.
he laughs with you, deep and warm, his hand sliding up to rub your arm up and down, his soft cock still buried inside you.
“well, i’ll be here if you ever need your standards met,” he winks, smile widening, those dimples carving deep into his cheeks.
and you can’t resist it anymore — your finger reaches up sweetly, poking one dimple gently. his expression shifts to amused shock, brows lifting playfully as he catches your hand and landing a kiss on your fingertip.
“thank you,” you say sweetly, “i couldn’t have asked for a better first time.”
he pulls you down for a kiss then, soft and slow, lips moving tenderly against yours, “thank you for trusting me,” he murmurs when he pulls back as you two share a smile.
“let’s get you cleaned up.”
you nod, finally hopping off him, your pussy clenching empty around nothing, juices spilling down between your thighs, already missing that thick stretch as his cock slips free with a wet slide.
he pulls the condom off, tying it off quick before tossing it to the bin, then guides you with a hand at your lower back toward the door leading to the bathroom, your legs feeling like jelly below you.
“one last lesson,” he says smirking, “you need to pee.”
you laugh, the sound light and bubbly, “got it, i have read about that.”
he laughs then, eyes crinkling at the corners, “you gotta send me these books you’re reading…i might learn a thing or two,” he jokes, handing you a soft towel from a stack on the counter.
“go ahead, i’ll get your clothes,” he says before giving you a bit of privacy as he saunters back into the bedroom to pick your clothes off the ground.
you look at your reflection in the mirror and yeah, it does kinda scream that you just got railed in the best way possible.
you do your thing — wiping the sticky mess from your thighs before finally sitting on the toilet. you wash up softly, your pussy still throbbing tenderly, swollen lips aching sweet from the stretch and friction.
he knocks softly before peeking in, he’s back in his clothes now too while your clothes and underwear are draped over his arm.
“all good?” he asks, stepping in to lay them on the counter.
“yeah,” you say, taking the clothes, and slipping into it.
he turns away politely and it’s cute considering how he’s the only person to ever see and touch your body intimately.
you step out of the bathroom fully dressed and he walks over to you, placing his hand up, palm open just like how this all started.
“ready to head out?”
you nod, placing your hand in his, warm and steady. he leads you out the door of suite 14 and into the hallway back to the lobby, his fingers laced loosed with yours. as you’re walking, he pulls out a single red rose that he tucked between his pajama pants like the cheeky, cheeky man he is.
“for you ms. y/n.”
you try to hide your smile, cheeks warming, “thank you, mr. jung,” you giggle, taking the rose from him, the symbolism of the flower making you laugh inside – how poetic.
“is it always this sweet here?” you ask, twirling the stem between your fingers.
“it depends on the client,” he says honestly, dimples deepening as he glances sideways.
“has anyone fallen in love with a client before?” you ask, head already swrling with romantic fantasies.
he pauses to think for a bit, “i don’t think so…but i wouldn’t put it past us,” he says rationally, “we are still human after all.”
you nod at that. then you make it to the door that leads to the lobby.
“well…johnny will take care of you now,” he says, “thank you for choosing me, ms. y/n,” he smiles then, releasing your hand softly just to offer it out again for handshake.
you take it, shaking his hand, “i couldn’t have chosen a better donor,” you say softly.
then, just when you thought it was over – he brings your hand up to his lips, placing a soft kiss between your knuckles, the brush of his mouth sending a final spark through your skin.
“come back whenever you want,” he says, sending you a playful wink, dimples flashing one last time before finally letting you step back into the lobby, your heart fluttering quietly in your chest as the door to the private suites closes behind you.
✚ END OF SESSION ✚
“welcome back,” johnny says lightly, pulling you back to reality as you walk up to the reception desk.
“how was suite 14?”
you grip the rose tighter between your fingers, body and mind still humming from jaehyun, “perfect,” you admit shyly, cheeks heating.
johnny nods approvingly, a small smile on his lips, “jaehyun’s got that effect.”
then he’s sliding a black bag towards you. you eye it suspiciously, curiosity piqued.
“a gift from us,” johnny says, eyes twinkling, “a little thank you for giving us a chance.”
you smile, grabbing the bag and thanking him before finally stepping out of the clinic and into the cool evening air.
you slide into the driver’s seat of your car, exhaling long and slow, processing everything that just happened. your body aches in the best way, the faint musk of sex clinging to your skin.
you checked the inside of the bag to find a folded white hoodie with the words ORGASM DONOR in bold letters across the chest. a laugh bubbles up from your chest, genuine and light, cutting through the post-sex haze.
you pull your phone out then, pulling up the neo orgasm’s clinic website to leave your own review:
“jaehyun is every swoon-worthy romantic lead i’ve ever read and so much more. a patient teacher, a dominant lover, the most perfect donor who made this virgin’s first time a bestseller. if your fantasies live between the lines, book him. you’ll beg for the sequel.”
✚ APPOINTMENT STATUS: COMPLETE ✚
—
18+ only | watch at your own risk | contains mature content
an: DADA IS HOMEEEEEEEEE 🫦🫦 i have survived my first military wife era!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🏆🏅….i hope you loved donor jaehyun! i wanted to make him real sweet and a quiet dom for this one,, please tell me you see the visionnnn! and please let me know what you think <333 — again, a kind reminder: this whole entire concept is supposed to be silly! please don't take it too seriously :)
🩺 likes, reblogs and comments are not required but is very appreciated
Jaehyun is an undercover cop assigned as a street racer to Johnny Seo's racing crew to figure out if they're behind the recent string of car thefts. Then he meets his sister and its a whole new world.
Inspired by Brian and Mia from Fast & Furious
WC: fully 19k, s.p. 8k
Unprotected sex, oral sex (both f and m receiving), dirty talk, semi public sex (car sex), bathtub sex, riding
-------------------
The city breathed differently after dark.
Engines snarled instead of sighing, neon lights flickered like nervous heartbeats, and the asphalt beneath the overpass was stained with oil, rubber, and years of secrets. It was here—under concrete arches and humming streetlights—that Johnny’s world thrived.
Y/N leaned against the hood of her brother’s car, arms folded loosely, eyes tracking the familiar chaos with practiced ease. Laughter rang out near the food truck. Someone revved their engine too aggressively just to show off. Music thumped from an open trunk, bass vibrating through her ribs.
This was family. Loud, reckless, loyal.
And dangerous—whether she liked it or not.
Johnny stood at the center of it all like a king without a crown, broad shoulders relaxed, grin sharp and easy as he spoke with the guys. His gang wasn’t just a gang—they were stitched together by scraped knuckles, shared wins, and the unspoken rule that if one of them fell, they all did.
Which was exactly why the police were circling like vultures.
Y/N didn’t know all the details, but she’d heard enough. Whispers about stolen cars. Organized hits. A “ring” operating under the city’s nose. She also knew Johnny—too well to believe he’d cross certain lines, too realistically to deny that the lines around him were already blurred.
She exhaled slowly, pushing the thoughts away just as Johnny clapped his hands together.
“Alright, listen up,” he called. “Got someone new joining us tonight.”
That alone was enough to draw attention.
New blood didn’t come around often. Trust was earned here, not offered.
Y/N straightened slightly as Johnny stepped aside—and that was when she saw him.
He stood half a step behind Johnny, hands tucked casually into the pockets of his jacket, posture easy but alert. Dark hair fell neatly across his forehead, not careless, not overly styled. His face was unfairly handsome in a quiet way—sharp jaw, full lips set in something between a smile and restraint, eyes dark and observant.
Too observant.
Y/N felt it immediately—the instinctive flicker of awareness low in her stomach, the kind she hated acknowledging. The kind that came with trouble wrapped in good looks.
Great, she thought. Just what this place needs.
“This is Jaehyun,” Johnny said, clapping a hand on the guy’s shoulder. “Solid driver. Even better with an engine. He’s gonna be running with us for a bit.”
Jaehyun dipped his head politely, a respectful gesture that earned a few nods but plenty of assessing stares. His gaze swept the group—not lingering, not missing anything either.
Then, briefly, his eyes flicked to her.
It was barely a second.
But it was enough.
Y/N felt it like a brush of heat across her skin. She swallowed before she could stop herself, chin lifting almost defensively as their eyes met.
Something unreadable crossed his expression—interest, maybe, quickly smothered. His gaze slid away just as smoothly as it had landed.
Focus, Jaehyun told himself sharply.
He’d been trained better than this. Faces were just faces. People were pieces of a puzzle. He wasn’t here to notice the way her eyes caught the light or how her presence felt quieter than the rest of the chaos.
And yet—his lungs pulled in a deeper breath than necessary.
Johnny gestured toward her. “And this is my sister.”
Y/N gave Johnny a look. “You don’t have to announce it like I’m an exhibit.”
A few people laughed.
Jaehyun’s mouth twitched before he could stop it.
“She keeps us all in line,” Johnny added fondly. “More than I do, honestly.”
Y/N rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it. Instead, she extended a hand toward Jaehyun, expression neutral, guarded.
“Y/N,” she said. “Nice to meet you.”
Her palm was warm against his. Calloused—someone who worked with her hands, he noted automatically. Not soft. Not delicate.
Interesting.
“Jaehyun,” he replied. His voice was low, steady. Controlled.
Their hands separated.
The space between them felt…charged. Unsettled. Like static before a storm.
Y/N stepped back first, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket as if grounding herself.
Don’t be stupid, she reminded herself firmly.
He’s in the gang. That’s the rule.
She’d learned the hard way that men like this—men wrapped up in engines, adrenaline, and ego—didn’t make room for anything real. They burned bright and selfish and left wreckage behind.
Not worth it.
Jaehyun, meanwhile, turned his attention back to Johnny as the group resumed its usual noise. He listened carefully, filed away names, dynamics, glances. He watched who stood close to whom, who laughed easily, who stayed quiet.
And yet—his awareness kept drifting back to her.
To the way she watched everything with sharp intelligence. To how she didn’t cling to her brother’s side but still clearly belonged.
Y/N felt his gaze again—not directly this time, but present. She shifted her weight, heart thudding annoyingly fast, and told herself it was nothing.
Just another pretty face passing through Johnny’s world.
Still, when an engine roared to life and headlights flared across the lot, she caught Jaehyun inhaling deeply, jaw tightening—just for a moment.
And when he glanced her way again, slower this time, their eyes locked in something unspoken.
A warning.
A curiosity.
A spark neither of them were prepared for.
Above them, the city hummed on, unaware that something had already begun—quietly, dangerously—right there under the glow of streetlights and secrets.
And neither of them noticed the way fate had already taken a seat in the passenger side.
--------------
Later that night Y/N’s car cut through the street like a blade, tires screaming as she took the corner just a second later than she should have.
Adrenaline flooded her veins, laughter already bubbling up her throat even before the race ended.
She crossed the informal finish first, headlights flashing once in triumph before she eased off the accelerator and pulled over. Her friend skidded in beside her a heartbeat later, both engines ticking hot and loud in the sudden quiet.
They climbed out of their cars almost at the same time, hair wind-tossed, cheeks flushed, breathless with giddy energy.
“Next time,” her friend laughed, bumping her shoulder, “I’ve got you. I swear.”
Y/N grinned wide, unable to stop herself. “You say that every time.”
Johnny was already walking toward them, arms crossed but smile proud and unmistakable. No matter how hard he tried to play the unbothered leader, he never could hide how much he loved watching his sister drive.
“Show-off,” he muttered fondly. “You trying to steal my rep now?”
“Too late,” someone called from the group. “She already did.”
Johnny shook his head, then clapped his hands together. “Alright. Since we’re all still alive and no cops are breathing down our necks—let’s take this back to the house. Welcome party for Jae. My place.”
A cheer rippled through the group.
Jaehyun stood a little apart, leaning against a car, arms crossed loosely as he watched the scene unfold. His eyes followed Y/N without meaning to—how she laughed freely now, how alive she looked after racing, like the road belonged to her.
She caught him looking and lifted a brow, half-smiling.
He looked away immediately.
The Seo house was already warm with noise by the time everyone piled in.
Music thumped through the living room, bass rattling the walls. Someone set bottles on the counter, others took over the couch, laughter layering over itself until it filled every corner. The smell of fried food and alcohol mixed with motor oil that never quite left the place.
Jaehyun found himself pulled into conversation almost effortlessly.
Doyoung was sharp, observant—asking questions that felt casual but tested. Johnny hovered nearby, relaxed but watchful, clearly liking what he saw. Jaehyun played his part well. Easy smiles. Self-deprecating humor. Just enough confidence to fit in without threatening anyone.
He was good at this.
Still, every so often, his gaze drifted.
Y/N lingered near the edge of the room, drink untouched in her hand, eyes following conversations instead of joining them. At some point, she slipped away entirely, unnoticed by most.
Not by him.
Jaehyun hesitated only a second before grabbing two beers from the kitchen counter.
The garage was quieter, lit by harsh white overhead lights that reflected off metal and concrete. Y/N stood bent slightly over her open hood, jacket discarded on a chair, dark hair falling forward as she studied the engine.
She wore a simple tank top and a short skirt, grease smudged faintly on her fingers. Spread across the workbench were a few pages of hand-drawn designs—precise lines, annotations scribbled in the margins.
She heard footsteps and startled, gasping as she spun around.
“Oh—!”
“Sorry,” Jaehyun said quickly, lifting both hands. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
He held out one of the beers. “I saw you come out here. Thought you might want this.”
Her heartbeat slowed as she took it. “Thanks.”
Their fingers brushed. Again—that brief, charged contact.
He leaned slightly to look past her at the designs. “These yours?”
She nodded, suddenly self-conscious. “Yeah. Just ideas.”
“They’re really cool,” he said, genuinely impressed. “You’ve got a good eye. And your driving earlier… I liked watching that.”
Something warm flickered in her chest despite herself.
“Maybe you could teach me something,” he added lightly.
She laughed, a soft sound that echoed off the garage walls. “If Johnny accepted you, you must already be good.”
“Good doesn’t mean I can’t learn,” Jaehyun replied.
They stood closer than necessary now, the air thick with something neither named.
She took a sip of her beer, then glanced up at him. “So what about you? What were you doing before this? And why now?”
The question landed gently—but it hit hard.
Jaehyun’s smile didn’t falter, but something inside him tightened. He gave her the story he’d rehearsed a hundred times. Different city. Fell out with the wrong people. Needed a fresh start. Racing had always been his thing.
It sounded believable.
He almost wished it weren’t.
For a moment, he wondered what it would feel like to tell her the truth. To watch her expression shift. To see disappointment—or worse.
Instead, he took another sip.
“Guess I just ended up in the right place,” he finished.
She studied him for a second longer than comfortable, as if she sensed the gaps he’d carefully hidden.
“Maybe,” she said finally.
They smiled at each other—easy, teasing, a little too aware.
“Well,” she said, stepping back toward her car, “I should get back to this before Johnny starts asking questions.”
Jaehyun nodded, already missing the quiet. “Yeah. I should probably head back in.”
They walked toward opposite doors, then paused at the same time.
“Hey,” he said.
She turned.
“Nice race,” he added.
Her lips curved. “Welcome to the family.”
He watched her turn back to her engine, watched the way she fit into that space so naturally, and felt something twist low in his chest.
As he stepped back into the noise of the house, beer warm in his hand, Jaehyun reminded himself—again—why he was here.
But for the first time since taking the assignment, the lie felt heavier than the badge he wasn’t wearing.
-------------------
Sunlight spilled through the kitchen windows of the Seo household, catching dust motes in the air and warming the hum of voices that filled every corner. The smell of coffee, butter, and sugar wrapped itself around the room like a familiar blanket.
Y/N stood at the stove, flipping pancakes with practiced ease, her hair tied back messily, sleeves pushed up. Johnny hovered beside her, cracking eggs with one hand and seasoning them like it was second nature.
The gang filtered in slowly, still half-asleep but smiling, drawn by food and routine.
This—this was theirs.
“Okay, okay,” Johnny announced once everything was plated, “everyone sit before Jungwoo eats half the stack.”
Too late.
Jungwoo and Yuta were already piling pancakes onto their plates, stacking them so high it looked borderline structural. Syrup followed generously.
Y/N laughed, setting down the last plate as everyone squeezed around the table. Jaehyun ended up beside her without either of them quite acknowledging how it happened.
When Johnny reached out his hand, the others followed instinctively. Fingers linked around the table, casual and reverent all at once.
Y/N hesitated for only a fraction of a second before taking the hands on either side of her.
Jaehyun’s palm was warm. Steady.
The buzz sparked instantly—quiet but undeniable. She focused on the table, on her breathing, on anything but the awareness curling low in her stomach.
Johnny gave thanks, voice easy, grateful—not for safety or success, but for family. For another morning together.
Jaehyun bowed his head with the rest, something tightening unexpectedly in his chest.
They ate like they hadn’t eaten in days.
“This is insane,” Jungwoo said through a mouthful of pancakes, eyes lighting up. “Y/N, these are so good.”
Yuta nodded vigorously. “Seriously. You trying to ruin us for all other breakfasts?”
Johnny scoffed. “Wow. Okay. What about the eggs?”
“No one appreciates art,” he added dramatically.
Haechan looked up, cheeks full, and grinned. “I love the eggs.”
Everyone burst out laughing.
Jaehyun watched it all quietly, amusement softening into something heavier. This wasn’t just a group of racers or mechanics or guys looking for adrenaline. This was real. Loud, messy, affectionate.
A family.
And the thought settled uneasily in his gut.
If this crew was responsible for the car thefts—if Johnny was—then this assignment wouldn’t just end careers. It would destroy something fragile and rare.
He really, really hoped they weren’t.
“So, Jaehyun,” Mark said suddenly, leaning back in his chair. “What’s your favorite car to drive?”
Jaehyun didn’t hesitate. “Nissan Skyline R34.”
A murmur of approval rippled around the table.
“That’s a good one,” Yuta said.
“Solid choice,” Doyoung added.
Y/N glanced at him sideways, something like surprise flickering across her face before she masked it.
When the plates were empty and the last of the coffee was drained, the boys drifted toward the living room, energy shifting toward engines and plans for the day.
Y/N stayed behind, turning to the sink to start on the dishes.
Doyoung blinked, then shrugged. “Alright. Don’t break anything.”
Johnny watched from the doorway, arms crossed, curiosity sharpening his gaze as Jaehyun joined his sister at the sink.
Without asking, Jaehyun reached past her, gently taking the sponge and a plate from her hands.
“You know,” he said casually, “if you cook, you’re not supposed to do the dishes.”
Y/N looked up at him, lips curving. “Oh yeah? Where’d you learn that?”
“My mom,” he replied.
They both chuckled softly.
“Well,” she said, watching him rinse the plate, “she was right.”
The moment stretched—quiet, domestic, intimate in a way that caught her off guard.
“You look good today,” Jaehyun added, like it was nothing.
Y/N swallowed, heat creeping up her neck. “Thanks.”
Their eyes met.
Held.
Too long.
The kitchen suddenly felt smaller, the air heavier. Y/N took a slow, steady breath, forcing herself back into herself—back behind her rules.
“I’ll be in the garage,” she said lightly, stepping away before her resolve could crack.
Jaehyun watched her go, the echo of her presence lingering like warmth on his skin.
Johnny’s gaze followed him as he stood there a moment longer.
And somewhere between Jaehyun realized—this job wasn’t just dangerous anymore.
It was personal.
------------------
The garage was already alive when Jaehyun stepped inside.
Engines idled low, tools clinked, voices overlapped in easy familiarity. The boys clustered around cars like it was second nature—hands moving confidently, bodies relaxed in a space that belonged to them.
Johnny glanced up and jerked his chin toward Y/N. “Hey. Show him around. Let him get familiar with how we do things.”
Y/N nodded. “Yeah. Come on.”
Jaehyun followed her, falling into step beside her as she walked deeper into the garage. The space was massive—multiple bays, lifts, shelves stacked with parts labeled in her neat handwriting. She gestured as she talked, confidence clear in every movement.
“This side’s mostly tuning and diagnostics,” she explained. “We rotate who works where, but some stuff needs a more… delicate touch.”
Her eyes flicked to him briefly. “That’s where your mechanic expertise might come in handy.”
He smiled slightly. “Good to know I won’t be useless.”
They reached the far end of the garage, where a single car sat beneath a heavy black cover. It stood apart from everything else, almost reverent in its isolation.
Y/N slowed, her tone shifting. “That one—don’t touch it. Ever. Don’t lift the cover. Don’t even joke about it.”
Jaehyun laughed softly. “Johnny’s baby?”
“Johnny’s soul,” she corrected. “Touch it and you’ll die.”
He lifted his hands in surrender. “Noted.”
She turned to face him. “Any questions?”
Jaehyun hesitated, then asked lightly, “How’d everyone end up here? I mean… you guys feel tight.”
Y/N smiled faintly. “Most of them? Childhood friends. Grew up together. Went through stuff together. Yuta just showed up one day and never left.”
“That tracks,” he said.
A beat passed. Then, as casually as he could manage, “You ever… date anyone in the crew?”
Her face scrunched up instantly. “Um—no. Absolutely not.”
He raised his brows, waiting.
“I don’t date anyone in the crew,” she continued. “Especially these guys. They’re like my family now.”
Jaehyun nodded, like he understood. Like it didn’t matter.
But his eyes stayed on her.
Too steady. Too intent.
Y/N inhaled slowly, nerves buzzing under her skin. “Okay,” she said suddenly, stopping in her tracks. “You need to stop looking at me like that.”
Jaehyun tilted his head, a slow smirk tugging at his lips. “Like what?”
“Like you want me in your bed,” she shot back, meeting his gaze head-on. There was a smirk on her mouth too—but her pulse betrayed her. “Just knock it off. It’s not gonna happen.”
For a second, he just looked at her.
Then he smiled—easy, confident, dangerous.
“We’ll see.”
And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving her standing there, mouth open, heart racing far harder than she wanted to admit.
Jaehyun slipped back into the noise of the garage, expression unreadable.
He was here to do a job. To observe. To report.
But if he saw something he liked—he’d always gone for it.
And if getting close to Y/N blurred lines, stirred tension, made her let her guard down?
Well.
That might just help the mission after all.
--------------
The police break room was sterile in a way Jaehyun hated.
White walls. A metal table. Two people sitting across from him with files open and expressions unreadable. No engines. No laughter. No warmth.
Just work. His actual work, he reminded himself.
“It’s going well,” Jaehyun said evenly. “They trust me. Johnny especially. I’m fully integrated—racing, mechanical work, social side.”
One of the supervisors nodded, jotting something down. “Any indication yet that they’re involved in the thefts?”
“Not yet,” Jaehyun replied. “If they are, they’re careful. Or they’re clean.”
A pause.
“Anyone you’re particularly close with?” the other asked.
Jaehyun shook his head without hesitation. “No.”
They exchanged a glance.
“What about the sister?” one of them suggested. “Y/N. She’d know personal details about Johnny. His habits. His blind spots.”
Jaehyun’s jaw tightened before he could stop it.
“Noted,” he said shortly.
He didn’t add anything else. Didn’t explain the sharp twist in his chest at the thought of using her like that. Didn’t admit how wrong it felt.
When the meeting ended, he left with his shoulders tense and his thoughts louder than any engine.
Later the night air buzzed with electricity.
Another race. Another crowd. Neon lights streaked across polished metal as engines revved, the familiar chaos settling into Jaehyun’s bones like muscle memory.
“Jae—you’re up,” Johnny called, clapping him on the shoulder.
Jaehyun slid into the driver’s seat, hands steady, heart calm.
The race was effortless.
He cut corners clean, pushed just hard enough, felt the car respond like an extension of his body. When he crossed the line first, a grin broke across his face—real, unguarded.
Cheers erupted.
Two girls approached almost immediately, smiling bright, bodies leaning in.
“That was amazing,” one said. “You’re insane.”
Jaehyun laughed lightly. “Thanks.”
His eyes flicked across the crowd—and found Y/N.
She stood a little apart, arms folded, expression unreadable as she looked away. Something about the sight tightened his chest.
He stepped past the girls without another word and walked straight to Johnny.
Y/N noticed. And that unsettled her even more.
She hated the feeling curling in her stomach—sharp, uncomfortable, unfamiliar. She’d watched men flirt at races her entire life and never cared.
So why now?
Later, the noise had dulled into background hum as Johnny and Jaehyun worked side by side under the hood of a car back in the Seo garage. Tools passed between them easily, the rhythm natural.
Johnny broke the silence casually. “You got a girlfriend?”
Jaehyun didn’t look up. “No.”
Johnny hummed. A beat passed.
“You play for the other team?”
Jaehyun froze.
He straightened slowly, brows knitting together. “Did you just ask me if I’m gay?”
Johnny shrugged, unfazed. “Yeah. You don’t have to tell me. Just figured I should know—no one here would ever judge.”
Jaehyun stared at him for a second—then laughed, shaking his head. “That’s… good to know. But no. I’m not.”
Johnny exhaled, nodding to himself. Then, like he’d solved a simple equation, he said, “Oh. So you’re into my sister then.”
Jaehyun’s world stopped.
“What?” he said, too fast.
Johnny finally looked up, meeting his eyes squarely. “You don’t have a girlfriend. You’re not into guys. And I see you ignoring every girl at every race.” He tilted his head. “So I’m guessing you’re into my sister. Correct?”
Jaehyun swallowed.
“…Yeah,” he admitted. “You’d be correct.”
Johnny studied him for a long moment. Then he nodded once.
“My sister is free to see whoever the hell she wants,” he said calmly. “But as her big brother, I gotta tell you—I will personally go after anyone who does her dirty.”
He turned back to the engine. “Just a friendly warning.”
Jaehyun let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, a small smile tugging at his lips as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Fair enough,” he said.
Permission—or something dangerously close to it—settled in his chest.
And somewhere across the garage, Y/N laughed at something Jungwoo said, unaware that the lines around her were already shifting.
Jaehyun watched her for a moment too long.
This job was getting complicated.
And for the first time, he wasn’t sure he wanted it any other way.
-------------
Sleep refused to come.
Y/N stared at the ceiling for a while, listening to the quiet hum of the house settling, until restlessness finally won. She swung her legs out of bed, tugged on a cropped cardigan, and decided her shorts were fine—it was still summer, even if the 3am night air carried a chill.
The garage would warm her up anyway.
She slipped outside, the world hushed and blue under the moonlight. The garage lights flicked on with a soft buzz as she lifted the hood of her car, hands moving automatically, comfortingly. This was where her thoughts slowed. Where everything made sense.
She leaned in, adjusting a few things—
—and turned sharply, colliding with something solid.
“Oh—!” she gasped, heart leaping straight into her throat.
Strong hands caught her at the waist before she could stumble back.
“Sorry—sorry,” Jaehyun said quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was working late on one of the cars. Didn’t think anyone else would be here.”
Her pulse thundered as she exhaled. “It’s fine. You just… surprised me.” She glanced at him, then at the car. “I wasn’t expecting anyone either.”
He nodded, stepping back, hands dropping—reluctantly. His eyes flicked over her outfit before he looked away, jaw tightening slightly.
“I’ll let you get back to it,” he said, already retreating. “See you tomorrow.”
She nodded, turning back to the engine.
A minute passed.
Then another.
“…Actually,” she said, without turning around, “could you help me with something?”
He stopped.
“Yeah,” he replied, almost too fast. “Of course.”
He came back to her side, leaning over the engine bay. Their hands worked together in easy rhythm—passing tools, pointing, adjusting. Every so often, their fingers brushed. Every time, it sent a small, electric jolt through her that she pretended not to notice.
When they finally stepped back, Jaehyun wiped his hands on a rag. “We should test it.”
She blinked at him. “Now?”
He shrugged, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “You got somewhere else to be at this time?”
She shook her head, laughing quietly as she climbed into the driver’s seat. He settled into the passenger side, picking up one of her design pages as she pulled out.
They drove for a bit, the city quiet around them.
“Doesn’t feel totally smooth,” she said, frowning slightly as she slowed.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Same.”
They pulled over, stepping out to take another look. That’s when she noticed them—guys across the street, voices loud, eyes lingering.
And suddenly she was acutely aware of her outfit. The bare skin. The thin cardigan.
Jaehyun noticed too.
“Let’s take it back to the garage,” he said quickly, closing the hood and—without thinking—opening the passenger door for her this time.
She raised a brow but slid in anyway.
On the way back, they stopped at a drive-through, laughing quietly over melting ice cream as they sat in the empty parking lot, night stretching around them.
Jaehyun glanced at her. “Is this your dream? Cars, racing… all of it? Or did you ever want something else when you were little?”
She thought for a moment, spoon tapping against the cup. “I don’t think I ever knew anything else,” she admitted. “This was just… always there.”
He nodded, studying her with something thoughtful in his eyes.
The silence that followed wasn’t awkward.
It was heavy. Comfortable. Dangerous.
And as they headed back to the garage, both of them knew—whatever this was, it was no longer just coincidence.
Back in the garage, the quiet returned slowly.
Y/N shut the hood of her car with a soft thud and rolled her shoulders. “I’m tired,” she said, voice gentle. “I’ll work on it tomorrow.”
Jaehyun nodded immediately, like he’d been waiting for permission to step back. “Yeah. That’s probably smart.” He wiped his hands and gave her a small smile. “Goodnight.”
She turned to leave—then stopped.
“Wait.”
She caught his hand.
Jaehyun turned, heart stuttering as he looked at her, hope flaring before he could stop it.
She hesitated, lips parting… then closed them again. “Never mind,” she said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She let go.
And he stood there longer than he should have, watching her disappear into the house, wondering why almost hurt more than rejection.
--------------
The next day, the garage buzzed with energy.
Tools clanged. Engines roared to life and cut out again. Sweat, music and laughter filled the air as the crew worked side by side.
Johnny walked in, clapping his hands together. “Alright—listen up. There’s a street race tonight. Winner takes a solid cash prize.”
Excitement rippled instantly.
“Hell yeah.”
“About time.”
“Let’s go.”
Jaehyun found himself back at Y/N’s car, crouched beside her as he worked through some intricate wiring. She hovered close, watching carefully, occasionally pointing something out.
Haechan leaned against a tool cabinet, smirking. “You two gonna get any closer or should we leave you alone?”
“Shut up,” Y/N shot back, rolling her eyes.
Jaehyun laughed under his breath, warmth settling in his chest as he watched them bicker—comfortable, familiar, like siblings who’d grown up together.
One by one, the others drifted outside for air, voices fading.
The garage fell quiet.
Y/N cleared her throat. “So…” She shifted her weight. “Are you not into me anymore?”
Jaehyun blinked. “What?”
It was officially the second time a Seo sibling had caught him completely off guard.
“Well,” she said, shrugging, pretending nonchalance, “you just don’t seem into me anymore. So I was just asking.”
He straightened slowly, a lazy smile spreading across his face. “You’re the one who told me to knock it off,” he reminded her. “Said you don’t date anyone in your brother’s crew.”
“Yeah,” she said, snapping the hood shut. “Well, the fact you actually listened is kind of lame.” She glanced back at him. “Thought you were the kind of person who went after what he wanted. Oh well.”
She turned away.
He didn’t think.
He just moved.
Jaehyun grabbed her hand, yanked her back, and crashed his lips into hers—hard, desperate, like he’d been holding his breath for days and finally let himself breathe.
She froze for half a second.
Then her hands came up, cupping his face, pulling him closer as she kissed him back—deeper, surer.
When he finally pulled away, foreheads resting together, both of them smiling like they’d won something already—
“Finally,” she murmured.
His grin was slow and dangerous. “Let’s go win a race.”
And for the first time since he went undercover, Jaehyun wasn’t thinking about the mission.
He was thinking about the finish line.
She didn’t give him time to think.
Y/N grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down, lips crashing into his again—slower this time, deeper. The garage felt suddenly too small, the air thick as they melted into each other, hands finding familiar places like they’d done this before in another life.
Jaehyun’s palm slid to her waist, steadying her as he kissed her back with quiet intensity, like he was savoring every second.
A voice echoed from outside.
“Ugh, I’m starving—why does nobody feed me in this family?”
They broke apart instantly.
Jungwoo.
Y/N burst out laughing, forehead dropping briefly to Jaehyun’s chest. He laughed too, breathless, shaking his head.
“Terrible timing,” he muttered.
She smiled up at him, eyes bright. “Come on. Lunch before Jungwoo starts a riot.”
They walked out together, shoulders brushing, something unspoken but very real settling between them.
Night fell fast.
The race was bigger this time—more cars, more money, more tension humming beneath the excitement. The rules were simple: three racers per team. Fastest accumulated time wins.
Johnny went first. Clean. Aggressive. Perfect.
Y/N followed, focused and fearless, her car slicing through the course like it belonged there. When she crossed the line, her time solid, she flashed a grin that made Jaehyun’s chest tighten.
That left him.
He climbed into the driver’s seat calm, centered. They’d already given him a cushion—now he just had to secure it.
And he did.
He pushed hard but smart, took corners tight, instincts sharp. Victory was within reach—
Until his opponent swerved.
Metal screamed. Impact rattled his skull as his head slammed against the window. Pain flared white-hot.
He still crossed the line first.
When Jaehyun stepped out of the car, blood trickled from his temple.
Y/N gasped, rushing to him instantly. “Jae—are you okay?”
She tilted his face gently, eyes scanning him with barely contained panic.
“I’m fine,” he said quickly. “Really.”
Johnny, meanwhile, was already storming toward the other driver, fury radiating off him. Voices rose. No one ever hurt someone in Johnny’s crew and walked away clean—everyone there knew that.
Back at the garage, the adrenaline faded into something quieter.
Y/N stood close, fingers careful as she cleaned and bandaged Jaehyun’s wound. Her hands were steady, her face inches from his, lashes casting shadows on her cheeks.
Jaehyun barely felt the sting.
He just watched her.
The way her lips pressed together in concentration. The way she softened when she realized he was really okay.
When she finished, he caught her wrist gently and pressed a kiss there.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
Her breath hitched—just a little.
He hesitated, then asked, almost shy, “Wanna come back to my place?”
She smiled slowly, something warm and sure in her eyes.
She nodded.
And before he could overthink it, she kissed him—sweet, promising, electric.
Outside, engines cooled.
Inside, something else had just begun.
--------------
The rain pattered against the windows of Jaehyun's house as Y/N stepped inside, shaking off the damp from her jacket. The air between them had been thick with unspoken want for weeks—stolen glances, lingering touches that promised more.
Jaehyun closed the door behind her, his eyes dark and intent as he watched her peel off the wet layers.
"Drink?" he asked, voice low, already heading to the kitchen without waiting for an answer.
She nodded, murmuring a soft 'sure,' and followed him, the tension coiling tighter with every step.
He handed her a glass of water, their fingers brushing just long enough to send sparks up her arm.
They settled on the couch, close enough that their knees touched, talking about nothing and everything—the storm outside, work stress, the way the city lights blurred in the downpour.
But the words felt like foreplay, each laugh and shared look stripping away the pretence.
Five minutes in, the space between them vanished.
Y/N shifted, and suddenly she was straddling his lap, her hands framing his face as their mouths met in a hungry clash.
Lips parted, tongues sliding together, the kiss deep and demanding. Jaehyun's hands gripped her hips, pulling her flush against him, the heat of his body seeping through their clothes.
His fingers trailed up her sides, slow and deliberate, hooking under the hem of her top. He broke the kiss just enough to tug it over her head, exposing her bare skin to the cool air.
She shivered, but not from the chill—his gaze raked over her like fire. In response, she shoved his jacket off his shoulders, her palms gliding over the hard lines of his arms, feeling the muscle tense under her touch.
Jaehyun surged up, capturing her mouth again as he stood, lifting her effortlessly with her legs wrapped around his waist. Their kiss didn't falter, messy and urgent, as he carried her upstairs.
His foot kicked the bedroom door open, then slammed it shut behind them with a thud that echoed the thunder outside.
He lowered her onto the bed, the mattress dipping under their weight. Y/N's breath came in short gasps, her body arching toward him as he knelt between her legs.
His hands hooked into the waistband of her pants and panties, dragging them down in one smooth motion, baring her completely. She kicked them off, legs parting instinctively.
Jaehyun leaned in, lips brushing her throat first—soft kisses turning to nips that made her pulse race. He trailed lower, tongue flicking over her collarbone, then down the plane of her stomach, tasting the salt of her skin.
Finally, he settled at her center, breath hot against her folds. His tongue dragged up her slit in one long, deliberate stroke, parting her wetness.
Y/N gasped sharply, hips bucking as pleasure shot through her. Jaehyun's hands found hers, lacing their fingers together, pinning them to the bed as he dove in.
His mouth worked her relentlessly—tongue circling her clit, then plunging inside, sucking and licking with focused hunger. She moaned, loud and unrestrained, back arching off the sheets, thighs trembling around his head.
The build was swift, tension coiling tight until it snapped. Y/N cried out, her body convulsing as she came, waves of release crashing over her.
Her fingers yanked at his hair, pulling him up from between her legs. Jaehyun rose, lips glistening, and captured her mouth in a deep kiss. She tasted herself on his tongue—salty, musky—and moaned into it.
"Can you taste yourself?" he murmured against her lips, voice rough with need.
Another moan escaped her as she flipped them over, straddling him once more. Her hands fumbled with his belt, shoving his pants down just enough to free his cock—thick and hard, throbbing in her grip.
She positioned herself above him, sinking down slowly, inch by inch, until he filled her completely. The stretch burned so good, her eyes rolling back as she moaned, head tipping forward.
Jaehyun's hands gripped her thighs, thumbs digging in. "I've been waiting to do this," he whispered, voice strained, eyes locked on where they joined.
Y/N started riding him, hips rolling in a steady rhythm, chasing the friction. But after a few minutes, her pace faltered, legs shaking from the intensity.
Jaehyun didn't hesitate—he flipped them again, pinning her beneath him, her wrists caught in one of his hands above her head.
He snapped his hips forward, thrusting deep and hard, setting a brutal pace.
Y/N cried out, the sound breaking into a sob as tears pricked her eyes—not from pain, but from how overwhelming it felt, pleasure bordering on too much.
"It feels so good," she gasped, nails scraping his back.
Jaehyun dropped his head, kissing her fiercely, swallowing her moans as he drove into her. Their bodies moved in sync, slick and urgent, the room filled with the slap of skin and their ragged breaths.
He angled his hips just right, hitting that spot inside her over and over, until the edge rushed up on them both.
They came together, her walls clenching around him as he spilled inside her, groans mingling in the air. Jaehyun collapsed beside her, pulling her into his chest.
They cuddled close, breaths evening out, limbs tangled in the afterglow, the storm outside fading to a distant rumble.
The adrenaline from the race still buzzed in their veins, sweat clinging to their skin, bodies spent but hearts racing. Jaehyun propped himself up on an elbow, gazing at Y/N with a lazy smile, his fingers tracing idle patterns along her arm.
'We should shower,' he murmured, voice husky from exertion. 'Especially after tonight. Can't have you all sticky.'
She hummed in agreement, too blissed out to argue. Jaehyun slipped from the sheets first, padding to the bathroom. The sound of running water soon filled the air—he adjusted the faucet until steam began to rise, the room warming with promise.
'Come on,' he called softly, returning to the doorway. His hand extended, coaxing her gently. Y/N stretched, then took it, letting him pull her up and lead her into the misty space.
They stepped under the spray together for a quick rinse, water cascading over their joined forms.
Jaehyun soaped her back with efficient strokes, his touch lingering just enough to reignite sparks, while she lathered his chest, thumbs brushing over the ridges of his abs.
The tub filled steadily behind the curtain, bubbles forming from the bath salts he'd tossed in.
Clean and rinsed, they shut off the shower. Jaehyun stepped out first, testing the bathwater with his hand before easing into the deep tub.
The heat enveloped him up to his chest, drawing a contented sigh. 'Your turn,' he said, holding out his arms.
Y/N climbed in after, settling between his legs with her back to his chest. His arms wrapped around her waist, fingers linking with hers over her stomach.
They both exhaled deeply, the warmth seeping into sore muscles, the steam curling lazily around them like a veil.
She tilted her head back, seeking his lips. Jaehyun met her halfway, the kiss soft and unhurried, a contrast to their earlier frenzy.
But the pull was there—Y/N shifted, turning in the water to straddle him face-to-face, her knees bracketing his hips.
He groaned low in his throat, hands settling on her thighs. 'You're dangerous, you know that?'
A playful smile curved her lips as she leaned in, capturing his mouth again. 'You knew what you were signing up for,' she whispered against him, her arms looping around his neck.
Her hand dipped below the surface, guiding his hardening cock to her entrance. She sank down slowly, the water easing the way as he filled her inch by inch.
A shared breath escaped them, her walls adjusting to the stretch, his length throbbing inside her.
This time, it was languid—her hips rocking in gentle waves, the water sloshing softly with each movement. Steam swirled thicker now, blurring the edges of the world to just them.
Their eyes drifted shut, kisses deepening, tongues sliding in tandem with the slow drag of their bodies. Every stroke built sensation without rush, just the intimate press of skin, the shared heat.
Jaehyun's hand ventured lower, fingers finding her clit beneath the ripples. He stroked it in unhurried circles, drawing a sharp gasp from her. The sound made him smile against her neck, his touch quickening, pressing firmer.
Her rhythm faltered, hips stuttering as pleasure coiled tight. 'You get so tight when you're about to cum,' he breathed, voice rough with awe, before claiming her mouth in a filthy kiss—open and devouring, teeth grazing her lower lip.
Y/N moaned into him, the vibration humming through his chest as her body clenched, release washing over her in shuddering waves.
The grip pulled him under too—he thrust up once, twice, spilling deep inside her with a muffled groan.
He kissed her temple, then her forehead, fingers combing wet strands from her face. 'Fuck,' he whispered, the word laced with wonder.
She smiled lazily, eyes fluttering shut as she nestled closer, head on his shoulder. In that moment, surrounded by warmth and her, Jaehyun knew—he'd fallen for her, completely and without reservation.
---------------
Morning came softly.
Sunlight spilled through the windshield as they pulled up outside the Seo house, the quiet hum of the engine filling the space between them. Everything felt different—lighter, warmer—like the world had shifted just enough to make room for them.
Jaehyun cut the engine and glanced over at her, fingers still loosely intertwined with hers.
“Hey,” he said casually, like he wasn’t about to say something that mattered. “By the way—I have no interest in keeping us a secret.”
Y/N smiled immediately, warmth blooming in her chest. “Me too.”
She lifted his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before lacing their fingers together again.
They walked inside hand in hand.
The kitchen was already full—everyone seated around the table, mid-breakfast, conversations overlapping. The moment they stepped in together, the room went quiet.
Then—
“I knew it,” Doyoung said smugly.
A chorus of groans followed as a few of the guys reached into their pockets, sliding cash across the table.
“Unbelievable.”
“I told you it wouldn’t take a month.”
Y/N stopped short. “What the hell?” she demanded, looking around. “Why is there money involved?”
Johnny leaned back in his chair, grin wide and entirely too pleased. “We had a bet. We all knew you two were gonna get together—just didn’t know how long it’d take.”
He tapped the small pile of cash. “Anyone who guessed after two weeks pays up.”
Y/N stared at him. “My own flesh and blood,” she muttered.
Jaehyun laughed, leaning down to kiss her cheek before sitting and effortlessly pulling her onto his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. She didn’t even protest—just leaned into him, stealing a piece of toast.
Haechan gagged dramatically. “Oh, gross. We’re gonna have to see this all the time now?”
“Get used to it,” Johnny said, amused.
Jaehyun smiled, arm settling securely around Y/N’s waist as the noise and laughter returned.
For the first time since joining them, he didn’t feel like he was standing on the edge of something temporary.
He felt like he belonged.
And sitting there—surrounded by teasing, love, and a family that accepted him without question—Jaehyun wondered how a mission meant to expose the truth had somehow led him straight into it.
------------
The police break room felt smaller every time he came back.
Same table. Same files. Same tired looks.
Jaehyun sat across from his supervisors again, hands folded neatly, face composed even as something heavy pressed against his ribs.
“There’s no evidence,” he said firmly. “None that ties Johnny or his crew to the car thefts.”
One of them leaned back, exhaling slowly. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” Jaehyun replied. “Their money comes from street racing. I’ve watched it. I’ve checked accounts, side hustles. I’ve even been in the garage alone at night—no stolen parts, no VIN swaps, nothing illegal.”
It was the truth. Every word of it.
The supervisor sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Alright. A few more weeks, then we’ll move on to another angle.”
Relief flickered—brief, fragile.
“But,” he continued, “we still want more background on Johnny. His family. History. Anything that might explain how they operate.”
Jaehyun nodded automatically.
“Understood.”
But unease followed him out of the room, settling deep in his chest. They’d let him into their home. Their lives. Their jokes and grief and quiet mornings.
And now there were feelings involved.
That made everything messy.
That evening, the Seo house glowed warm and familiar.
Y/N sat curled on Jaehyun’s lap on the couch, one leg draped over his, attention half on the TV as he fed her strawberries from a bowl balanced on his thigh. She bit into one, juice staining her lips, and he smiled without thinking.
Comfort had crept in quietly.
“So,” he said after a moment, casual on the surface, careful underneath, “I’ve been meaning to ask—how did your family get into racing?”
She paused, chewing slowly.
“Our parents,” she said. “They were both into it. That’s how they met.” Her voice softened. “Our dad… he passed away in a racing accident when we were kids.”
Jaehyun’s chest tightened.
“And our mom,” Y/N continued, eyes unfocused now, “she was so broken after that. She just… left. We haven’t seen her in years. It’s just been me and Johnny since.”
Jaehyun took her hand gently, lifting it to his lips. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t know.”
She smiled faintly. “I know you didn’t.”
She shifted then, turning in his lap to face him, and reached for the remote—clicking the TV off. The room fell quiet, intimate.
“What about you?” she asked softly. “I feel like I know nothing about your life before you got here.”
His heart sank.
He gave her the lies easily—moving around a lot, nothing stable, not much worth telling. He’d told them so many times they almost felt real.
Almost.
But something in her eyes—open, trusting—made his throat tighten.
He sighed.
“My mom passed away when I was young,” he admitted, voice lower now. “She… had a lot of mental health issues. Her demons got to her one day.”
Y/N’s expression softened instantly. She leaned forward, kissing his chest gently, like it was instinct.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He rubbed her back slowly, grounding himself. “And,” he added after a beat, “I always wanted a sibling. Didn’t matter—brother or sister. I just wanted one so bad.”
She smiled at him then, warm and sure. “Well,” she said, kissing his cheek, “now you’ve got a ton of brothers.”
He smiled back.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I do.”
But deep down, he knew the truth.
This family wasn’t his.
And if this all went the wrong way—he’d be the reason it broke.
--------------
Jaehyun barely recognized the man in the mirror.
He stared at his reflection for a long moment, hands braced against the sink, jaw tight. The truth sat heavy in his chest—because parts of what he’d told Y/N were real. His mother. Wanting siblings. The loneliness.
But wrapped around those truths were lies. Intentions that had started professional and had twisted into something else entirely.
Was anything he did around them clean anymore?
He exhaled slowly, scrubbing his face with cold water, trying to wash the guilt off his skin.
Just a few more weeks, he told himself.
Then they’ll move me to another case.
And maybe—maybe—he could still show up at the garage sometimes. Laugh. Eat breakfast with them. Like nothing happened.
Like he hadn’t been watching. Listening. Reporting.
He crawled into bed, exhausted, and turned onto his side. The pillow still smelled like Y/N—sweet, familiar, grounding.
A smile tugged at his lips before he could stop it.
The banging came hard and fast.
“Jaehyun—get up!”
He jolted awake, heart slamming against his ribs. He didn’t need to look through the peephole to know who it was.
He threw on clothes, fingers moving on instinct, adrenaline already spiking. Badge. Jacket. Keys.
The door flew open and his squad was already moving. “We’ve got a live pursuit,” someone said. “Car theft in progress. Let’s go.”
The city blurred past as they drove.
Jaehyun’s pulse thundered as they approached the location, dread creeping in despite himself. A thousand thoughts collided in his head—faces, names, engines.
Please don’t be them.
Please.
-------------
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summary ▸ despite finding love and comfort in the stranger by the sea, jaehyun decides to call it quits just so he could return to his ever so perfect idol life. Now, three months later, he is back at her doorstep with overflowing feelings and a track titled forever only.
genre ▸ idol! jaehyun x female reader | idol au | strangers to lovers to exes to lovers au | angst | fluff | slowburn
word count ▸ 11.5k
warnings ▸ profanity | alcohol consumption | mentions of — injuries, bleeding (jaehyun), insomnia | reader has mommy issues (+ doesn't know jae is an idol for the plot) | themes of depression, jae seeks a therapist
luna’s note ▸ the original fic was just post breakup and making up, but I wanted to include ' what was their relationship like" (so it would hurt more to write about their breakup) and thats how it got to 'strangers to lovers' . i poured my heart into this piece and i hope you enjoy it ♡
THE WATER SEEMED SO PEACEFUL AND CALM, UNLIKE JAEHYUN.
The whisper of waves crashing fills his ears and he closes his eyes, enjoying the serene moment. The moonlight shone upon the sea, the reflection of the moon so beautiful that one could swoon over it.
Jaehyun has a denim jacket thrown over a simple white tee. It’s 1 in the morning and he should have not been here, far from the city in a quiet town he’s not even sure someone lives in.
He should have been in his bed, taking a rest because this day was just gonna be as hectic as yesterday, if not more. He wishes he could take a break, he really does but it’s his life that won’t allow it.
Jeong Jaehyun is an idol, quite a famous one at that. He has a million fans who adore him and a team who stays by his side even at the worst times. He has the looks, he has the talents, he has the money, and he has the love of his fans. That should be enough to make him happy. Right?
Jaehyun’s expression drops at the thought. He ponders over it for a little while. Is he really not happy but just…..sad? He quickly shakes his head. No, there is no way. He is happy, it is just that today’s just one of those where you feel down and just can’t help it.
He roughly opens up a beer can, chunking the liquid down his throat in one go. Jaehyun’s mind was messed up. He didn’t even remember the number of cans he had consumed this night.
Tears burned his eyes. He looked down at the ground, a tear slipping down his porcelain skin. He closed his eyes shut before trailing them to the sea. And then, he felt at ease.
The water looked so alluring, so tranquil that it called out to him, wanting to lure him inside. It seemed as though one dip and Jaehyun was going to forget everything that troubled him.
The desire to just sink in the water became so strong that he slowly stood up, the can dropping to the sand with a soft clash. Jaehyun soon started making his way towards the sea lazily. Should he really do this? Is this decision right? Jaehyun wasn’t sure but it seemed as though he was hypnotised, his legs were moving on their own, refusing to listen to him.
One foot in and he could feel the coldness of the sea. Somehow that coldness felt like a warm hug. He looked down. His foot was under the water, the sand tickling him. He liked the feeling so much.
He should dive in, one dip should not hurt him. His brain was shutting down as walked forward, his legs in the water. With each step, the water rose, up to his ankles, up to his knees, up his waist and soon he was neck deep in it, eyes closed as he relished in the moment. It felt so peaceful— like time had stopped, like all his worries had vanished, like the cruel world couldn’t hurt him.
His clothes were all drenched, sticking uncomfortably to his skin but he didn’t care, for all he cared for was the warmth and comfort the sea gave him. In a matter of seconds, he was completely under the water with no visibility. Why couldn’t he stay here forever? It would be pretty nice to be in a place where nothing could bug him.
His eyes were getting heavier with each second passing by. Jaehyun couldn’t keep them open even if he tried. His body was exhausted and needed some rest. In a matter of seconds, his eyes gave up and his body sank in, deeper and deeper.
Jaehyun knew exactly what was happening, but he did nothing to help himself. Suddenly he heard a splash and the next thing he knew was two arms wrapping around his waist. His eyes shot open, looking over to meet the unexpected guest.
That person dragged him up to the surface and once she did, they both gasped for air. Jaehyun looked over to the person, his wet bangs blocking the view. From what he could get a glance from, his “saviour” was a woman.
His body suddenly became stiff, what if, what if you were a… stalker? Millions of scenarios flashed in his mind. If this leaked out Jaehyun would be in great trouble and his “perfect” idol image would be ruined. After all, which perfectly fit and content idol would choose to drown in the sea?
“Are you fucking insane?” You spat at the man beside you, your voice laced with anger and frustration. With his wet bangs covering half of his face and your hair in front of yours, you weren’t able to make out his face completely. The dim night light wasn’t so convenient in this situation either.
“What the fuck were you doing in there? You could have died!” Jaehyun scoffs at your words and it confuses the shit out of you. He has the audacity to what, scoff? Just after you saved his stupid ass?
“Died? Like d-i-e-d, died?” He said and mockery was visible in his tone. Jaehyun knew what he was doing. His voice and words were sharp, and curt. He knew he was acting like a jerk, but if you were a stalker and got to know that he did nothing after literally drowning himself, you could spread it and easily spoil his image.
He has to be cautious, no matter what. “Miss, I don’t know who you are but you should not meddle in someone’s business. I wasn’t “dying” or “drowning”, I was just taking a dip.”
Your expressions dropped at his words. He was taking a dip? Damn, now you feel stupid. But hey, this isn't really your fault. What would you expect if you were just passing by, heard a sob, saw a man with two empty beer cans lying at his feet and the next thing he did was gradually sink into the sea? Of course, you would freak out.
Your silence made Jaehyun feel relieved. At least you bought his words. “Oh.” You thought aloud, still in the water beside him. Nice, now how the hell do you get out of this awkward situation? Your eyes roamed around. Beer cans. Your eyes lit up as you turned your face towards the man beside you, who, surprisingly, was already walking towards the shore.
You followed soon after. “Taking a dip doesn’t give you the right to throw trash here. “ You rolled your eyes, ears not missing the frustrated sigh of the man beside you. The stupidity from the event before was still within you, but hey, at least you pointed out how this man was trashing your sea. It’s surely gonna make you feel a bit better.
Jaehyun was bothered, almost annoyed as to why you were here. He just wanted to be alone this night, but the universe decided that this wasn’t a good option. Are you actually a stalker?
“Pick up the trash before you go away.” How awkwardly could you have uttered these words? It feels right to leave this way since you have nothing to do with this stranger and the fact that you embarrassed yourself in front of him was already your cue to leave him alone.
Not to mention the fact that this rude stranger couldn’t even say a ‘thank you’. You know you were mistaken, but still.
The soft sound of footsteps against the sand makes Jaehyun look up. He figures you’re leaving and soon feels relieved. Once he makes sure you are no longer in his sight, he turns around and slumps down to the ground beneath him.
He continued gazing at the water for a while and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Water weirdly gave him a sense of comfort he needed and he does not want to go away from it.
His arms were thrown over his knees and his eyes took in every bit of the beauty nature offered him. Jaehyun worried about you. What if you had followed him all the way from his apartment?
A gentle, cool breeze was what it took to shut down his thoughts completely. You were a complete stranger to worry about at this moment. And even if you were a stalker, Jaehyun’s sure you are just not worth worrying about when he has the sea laid in front of him.
He loves the feeling the water gives him. At that moment, Jaehyun makes up his mind. He is going to visit this place whenever his schedule allows it. He spent about an hour sitting in the comforting silence and when it was time to leave, his gaze landed on the empty cans. Pick up trash before you go away. Your words rang in his ears making him roll his eyes.
“Great.” He muttered under his breath, picking up the cans and tossing them in the garbage can nearby.
“Are you a stalker?”
“EXCUSE ME!?” You looked at the rude stranger (who has now been termed as a jerk in your book) with shock painted all over your face. How dare he? He still looked at you with those dim eyes of his, waiting for a reply.
You scoffed. “And why would you assume it?”
He shrugged his shoulders, glaring at you. ”Because you keep following me.”
“I keep following you?” He has to be kidding you. Why would you follow this rude man? Does he think the world revolves around him?
He nods his head, standing up and facing you. “I have been coming here for a month now,” Jaehyun tilts his head, hands in his pocket. “And whenever I am here, you are too.”
You chuckle, passing him a smile. “Oh, so that’s the reason why you think I am following you!” Jaehyun becomes confused at your reaction. “I hate to break it to you, but I live here. Live as in l-i-v-e. I am not “following you” or “stalking you”, I am just taking a walk here.” You mimicked his words from your first meet, eyebrows rising in bliss to hear Jaehyun utter the same “oh” as you did.
“Whenever I went out for a walk, I, unfortunately, saw your face. Every single time.” You paused. You wished you had a camera with you to capture the face Jaehyun gave. So helpless and taken aback. You won’t lie, you kinda felt proud of yourself.
Jaehyun was in disbelief. Do you seriously not know him, or are just pretending to not? “Whatever.” He whispers, more to himself but your ears could catch it.
“Still don’t believe me? I live right there.” You pointed to a house in the opposite direction. “It’s a less populated area but people do live here.”
Much like how you felt, Jaehyun feels dumb. So you actually live here. He cleared his throat, eyes darting back to the sea in an attempt to ignore you.
You squint your eyes at him. So this man couldn’t even say ‘sorry’ now? You don’t even have empty beer cans splattered on the ground so he could point it out. Talking about beer cans, you noticed he didn’t have any alcoholic beverages this time and seemed quite sober.
That’s good. At least you won’t have to drag his ass out if takes a “dip”.
You shook your head violently, getting rid of those thoughts. Why do you even care? Jaehyun sneaks a glance at you. Shit, you are still here. He doesn’t know how to deal with his situation, so he just crosses his fingers and prays you would go soon.
Jaehyun swings his arms back and forth, taking tiny steps left and right. He froze when it finally clicked him. You want an apology. He locks gaze with you who had her arms crossed, a sly smirk he is sure he will grow to hate. How annoying can you get?
“I am sorry.” His voice was low and though you clearly heard him, you leaned in. “What? I couldn't hear you.” As annoying as it can get, Jaehyun thinks to himself, twisting his body towards you.
“I am sorry.” He repeats again, this time a little louder.
“Oh yeah, for what?” Jaehyun, frustrated, closed his eyes shut.
“I am sorry for assuming you are a stalker….” Your smile broadened, a feeling of satisfaction washing all over. You hummed, taking a step closer.
“As you should be,” You paused, examining Jaehyun’s expression. Seeing you stare at him, Jaehyun rolled his eyes. You are so irritating it makes him want to rip off his hair. “Mr. jerk.” You finished, and Jaehyun was taken aback.
You passed him a quick smirk before running away, leaving him dumbfounded. Jaehyun was still trying to process what just happened. So not only are you irritating, you are rude too? The universe has to be kidding him.
Surprisingly, you and Jaehyun crossed paths very often. It was as if every power in the world wanted you to see each other’s awful faces. You both pretended to puke at the sight. Even if any of you tried to visit the sea at a different time, you would still meet and thus, had no choice but to get used to it.
For you, Jaehyun roaming-around near the shore in the dead of night was a normal thing now. While for Jaehyun, you lingering behind him like a bothersome ghost was now a day to day routine.
Jaehyun and you never talked after the latest incident and while you wished it would remain that way, looking at the scene before your eyes, you are afraid that is not going to be the case.
With the breeze cutting through your ear, you stared at Jaehyun in horror. Your eyes trailed down to the red liquid flowing down his hand. Jaehyun was bleeding. You know Jaehyun wouldn’t want you to interfere in his matters but how could you not when he was just standing with the red liquid smearing on his hand?
You jogged towards your house as fast as you could, banging the door open and rummaged through your stuff to find the first aid kit. You rushed back to Jaehyun, the sound of your rushed footsteps making your motives clear.
You sat beside him, gently taking his wounded hand in yours. “Please don’t tell me you were just testing your strength like the time you were trying to take a dip.” Jaehyun didn’t say anything, eyes glued to the sand. He doesn’t know why he is letting you do this, but the way you ever so tenderly treated his wounds, it made his heart twitch. He was happy to know that you cared, even if you resented him.
“Why are you doing this?” He asked, his voice low. There was a hint of confusion in his voice, eyes finally taking a look at you. Your movements slowed down. Yeah, why are you doing this? The question left your brain hurting.
“Maybe because I love guilt tripping myself. If I did nothing, my brain would replay this exact moment again and again to remind me just how much of a jerk I am to ignore a bleeding person.” You pressed the antiseptic harshly against his skin, making him slip out a low hiss. You wondered what caused him to do this. “And partly because you make me somewhat curious.”
“What?” You sighed, dragging your gaze upwards. As soon as your eyes met his, you froze. It was your first time clearly seeing his face and under the moonlight, he looked surreal. He was definitely one of the most gorgeous men you had laid eyes on.
As soon as realisation crashed upon you, you blinked quickly, shaking your head to get rid of your high thoughts. Have you gone crazy? Why would you think that this jerk is handsome?
You quickly glanced at him once more, biting the inside of your cheek. Okay, he is handsome. You pressed your lips into a thin line, heat rushing to your cheeks. You hated how he was the one making your body react this way.
"Because you have intentions of polluting the sea once again, don't you?" Jaehyun looked at the crushed can, shutting his eyes close. Brave of him to assume you were a decent human being. You are always going to be like that, aren’t you?
The metal top of the can had cut through his palm, adorning him with a fresh, deep wound. The antiseptic was burning into his skin. He was suddenly feeling dizzy.
Jaehyun stared at his bruised hand blankly. Why did he do this? Sure, he was frustrated after his manager screamed at him for not doing better because he was trying his best, but he was an idol. An idol who was supposed to maintain his perfect image no matter what. An idol who is not supposed to adore cuts and scratches on his body.
He withdrew his hand from yours within a second of realising that, and the scoff that made its way to your face was quite visible despite the dim light.
He knows you are trying to help him. You even tried to help on your first encounter. But he won’t let you do it again. He doesn’t know why it's always you who gets to experience his miserable side.
Jaehyun shifted in his place uncomfortably, he was still skeptical of your identity. What if, despite you confirming that you lived here, you were sent by his manager to keep an eye on him?
“You are ungrateful.” You whispered, tossing him a cloth and a healing cream. Jaehyun watched as you stood up, hands gripping the aid box’s handle tight. His eyes followed your figure until it became smaller and he wondered if you got hurt by his actions.
Once he couldn’t make you out anymore, he glanced at the things you’ve left for him. Carefully, and with much struggle, he applied the cream on his wound and tied it tightly with the cloth.
“Where were you at night?” You froze, eyes meeting your grandmother’s kind ones. She had a smile on her face, as she waited for your reply. When you took a little too long, she spoke. “Was it because you couldn’t fall asleep?”
You diverted your gaze from her concerned eyes. “How did you know?”
She shrugged. “I heard the door bang loudly at night and I was worried if someone broke in, until I saw it was you, coming back with the first aid kit. Why the kit though, did you see someone injured?” You closed your eyes remembering the night prior. “I did.”
Your grandmother chuckled. “Seems like you don’t like that person.”
“Yes, I don’t.” You confessed immediately, looking at her once again. “He is arrogant, a jerk and literally all the synonyms of rude.”
“He?” Your grandmother was now interested in the talk.
You nodded. “Yeah, he. He is a man that has been visiting the sea for a couple of days. One night he almost drowned, told me he was just taking a dip and the other night, he bled. When I tried to help dress his wounds, he just withdrew his hand.” You rolled your eyes. “Oh, and did I mention he loves polluting the sea?”
You paused. “And he didn’t even thanked me.”
“Thank you.” You almost choked on your saliva. You couldn’t believe your ears. Did that rude man just say thank you?? As in an actual thank you? Are you sure you aren’t dreaming?? You stared at Jaehyun in disbelief, eyeing him up and down like he was a ghost.
Jaehyun pressed his lips in a thin line, waiting for your response and when he saw you looking like you were complementing if it was actually him or not, he turned away, back facing you.
“What did you just say?”
“Thank you.” He repeats and you dramatically cover your mouth with one hand. The night earlier after you had left, Jaehyun had felt bad. Maybe he should have thanked you for what you did.
“Y—You know that word?” You asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I am hearing that from your mouth.”
“You can pretend you didn’t hear it, if that’s the case.” Jaehyun now thought that it would have been better had he kept his mouth shut.
“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I am going to forget that. With the new information that you have basic atticates and still chose to not put them in action, I could see you are a bigger jerk than I presumed to be.” He turned to glare at you and you passed him a mocking smile.
No one could have ever thought this would be the start of a “friendship” between you, or in other words, Jaehyun would console you while your wet face would be pressed against his shirt.
“I hate my life, you know.” You hiccupped in between your sobs, vision blurred by your tears.
Jaehyun sat stiff beside you, gulping as he was unsure of what to do. He had found you sitting on the same spot he sits at and when you spotted him, you scoffed and yelled: "Aren't your visiting days monday, thursday, saturday and sunday? Why the fuck are you here on wednesday? To annoy me?”
Turned out you were drunk, very drunk. He couldn’t spot any bottles beside you so he assumed you drank at home and came here to take a walk in the dead of the night, like you always do.
He was irritated by your crying and so decided to shush you, but well, if shushing you meant sticking close to you with your head on his shoulder, your tears drenching his shirt, he has made a grave mistake by visiting on wednesday.
“Even though you are rude and arrogant and a jerk, I am going to rant to you—”
“Woah, woah. Why are you—.”
“BECAUSE I WANT TO! NOW SHUT UP YOU ARE ANNOYING ME!” You shouted, wiggling on your spot and then took a deep breath.
“So, listen here Mr. Jerk. See, my life right now is a mess, a complete mess. Why? That’s not something I am gonna tell you, you should know how to respect other people’s privacy—”
“I didn’t even asked—”
“Shut up!.” You paused. “ My family has a reputation, and for fitting that reputation you gotta have a job that the society thinks is woah. Are you getting what I mean? And I don’t really have interest in those types of jobs, so that’s why my mother decided what I gotta do with my life and destroyed my passion. Seems cool, right?” You chuckled. “ Now, she’s back, and I— oh fuck, I…..I don’t know what to do.” Your voice weakened, the grasp on Jaehyun’s handkerchief getting tighter.
“She was absent as a mother figure for my whole life and now she’s back, just to mould me into a perfect daughter. I hate it. I hate her.”
Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do, he glanced over at you who still had her eyes closed and warm tears flowing through them. Your hand was clutching his handkerchief tightly.
He swallowed the bile harshly. “It’s..it’s not like you don’t matter…uhm, you do. Like, you give me some sort of company, even if it's annoying ” Your sobs had paused, and your eyes were now open. “Think about your grandma, your family, your friends, don’t they make you feel like you matter?”
“I don’t have friends.” You lifted your head off his shoulder, Jaehyun relaxed instantly. “But my grandmother makes me happy.” A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips.
“So think of it, would your grandmother be happy if you vanished?” You shook your head. “She wouldn’t be.”
From that moment on you talked about your grandmother (non stop), from her favourite colour to the way her eyes light up whenever she smiles, you told everything about her to the man next to you.
You even went as far as to narrate her love story and you’re pretty sure if your grandmother comes to know of this she would smack you in the head with all the force she had.
You prated on and on, and then, you passed out.
…….yeah, just like that.
Jaehyun was struggling to carry you on his back. It was the dead of the night and he was there knocking on people’s houses to ask if they knew where you lived, apologising for the inconvenience caused. While there were only a couple of houses in the area, they were scattered far apart. Luckily, one of the men knew where you lived.
“Ah, isn’t this Mrs Ahn’s grand daughter?” Relieved washed over Jaehyun at the man’s words. He could finally drop your heavy ass off his body. That relief soon was robbed away when he looked at how far your house was located. He sighed, thanking the man and then dragging you with him. God, he is definitely gonna need to spray a ton of back relief formula.
“Who— Oh my, is that Y/N on your back?” Jaehyun passed your grandmother a nervous smile, nodding his head. “What happened to her?”
“She got…uh, she passed out.”
“Oh, dear! This is bad! please come.” Jaehyun accepted the invitation in an instant, dropping you immediately on the cream-coloured couch and letting out a sigh of relief. All those gym days and yet you still made his back ache.
“I am sure carrying her wasn’t an easy task. Would you like to have something? Tea, coffee?” Jaehyun shook his head. “Then how about water?”
“That will do, thank you.” While your grandmother went inside to fetch water, Jaehyun sat next to your spread-out figure, too exhausted after carrying you. His eyes scanned the surroundings. There were pictures of you everywhere. In one of the frames, you were smiling with your teeth on full display, your hair a mess. Jaehyun smiled, it reminded him of his carefree childhood.
“Dear, dear! I’m sure you are exhausted as hell. You couldn’t have found our house in a single try.” Your grandmother’s voice boomed. “What’s your name, child?”
“Jaehyun.” He quietly whispered, eyebrows furrowing when he saw the sparkle in grandmother’s eyes.
“Oh, are you perhaps the guy that has been visiting this sea recently?” Jaehyun nodded, he was surprised your grandmother knew about him. He wondered what you told her about him, but knowing you, you had probably told her all about how Jaehyun was a jerk.
“I am Mrs. Lee and my grand daughter has been mentioning you quite often these days.” She chuckled, her laughter echoing. Jaehyun smiled. It warmed his heart to hear her laughter, seeming like a single hug from her would erase all his worries and pains. Mrs. Ahn handed out the water to Jaehyun with wrinkled yet soft eyes.
A small talk turned into hours of gossip sessions filled with laughter and love. The heat of the coffee mug on Jaehyun’s fingertips was as warm as Mrs. Ahn’s presence. She radiated warmth and comfort, personality the epitome of sunshine. Tears almost formed in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so at home.
You greeted the morning with a stinging pain in your head, eyes not adjusting to the bright light escaping from the curtain. Everything was shaking, everything was blurry. God, just where were you?
“You’re up? I made you hangover soup, kiddo.” Your grandmother’s voice echoed to the room, the realisation that you were spread out on her couch hitting you. Oh, what a fool you were to fall asleep here—
Wait.
Sudden flashes of yesterday’s night flooded through your brain, the pieces uncoordinated but still clear enough to make out how you made a fool out of yourself and let a stranger carry you all the way home.
A gasp escaped your lips, cheek burning up from embarrassment. Just why all these things happen to you.
“Grandma, have you ever seen a clown emoji?” You mumbled while staring at the ceiling. “That’s exactly what I am feeling right now. Exactly.” Maybe you should apologise to Jaehyun? Or maybe just bring a futuristic gadget to wipe off his memory? You don’t know.
Jaehyun’s bare feet came to a halt. Though he hadn’t looked back, he was sure he could sense your presence a few metres away from him. “Can you stop that?” His voice made you flinch, the susurration of waves filling the silence that followed. When you didn’t respond, he looked back, hands behind his back.
For a moment, you stared into his brown orbs, the breeze gently swaying his hair. Then you diverted your gaze to the sandy ground below, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes any further.
Jaehyun patiently waited for you to take a step, start a talk, anything. Though in the back of his head, he knew why you were here.
Taking slow, small steps towards Jaehyun, you stretched out your hand. “Here.”
Jaehyun raised his eyebrow in surprise. It was his handkerchief, neatly ironed and folded. He could smell the eerie smell of detergent from it. He took it without a word, a faint smile appearing on his face.
“About last night…” You started, bile building up in your throat. “I…I hope I hadn’t said something really stupid.” You continued a few seconds later, eyes squeezed shut as you waited for his answer.
He chuckled. “To your dismay, you did. First, you called me a jerk.” He took a step forward. “, shouted at me saying I should respect your privacy when I hadn’t even uttered a word and,” Another step towards you, the distance gradually closed. “Then proceeded to tell me your whole life story, contradicting your statement. I wanted to laugh at you for that, but the atmosphere was not quite appropriate for it.”
“I strongly believe saying that you are a jerk is not stupid. You are a jerk, it’s a fact.”
He rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah? At least I am not like someone who gets drunk and starts babbling nonsense sentences, and uses incorrect grammar.”
“I was drunk, okay!?”
“Yeah, yeah. Now can you get lost? You’re annoying me.” Rude.
“Then why the fuck would you say that you like my company, and that i mattered?” Just exactly the words to make Jaehyun dead in track.
“I thought you didn’t remember anything.”
“There are still some rough patches, but this memory is as clear as the sky.“ Red crept over your cheeks. How could you forget? It was one of the nicest things someone had told you. Jaehyun's lips bloomed into a smile, an expression so soft you swear you were imagining it.
“Do you think I am jerk—”
“Of course.” You answered in a heartbeat, face stern. Jaehyun stared at you for a while before curving his lips into a smirk.
“Oh yeah? Grandmother Ahn said otherwise last night.” Your face scurried, confusion evident on it. You clearly remember telling your grandmother he was a jerk.
“You said I was handsome.”
“What—” You choked on your saliva. Your grandmother said what? “Hey, that's completely a lie! She only told you that because she didn’t want you to be hurt by my actual opinion!”
“Liar.” A teasing smile was all he gave before turning away and pacing forward in an attempt to run away from you.
“Jaehyun! Where the hell are you going!? Come back here, we need to clear things up!”
Days with Jaehyun by your side were peaceful, the chilly breeze didn’t seem to be bothering anymore, the moon and stars weren’t your only company anymore. Jaehyun was too.
You liked his company, and maybe you even liked him. Because you couldn’t stop giggling when you were with him, your stomach wouldn’t stop turning and your eyes would never seem to leave his.
Yes, you liked him, just a tiny bit, but it was still enough to summon all the warmth and love in your heart when your gaze landed on him. Whenever his hand would touch yours, you would freeze, sparks flying all through your body as you would stare at the unaffected Jaehyun rambling about the importance of fruits and why you should eat them.
Everynight, you would wait for him to show up, walking the lengths of the sea in a gentle motion, fixing your hair when the breeze messed them up.
Your nights earlier were consumed by looking at stars in gloomy sky, by hearing the soft clash of waves and wondering whether the water would be the one to lure you into eternal sleep. But now these same nights were marked with looking at the stars in his eyes and wondering if his touch would be as warm as the brown of his eyes.
You hated nights, but if they meant sitting by the beach with Jaehyun and hearing his baseless arguments against the big bang theory, you wish the sun would never rise.
“So, tell me what has led to you having late night visits at the sea.” Jaehyun looks a bit taken aback. He tears his gaze away from you, directing them towards the reflection of the moon in the water.
There’s silence. And it’s not comfortable. You shift upon the realisation. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s okay.” Jaehyun heaved a sigh, his back hitting the sand bed.
“Do you like music?”
“Music? Of course I do!” What about it?”
Jaehyun heaves a sigh. “Well, you know. I love music— correction: i loved music. It transported me to another world, where all my worries just scummed. When I would hear the faint of music, it silenced my thoughts, and it brought me peace. So I decided that in the future, I would explore music more, and build my career around it. And so I did exactly that.” Jaehyun didn’t want to continue, because he knew that all this talking would make him realise the thing that he had hidden deep inside him — he doesn’t like his idol life.
He knew it deep down, but he will never, never, accept it. Because the moment he decides to accept how miserable his seemingly sparkly life actually was, will be the moment that he will realise how his sufferings and sacrifice to enter into the idol world were not worth it. All those years of brutal training and lost youth, they were nothing if they couldn’t fetch him real happiness.
He couldn’t just accept that all his effort over the past ten years was nothing. It would break him, and he wasn’t ready for this. He won’t ever be ready for this.
“I— I am just tired right now since my manager says I am not quite improving. So I come here every now and then, the sound of the waves— it’s music, it gives me peace.” His lids fall shut, ears taking in the crash of waves against land. His eyes opened up as quickly as they had shut when he felt the warmth of your hand on top of his.
The small gesture was completely unexpected, but Jaehyun welcomed it. The skin of your hand against his was so comforting, it calmed him more than the waves could. He could feel the warmth of your hand traveling through his body.
With each passing second, the sound of waves began to fade and the thumping of his heart became evident. Blood rushed to his face. He liked this feeling — your touch felt so pleasant that it took all the strength in him to not intervene his fingers with yours.
That night, neither of you said anything else. It was a cold night but the pounding of your hearts and the hold of your hands made your body burn. You were right, his touch was just as warm as the brown of his eyes.
From that night onwards, something inside Jaehyun changed. His visits become more frequent and longer. Your fingers “accidentally” brushed against each other a lot more, and so did his smiles.
You were his safe place. Whenever he was with you, every worry, every doubt just disappeared. Even though Jaehyun didn’t share much about his life, you knew the raw, authentic parts of him.
Parts that were imperfect. Parts that were messy. Parts that made him Jaehyun.
“Which one would you like to buy? It’s my treat!” Jaehyun smiled seeing you squeal at his words. You examined all the delicacies your local bakery had to offer.
“Can I just take everything? They all look so tempting!”
“No. I am not that rich.”
“You are so mean.” Jaehyun chuckled seeing you throw a glare at him. Your heart melts seeing his dimples poke out, face softening as your lips curl into a smile. How can you not adore this man? Just look at his dimples.
The bakery owner giggled at the sight in front of her. “It’s nice to see couples coming here.” Even though she whispered to herself, both him and you caught her words. The chuckles died down, and— was Jaehyun blushing? You squint your eyes. His ears were definitely red. Wait, does that mean that he likes you too? The red on your cheeks deepens, and you are sure he notices, because as he walks you to your house, he turns you to face him.
“I like you.” There, he said it. Your mouth parts open in utter disbelief. Oh fuck. Did he just confess? Your lack of response sent Jaehyun into a spiral of thoughts. Has his confession been too soon for your liking?
“I— Are you joking right now?”
“Why would you think I would be joking about my feelings, Y/N?” He heaves in a deep breath, biting his lower lip. “I like you. You give me comfort, you make me forget about all my worries. With you, I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I have no imperfections. With you, I can be silly and goofy. With you, I feel loved.”
Your grip on your bag tightens, his words still sounding like a dream to you. “Jaehyun,” You trail, taking a step closer to him. It’s impossible to ignore the longing in the eyes of the man in front of you. He leans down until you can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. “I like you too.” You breathed, taking a pause to press your lips against his.
Jaehyun smiled, his thumb lifting your chin up. “I know, you were not really discreet in hiding that.” In an instant, his lips were on yours. You closed your eyes, your bag dropping on the ground as your hands slowly made their way around his nape.
His lips were soft, perfectly moulding with yours. You could feel him smile as your hand tugged at the strands of his hair. He pulled you closer by your waist, his kiss so gentle and full of love that you felt euphoric. The synced thumping of your hearts, the adrenaline rush, sent sparks flying your body.
You didn’t want to let go, holding onto Jaehyun as though he was the air you breathe. His free hand reached out to grab yours, caressing it before intertwining your fingers. He was on cloud nine, he could taste the lingering vanilla of the pastry you had and it made him dizzier.
You pulled apart to catch your breath, panting and blushing. Jaehyun locked his forehead with yours, light giggles escaping his lips seeing how flushed you looked. He loved this sight, and lord, he can get drunk on it.
Months went by in a blur. You were on cloud nine, so in love with the man who held your hand delicately every time his gaze met yours. You were glowing from the inside, overwhelmed with all the right feelings.
Everything was going smoothly, as though your story was one straight from the fairytales, until nct’s popularity increased and so did the pressure on Jaehyun. He no longer had time to visit you, and whenever you asked him about his idol life in the hopes to lessen his burden, he would immediately change the topic. You saw less of Jaehyun each passing day. You tried arranging dates with Jaehyun but it all boiled down to him being busy due to his packed up schedule. Eventually you noticed that his schedule was no longer an actual reason, but just an excuse to avoid you.
You wondered how long it would take you to save your relationship that's falling apart, until one cold night Jaehyun appeared at your doorstep unannounced. One look at his clenched face and you knew.
“Let’s break up.” The words that left his mouth still sounded like a thunderclap. Your expression dropped, mouth ajar as you stared at the man in pure horror. You searched his eyes for something— anything that indicated he was joking, that he loved you like you did. To your dismay, you found nothing but orbs so dark that you could feel a shiver run down your spine.
“What?” Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill. The lump in your throat grew heavier as your hands curled up into a fist. The aching rhythm of your heart took over your ears, eyes getting red.
“Why?” Your voice gave in, barely above a whisper as you watched Jaehyun heave in a breath. His palms get clammy.
“You know my life is hectic. No breaks, no rest. I was looking for an escape like a madman, and I found one in you. Initially, it felt good. I was happy, you made me forget about my tedious life. But as my schedule got loaded up I realised that being with you…..It doesn’t bring me any joy. It’s taking a toll on me.”
The words that seemed to escape his lips so easily, went through your heart like a dagger. He was lying, wasn’t he? How can it be that you bring him no joy? You saw his crescent eyes, his pearly smile, the smile whiskers that you found so adorable — every time he was with you.
You were desperate to save your relationship, so much so that started sputtering anything that could make him stay.
“Jae, if it’s about how hectic your schedule is, you don’t have to visit me here! I can always come to you—”
“No, you don’t understand—”
“I get that being in the spotlight is tiresome. You are exhausted and you want to rest. B—But what’s the need of breaking up? If it’s about visiting and spending hours talking with me at the beach, we don’t have to do it. You don’t have to come here for weeks, a month even. You can rest at home, we can always talk on chat. I promise I’ll keep it short so you don’t have to invest too much of your time in it. But, please, don’t break up. We can work this out.”
“We cannot. I cannot. This relationship is draining me out. I have already made my decision Y/N, I have put a lot of thought into this. I am sorry but you cannot convince me to change my decision.” Your hands frantically grasped the doorframe to balance yourself. You cannot win this. You cannot make him stay.
Sacred and unsure, your hands feebly make their way to cup his cheeks, and that’s when Jaehyun’s armour breaks. His hand rests on yours, fingers interviewing and you could feel his tough frontier shatter for a moment.
A moment so vulnerable that he couldn’t help but gently press his lips on yours, tenderly taking you in for what felt like the last time for you both. His actions betrayed his words. His kiss was slow, soft, compassionate, so in contrast to his cold, sharp edged words.
When he reached out to cup your face and felt the warm liquid on your cheeks, it broke him. But he had no right to feel so, for it was him who made you cry. How can he stay with you, how can he give you the love you deserved when he couldn’t even man up to accept his own feelings?
At one end, his ego was shifting the blame on you, whispering every night to him that he needs to stay away from you if he wants to continue living his “dream life” in satisfaction. On the other, his sane self was also telling him to stay away from you for he had done nothing but hurt you these past few months. You deserve better, and he needs to better for you.
And in the haze of shared kisses and cries, drunk of the delicate grip on your waist and fingers tangled in your locks, you knew Jaehyun loved you. But you can’t make decisions for him, and so despite your will, you had to let him go.
Jaehyun bangs the door to his apartment harshly as his mind flashes an image of you teared up. Despite spending weeks trying to convince himself he doesn’t find solace in you, his heart aches seeing you like that. And he had made that very clear with the sentimental kiss shared.
Being with you made him realise how happy he can be if he left his idol life behind. All the fame, the wealth, it was worth nothing if he wasn’t happy. But he still cannot accept that it’s not you that no longer brings him joy, but his picture perfect life that robs him of happiness.
Until the time he navigates his emotions, till the time he learns to accept, or learns to improve himself mentally, Jaehyun decides to stay away from you.
It's been weeks since you stepped outside of your room. You occasionally heard your grandmother cursing at Jaehyun in the loudest voice possible, hoping you would come out and join her. She would often complain how the tv wasn’t working properly, or how she couldn’t reach the container on the top shelf — anything that could possibly make you abandon the confines of the room.
You found solace in your acrylics and oil pastels, painting your feelings on the canvas. It was the only thing that kept you sane. At times, you often wondered how Jaehyun was doing. Was he doing better? Had he found his joy?
You knew it was understandable for Jaehyun to take a break considering his deteriorating condition recently, but you were sore that he had chosen to battle on his own and not with you on side. Even though you were sure he didn’t mean most of his words, you still found yourself tear eyed whenever you revisited the conversation.
Jaehyun had given you some of the sweetest memories, he had been the source of your happiness and had become an integral part of your life. To have him ripped away from you hurt like hell.
At nights when your eyes would hurt from staring at the creaks of your ceiling, you would take a stroll down the shore. The salty taste of the air would coat your tongue and your eyes would glisten at the flashes of his smile, the whispers of his voice telling you he loved you.
You missed him, and wondered if he felt the same.
Jaehyun doesn't feel the same, he feels worse.
He should have known that cleaning his apartment on a sunday morning just because he wanted to be “productive” and get his shit together after the break up would make things worse for him.
He stares awfully long at the lavender coloured album titled “her”, which he had found on one of his shelves, sitting pretty and luring him near.
With his hand practically shaking, he mustered up the courage to flip to the first page of his loved album, pupils dilating as his eyes landed on the first pic of you under a street lamp, the soft light illuminating your features and enhancing your appearance. You were smiling for the camera, eyes twinkling.
He remembers that day vividly: when you both pretended to be strangers in your own hometown just to get lost in the familiar streets. It was a simple excuse to be in each other’s company for a little longer. You were wearing a white top paired with a denim skirt, hair blowing with the breeze.
He misses you. Quite rich coming from the man who suggested that you should part ways since ‘he no longer finds joy in you and being with you just added to the toll his schedule gave.’
Jaehyun hated the words he spat the night he showed up unannounced at your house. They were too cruel, all lies. He hopes you know he doesn’t mean any of that and one day, you will find in your heart to forgive him.
When the night comes, jaehyun would lay in his bed and wonder if had made the right decision— if he was ever going to get better— and if by the time he does get better will you still love him— have you moved on— do you hate him— has the sweet memories with him now left a bitter taste on your tongue—
A train of thoughts that never halted.
It’s been two months since your breakup and it’s been quite tough for Jaehyun. He has been dealing with insomnia, messing up dance steps, hitting the wrong notes and even fainting.
After the members gave him an earful, he finally decided to meet a therapist secretly, thrice a week. Jaehyun did not miss the pitiful glances thrown his way wherever he opened up.
One thing the therapist encouraged him to do on a daily basis was writing down his feelings on a piece of paper. Jaehyun thought it was just a simple task but man, he did not expect the paper to absorb his thoughts so well. It was tough on the first day, he admits. It felt like scrapping a fresh clot. But as the ink glided on the paper, the heaviness in his heart got lighter.
One fine night, when he was missing you so much to the point he was sure that he was going crazy, he picked up a piece of paper and let his thoughts mold into a song. Thanks to his overflowing feelings (and kidnapping mark to help him produce a melody), he was able to prepare the first draft on that night itself.
The track, forever only, was close to his heart. It was so raw, so vulnerable, so personal.
“You sing like you have divorced her and lost custody of your three kids.”
Jaehyun yeets the paper on Mark's face, causing a yelp to escape the young man’s throat. Jaehyun heaved out a sigh, slumping on the couch.
“Do you think it’s good?”
“I just gave you a compliment, dude.” Mark joins Jaehyun. “The goodbye and a final kiss, the way you sang that I know you replay that kiss over and over aga— STOP HITTING ME!”
Forever only received positive comments from both his members and the company. It wasn’t long before Jaehyun had stepped foot in the studio to start recording it. A month of hard work, and then forever only finally saw the light of the day.
In the meantime, when you came clear to grandmother about the situation between you and jaehyun— she started showing you profiles of ‘hot men near me’. “Grandma,” You interrupted the happy Mrs. Ahn talking about some Jeong Jungkook. “Why do you have an app named hot men near me?”
Then she smacked you with a pan :)
Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?
“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment.
“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!”
“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.
Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?”
“100% a hi.”
“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence.
Hands shaking and sweaty, Jaehyun harshly shoves bile down his throat. The glow of the white screen feels all too uncomfortable as he stares at your contact. Should he do this? Should he contact you?
“I appreciate your concern but can you give me some privacy?” He glances at the seven boys who seemed to be more nervous than him. They were here to ensure he doesn’t chicken out at the last moment.
“Privacy?” Johnny side eyes him. “Jaehyun, we have even seen your bare ass!”
“Send the fucking text what are you waiting for?” Yuta shouts from behind, and Jaehyun groans in pain as a cushion is flung at him.
Heaving in a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s fingers move against the keyboard and then halt. “Should I use Hello? Or Hi? Or Hey?”
“100% a hi.”
“So like a hi with a single i or a hii with double or triple i’s?” …..silence.
If a gaze could kill, your phone would have been in shambles. Your grandmother glares at the message sent by your ex, cursing at him and letting out an evil cackle as she skinned him alive in her cruel imagination.
She might have “invaded” your privacy but can you really blame her when she saw a notification from “Jae ♡” pop up? Fuming, her shaky hands tapped at the screen. And smirked evilly until she heard a voice behind her.
“Grandma, I am starving.” You whined, fresh out of the shower. You blinked a few times upon registering the device in your hand.
“Is that my phone?” Back straightening up, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, pretending to get mad. She nodded, anger still glinting in her eyes.
“Come on, you know it’s rude to access people’s belongings without their permission.” You jogged towards her with a smile plastered on your face, peeking to see what she was checking.
She flips the phone screen the second you try to glance at it. “I prepared your favourite soup. Weren’t you starving? Quick, go eat it before it gets cold.”
“Yes, commander.” She chuckles at your response, shoving the phone into her pocket. And just like that, you never saw his message.
“Are you buying these for your girlfriend? She is going to love it.” Jaehyun slightly smiles under the black mask adoring his face, taking the bouquet of red flowers in his hands and uttering a thanks to the florist.
You had left him on seen and though Jaehyun knew it was not ideal for him to show up in your new neighbourhood after his actions, he still did. He wanted to try and fail instead of regretting it in the future.
So here he was, standing at the door of the house he was all too familiar, clutching the bouquet of roses out of nervousness. He took a deep breath and rang the bell.
“Greetings—” The smile on your grandmother’s face dropped as soon as she identified the man standing in front of her, the black mask and cap he wore all too familiar to her eyes.
Jaehyun bowed the second after, not missing the way her eyes were shooting daggers at him. He would be lying if he wasn’t scared, shifting uncomfortably in his place.
“Why are you here?” Her words were laced with spite, imitating your own too precisely. Does mastering the cold tone run in your bloodline? Jaehyun smiles at the thought.
“Uh— I am here to give your grand daughter something.” He mumbles in a quiet voice and it was only then did her gaze land on the bouquet in Jaehyun’s hand. “I am sure she doesn’t need them.”
Jaehyun sighed at the answer, fixing his cap. “I know I have hurt your daughter, but I am here to prove that I am willing to try again and face my weakness, to love her the way my past self wasn’t able to and to make her realise that I indeed did and still love her.”
The sadness in his eyes made her heart clench a little and she wanted to pat his back to tell him it was alright. But how could she when the person he hurt was none other than her own grand daughter?
“It’s too late now, don’t you think?” Jaehyun said nothing and just dipped his head low. “Please……just please let me try. I promise I won’t hurt her…..again” Your grandmother sighed, calling your name, saying you have a visitor.
“I want you to stay away from her, but it’s her life and so it’s her who should make her decisions. Don’t get heartbroken if she gives you a piece of her mind…or a few slaps.” She rolled her eyes but somewhere, hidden in the depths of her heart was a voice that told her it was the right decision.
Jaehyun mumbled a small thank you, eyes peering inside the house to look at you, the gorgeous lady inside out, standing timidly in her flip flops and messy hair, yet still knocking the wind out of him.
You had come running to the gate upon hearing your name, confused as to who might be there to visit you. The sight of Jaehyun was something that left you numb, and you swore he could see the surprise painted on your face.
You looked at your grandmother who balled her right hand into a fist and pointed it towards Jaehyun as if telling you to punch him with all your might. You took bold steps towards the man dressed in black, a stark contrast to the way your heart was pounding.
“Hi,” Jaehyun’s voice was so warm and inviting, and the tenderness in his eyes that like you were some sort of precious thing he had vowed to protect. It caught you off guard. Meeting him still broke you down in a cold sweat.
He handed you the bouquet with gentleness. “This is for you.” He uttered, a small smile visible on his face despite his mask. You accepted the bouquet, still eyeing Jaehyun as you were still in doubt as to what he was up to.
No man shows up at his ex’s house and hands a bouquet with a smile on his face unless he is there to convince the ex to give him a second chance. But it was Jaehyun, the idol that has been packed with tight schedules and shootings so why would he be there for this petty reason? Didn’t being an idol drain him out to be dealing with you?
“I am sorry.” You blinked a few times. There was a visible confusion on your face. Jeong Jaehyun bought you flowers and apologised? Jaehyun took a second to register your actions. You didn’t slam the door shut in his face or threw the bouquet on him like he had imagined.
Afraid that he was running out of time before you would close the door on him, he mustered up the courage to let his words reach you.
“I know what I did was wrong…..it was selfish and maybe pathetic, and I regret it.” Jaehyun’s brain was in a haze, the script he had learned for this particular moment all too blurry and he was left with nothing to rely on except his true and raw feelings. So he shared them, even though it was one hell of a task for him.
“I get that you don’t even want to look at me, but please, just listen to me this time.” You avoided his gaze, silencing yourself and giving him a signal to go. Jaehyun understood it and took a deep breath. Boy, he wishes he does not end up crying in the process.
“I was a coward……I chose to leave you and never talk about my feelings. Thinking about them was scary because that would have meant me getting a glimpse of what I really felt towards this life. And I didn’t want to accept that after coming this far.”
“When things got hard, crushing me under, I believed that I would be just fine. When my eyes lost all the light, I still blindly believed that. And soon helplessness developed into frustration, and that frustration went out on you. I am just so sorry.”
“Yes, I am here to ask for a second chance.” He took in a deep breath, eyes fixated on the ground because he was so afraid of looking at you. “I just wanted you to know how I feel, that’s it. Whatever decision you take, I will abide by it.”
The air becomes thicker, your chest feels heavier. Shit, shit. You were not over him, you still missed him. It didn’t help that his words seemed sincere. “I—”
“Please take your time.” Merely above a whisper, he said. What if you say no? Would this be the last time Jaehyun sees you? “Please think about it…” His eyes were now glossy. His gaze never leaves your face, just so he could crave your features in his memory, just in case this was his last chance of looking at you.
The sun dipped below the horizon, wind blew your hair, feet bare against sand, you had your hand clutching the bouquet. You closed your eyes, taking in every little sound the beach gave you. You don’t remember how long you have been walking.
Do you want it? A second chance at the relationship which once felt everything? Do you still love Jaehyun? Your brain had shut down, refusing to comply with the situation. Your heart was aching. Was it because you were afraid of getting hurt again? Or was it because you have missed Jaehyun just as much as he had? How you wish you could find the answer to that.
Your thoughts about Jaehyun went in a loop, and it was overwhelming. You needed a distraction. Anything would work if it meant a pause to your contemplation. You dragged your eyes along the expanse of land, heaving out a sigh of relief as you noticed the bakery.
Yes, food will surely work.. You rush to the place, the sweet smell and the slow jazz music immediately calming you down.
“Welcome!” The owner smiled. “Oh it’s you! It’s been a long time, what would you like?” You passed back a smile and skimmed over the pastries, pointing to a blueberry one. “This one!”
Lord, you were right. Food always works. You deserved this sweet treat. “Can I have another one?”
“Sure!” As she picked up the pastry, the song switched. (forever only starts playing). It felt nice, the voice felt familiar—. Your lips parted. This was definitely Jaehyun’s voice. This was his song. Forever Only.
Your hands start shaking. Tears streamed down your face, and even though your vision was getting blurry, everything else started becoming clear. Do you want a second chance at this relationship? Hell yes. Do you still love Jaehyun? Yes, yes, yes!
“Here— are you okay?” The owner’s voice was full of concern as she bent down to check on you. Your sobs were getting louder each stanza. “I— I think I should stop this song—”
“No….please let me hear it. Everything.” And you did. Every single thing. Every ounce of pain in his voice. You were a mess, crying uncontrollably, holding onto the bouquet as though it was Jaehyun himself. Only when the song ended, you were sane enough to utter a thank you to the owner who was patting your back the entire time.
“Are you feeling better now?” She asked and you nodded. “I am so sorry, it was just that the song got to me.”
“No worries, it’s my favourite song, so vulnerable. Even I cried when I first heard it because it reminded me of my ex.” She chuckled. “I think I should refrain from playing this in my bakery. I can’t believe I made two people cry in a matter of thirty minutes. Before you a man in all black came and his hands were shaking when he heard this song, I mean he didn’t cry openly but his whimpers were enough—”
“A man in all black?” Your heart pounded. It has to be Jaehyun. “Was he wearing a mask and a cap?”
“Yes! Do you know each other—” You gasped and immediately got up, impatient to know where he went.
“When was he here? Do you remember in which direction he went?”
“15 minutes ago, and he went there.” That was it. You sprinted out of the bakery, not caring about your tear streaked cheeks and puffy eyes. A run of 2 minutes leads you to him, sitting with his back against you, staring at the water like it held all the answers. It was your spot.
Your knees gave up and as the grainy sand scratched your skin, you let out a cry. Your mewls caught his attention and when he turned to find the source of this noise, his breath got caught. It was you.
One eye contact was all it took for you to cry out harder, eyes getting puffier and throat burning. Jaehyun rushed towards you, cupping your cheeks in his hands, a little hesitant at first.
“I missed you.” You breathed out, hands snaking around his bicep. “So fucking much.” He was breaking down too. He pulls you in, embracing you with such a gentle yet stern grip, as if you were a mirage that would disappear if he lets you.
“I love you.” He whispered, pressing a small kiss to your temple. “I always have.” You pull away, tear brimmed eyes looking at his.
“I hate you.” You punched his chest. “First you part away, and then— you come for a second chance— and then I find out you wrote a goddamn song about me. Why such a depressing song? Haven’t I given you enough happy memories!?”
“No— that’s not what I meant in that song—”
“Shut up. I was trying to crack a joke, lighten the mood.”
Jaehyun stared at you. “...whilst balling your eyes out— ouch!”
“As if you look any better! Your eyes are puffier than mine! Even in such a situation you are bickering with me! Do you want me to go ba—”
The words died in your throat as his lips sealed yours. Jaehyun was a gentle kisser, slow and patient. But this time, his kisses lacked patience. It was as if they were trying to tell you how much he had missed you. His thumb tilted your jaw, deepening the kiss. You pressed your face closer to his, cutting down any space for air.
It was sloppy and messy, like all the longing had manifested itself into the swirl of your tongues, the grip of his hand on your waist and the scratch of your nail against his skin. How you wished your grandmother wasn’t at home—
“Just get a room, you two!” You chuckled in between the kiss at that, tightening your grip around Jaehyun to feel the flush of his skin against yours. Jaehyun breaks the kiss, dimples flashing seeing the red of your face. Gently, he tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear.
His lips, all swollen, glimmer and you can’t help but peck them. You feel like your heart is about to burst from your ribcage just by how full it feels.
Jaehyun can’t thank the heavens enough for the grace they have bestowed on him. How he had missed the sweetness of your chapstick and the echo of your voice. And as he leaned in to savour you again, he made a promise to himself. A promise that he will never run away from you again, that he will never let himself be the reason you shed even a single tear, that he will let you know that he loves you every single day, and will continue doing so until the last of his breath has left him.
luna’s note ▸ yay, you made it to the end! thank you for taking out your time to read my story ♡ i hoped you liked it! please let me know your thoughts!, a small feedback can change my day for the better and give me motivation to bring more of such stories to you so please share your thoughts!
you can find more of my posted works here and fic ideas here!
it's been a super super long time since i was last active and i'm truly sorry for disappearing 🥺 i took a break and was unable to write for these past few years but now i am getting better! i would like to share that i am now officially in uni and i have also finished forever only !! it's currently a 11.3k fic and i might add a scene or two. it will be released on sunday, 22rd march. if you would still like to read that piece and my future works, i will be so glad 😭💗
in case you have forgotten, this is forever only:
FIND THE FIC HERE
summary ▸ despite finding love and comfort in the stranger by the sea, jaehyun decides to call it quits just so he could return to his ever so perfect idol life. Now, three months later, he is back at her doorstep with overflowing feelings and a track titled forever only.
genre ▸ idol! jaehyun x female reader | idol au | strangers to lovers to exes to lovers au | angst | fluff | slowburn
and the taglist for this fic is: @wintersoulwarrior @teal1709 @@tacitanecdote @joepomonerof @cosmicwintr @the-universe-in-you-jjh @luv4jeno @haebragi @miriamxsworld @babyblue0t7 @ethelia
The broken look on Jaehyun's face hasn’t left you, becoming a permanent stain in your memory. But you deserved it, or you thought you did – you fully believed that you deserved to feel just as broken, if not more than he was. You would carry on the guilt and the shame for hurting a man that had shown you nothing but adoration and love. But now you know he has hurt you too.
PAIRING ☆ jung jaehyun x afab!reader
GENRES ☆ smut, fluff, angst, exes to lovers, forbidden romance, rich kids au
CHAPTER WARNINGS ☆ none
WORD COUNT ☆ 3.1k
AUTHOR'S NOTE ☆ lol i'm sorry this took so long. i'm gonna be completely honest and say the next part will probably take a while too. thank you for being patient with me <3
series masterlist ☆ previous chapter ☆ next chapter
It’s been two weeks since your encounter with your ex-boyfriend.
Your life has been rather quiet besides attending parties as well as gatherings your family were invited to. Despite them commenting on your odd behaviour, you agreed to put on a smile at each event, knowing how important it was to your father that you preserve the reputation of your family.
Behind closed doors, you lay in bed for hours. You cry yourself to sleep every night, your only witness being the walls of your bedroom – and Rosé calling every now and then to check up on you.
You were angry at first. It was impossible to feel otherwise, given the fact that the man you loved kept something this big from you for so long. You’d called Rosé the moment you got home, angry tears flowing down your face.
“All this time, I thought I was the bad guy for breaking up with him, and to find out that he’s a fucking Jung?” you grit your teeth, wiping away your tears in frustration. “He’s dead to me.”
Rosé babbled in your ear then, but her words went straight into one ear and out the other. You stared at the sliding doors of your bedroom that led to a spacious balcony where you usually spent your mornings, and a memory started replaying in your head.
“Not bad,” you comment as you lean over the railing. The skyline of New York lays in front of you along with the ever-serene East River, the moonlight highlighting the Brooklyn Bridge just beyond. “But I gotta admit – the view from my bedroom in Seoul is still better.”
“Oh yeah?” Jaehyun smiles, dimples prominent on his cheeks as he also takes in the view. When he turns to look at you, his head is tilted in a way that makes you want to smother his face in kisses. “Is your bedroom also in a penthouse thirty-five floors above ground level?”
You let out an amused chuckle, playfully punching his shoulder. “Not quite,” you admit, recalling that while your bedroom only offered a partial view of the Apgujeong skyline, it also overlooked the quaint little red roofs of your neighbours’ houses down the street. “But… it's home. And, to be honest, it’s the memories that come with that view that really makes it special.”
Jaehyun hums in deep thought, before breaking into a full grin. “If it’s the memories that make the view special, why don't we capture this memory now?”
He doesn’t wait for a reply from you, already taking out his phone and snapping a selfie of the two of you with the city of New York as the background.
When he shows you the photo, you melt into your boyfriend’s embrace. “That's beautiful,” you whisper, and the tip of Jaehyun's ears redden at your compliment.
“It might not be home,” Jaehyun begins, laying a kiss on your forehead, “But I hope that you'll show me your bedroom one day, and we can take a picture of us there too.”
You sigh and shake your head in awe. “I love you,” you say.
Jaehyun’s face crinkles into another grin. “I love you too.”
Tears welled up in your eyes again, and you sank into your bedsheets as sobs spilled from your body uncontrollably.
“He lied to me, Rosie,” you had choked out, no longer caring if she still heard you. “What if he’s been lying about everything?”
It took another hour for your best friend to murmur calming words into your ear until your breathing eventually evened out. You know it was in the middle of the day where Rosé was, but the time difference didn’t matter to her as she stayed on the phone with you until you fell deep into slumber – the final words she uttered before you finally dozed off replaying in your dreams.
“If there’s one thing I know, Jaehyun has never lied about how much he loves you.”
Your life returned to some degree of normalcy after that night. You meet up with your friends that you haven’t seen since returning from the States, and you take pictures and post them online, projecting your life as a wealthy socialite on your social media.
Jaehyun hasn’t reached out to you, and some part of you is relieved for that. You push any thoughts of him and New York away, determined to keep it as a distant memory. Rosie chides you, saying that erasing him from your mind isn’t the healthy option, but as much as you love her, you know that she will never fully understand how you feel.
Your social circle wasn’t limited to just Rosé, anyway. While she had been your ride-or-die while navigating the upper east side, you know your other people in your circle have been dying to catch up with you and that you haven’t been able to fit in your busy schedule.
You’re currently at Jihyo’s, having tea in her backyard veranda. The green hedges surrounding you are neatly trimmed, framed with multiple stone paths that lead further into the rest of her perfectly manicured garden. The sun dips low in the late evening, sunrays filtering through the roof and glinting on the silverware laid in front of you.
“You’re telling me, that during the entire three you were in the States, that there wasn’t a single cute guy that you hooked up with?” Minnie says incredulously, shooting you a look of suspicion.
You smirk, but behind the tint of your shades, you’re rolling your eyes. “I told you, there were maybe one or two – but I was mostly focused on my designs at the time.”
It’s the recycled lie you’ve been using from the moment you landed back in Seoul, from before you even found out the truth from Jaehyun. There was no way you were going to disclose to everyone of the unexpected summer romance you had while you were away, because you knew you also had to explain how that only ended in heartbreak.
It’s not an entirely untruthful lie, though. There was only one guy that you slept with during your stay in New York.
Jihyo clicks her tongue, helping herself to more macarons. “Couldn’t be me. I’d jump the first hot guy I meet at a bar, and then I can check off Manhattan one-night-stand off my bucket list.”
You flick a piece of your muffin in her direction. “Unclassy. I had actual work to do, you know?”
Minnie gasps in mock surprise. “You? Working? Since when have you worked a day in your life?”
Since the day your father told you the importance of your name.
Jihyo scowls on your behalf before you can respond, throwing her napkin at the other's head. “Not all of us can be heiresses to multi-billion dollar resort chains, Minnie!”
You almost snort at her comment. That’s ironic, considering how all three of you are exactly that. Heiresses.
It’s how you met all those years ago. Your father, Minnie’s father, as well as Jihyo’s mother were invited to a fundraising event where you were arranged to sit at a table with a couple of strangers. You were freshly seventeen and had just made your debut in high society, and to say that you were nervous would be an understatement.
You were sat across from a beautiful girl with big eyes, whose trembling hands told you that this was also her first high society event, that she was just as edgy as you were. Something in you wanted to speak up, to say something to her, when another girl of your age arrived at the table. Something in her sharp, confident features intimidated you, but she introduced herself as Minnie and instantly eased you and the other girl into a conversation.
You discovered a lot about her that night – about how she’s originally from Bangkok, how her family’s enterprise is multiple decades old, how she made her debut years before you and the other girl did. You also learned about how the other girl, Jihyo, is set to inherit her mother’s fashion line once her parents decide she’s ready. Both of them confessed that they’ve known since they were younger of the power and burden they would one day carry on their shoulders, and you knew at that moment that you had found your people. The three of you became inseparable ever since.
As Minnie and Jihyo continue to bicker, you glance at your wristwatch. It’s half past 5, and you had promised your parents that you would be home by 6.
“Well, I better get going,” you declare before you finish the last remnants of tea in your cup. Your friends seem put out by your sudden statement, so you send them a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other soon. Mina’s engagement party is next weekend, remember? I will be seeing you then.”
Jihyo nods, stuffing the last of her macaron into her mouth and rising from her seat. “Let me walk you out.”
Once you’ve said your goodbyes and are safely inside the back of your limousine, you take off your sunglasses and shove them into your bag. You’re grateful for the peace and quiet, and you’re hoping that you could spend tomorrow all by yourself without having to worry about appearing perfect.
Before long, you’ve arrived back at your mansion. Your family’s new housemaid, Sara, politely greets you when you step inside. The atmosphere is quiet as you walk through the foyer, but when you turn the corner you hear muffled voices from the dining hall.
All three of your family members are sitting in their respective seats, their own array of pastries and sandwiches laid out on the dining table. Doyoung doesn’t spare you a glance when you enter, too focused on his own meal. You greet your parents with a quiet ‘good evening’.
From behind her cup of tea, your mother smiles. She gestures at the chair across from her with a nod of her head. “Ah, you’re back. Come sit down, dear, we have something to discuss with you.”
You nod, taking the seat before helping yourself to some sandwiches. “What’s going on?”
“The merger with the Kims is going well,” your father informs as he cuts into a slice of butter cake. “DivineBeauty shall be in our holdings very soon.”
You’re well acquainted with the other Kim family. Though not related by blood, your father has been calling Kim Junmyeon his brother ever since they graduated business school together, and you know it’s always been your father’s wish to strike a business deal with him and his family one day. Junmyeon has two sons, one of whom you know very well.
You swallow any thoughts before your mind can recall your past with him. You turn to your father, humming in acknowledgement. “That’s great.”
“We just need a few final steps before we seal the deal, such as appearing as a united front with that family,” your father continues, and then his eyes rest on your face. “That’s where you come in.”
Oh, hell no.
You have an overwhelming feeling that you know exactly where this conversation is heading, but you plaster on a nervous smile. “How so?”
Your father avoids your gaze, suddenly taking an abnormally long time to chew his cake. You turn to Doyoung, but his eyes are still glued on the plate in front of him. Narrowing your eyes, you look to your mother for an answer. She opens her mouth to speak, and you note the hesitation in her voice.
“We want you to be pictured at a cafe together with Junmyeon’s son Mingyu.”
The silence that follows is deafening.
You exhale through your nose, gaze dropping onto the plate in front of you. You don’t say anything, fingering the fork you’re holding as if it could help your mother’s words sink in.
Finally, you sigh. “And if I decline?”
Your mother lets out a cry. “Oh, honey, you and Mingyu were so lovely together!” she says, and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “It’s a shame that things ended between the two of you, and this would be the perfect opportunity to fix things with him, don’t you think?”
Fix things with him?
You almost laugh. If only your parents knew that there was nothing to fix, because technically, you and Mingyu never officially dated.
Maybe you would have. Mingyu was always in your orbit whether you liked it or not because of how close your parents were to his, and he was basically the only guy friend you had before you made your debut in high society. Even as children, you weren’t blind to how attractive he was, but you had always seen him as a friend.
That was until a few bottles of liquor and one passionate night with him changed your dynamic forever.
Things with him were purely physical for a while. You suspected that he saw you as something more, and you wouldn’t have been opposed to it – you and Mingyu could finally put a real label on whatever your relationship together was, but then your trip to New York happened.
You feel your parents’ gazes on you now, watching you intently. It’s always been their wish for you to end up together with Mingyu, you know that.
“I’ll go on with the publicity stunt for you,” you eventually respond, eyes meeting your mother’s. “But I can’t promise you that it will be anything more.”
Your mother looks disappointed, but your father smiles approvingly. “Excellent. I’ll arrange for a photo op at Sweet Brew & Treats for you tomorrow.”
Brilliant. Just when you thought you could have tomorrow all to yourself, there’s yet another event that requires your presence. The appetite you had just minutes ago has vanished in an instant, and you push away the plate in front of you with stiff hands.
You stand up from the chair, sending a curt nod to your parents. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll need lots of rest for my appearance tomorrow.”
If they notice the tenseness in your voice, neither of them let on – instead giving you nods of their own. You suddenly feel Doyoung’s eyes on you, but you can’t look at him. You grab your things and march out of the dining hall, your steps growing heavier with each second. You’re back in the foyer and halfway up the staircase when you hear your brother’s voice from behind you.
“You met someone, didn’t you? While you were in New York. And you’re still hung up on whoever it was.”
You don’t even stop to look at him as you make your way up the stairs. “Interesting theory. You got any proof to back it up?”
If it was any other day, you would’ve apologised for the sarcasm in your tone – but you won’t do it right now. You’re too annoyed.
Doyoung continues to trail after you, and even though you can't see him, you could tell your brother is rolling his eyes. “Don’t deny it, Y/N. I know how you are when you’ve just been through a breakup.”
You sigh once you’ve reached the top of the stairs, stopping to cross your arms against your chest. “Okay, and? What about it?”
“He’s been single the entire time you were there, you know – Mingyu,” Doyoung states, stopping right next to you. “I don’t think he’d be too happy if he discovers that you found someone else.”
You brother is one of the few people who know of your complicated situation with Mingyu, though he never really understood why the two of you never went beyond that just fucking around. You can tell that Doyoung’s gearing up to give you a lecture about it so you start to walk away.
Doyoung grabs your arm. “Look – I’m not saying you should get back together with him, okay? I just want you to have an open mind when you see him tomorrow.”
You almost scoff, instead you give him a cynical smile. “Thanks a lot, Doyoung. I’ll be sure to do that.”
Your brother scowls, immediately dropping your arm with more force than necessary. “What is wrong with you? I’m just trying to help!”
Somewhere between your irritation, there’s a pang of guilt – but not enough to overpower every other emotion swirling in your head. You don’t answer, instead walking down the corridor to where your bedroom is.
Doyoung’s still standing where you left him, and you’re hoping whatever else he wanted to say has died on the tip of his tongue. Your hand’s on the doorknob when he speaks up again.
“You left me alone with our parents,” Doyoung suddenly says. His tone is quiet, but there’s something else in it – a conviction, an accusation, that it makes you stop in your tracks.
You shift your body towards him. The usual easygoing expression your brother wears is long gone, clear anger twisting his face into harsh lines. The sight of it sends a shiver down your spine.
“Do you know how difficult it is to deal with them by myself?” he asks you, tone growing harder with every word. “And now that you’re back, you don't talk to me. You just hide in your room every chance you get.”
“You could’ve come with me,” you try to say, but your voice is so shaky that it comes out as a whisper.
Doyoung lets out a laugh, and the sharpness of it makes you recoil. “Is that really what you’re going to say? That I should have just dropped all my responsibilities and gone on a self-indulgent holiday with you, wasting away my life for three months?”
The words sting, and you feel anger quickly flare up in your chest. “Fuck you, Doyoung – you have no idea what I was doing when I was in New York!”
“And whose fault is that?” he claps back right away, clenching his hands into fists. “How am I supposed to know what you’ve been through when you haven’t said anything to me? When you’ve been hiding things from me?”
“Since when have you cared so much about every single detail in my life?”
Something in Doyoung’s expression softens at your words, so swift that it’s almost imperceptible. “We’re family, Y/N. Families don’t keep secrets from each other.”
You want to scream. You want to cry. You want to confess everything to your brother, to tell him that he’s right and you have been keeping something from him. You know once you tell him your secret, all of the troubles in your heart will instantly disappear.
But you can’t do it. The truth is also a burden you’ve carried since that fateful night of the gala. You know Doyoung cares about your family’s reputation even more than you do, and he would never look at you the same way again if you tell him that the love of your life is Jung Jaehyun.
You turn to your door once more, fingers tightening on the doorknob as you deliver your final words.
