I'm so afraid of life and living. I've been suffering from anxiety my whole life and I feel so trapped. I feel like i'll never ever be able to live the life I want, nothign will go my way, so why bother try anything or do anything. I've been stuck in this mindset for years and im struggling to get out. i'm a gay 18yr old and i feel like i will never ever meet anyone or fall in love. I'm just afraid of dreaming and imaging - as i don't believe anything i want will ever come true.
Hi friend!
Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA. I am really sorry that you are feeling so stuck and unhappy right now, that must be really hard for you. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a little advice and/or reassurance! <3
Here at MHA we are not professionals and try to discourage self-diagnosis, so if you haven’t already, I highly suggest that you seek some professional help for what you are feeling; a GP or psychiatrist will be there to support and guide you, and if they do think you have a condition, they will be able to cater their help and treatment to you. Here is our page about Getting Help, I know it can be really hard to take the first step to getting professional help, is there a friend or family member who could go with you to support you? If you do not feel able to get help face-to-face yet, and if things get any worse for you, please consider using a helpline or web counsellor for support.
I’m going to link you to our page about anxiety disorders here; this has a lot of information about different disorders and some of the diagnostic criteria. I am also going to link you to our self-help and calming pages about anxiety. These pages have some great tips about dealing with anxious thoughts, including grounding techniques. Grounding techniques might be useful for you when you find yourself getting lost in anxious thoughts; I would recommend something physical like running your hands under cold water, and then saying the alphabet forwards and then backwards slowly. Could you give some of these a go?
When we are feeling so lost and anxious it can feel like things are never going to get better and that we are better to isolate ourselves away - this is not true, lovely. You are able to get to better, and there are people who will love and support you no matter what. I’m just wondering if you have considered talking to any of your friends or family about how much you are struggling right now - your loved ones can act as a crucial support system for you. I know it can be hard but if you feel like you can’t say anything to them in person, you could always write a letter or an email?
Maybe creating a daily or weekly schedule would help you to feel at less of a standstill? This doesn’t have to include big activities whilst you are still struggling so much, but could include simple things like what time you get up, when you are going to do the dishes or your laundry. Even though these are small things, when you see that you are sticking to your schedule, hopefully it will provide you some encouragement to keep on adding more to your days. It is all about small manageable goals! Planning and looking too far into the future can be quite negative when you suffer from mental health issues; currently you feel so stuck in your illness that you see no time when you will not be struggling - honestly, it will pass, you will not always struggle as much as you are now <3
I also think self-care is especially important for you right now, for two reasons; firstly, everyone should practise a good level of self-care whenever they are able as it helps us to manage our thoughts and feelings. Secondly, because you are worrying that you will never find a partner or fall in love, this may be causing you to feel entirely unloved, so it’s a good idea to show yourself some love. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself; fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and at peace. For example, I take the two hours before I go to sleep and try it fill that time with things like art and music, I’ll also take the time to have a bath, wash my hair, look after my skin, etc. Practising self-care also involves things like making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated. Spending time with your friends is also key so that you don’t begin to feel alone and isolated.
One of my favourite quotes is ‘’stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One’’ Although very cliche, I do think it is really important to try and focus on taking care of yourself. Craving love and affection is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of, but sometimes it can cause us to start losing faith and trust in ourselves. Ultimately /you/ are the person who is always going to be there for you, so try to show yourself some love and time. You are wonderful and someday you will find someone who appreciates and loves you for exactly who you are; you are young and you have so much time ahead of you <3
I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. If there is anything else that we can do to help you, then please feel free to get in touch with us again. Take care,
Rhiann xo
