┈─★ a flag for those who use the word “thing” or “creature” in place of “headmate” or “alter”, whether exclusively or some of the time.
pt: a flag for those who use the word “thing” or “creature” in place of “headmate” or “alter”, whether exclusively or some of the time.
♫⠀⠀...⠀⠀coined for anonymous !!
pt: coined for anonymous
┈─★ taglist ( ask to be added ) @radiomogai @spectrral @smilepilled @rwuffles @funfetti-cat @k2god @inho-hoard @angelninetytwo
pt: taglist (ask to be added) @radiomogai @spectrral @smilepilled @rwuffles @funfetti-cat @k2god @inho-hoard @angelninetytwo
♫⠀⠀...⠀⠀notes from the coiner !!
pt: notes from the coiner
┈─★ anyone can use or reblog our terms & flags, but please check our dni before following. i’m not omnipotent! if a similar term or flag exists, consider this an alternate version!
pt: anyone can use or reblog our terms & flags, but please check our dni before following. i’m not omnipotent! if a similar term or flag exists, consider this an alternate version!
flag id: a flag with 5 stripes, with the third being twice the size of the rest. they are very light sandy brown, beige, cream, light brown, and brown. end id.
banner id: a 1600x200 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting. those on my / dni may still use my terms, so do not recoin them.’ in large white text in the center. the text takes up two lines, split at the slash. end id.
bunnycreature: a gender related to being a bunny and a creature
[pt: bunnycreature: a gender related to being a bunny and a creature. end pt]
a term under creaturegender where one is a creature and feline; a feline creature, or any other way the terms could overlap .
pt: a term under creaturegender where one is a creature and feline; a feline creature, or any other way the terms could overlap. end pt.
credits : creaturegender coined by the now defunct blog @julietanboy.
tagging : @radiomogai, @omiag-esp
flag id in alt text & under cut.
[flag id: a rectangular flag with 5 straight horizontal stripes, all equal-width except for the middle which is twice as thick as the others. from top to bottom, the flag colours are dark brown, very dark brown, cream, brown, and light brown. end id.]
So I was having some random musings about my identity overall. Mostly the aspects of dæmonism, gender, sexuality, species, neurodivergence, and how they all interconnect. So I thought I'd share them here. Warning, this might be a bit of a long post:
Dæmonism
Lately, I've been starting to feel like being a dæmian makes me inherently more nonhuman and gender nonconforming than I would be otherwise. I know not everyone feels this way, especially since the dæmons in the books are the opposite gender for everyone, but it makes sense for my own personal experience. Sisyphus is inherently a part of me despite being the opposite of how I present outwardly. I am generally female (we'll get to that a bit later) and he is generally male. I am generally human and he is generally animal. Because I am him and he is me, I feel an integral part of me is animal and not female.
When I first began to explore gender stuff, I initially did it through Sisyphus. He decided he felt mostly male, but not entirely, so he decided to start going by dæ/dæm pronouns in addition to he/him. We really only use the second set of pronouns in private, since it feels somehow personal to us. But they describe and belong to us all the same. Through Sisyphus, I felt a sense of gender euphoria that I didn't know I could feel. So in a way, exploring my dæmon's gender was a gateway to exploring my own. Him being male in a nonconforming way is part of what makes me female in a nonconforming way.
(A brief word on plurality: Many dæmians consider themselves to be plural by virtue of their dæmonism. I am not personally part of that camp. I'm not 100% a singlet due to the little guy in my head, but I can't call myself plural either. Sisyphus is just a part of me - not completely integrated, but not exactly separate either.)
There is also the subject of species. From the very beginning, Sisyphus has been an animal. That's the only kind of form he likes to take. His stable forms over the years have been sunbeam snake, Nebelung cat, marbled polecat, Woma python, back to sunbeam snake, and most recently owl limpet. Other forms he likes are American pika, banana slug, peacock mantis shrimp, pink fairy armadillo, jaguar, greater yellownape and sea cucumber. He also used to enjoy eyelash viper, golden lion tamarin, dragonfly, greyhound, orchid mantis, Palestine sunbird, cat gecko, and eel.
Over time, I have grown to identify closely with the more stable forms he takes. Other forms are for fun, but the stable forms (specifically sunbeam snake) feel like a part of me. It was only recently that I started to recognize this feeling as potentially alterhuman, but I'll elaborate more on that later. Basically, a large part of me feels animal because Sisyphus is an animal.
Gender and pronouns
I've only recently started to explore this part of me, but it feels like something that's always been present. Ever since I was young, the way people described my gender didn't feel quite right. To everyone who saw me, I was always strictly "she" and "her." At first I was "girl," then later "woman." Thing is, that never felt bad to me. It just felt... incomplete. These terms were technically true, but they never felt like they fully encapsulated my identity. I was alright with being female, but never all that attached to it, and it felt like something was missing from my gender. For years, I just accepted that people would never get it right and that I would always feel a little bit incomplete.
But within the last couple of months, I started to look into these feelings for real. Non-binary was a possibility, but it didn't feel right since I passed as cis and felt like a large part of me was female. Demigirl was the label that seemed the most objectively accurate, but I just didn't like the sound of it. And none of the other xenogenders I looked into matched me. I couldn't find a good fit pronouns-wise either. They/them felt too vague and not affirming, nounself pronouns were too confusing (only when I used them for myself though), and other neopronouns just felt like I was talking about someone other than myself. He/him and anything transmasc or male felt immediately dysphoric, so those were right out.
But finally, I found some identities that felt good! I discovered the terms "autigender" and "creaturegender," and those really resonated with me. I like autigender because I feel like my autism definitely gives me a more vague connection to my gender than many neurotypicals. And this is kind of a silly reason, but I love how the green flag incorporates my favorite color! Creaturegender also sounded great because a large part of me has always felt "creature-y" in some way. Because of my dæmonism and alterhumanity, an integral part of my gender identity is tied to being an animal or creature. As for pronouns, I discovered "thon/thons" and found they were an absolutely perfect fit! Originally coined in the late 1850s, they felt old and new at once and fit in nicely with the "vintage" vibe I've always felt and curated for myself. So now I consider myself autigender, creaturegender, and go by both she/her and thon/thons pronouns. When I decided this, the gender euphoria I originally felt through my dæmon was multiplied tenfold, and I finally felt comfortable with my gender identity!
Yet despite the unusual pronouns and bevy of pride flags on my Strawpage, I still consider myself cisgender. Why? Well, I've never felt uncomfortable or ill at ease with being female. I like my body and express myself mostly female. My gender wasn't wrong, it was just missing a few flavorful ingredients. So maybe I'm not as cis as your average Joe off the street, but I am something like "cis plus" (cis plus vellocet, or synthemesc, or drencrom 🥛/ref). I haven't experienced any of the struggles that transgender people face and the last thing I'd ever want to do is appropriate their identity. This is how I'm most comfortable existing, so I will continue using specific pronouns and gender identities, but I will never claim to be transgender. I could never be half as strong as you guys 💪🏳️⚧️
Sexuality and romantic orientation
This is another part of myself that I only began to explore somewhat recently. Ever since I was young, I assumed that I would go on to live a typical heteroromantic and heterosexual life. I thought I would start dating guys as a teenager, fall in love, get into a couple of relationships, go through a couple of breakups, finally find "the one," get married, and have kids. But as time went on, it became clear that things wouldn't go exactly to plan. The first clue was that my "crushes" as a little kid were based on literally nothing. I would pick some random boy from my church or school, decide he was my crush, and imagine our wedding or whatever. But I had no feelings of any kind about it.
As I got older, things started to change. Puberty hit me like a semi truck and I was suddenly OBSESSED with guys. I started to catch feelings for fictional characters and guys from my class (but mostly fictional characters). I would have endless fantasies about them and get caught staring creepily at them (though my poor neurodivergent ass had no idea I was doing it, lol). Yet clue #2, which I was completely oblivious to at the time, was that there was NO romantic attraction. Absolutely none. What I was experiencing was a potent sexual awakening where dirty thoughts of men haunted all my waking hours (and some sleeping hours as well). But the romantic fantasies and feelings I tried to act out were completely perfunctory. I would mechanically write down their names in my diary, lie to my friends about how badly I wanted to date them, and go back to my strictly sexual simping.
You might already know where this was going, but my clueless self thought everything was normal. I was certainly having powerful feelings, but I assumed that was what romance felt like and concluded I was developing normally. That is, until people started actually trying to date me towards the end of my high school years.
Two or three boys from my church and school made advances towards me and I was missing all the social cues. My friends eventually tipped me off, and I went on a couple of dates with the guys out of pure obligation. Here comes clue #3: I started to find that any thoughts of romantic activity actively disgusted me. Of course first dates are always going to be awkward, but I found myself terrified on every date at the thought that it might turn romantic. The thought of hugging, kissing, holding hands with, or saying words of affection to a guy gave me a powerful feeling of nausea and made me want to crawl out of my skin. With the first few guys, I just assumed that there wasn't much chemistry and chalked it up to bad luck. Maybe they just weren't the perfect guys for me, I thought. But even the thought of dating a perfect fantasy man made me feel queasy. By the third or forth date, I was done. Something was very wrong here, and no amount of trying to convince myself was going to fix it. So I completely stopped accepting dates, and everything just felt so... peaceful. That's when I saw a Tumblr post that brought up the idea of being aromantic, and everything started to click.
Funnily enough, I had never even considered the possibility before despite being almost 19 by that point. I think that was because of limited education about the concept of aromanticism. My only frame of reference for aromantics was two people: a former friend of mine and the YouTuber Jaiden Animations. Both of them are very, very aroace, so that became my only idea of what aromanticism was. I knew some people could be asexual and still romantic, but it never occurred to me that someone could be aromantic and still sexual. But when I discovered aromantic allosexual people, everything made sense. I realized I was definitely aroallo. Specifically, aromantic and heterosexual.
This revelation was complicated for me. On one hand, it felt great to finally have an explanation for something I'd been feeling my whole life. But on the other hand, it felt like my vision for what I wanted to be was crumbling before my eyes. I still wanted to get married and have kids, but how would I do that if I couldn't fall in love? Lately, I've gotten better at reconciling my identity and dreams and realizing that there are ways to achieve this lifestyle without love (queerplatonic relationships, arranged marriages, etc.) This has caused me to have less fear for the future, even though I know it's a long shot and might not pan out. Now, I am much more at peace with myself and have finally allowed myself to proudly put the aromantic and aroallo flags on my pages. For the moment, this is who I am, and I'm happy about that.
Yet despite the label and pride flags, I still consider myself straight. Why? Well, the reasons are very similar to my reasons for calling myself cis. I've never faced struggles for who I'm attracted to and never had to "come out" in a scary way. The way I interface with the world is still in the role of a straight person. I still want to marry a man and have kids, even if I never want to be in love with said man. I never want to appropriate the struggles of LGBTQ+ people when I haven't had to deal with that hardship myself. You guys are all so amazing 💪🏳️🌈
Species identity and otherheartedness
My otherheartedness is yet another recent discovery, but the clues have been there the whole time. I always felt not entirely human as a kid, like some part of me was an animal or creature. I made up the term "cat-spirit" when I was younger and decided it fit me since I was obsessed with cats. However, I don't think cats were ever actually a kintype/hearttype for me. I felt a connection with them, but nothing out of the ordinary. But when I got interested in snakes as a preteen, that's when something really began to click. I didn't just feel a connection with snakes, I felt as though part of me was one.
When I started looking into alterhumanity in early adulthood, the concept of hearttypes really resonated with me. I didn't think calling myself a therian would be quite accurate since I don't think I'm completely animal or have dysphoria/shifts, but it was clear to me I wasn't fully human. Much like my gender, my species was never wrong, just missing something. I am definitely part human, but I am also part snake (specifically a sunbeam snake). So even though I'm still learning about the culture and terminology of alterhuman communities, I think the term "snakehearted" fits me well for now.
Autism and neurodivergence
I've always known the way I interface with the world is different, but I didn't know exactly what it was. But that all changed when I was 15 and read a fiction book about a girl with autism, and I found it extremely relatable. Suddenly, all my experiences up to that point just clicked. I began to suspect I had autism and treat myself as though I had it, even though I was still cautious about declaring anything for sure or telling other people about it. When I was newly 18, I finally went in for an evaluation and got an official diagnosis of Level 1 autism. So unlike my other identities, I've had a lot of time to think on my autism and how it affects my life, and I have now fully accepted it as a part of me.
My autism affects every other identity of mine in various ways. My dæmonism lets my socially inept brain make sense of myself and other people through an animal spirit I'm comfortable socializing with. My gender identity feels vague because it's a strict set of social rules, which my autism generally tends to rebel against. My aromanticism comes from an atypical understanding of people and intimacy. My alterhumanity is because being othered for being neurodivergent has left me feeling like a creature.
In a more overarching sense, my autism affects how I analyze my identities as a whole. I'm starting to notice a pattern of how I declare labels for myself: it's entirely based on wanting to be as precise and accurate as possible. I could fit myself into one box (singlet, male dæmon, cis female dæmian, she/her, straight, human) or another (plural, demiboy dæmon, demigirl dæmian, dæ/thons, LGBTQ+, therian), but those wouldn't feel as true or accurate as the in-between gray area I prefer to inhabit. This is why my labels have so many specifiers and caveats to them: I just want everything to feel 100% correct.
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If you somehow read all of this, thank you so much! It was really just me processing a bunch of stuff for my benefit lol. Getting all of this out in a single post has been great for self-reflection, and I hope that reflection will help me learn to accept and eventually love these parts of myself. Thanks for your time, and stay safe guys! 💚💙
