my atlantis
summery : — Remember, you and I argued that you would never cry because of a girl? — you smiled radiantly, tears welled up at the corners of your eyes. — So you lost, Munson. You owe me one wish.
TW's – selfharm, death.
You always saw him among the others. His radiant smile, expressing mock playfulness, his long thin fingers with many rings, dark, constantly tangled curly hair and a confident look that makes you freeze in silent admiration. Eddie Munson was your point.
They met at one of the regular parties back in high school, when you wore uncomfortable metal braces and endured constant ridicule from others, and Eddie was just starting his way as a guitarist of a musical group. It was a holiday in honor of Halloween, arranged by the school administration, which means it is absolutely mandatory for every student, regardless of desire.
That day, for the sake of decency, you drew yourself barely noticeable vampire fangs with your mother's makeup and chose a blood-scarlet dress, not wanting to be a black sheep at the party. It took you a long time to gather your strength, because you were well aware that someone would definitely cling to her and start bullying you.
Your fears were indeed confirmed when a red-haired, obese classmate Alex approached you with a leisurely gait, baring his teeth in anticipation of an interesting spectacle. You involuntarily shuddered and forcefully squeezed a plastic cup with some bright soda, your gaze in panic ran around the room full of teenagers having fun in suits.
— What, Y\N, looking for someone who would fall for someone like you? I'll give you some good advice. — Alex painfully poked the girl in the forehead with his finger. — Look for the son of the driver, he will definitely like your rails in his teeth! A group of teenagers nearby burst out laughing, thereby giving the joker self-confidence. Alex lifted his chin in a fit of pride, grinning smugly.
Just be patient, Y\N. You know, it's worth waiting a little, and they'll leave, the main thing is just to ignore, that's for sure.
— Are you jealous because only your mom is pecking at you? — there was a decisive voice with a note of irony from somewhere behind. — Don't worry, she definitely won't give up on you.
You turned around so abruptly that your dark hair slightly brushed the face of your intercessor, who was leaning against the doorway in a relaxed manner. In front of her stood a short-haired guy, dressed absolutely not according to the dress code of the party. His dark brown eyes looked at Alex with a clear threat, glinting unkindly.
The red-haired classmate instantly disappeared along with his company, muttering something in order to leave the last word in this skirmish. To catch up with him, the stranger shouted a couple of sophisticated curses, causing you to barely smile.
Getting unexpected help was damn nice.
— I'm Eddie Munson. — the guy said, turning to face the rescued you. He extended a calloused palm in a friendly way, awkwardly chuckling. — I saw you in the school choir, you sing very well.
You were sure that you did not know the interlocutor and hardly noticed him at school, which caused you a pressing sense of guilt and discomfort. Nevertheless, the brown-haired you immediately shook the cold hand of a new acquaintance, now smiling like a Cheshire cat.
— Y\N.
***
You spent the rest of your high school years in the company of the noisy and energetic, but so real Eddie. After the Halloween party, you pondered for a long time whether a new acquaintance would want to continue communicating, but Munson instantly decided everything for you when, without a drop of doubt, he took a seat next to you in the school cafeteria.
— The schedule today is just disgusting, what normal person wants to sit for two whole chemistry lessons in May, have the teachers finished at school. — Munson said quickly, but very expressively, putting the tray next to the discouraged you.
— A little more, and I myself will split into atoms.
You, being in a strong shock, only slowly batted her eyelashes, mentally asking. "What have you forgotten in this place for obvious outsiders?" To tell the truth, the people around had quite similar expressions of emotions. Munson clicked his tongue irritably, looking around the room with a heavy gaze. As if under his influence, the onlookers reluctantly returned to their original business, resuming conversations.
— Do you want to join our music group? We have a vocalist, but only a guy. With a female voice, the songs will sound, well, cooler or something. It's going to be great. — Eddie was just glowing with enthusiasm, even his hands were shaking with excitement. Noticing that Mary was clearly doubtful, the guy quickly added. — If you dont like it, tell me right away, I'll buy you something delicious as compensation.
You laughed loudly, not understanding how not to succumb.
***
Along with the start of high school, it was time for new responsibilities and new challenges. You had been a member of a musical group for a long time, genuinely enjoying it. During all this time, you managed to visit countless contests and talent shows with new friends, of course, not only to see his charming smile.
Eddie Munson became the most dazzlingly beautiful part of your life. During the spring exams, he still looked ready for everything and set up only for the best outcome. With an incalculable number of witty jokes in reserve, he whispered something hilarious and gently hugged you by your thin shoulders, without realizing that this gave him the strength to move on. His embrace was warm and soothing, even the smell of cigarettes, which you were always complaining about, tickled your nose pleasantly.
— Tomorrow will be better, you'll do your best. —Eddie assured hoarsely, and you were ready to believe him without hesitation, nodding absently and squeezing the edge of a battered jeans.
When he started dealing drugs, you thought it was a bad joke. He thought too correctly, treated life too honestly to push stupid schoolchildren nonsense. It was definitely some kind of misunderstanding between you and him.
It turned out that there was too much misunderstanding in your head.
— There are problems with money in the family. — Eddie said firmly and dryly, as if he had memorized a phrase, without looking up at you. — Uncle works hard, but this is not enough, and they pay little at regular work. I need money.
You raised your eyebrows in disbelief, biting your lip hard. Even the sharp pain did not sober you up, only caused unbidden tears. You quickly wiped them off with the sleeve of the jacket, making sure that Eddie didn't see it. When you cried, he became frighteningly unpredictable.
— I'll borrow as much as I want, let's just finish this, mhm? — your voice sounded too plaintive, forcing Eddie to look at her anxiously. — I'll ask to borrow from my parents, they can give quite a lot. I can also get a job, and on weekends I can sing in some eateries. We can solve this problem, Eddie, we're..
— In a big fucking debt, honey. — he smiled bitterly, gently ruffled your hair. — I'm already a grown boy, respect my decisions.
Without waiting for an answer, Eddie impulsively hugged you — his girlfriend, burying his nose in the top of your head. You could only silently swallow salty tears and listen to the rapid beating of his heart. You should have confessed — more than anything in the world, you were afraid of losing him forever.
***
The closer the end of school life was, the more strangely your friends looked at you, as if expecting something. You often stayed overnight in Eddie's trailer, relentlessly falling asleep over a pile of textbooks and notebooks scattered everywhere. All attempts to pull the guy up on the most problematic subjects ended the same way — you woke up covered with a prickly, but very warm blanket, and met the same studying gaze of dark brown eyes. The smell of freshly brewed coffee was in the air, and Eddie, in order to overcome the obvious awkwardness, began to make fun of the your sleepy appearance, comparing you to a lost kitten. You blushed, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks, and indignantly threw pillows to Munson's infectious laughter. If it were possible, you would have settled in the trailer forever.
— When will you confess to him already? — Dustin casually throws a very sensitive topic into the dialogue after a joint game of the Hellfire Club. He is standing with you on the street and is clearly in no hurry to get home, patiently waiting.
You turn your head in panic, trying to make sure that the rest of the club members have already scattered in different directions, especially Eddie Munson. You sigh raggedly, runs your hand through the hair and looks skeptically at the boy. For some reason, the absurd thought occurs to you that Henderson looks older than you.
— When he confesses to me. — you tries to avoid a direct answer and crosses her arms over her chest. — Remind me how many girls you confessed to, the great Hawkins psychologist.
Dustin snorts disapprovingly, shifting his gaze to his friend. You were wearing his jacket, his rings, and even, damn it, his shoes.
— And you remind me when your legs have grown so much that you now wear men's shoes. — the boy retorts, watching with pleasure how your always pale face turns red. — Keep in mind, you are dear to me, but such a miracle of nature needs to be studied in the laboratory.
— Shut up. — you groan exhausted, covering your face with hands. — I wouldn't have reached home in my shoes, Eddie himself offered his shoes. Henderson guffaws hysterically, asking through laughter— And what, Eddie, like, will he come in heals?
Exactly. He doesn't carry a change of shoes with him, like a decent schoolboy.
***
— You're a jerk. — you said maliciously, the next day seeing Munson sitting in the dining room as if nothing had happened. — If you decide to do something so thoughtless and stupid again, I'll kill you with your own shoes.
Eddie watched you swearing with an ill-concealed smile, leaning his head on his hand. When you had finished slandering, he flicked you lightly on the nose and turned to the food.
— It's all right, actually, a friend dropped me off in a car, I didn't walk barefoot — the guy stammered, as if catching himself in a lie. — Well, I didn't walk most of the way. A third, probably.
You said nothing and rolled your eyes indignantly, catching Dustin's boring gaze on you. He theatrically played with his eyebrows, looking first at you, then at Eddie, which caused you to show him the middle finger and go to eat somewhere else.
But then Chrissy Cunningham came into our lives. A sunny, cheerful girl who was the personification of innocence. You sincerely considered her a younger sister, too soft-hearted for a school where other children are so mercilessly bullied. When Chrissy started coming to the band's concerts, staying at club meetings and zealously trying to understand the meaning of D&D, you found it cute. Finally, you will have those who will support you in any endeavors.
And a few weeks later, Eddie Munson proudly announced to the entire dining room that he was dating Chrissy Cunningham.
Sunny Girl playfully took everything you ever had.
You decided to choose a favorite tactic since high school — she decided to endure and smile. The sedatives were tasteless, tasted unbearable bitterness and caused only nausea. If you could laugh, you would have burst out laughing at the fact that all the Hawkins pharmacists now know you by name and by sight, like an old good friend. While Lucas and Mike exchanged worried glances, and Dustin tried to hide the pills away unnoticed, you buried yourself deeper into the ground. You were drowning in pain, and even sitting in the bathroom up to your elbows in blood, it seemed to you that everything that was happening was unreal. As if tomorrow you would wake up again, covered with a prickly blanket, and Eddie would grumble that you were too dependent on coffee.
You really didn't want to go to the party. You knew who would be there and knew that seeing them once again would be a sophisticated torture, a new kind of masochism. But Dustin begged you to come all week, even during one of the attempts he managed to cry. You enthusiastically praised his acting skills, but did not promise anything. You didn't know how to pretend, and it was useless in front of Eddie — he read your emotions like a book.
Listening to the pathetic attempts of insults from a classmate, you mentally made a note never to follow Dustin Henderson's lead again in your life.
After an impressive number of nervous breakdowns this month, you were ready to swear that you were going to get angry and break his nose.
— I've endured Munson's company for so long, and he chose a prettier female? — the guy drawled, pretending to be pitiful, shaking his head.
— One more word, asshole, and I'll tell the head teacher about who really throws vulgar letters to the girls in the lockers. — you made a mocking grimace and pushed a classmate in the chest, freeing up a place for yourself to pass.
What was said was a real bluff, but you still hit the mark — you understood from the very beginning who was the sickest pervert in their school. Fleetingly looking up in the direction where the company of their club was standing, you raised your eyebrows in surprise. Eddie wasn't there anymore.
***
Can you imagine, some hero of our school kicked that freak who was climbing up to the girls at the party! — Dustin exclaimed enthusiastically in a conversation with you, almost jumping up from an overabundance of emotions — His nose is broken and, it seems, something else, but this idiot doesn't even remember who it was!
You let out a laugh, covering your mouth with the hand. You were rather amused not by the fact that your yesterday's abuser got what he deserved, but by how elated Dustin looked. His eyes shone with genuine joy, as if he was the one who dealt with your classmate. Gently patting the boy on the head, you lifted the corners of your lips, but your sickly look did not disappear, judging by how hard Henderson squeezed your hand.
— You should tell him. — Dustin said slowly, trying to gauge your reaction. — Your silence is too expensive, it can't go on like this.
You raised your head to the sky, barely restraining the urge to burst into shameful tears. You missed the old days so much, the late-night conversations and warm hugs, his voice, which gave off a strange but attractive hoarseness in the early morning, his virtuoso guitar playing and the same virtuoso jokes in the most difficult times. But your respected Eddie's choice, even if it wasn't you.
— At first I thought he was just not interested in a relationship with anyone. — you laughed hysterically, causing Dustin to shiver through his body. — And now it turned out that he was just interested in Chrissy. She's good, they're both incredibly lucky. I was just imagining things in my head, and then I believed it myself. Idiot.
***
— Something's going on with you. — Munson muttered, asserting rather than asking, tentatively touching your haggard cheek with his hand. — Have you been crying? I can make coffee.
You jerked as if from a blow, forcing Eddie to immediately remove his palm and look at his best friend in complete incomprehension. Frankly speaking, now your words about intensive preparation for exams seemed to the guy the most obvious lie in the world.
How could he believe you? You had never been able to lie plausibly.
— Just tell me the name of the person who upset you. You can only use the first syllable, I'll just deal with all the similar ones. Just don't be silent, I'm asking you, let's solve this together and discuss it.
Eddie's words hurt and unexpectedly pricked the heart, recalling the fiery speech of you after you learned about his new job related to the sale of substances. Munson's concern tormented the soul, because it was connected only with warm feelings for a friend.
— I fell in love. — you confessed with tragic anguish in your voice, gritting her teeth. — If you were in my place, you would cry too.
You can't tell him. It cannot spoil those precious relationships that have been scrupulously built over so many years. Can't interfere with his happiness, his future. It would be cruel and heartless towards the most native part of her broken soul.
— I'll bet I'll never cry because of some girl. You're wasting your energy and strength on unnecessary thoughts about some jerk, just forget it. — despite the joking tone, it was clear how much the guy was worried. — Let's have a coffee with you, and I also found a cool cassette with an interesting movie. Faster, faster, faster.
Eddie deftly picked up his friend in his arms, spun around the trailer and, not paying the slightest attention to your protests, threw you right on the wide sofa, throwing pillows. You laughed, leaning your head back on the soft blanket and with an expression of hopeless love watched Munson leave.
— I bet! — she shouted, sniffing and jumping under the blanket. — One day you will cry because you can't be with a cool girl, absolutely everyone goes through this stage.
The answer to you were a playful laugh from the kitchen.
***
And then Chrissy Cunningham died. A charming girl with deep blue eyes, who quickly became the soul of the whole company, was declared dead, and Eddie became the first suspect. Most of the school were very willing to believe in his guilt, without even trying to reflect. How convenient it is when you can legitimately justify your hatred, isn't it. You were barely deterred by Dustin from your attempts to lash out at every schoolboy who spread rumors with sadistic pleasure, throwing more and more accusations towards Munson. You would tear them all apart and never regret it.
Eddie looked terribly broken, and at the slightest glance at him, you already wanted to cry. His confused, faded eyes looked through you, somewhere far away, as if on that fateful day. He didn't talk much, avoided eye contact, and he wasn't joking at all. With all his appearance, the guy showed that it was better not to ask him about anything. You weren't going to.
— I believe you. — you said firmly, sitting down next to your friend. — Whatever you say, I know it's true, and I'm on your side anyway. If the police need my testimony, then no problem, you won't be charged for something you didn't do. I won't let you.
Eddie didn't say anything, although you didn't expect an answer, in silence he put his head on your shoulder and closed his eyes. Now it became much more difficult to stay in the usual position, but you persevered, despite the discomfort. If this is what you can do for him, then you are ready to sit like this all night, weightlessly touching his curly hair with your palm.
After learning about the true cause of Chrissy's death the next day, you thought that she was overexcited and delusional hallucinations began. But not believing in the existence of Vecna was equivalent to not believing all your friends who looked frighteningly serious. To come to terms with the fact that it is necessary to save the city, you were helped by several doses of sedatives and a good slap to herself in front of the bathroom mirror. Risking your life was scary to the point of trembling at the knees, but you would not forgive yourself if children started fighting instead of you.
***
— If there is a need to choose me or him, you choose him. — you narrowed your eyes threateningly, turning to Dustin. — If Eddie starts being a hero, you take him in your arms and run as fast as you can. Without. Looking back.
A couple of minutes ago, the conversation between Munson and you did not end very well — they did not want to take you into the team, so you screamed and defended her position during the entire dialogue with Eddie. You didn't even know what was more offensive — the fact that everyone approved Dustin's candidacy without any problems, or the fact that the rest were able to convince the adamant guy.
In any case, you trusted Henderson. The boy has a mind and definitely will not climb his chest into the embrasure for any reason, doubts of this type were only about Munson, who recently frightened the girl with his behavior. You did not put pressure on the guy and did not ask for details — he described Chrissy's death in a few words, and they were enough to imagine the degree of horror of any person in his place.
There was no question of a confession of feelings after the incident. You were disgusted at the thought that you would thereby try to replace Cunningham. You had never been such a bright girl.
— I've known Eddie for a very long time, so I can say with confidence that he's much more selfless than you think. — there was a silence, and Dustin shook his head thoughtfully. — Just don't let him be stupid, I'll deal with the rest. I have the keys to the trailer, we will close and not let him run to the feat.
Henderson agreed, ignoring the bad feeling in his chest. — You'll owe me something delicious.
***
The flying toothy creatures were the most disgusting thing you have ever seen. They made nauseating sounds, cutting the ear, and were barely perceptible because of their speed. After Eddie successfully attracted the attention of these monsters, you gently pushed Dustin in the shoulder, forcing him to distract from his thoughts.
— Too early. — the boy waved off, not even deigning to look at his friend. — We're running in thirty seconds. Stay where you are.
You ignored Henderson's commanding tone, already knowing what kind of beating you would give him after. You felt like an adult, of course. You would have been happy to believe it if the commander-in-chief of their company hadn't had his knees shaking while he counted down the remaining time.
— Let's go! — Dustin shouted, turning to Eddie, who had already managed to react and start escaping. — Faster, faster!
You swung your homemade spear with force and pierced through one of the monsters aiming at the boy's back. Deliberately slowing down a little to see the others, you noticed how Eddie also slowed down. Our gazes met, and Munson narrowed his eyes disapprovingly, grabbing you by the palm, and then pushing you forward. Dustin could have sworn that his wayward friends had just mentally exchanged something very secret. You could tell by the eyes.
— I'll run after you and Dustin, it's not up for discussion.
Well.. it's started.
***
Demonic creatures almost in a matter of seconds bit into the surface of their shelter, trying to get inside. It took you a lot of willpower to fight the growing panic — the creatures would burst in from second to second.
— Dustin, come on up! — Eddie took the initiative, constantly shifting his gaze from the entrance to the trailer to his friends. — Y\N, you're next.
You knew Munson's emotions too well for his behavior not to arouse suspicion in you. He was thinking about something feverishly, and you didn't like it.
— Now it's my turn to be the last. — you replied coldly, swallowing nervously. Dustin, upstairs, frowned at the bridge of his nose in utter incomprehension.
Eddie grimaced with displeasure, shuddering all over from the sharp impact of the monsters on the roof. He gently grabbed you by the shoulders and leaned slightly towards you, matching your height. His dark brown eyes looked so pleading for the first time.
— Please. Please, for the first and last time.
And she gave in.
Having barely climbed the rope, if the rags tied together can be called that, you caught your breath hard, putting your hand to the chest. Henderson breathed a sigh of relief, feeling joy because of the successful resolution of the conflict. And then he screamed.
Damn Eddie Munson cut the rope and threw back the mattress, depriving himself and his friends of the opportunity to go to another world. Only here you didn't calculate a little what an enraged you is capable of.
— He's fucked up. — you whispered, convulsively building a tall structure of chairs, pillows and other objects at hand. — Jump after me, I'll lay you a mattress on the other side. Everything is as agreed yesterday.
The boy nodded eagerly. And you were ready to give him a bonus for the fact that he never asked stupid questions.
It was very painful to land, but there was no time left to feel sorry for yourself. Eddie did not have time to leave the trailer, bending down for his previously discarded weapon. Probably, he did not expect the appearance of friends, because when you fell, who completely knocked off your knees, Munson cursed loudly, rushing to you.
— Dustin! — you took advantage of the guy's hitch and deftly pushed the mattress into place, hoping that Henderson managed to climb onto a pile of chairs. And so it happened — the boy fell next to you a second later, and then clung tightly to Munson.
— Are you crazy?! — Dustin shouted, deafening absolutely everyone present. — Where did you climb, you idiot, I knew it, I knew it!
The trailer swayed, already yielding strongly to the pressure of the bats, who did not stop scratching their claws on the roof. You pursed your lips and looked at the two people you loved, blood began to pound deafeningly in your temples. You had come to this feeling long before today, it was just a good moment to admit it.
The last thing you saw before you ran out of the house and locked the front door was his brown eyes.
***
You didn't remember exactly how you ended up on Eddie's lap. It seems that he moved you to him from the damp ground, unintentionally dropping cold tears on the pale face of you. They gave at least a little of the desired coolness — You felt as if your body was burning with fire.
— Remember, you and I bet that you would never cry because of a girl. — you smiled radiantly, tears stood out at the corners of your eyes, — So you lost, Munson. You owe me one wish.
Eddie couldn't smile back at you. With shaking hands, he held the bleeding wound on your stomach tightly, as if it could really help somehow. Your body was wounded through and through.
— I agree, I agree, just let you make me a wish tomorrow. — Munson obediently nodded, his hoarse voice trembled treacherously. — Let me make coffee tomorrow, and you make a wish, we haven't watched the movie yet.
Mary shook her head slightly reproachfully, touching the guy's wet cheek with a barely moving hand. Eddie immediately clung to her palm, blissfully closing his eyes and exhaling raggedly.
— No, I'll make my wish now. — you gently objected, noticing how Manson frowned in disbelief, hope was still burning in his eyes. — You should meet a good one in the future, such as Chrissy, who can make you happy. You have to give her love and never, ever leave her alone, because without you she will be unbearable. I must not regret anything and continue to play the guitar. You haven't forgotten that our band is playing next Friday, have you?
Your breathing became very rapid, as you had to spend a lot of energy on such a large number of words. You smiled bitterly when a thick veil suddenly covered her eyes. Everything was obvious.
— I've already met a girl, I don't need another one. — Eddie protested in despair, but only a hoarse voice escaped from his throat. He realized that Carter hadn't looked him in the eye for a long time, and this realization finally finished him off—Chrissy asked me to meet her for show, because her ex couldn't calm down in any way.
You open your mouth in confusion, feeling a familiar metallic taste on your tongue. The tears had long since ended, so you could only shudder soundlessly in the arms of a loved one, rocking you from side to side, as if lulling you to sleep.
— She will laugh when I tell her what I have lost in my life. — the attempt to smile again ended with a cough with blood, Munson bent over you even more, gently stroking her face with his palm.
— No, you won't tell her. — he clenched his teeth tightly, stubbornly unwilling to give in. — You must be the first to congratulate me on graduating from the damn school, you said so yourself. I'm a jerk and I'm a coward because I was terrified of your rejection, and then you started to get tired of studying for exams, and I thought it would be selfish to burden you with something else. Let's go to the movies this weekend, huh?
You felt a terrible drowsiness, which was almost impossible to fight. It rolled in waves, confusing absolutely all thoughts and making it difficult to concentrate. The only thing you regretted was that you had lost the opportunity to see Eddie one last time before succumbing to the desire to fall asleep.
— Kiss me. — you whispered with your lips, subconsciously feeling the rapid approach of something inexplicable.
His lips were soft, but really icy. You squeezed your eyes shut with boundless pleasure, feeling Eddie's palms on your face. Gentle touches again and again awakened that sweet thrill in the chest that always arose in his presence.
— I'm happy. — you said on an exhale, without opening your eyes. — Because I'm in the arms of my first and last love.
Eddie Munson will never fulfill your wish.
