So far in my adventure I have only killed one monster, but it was a pretty cool monster. It was a giant snake on Sunstone Island, and me and my buddy Wei took it out. The locals apparently worshipped it, but they also said it would be okay if we killed it, so I’m not quite sure what their style of worship is. Point being, while I have vanquished one amazing monster, I have not done that again, although I have been to hell and back.
The rock in hell if very rich in iron, which is interesting. There’s also some minerals I did not recognize the taste of, but they tasted really bad. I didn’t think to grab a sample though, although there might be some dust from the rocks on all the gold we stole from Satan’s vault. Which, by the way, was WAY less exciting than it sounds. I didn’t even know the wizard who had hired me to help him had brought us into hell for several hours. I really think he should have told us this information before we set off, but that’s water under the bridge at this point.
Right! I should tell you about the friends I made! Although, friend might not be the right term, but I trust them with the important stuff. Wei, as I mentioned before, is really the only true friend I’ve made so far on my adventure. He’s a druid and can turn into amazing animals! He’s a bit odd, but a real bro. I have no idea where he is right now.
Zeta is another halfling, so when we first met I thought we would be best friends. I was wrong. Zeta is a thief and a bit of a jerk, and I have litterally had to twist her arm to get her to give us important information on one occasion.
Vitus is an interesting one. He’s the one the hired the three of us, and he’s trying to bring his dead boyfriend back to life (that’s why we were in Satan’s vault looking for a magic item or something. We didn’t find it, instead we released Satan’s brother Azmodan on the world. We’re working on that.). He’s a human wizard, so kinda weird. He’s also a really weird wizard, because he doesn’t know how to use fireballs. Apparently there are different kinds of wizards. I used to think that Vitus was completely useless and that I might not be able to trust him. Now I think that Vitus is only useless in a fight and well, I really hope I can trust him because otherwise I might be in a lot of trouble. But I think I can trust him! I mean, he’s starting to respect my opinions so I think that means he trusts me. Keeps asking me if I’ve read any book though. I think he’s forgotten that the answer is yes. In fact, he just saw that I was writing and was surprised that I know how. What’s up with that?
ANYWAYS, the important stuff. So you know Festung? Of course you know Festung, it’s been in the family for a while. I don’t think any of us can forget how cool Festung is. So it turns out, Festung is even cooler than we expected! Festung is in fact same halberd that Chad Bradley used to fight off the invading armies of the Empire of the Fallen Sun centuries ago. You can tell because of the stone tower crest on its blade. I just found this out in Sentinal! Now, the royal family has been saying that about four generation ago Festung was stolen. Oh! And Festung is also the marker of the royal line, and is a big deal symbol about who’s supposed to be in charge.
Now, as we all know, Festung has been in our family for WAY more than 4 generation. Apparently the royal family has just forgotten that one of the princes ran away to elope, and I guess they never knew that he changed his last name to Fyrbolg. So what I’m saying is, my 2nd great grandfather Tommy Fyrbolg? Actually Tommy Bradley, and I think this means I’m a princess. At least, that’s what Zeta says.
But that’s not all! Apparently Festung is also the key to a megaweapon that somewhere underneath Sentinal! Like, no one knows what it does because it’s in the same general area of the necronomicon (some magic book or whatever. Vitus wants it) which is guarded by 10,000 skelitons. The current royal family (or people who are pretending to be the royal family? I’m confused) is as apparently bad at being the royal family, so they should definitly never have access to whatever this weapon is. I don’t know what they’d do with it though. It’s not like we have anything really big to fight. Besides Azmodan, who wants to destroy all life. Hmmmm.
But don’t worry! Festung is definitly safe! I definitly have it, and there is nothing to worry about! I have nothing to worry about!
Yeah, Festung got stolen from me. I’m really sorry! I guess I can’t lie to you guys even in a letter, which means you raised me right! We’re working on getting it back! That’s why I’m about to become a wanted criminal. Actually, I’m about to become a wanted criminal because the people who stole Festung saw me when I was ripping up their automobile (it’s like a metal horseless carriage. It can punch back and go really fast) and so think that I stole Festung from the royal family or something. I’m not clear on that, because I’m not old enough to have done that.
Also, you should not mention any relation to the Fyrbolg side of the family at any point to any stranger. The Tamlorn side is probably safe though. The dwarf that helped 2nd great grandfather Tommy escape and elope asked if I was a Fyrbolg, not a Tamlorn, and then said that it was probably good that the last name got changed multiple times. Pretty funny that he thought it was some strategy right! I mean, it’s not like any of us knew that we were decendents of Bradley.
Oh! But I should tell you about my fight with the automobile, because it was really awesome!
Zeta and I were riding on a horse, and were going really fast! We were catching up to the automobile, so you’ll never guess what I did. I stood up on the horse, then jumped from the horse to the roof of the automobile! Zeta tried to make the jump too, but fell, so I was on my own.
I grabbed onto the armor plating on the roof of the automobile, and tore it off. It made a huge metal ripping sound. So just imagine me, standing on top of a really weird smoking metal thing moving at high speeds, ripping it apart with my bare hands. You trained me well, dad.
I let the roof I ripped off fall back onto the road, because it was too big to be used as a weapon. There were two halflings in the automobile, one of them was controlling it. So I jumped down and killed the thief who wasn’t driving, and turned to the driver. I asked them what they were doing, and they said “my duty.”
That makes a lot more sense now than it did at the time. But anyway, I punched the automobile again, this time on the part that had a lot of buttons, and that was when it punched me back. It actually punched me out into the air, then tied me up with a parachute. That part wasn’t as cool. The thief got away, and we followed them to Sentinal, which I guess brings me back to the present where I’m hiding in the Dwarven quarter with some friends. Oh, and Zeta’s a wanted criminal in Sentinal as well. So that’s that.
I hope you two are doing well, and that the whole village is doing well. Say hi to Dotty for me, and tell her about the snake and some stuff about the automobile. Don’t say anything about Festung.
I love you! Hugs and kisses!
Becca Tamlorn.
