#crimsonclad

[swingsetindecember]

kid-apocalypse reblogged your photo and added:

Do you people chug bath salt?

large quantities of salt would be difficult to chug and expensive, the more you know

[drunktuesdaze]

Do you think Derek Hale likes vanilla pudding?

YEAH but probably he's a total weirdo about it.  He probably makes it from scratch on the stove, and feels VERY STRONGLY that there needs to be a good healthy skin on the top, and that it needs to SIT for the full time.  Where as Stiles definitely eats the cups that come in a six pack and sublimely does not give a shit.  PROBABLY STILES LICKS THE TOP WRAPPER JS.

[keriarentikai]

canarysings replied to your post:Academic job seekers:  I thought you might find...

ohmygoodness! is this the sort of process you, and professor in general, have to go through? what do you need to do in order to get tenure? sacrifice a goat and name your firstborn after the university?

Most of the time the materials they ask for are pretty standard, so it's not a big deal.  But most of the time when they say sample syllabi, they're not for SPECIFIC CLASSES.  And sure as hell not THREE.  And a whole different teaching essay thing?  IN FOUR DAYS?  Nuts.

And all of this is for a ONE YEAR JOB.  I'm pretty sure at this rate you'd need to send them a book manuscript on their chosen topic for a tenure-track job.

crimsonclad replied to your post: “Academic job seekers:  I thought you might find this funny...”:

ALSO NEEDS CERTIFICATION IN DIGITAL HUMANITIES

I honestly cannot think of a more perfect comment.  

Like, I want to think of something clever to reply, but then I think about it and I start laughing all over again.

[drunktuesdaze]

I've been meaning to ask you a question, and from catching up on tumblr today I see you are already fielding lots of nipple related questions, SO: What are the odds that when Derek is pregnant with Stiles's baby that he would not only lactate, but that he would DEVELOP SEVERAL WOLF-LIKE TEATS???? Each little hump of his six-pack would become a teat. JUST LIKE REAL WOLVES.

DON’T YOU DIRTY TALK ME RIGHT NOW CRIMSONCLAD I’LL KILL YOU.  

There was a story I read not long after getting into The Sentinel that will always be burned onto my retinas because it’s So Important.  Allow me to tell you about it now, because it’s VERY RELEVANT.  Basically it’s a Everyone Is A Sentinel Or A Guide and Those Terms Just Mean Dom or Sub kind of story, only ALSO there is lactation and mpreg and basically it’s a slavery story too cuz Guides are made to stay in the home and have babies and they’re not supposed to do things.  Also they have to wear these intense metal cage contraptions in public that keep everything  from touching their skin including clothing, because NOTHING can touch them except for their Sentinel. 

ANYWAY.  NONE OF THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE BLAIR SANDBERG BREAKS DOWN ALL THE BARRIERS AND SAVES THE WORLD OBVIOUSLY but there’s definitely a scene where Blair gets pregnant and develops six nipples and he’s kind of feral???  So when he gives birth, he gets so stressed out by strangers that he drags all of his kids under the crib and curls there hiding and can’t be dragged back out until it’s safe.

MY POINT IS that when you dirtytalk me with wolf teats, I’m assuming we’re also talking about a world where Derek’s pregnant with Stiles’s kids but when it’s time to give birth he gets STRESSED OUT and runs away to give birth in a safe place with his six-pack nips and Stiles has to go find him, and like, convince him that clean sheets and central heating are so much safer than this cave Derek has found and filled with moss and leaves.

[girls-are-weird]

Unrated - Logan & Veronica - Status: Complete

Logan and Veronica, later.

[drunktuesdaze]

helenish reblogged your post and added:

I REJECT THIS TERMINOLOGY. Is it a battle when you’re halfway through a bottle of red wine and someone says “oh shit, I forgot,” and drags a bottle of champagne out of the back of her fridge? Is it a fight when the other person says, “hey, also, I made some brownies, too. The recipe called for canola oil but I used two sticks of butter and three quarters of a bag of chocolate chips.”? 

I CALL IT A PARTY.

crimsonclad reblogged your post and added:

Yup, ditto. My metaphors were more along the lines of collaboratively building the PYRAMIDS of sexbot tropes, but yes. This is a co-authored study on seminal tropes of the sexbot sub-genre of early twenty-first century fandom, and I certainly intend to put it on my fandom CV.

also, quick note from a colleague: at some point, Stiles is going to have to assume Derek is a sexbot. (Important development within the genre, mannnnnn)

THE ONLY REASON I WAS SO INTO THAT COMMENT is I was like picturing, like, a roman senate where we all have gavels and bang them to get our turn and then spend it shrieking about how if DEREK is the sexbot he would never ever have any urge to tell Stiles the truth and Stiles would have to discover it on his own.  Derek Hale would LOVE being given simple and clear instructions and he'd be super into no one raising a brow when he deprived himself of normal human comforts or pushed himself too far.  

BANGS GAVEL i'd like to present TO THE ASSEMBLY the moment when Stiles figures it out and is like, all faint, "but you ran eighteen miles in a hurricane to get us hot pockets.  i only let you because you said you were going to use your weatherproof setting."

Derek shifts, uncomfortable.  "It was fine, there weren't hills or anything."

[drunktuesdaze]

My favorite fic cliche involving robot worlds: one where a dude thinks he is in love with a sex robot, but then that sex robot turns out to be a human person who can't figure out how to work "I am not a sex robot but I would love for us to continue boning" into the conversation. So basically it would be amazing for Derek to think that Stiles is this new model of sex robot that hits all his kinks, and he feels HORRIBLE for falling in love with him but he CAN'T GIVE HIM UP. MISUNDERSTANDINGSSSS!

GREAT. SUPER.  THANKS FOR THROWING THIS PLOT TWIST IN.  WONDERFUL.  NOW I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT DEREK'S TORTURED INNER MONOLOGUE AS HE GAZES UPON STILES'S BEAUTY.  

Does Derek actually try to HIRE Stiles the not-actually-a-sexbot?  Or is it like, Stiles is in the wrong place at the wrong time and Derek sees him, and knows FULL WELL he should detain Stiles properly, should turn him over with all the other human-skinned sexbots they're picking up in the raid but something makes him shove Stiles into the shadows, makes him hiss "You should run. No one's covering the side door.  Get somewhere else, quick," because he knows what happens to sexbots when their owners get arrested, and he doesn't want that for this kid with the pretty eyes, the wide, clever mouth.  It's not his fault some creep created him in a lab under NEFARIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES.

And maybe Stiles is a runaway or something, or just blinded by Derek's cheekbones or WHATEVER PLOT REASON you need for him to just stand there, staring dumbly at Derek.  And Derek slaps his own face because of course, where is a sexbot going to go?  It's not like they have their own LIVES.  So he throws Stiles his keys, orders him to go sit in Derek's car and keep his head down until Derek's back and Stiles does for PLOT OR WHATEVER.

And then because Derek doesn't think things through, now he's responsible for a fugitive sexbot with STOLEN MURDER SKIN and he's harboring Stiles in his apartment until he figures out what to do.  He kind of thought Stiles might just sit there, like, he hadn't really considered that Stiles might need entertainment, that Stiles might talk back, might have opinions on TV shows and bicker with him over the last pot sticker, and Derek stands in the cold shower like, DAILY, trying to will down the giant inappropriate boner he has for a SEXBOT who can NEVER LOVE HIM and will probably land him in JAIL at some point.

Meanwhile, Stiles is like, running around, trying to hide his bodily functions and whispering into his hidden cell phone to Scott about this GUY he's living with and how badly he wants to sit on his dick but he CAN'T until he fesses up to this entire protracted situation.  Derek doesn't even like him that much, really.  Stiles is just a charity case to him, probably. UGH.

[thatworldinverted]

edit

Fandom: Star Trek reboot Author: crimsonclad Pairing: spock/uhura, kirk/bafflement Rating: PG-13

Link: http://crimsonclad.livejournal.com/130128.html

-This fic had me at its pairing tags: kirk/bafflement. YES. Because baffled!Kirk will never stop being adorable. 

Jim is-- it hurts. It fucking hurts and he's going to die, this time-- he knows because Bones is shouting and Uhura's eyes look too shiny and Spock is leaning over him, saying "Captain, you--" and nothing else and his father always said command was a heavy burden but this is-- more. He pulls Spock down for one last kiss, a trembling press of lips, and then closes his eyes: ready. (Right before he passes out, though, he remembers-- he never knew his father. His father died when he was a baby and fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck--)