#cotdp hwga

[propranksterpropaganda]

STORY TIME, GET YOUR STORY! GET YOUR LORE! @makaversecolon3 @whocaresifwearecrazy (feel free to tag other Jackbox fans, I’m posting this at lunch and don’t have a lotta time)

COTDP: "Tie It Up (VNMTRL Pt. 1)"

*We open on Jackbox, half-head, half-cardboard, all overpowered. He's floating by a gravestone labelled "Paul Reubens", which has a rainbow-dyed bouquet of lilies laid under it.*

Jackbox: Ah. Miss you, man. *pats the stone, hears another cosmic being popping in behind him* Jill or Cookie, Cookie or Jill...*scrunches his forehead, turns around* Cookie! *apparates two black, twig-like arms beside his box to lightly hug Cookie around the clock-head*

Cookie Masterson: *with his clock hands whirring a bit faster than usual and his fez slightly askew* Jack, we got a real pickle on our paws.

Jack: I like pickles. *sticks his tongue out over his box's rim* Got any? *very mumbled*

Cookie: *pushes the tongue back in with one gloved, floating hand* No. Guy's in trouble.

Jack: *pulls his arms to his sides again* Guy? Guy Towers, the You Don't Know Jack: Sports Guy? One of our closest friends in the past 30 years despite just being a regular human? Jock with a heart of gold? Stretchy powers you gave him for fun? That Guy?

Cookie: Thanks for the exposition. *crosses his arms* He went over to Patch 2 and came back poisoned or some shit.

Jack: No need to curse. Which game was he at?

Cookie: Bomb Corp. He still looked a little pixelated...I wish I got a picture of that.

Jack: Ok, well, did it seem like anything had blown up in his face? Literally?

Cookie: He said his ears were ringing, but that's about par when you're playing golf with package bombs.

Jack: Ringing ears...*shifts what can be seen of his own ears into little bells and rings them, producing a tinnitus-like sound, before returning them to normal* How is he "poisoned"?

Cookie: *snaps his fingers, summons an utterly empty cookie jar* Not. Even. A crumb.

Jack: *looks inside* Guy's not the type to take the last one...*squints in worry*

Cookie: It's not the only thing he's used his putty arms to grab. *flails his own arms around for emphasis* Sometimes he just reaches them out the window, and they come back with piles of cash...or a diamond...or some dinosaur bone...

Jack: Stealing? Alright, that's not him at all. *poofs off, shot cuts to the hangout where Cookie and Guy (along with Schmitty, Nate Shapiro and Buzz Lippman) spend a lot of their time* TOWERS!

Guy: *rolling a pair of large, cubic gems in his hands; he stretches his fingers into a cage over them when he sees Jack* Hey. What's up?

Jack: *peers over the lip of his box* Wherever you got those, put them back. Now.

Guy: Why should I?

Jack: Wh-why SHOULDN'T you?? What's gotten into you...Cookie told me something happened at Bomb Corp?

Guy: Ohh, the dreams started then, yeah. *says it so nonchalantly, you'd be forgiven for ignoring it...but Jack definitely doesn't*

Jack: Dreams of?

Guy: Green stuff. And long, flat sounds.

Jack: Anything else?

Guy: Ugh, get off my back.

Jack: *puts his little arms on the closest approximation of his hips* Ok. You're definitely, and pardon my language, sick in the head right now.

Guy: And if I am?

Jack: Then we'll have to make you better.

Guy: *stretches one leg out the window* Good luck with that. *turns to where Jack can now see his face*

Jack: *gasps* Your hair!

Guy: *twirls one of the green highlights around his fingers and chuckles* Pretty venomous, right? *vanishes out the window and bounces off with his legs like Elastigirl*

Jack: Ohhhh, no! Not getting away that easy! *conjures a hammer (Jack Attack reference) and flies on it like a broom using his little twiggy legs*

*cut back to Cookie, chilling in the cemetery and tracing circles in the grass*

Cookie: *rolls over onto his back* 10 bucks says Jack punches him.

*The grave, of course, does not respond.*

Cookie: Uh-huh, yeah, you know I'm right. *clock hands go to the neutral 3:45 position* Fuck, I'm bored...*clock hands drop to 5:30 in shock as he sees Guy's legs walk over the whole cemetery in one step* What the SHIT???

Jack: *still flying right behind, voice very faint to Cookie's ears* Nooooooooooo currrrrrrsiiiiiiiiing!

Cookie: *sits up with his hands folded in his laps, takes human form out of surprise* ...Man. I gotta see how this goes. *black-and-white eyes turn to clocks with rapidly spinning hands, throwing his vision into the future (the shot doesn't change, so we can't see what Cookie does)* Ahyeeeesh. Creeps.

*cut to Jack frantically searching for Guy, who has apparently switched to regular running*

Jack: How do you lose someone with stretching powers...*scans the streets for that mop of green-streaked purple hair and locates it in front of a very large, very eerie-seeming house* Uh-oh.

*Looking around the gates in front of the house, Guy finds a tray laid out with a single earbud on it. He puts the earbud in, and his eyes turn a solid green as a monotone, droning sound worms its way into his head. Words emanate from this recording as well, faintly telling Guy to stretch farther and taller and become more extreme in his actions.*

The voice in the earbud: *droning like the sound that goes with it* Do you know...what I want...?

Guy: For me to be better. For my arms to be long enough.

The voice in the earbud: So you need to...

Guy: Steal. Take. Push the limits.

The voice in the earbud: Because isn't that what a strong athlete does...?

Guy: *smiles* Yes. Strong athletes push the limits. And I am a strong athlete.

The voice in the earbud: Perfect. Now...*yawns* It's only 3 PM. Let me sleep a few hours longer...

Guy: Talk to you tonight. *in the deadest voice possible; removes the earbud and sets it down before continuing on back to the hangout like nothing happened (even the glimmers in his hair have vanished)*

Jack: *floats down to meet Guy face-to-face* ...Are you OK?

Guy: *smiles* Yeah. I'm gonna play some ball if you wanna join.

Jack: *blinks* O-ok...just a minute. *poofs back to the cemetery* Cookie, what in all manner of flapjacks is happening? He's NORMAL again!!

Cookie: *shrugs* I did take a pop to the future...some sort of cat-and-dog thing going on in that house over there.

Jack: The one that Guy was JUST AT?

Cookie: Oh. Oh, boy.

*cut to black, followed by two strings of text: One, a normal green, reading, "Why am I behind bones?" The other, far too bright a green, reading, "For me to gnaw on."*

*Another obscenely verdant line appears on its own, saying, "This is all the fun I get with you."*

*The end.*

[propranksterpropaganda]

I’ve been thinking about The Re-Ride’s Studio Announcer today.

What are Buzz’s opinions on each of the other Re-Riders in COTDP-HWGA?

Ooh, good question!

Buzz trusts Conan because Cookie trusts Conan, and the only reason Buzz is the Studio Announcer for the Re-Ride is because Cookie asked it of him.

Tyler and Buzz occasionally go out and get drunk at the nearest bar after an episode is played. Buzz only ever drinks mead (honey ;D), and Tyler is partial to a good wine (reminds Buzz of Nate).

Buzz and Sam are completely neutral. Not really much to say.

Buzz thinks of Kenny as a loser but won’t say it to his face. He doesn’t have the heart to, since it’s not even related to anything to do with Phil (Buzz also hates Phil). It’s just a weird opinion.

Lmk if there are others I missed!

[propranksterpropaganda]

@whocaresifwearecrazy @makaversecolon3

And various others who, I’m sure, had practically forgotten about this.

Remember when I said I was gonna draw some Jackbox hosts and had a whole poll for it and everything? And then you just never saw it again?

WELL, THE WAIT’S ENDING!

Sneak peek for the Binjpipe Duo; have their eyes! (The drawing is almost finished, I just need to color Allie’s cane)

Allie Davis (Binjpipe CEO/Creepy Voice) on the left, Jan Peskin (Binjpipe CFO/the guy who builds all the machines) on the right. Husband and wife!

Ignore the fact that Jan sort of looks like an old lesbian woman. (Or don’t, I don’t mind)

For the record, Allie’s name is taken directly from Creepy Voice’s VA (Alyssa Davis) which is also Allie’s voice claim!

These two’s idea of a romantic evening is…

Is…

Is…

[TRANSMISSION_INTERCEPTED]

“Ah. Look at that. All of them…so wrapped up in their work…”

“We’ve already made 600% profit back from what we spent last week, Davis.”

“Then things are going swimmingly. They’re just…forgetting everything. Aside from us.”

“Even [C.B.]?”

“…Him, too…”

“Hey! Hey, what’s wrong with you guys??? Wake up! WAKE UP! {{{what’s.wrong.with.this.place…?}}}”

“Memo to self: Shut that boy up.”

[TRANSMISSION_DECODED]

[NATURE: FLASHBACK. CONAN IS SAFE.]

[BUT BINJPIPE STILL HUNGERS.]

[propranksterpropaganda]

Conan Blankenburg!

Here are some notes (both on the sheet and not on the sheet):

The headshot on the left is him back when he worked at Binjpipe. His hair was a bit less wild and he had an earpiece in, commanding him to obey what the higher-ups wanted. The sweat bead should make it clear that this arrangement was less than ideal.

Meanwhile, the full-body image is him now that he hosts The Re-Ride! You might notice that his tie is glowing in both instances, and turned into a blanket in his current state. This is inspired by your interp! @makaversecolon3

The tie contains his soul after a run-in with [REDACTED], and since this means Conan can’t really take it off, he uses his desires to make it into a security blanket!

His eyes being wonky and his teeth being sharp is from his possession by…Zorthran? Whatever the demon’s name was.

The ear-and-finger-pieces that Conan wears now are for communication with Elevator Lady. In fact, after getting inspired enough by The Ride to build his own elevator, Conan stole some Binjpipe tech and used it to add a motherboard to the device. Elevator Lady was the result!

He kept the shoes from Binjpipe and added an extra swoop to make it a capital B for Blankenburg.

I don’t know why I decided to have him wear plaid, or give him that tiny braid, but I’m not complaining!

The “So, you consider yourself a good, lawful citizen, huh?…So was I…” is a combination of his opening line on Floor 711: Forbidden Things, and of a bit of grief from his down-on-his-luck days.

@venuemond Don’t worry, I’ll get to Kenny in time

[propranksterpropaganda]

So if it was Jack who saved the Re-Riders, then how did they meet Sam?

Pure chance - they were walking down the street one day after getting rescued by the others, and decided to chat up Sam who was sitting outside a coffee shop.

Tyler said hi and instantly scared him (remember, messed-up speaker-voice?)

It got better from there.

[propranksterpropaganda]

Will you be posting more re-ride stuff? :3

I’ve got an entire tag for it, so, probably!

Here’s something: Which Re-Ride character would definitely have this little bastard?

Is it Kenny? I feel like Kenny has a Mega Malamar; what do you think, @venuemond?

[propranksterpropaganda]

@makaversecolon3 @venuemond

I thought of this one on the spot!

{BINJPIPE PRESENTS: [email protected]}

[“…Hey.”]

[“Wha?”]

[“You’ve been starin’ at the wall for 2 hours, ya bloke. Fuckin’ get up, we’ve got work to do!”]

[“…I…I think I…meh…”]

[“God, what is with you? The [[[QUIPSTER]]] is coming and you can’t manage a damn smile?”]

[“Feel…wrong…”]

[“*snorts* Can’t be that bad…Where’s your tie.”]

[“Re…repeat…that?”]

[“Where is your tie, you dumbass?? Did you forget it when we were changing? Fuck, you forgot your soul in the damn dry cleaners!”]

[“Oh…uh…could you…?”]

[“*sigh* Yeah. I’ll find it. What game are we gonna ask him to play while he’s here…?”]

[“…5…”]

[“5…5th Dementia? That it, bloke?”]

[“…Muh.”]

[“I’ll take it. *leaves*”]

{END_RECORDING}

[propranksterpropaganda]

I’m sorta getting the idea that cotdp!conan and kenny are a romantic couple. don’t get me wrong, though, if they’re merely close friends then that’s okay. i just got that vibe from these two posts.

I’m going to be legit, I hadn’t conceptualized them as being more than friends, but I see where you would’ve picked up on it!

“Kenny and I and the others” is an interesting differentiation, come to think of it…

But no, I think I’m going to stick with the “close friends” concept! Maybe a slow burn, though, we’ll see. ;)

Real talk though, uh, what the fuck does Kenny DO in this continuity??? Like, I get that Conan and Sam are the hosts and then Tyler’s the executive producer, but where…where does Kenny fit in?????

@venuemond Help, I need canon to base my fanon