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tysm for the tag, @the-golden-comet! These two boys are very busy:

SHILOH

RUCK

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thinking about being someone's white trash boyfriend has led me to thinking about how i literally could have been.

my childhood was me running around barefoot in the neighborhood and playing with the menonite neighbor kids. we'd go play in their backyard and take the dogs down to the creek in the woods behind their house and dig for treasures (literally trash and broken glass). then we'd go home and i'd eat lunch in their living room. all the boys wore pants and button up long sleeve shirts, even in summer, and all the girls wore skirts and dresses, and there i was, in my t shirt and shorts and cropped hair, a little tom boy, bad influence on all of them. and we'd pray and get a bible passage read to us, then we'd eat sandwiches with the best home made jam i've ever eaten in my whole life.

my cousins and i would go out to our grandma's trailer every winter for hunting season. our dads would go out and be gone for hours and we'd be left to our own devices. we ran around barefoot in the winter too if there wasnt any snow. we'd use the axe outside to chop up hedge apples because none of us were big enough to chop wood. i came face to face with a coyote for the first time out at that trailer. we were eye level with one another, i was so small and he was so big. we just stared until he slowly trotted back into the woods he had come from. i went inside and thought about how soft his fur looked.

i have a deer skull and a box turtle shell from my grandma's trailer. i tripped on the skull when i was trying to climb into the old barn to find a saddle. my plan was to ride the neighbor's mean ass horse even though he bit people.

i broke my ankle for the first time jumping into a ditch chasing a friend through a little wooded area behind the fields my dad played baseball at. if i wasnt practicing pitching with him, we were running in the woods.

then my parents moved to the suburbs. we were in a richer part of town. my high school had a ski club. something happened and i forgot all about my roots and the life that raised me. i felt like i needed to fit in with the upper middle class kids i was around. i couldnt run around in my favorite pants that had holes i had fixed with other pants and patches from my favorite bands. i had to have the newst fashion trends and ugg boots.

i think i miss running barefoot in the woods and hunting trips and seeing wild animals as equals instead of pests. 25 will be the year i find my roots and find the balance of past and present that makes up who i am now

#if you read this whole thing thank you #i just had to get it out of my head #also if you read all this i love you and im kissing you with tongue #or squeezing your hand gently for seeing me #coyotecore