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I am writing the sixth edition of this book. I am putting as much information as I can in here. One day you will find these words, and I pray that they feed you, like the stew I used to serve to our little ones. But is it enough to give this information to just one person? There’s honor in giving someone a meal. But I wish to cook a feast for the whole galaxy. I wish for them all to choke on our pain.

Comrade, I agree. One day, we will make certain they all know. Our words will not be lost. I swear it.

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk #9th Edition #Crawler Rosetta #Multiple Entries

Holy underworlds on high. That last fight... I can’t even describe it. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk

I used to make a stew for my whole family. The recipe in itself wasn’t anything special. Rance meat, bone broth, a wild grass that would grow on the leeward side of our island. We’d pray over the cauldron while it simmered. The stew, when prepared properly, would not only be delicious. It would awaken the old knowledge within the minds of the young. We’re all imprinted with the route of the yearly migration, but something in the traditional meal quickens that knowledge. In sharing this meal with our young, we’re not only bonding with one another. We’re ensuring their survival should we fall.

I can’t stop thinking about it. These aliens took us before I could make this year’s stew. The youngest amongst us are not here. How are they faring out there, all alone? How can they possibly survive without our guidance? Who will show them the way?

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk

When a country boss dies, it drops persistent loot called the Treasure Map. My advice. Don’t pick it up.

Over 400 of us faced the boss. Less than 50 survived. It would’ve been easier if it had been physically huge, allowing us to all attack at once. But this terror was in a low-ceilinged cave, and it was almost impossible to even get a hit in. We were doing damage to each other just as much as to him. All country bosses have special attacks that kill en masse. Beware the ones who look especially easy to kill. They are inevitably the worst.

When we finally emerged victorious, it did not feel like a victory. We were angry and bloodied and distrusting of our fellow crawlers who’d eagerly killed others just to get a hit in on the boss. What should have been a moment of unity was the calamitous event that spelled our doom.

This was by design. Of that I am certain.

And then we all picked up the map, which showed the location and quality of all the magical gear in the area. Gear we all felt we deserved. It sparked a second slaughter, and I received my first player-killer skull.

I wish I had never picked up that map. It wasn’t worth it. I have blood on my claws, and it will never wash away.

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk

If you have to fight a demon, and you have access to Sheol fire, do not use it. It makes the creature exponentially stronger.

Gods, I am so lonely.

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk #11th Edition #Crawler Ikicha #Multiple Entries

Portals are hard to understand. It seems like there are dozens of different types that all work in different ways. Sometimes they’re like doors, and you don’t even know they’re there. Sometimes, like the entryways between floors, you just need to touch them and they work. Sometimes you have to put your hand through, and you start to feel like you’re getting dragged. If you let yourself go slack, you get pulled in. But you can still break free. It’s not consistent. Sometimes you have to be big enough to fit through it to work, and sometimes a portal the size of a button will toss you into a monster den. Teleport traps are the worst.

#Dungeon Crawler Carl #spoilers #The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook #6th Edition #Crawler Milk

Even though you can sometimes move the platforms upon which the stairwells sit, you cannot put the exit portal into your inventory. You can’t bring a stairwell into your saferoom. I watched one get hit by an Utter Annihilation wand, and it remained unscathed. I believe that means they are indestructible.

Milk is correct here about the stairwells. It states in the rules manual that while stairwells may be gated until certain conditions are met, the stairwells themselves are not allowed to be removed from the playing field.

The only way for a crawler to move from one floor to the next is via a stairwell. That’s it. It is an unbreakable rule. There is no skipping floors. At the end of Faction Wars, after the viceroys pulled out their last minute victory, a portal appeared, and several of the remaining fucks stepped within. It was all of them. The orcs, the viceroys, the operatics, even the nagas, all together, laughing as if they weren’t just bathing in each other’s entrails the day before. It appeared it was taking them to another part of the dungeon. Some sort of nightclub on a different floor for a victory party. They dragged several unwilling NPCs with them, including the librarian elves from the college, whose help was instrumental in our survival. A crawler tried to jump through the portal to save the NPCs, and he was stopped like it was a wall of glass. He tried casting a spell through the portal, but it did not work, though the attempt did catch the attention of the orc prince. The orc stepped back through the glass into the smoldering remains of Larracos, lassoed the crawler, and returned to the portal. The rope pulled itself within, and it cut the crawler in half. We watched as the orc and his friends laughed, just there on the other side of the glass. It was the last crawler they killed, of the thousands who fell during that pointless game.

Tonight, I will dream of watching them burn. Tonight, I will pretend I was smart enough to find a way to lance them from afar.

Comrades, I hope you help me realize my dream one day.