INDIVIDUAL INVISIBLE: yet another natsuya nijisaki fanmix
[listen here] | [art source]
| {1. pity party- melanie martinez | {2. the outsider- marina & the diamonds | {3. i’m not okay (i promise)- my chemical romance | {4. camisado- panic! at the disco | {5. nerves- icon for hire | {6. self-esteem- andrew jackson jihad | {7. julien- placebo | {8. virgin veins- coma cinema | {9. ghosting- mother mother | {10. search ~ in the midst- akemi kimura (from ‘phoenix wright: ace attorney: justice for all’) | {11. clint eastwood- trey anastasio (originally by gorillaz) | {12. i’m gonna win- rob cantor | {13. king- lauren aquilina | {14. kill all your friends- my chemical romance | {15. eulogy- frank turner |
I did these playlists back in DA3 and I decided to make them again for DA4 and so I’ve been adding songs to them every chapter. Now that endgame’s over, I can finally publish them! There’s a song for every death (or... maiming punishment) and each song is annotated with the name of the character, so have fun!
TROUBLESOME/TROUBLED: another natsuya nijisaki fanmix
[listen here] | [art source] | [disc one]
"...A slip of a boy in a blue jacket, skinny and small and mostly very quiet."
[track list + lyric snippets under the cut!]
{1. the end.- my chemical romance
so throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot
you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not
if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
you'll find out first-hand what it's like to be me
so gather 'round, piggies, and kiss this goodbye
i'd encourage your smiles, i'll expect you won't cry
{2. numb- marina & the diamonds
forgo family, forgo friends
it's how it started, how it ends
i can't open up and cry
'cause i've been silent all my life
{3. the prayer- k.t. tunstall (radio live lounge version)
is it so wrong to crave recognition?
second-best, runner-up
is it so wrong to want rewarding?
to want more, to want more than is given to you
{4. the trouble of dripping wet sun- kenshi yonezu
[japanese; lyrics here are translated]
carrying the brilliantly shining sun, the weather's nice today
let's go out and play, commit more mistakes
keep going down that narrow path
and we'll erase the tortuously painful days
and we'll erase the days of tortuously painful experiences
we don't need 'em, throw it all away!
{5. ghost- mystery skulls
i’ve been feeling like a ghost
and it's what i hate the most
guess i'm giving up again
and this time, this time, this time
this time, i might just disappear
{6. centuries- fall out boy
and i can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name
'cause i was only born inside my dreams
until you die for me, as long as there is a light, my shadow's over you
'cause i am the opposite of amnesia
and you're a cherry blossom
you're about to bloom
you look so pretty, but you're gone so soon
{7. i can't decide- scissor sisters
i've got to hand it to you
you've played by all the same rules
it takes the truth to fool me
and now you've made me angry
{8. paris is burning- st. vincent
enclosed in this letter, there's a picture
black and white for your refrigerator
sticks and stones have made me smarter
it's words that cut me under my armour
{9. the happy nihilist- the classic crime
i've taught this to myself, piled books up on the shelf
but it still hurts like hell to trust nobody else but me
{10. infinitesimal- mother mother
they say it started with a big bang
but they say it came out of a small thing
lately, i'm feeling like a big bang
'cause i've been making something out of nothing
(like my soul...)
{11. grace kelly- mika (radio live lounge version)
do i attract you, do i repulse you, with my queasy smile?
am i too dirty, am i too flirty, do i like what you like?
i could be wholesome, i could be loathsome, i guess i'm a little bit shy
why don't you like me, why don't you like me without making me try?
{12. are you satisfied?- marina & the diamonds (acoustic version)
sad inside, in this life
i'm satisfied, waiting
are you satisfied with an average life?
do i need to lie to make my way in life?
{13. i don't care- fall out boy
these friends, they don't love you
they just love the hotel suites, now
i don't care what you think, as long as it's about me
the best of us can find happiness in misery
{14. afraid- the neighbourhood
when i wake up, i'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
when i wake up, i'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
"...Athazagoraphobia. Noun. The fear of being forgotten, ignored, or replaced. See also: Natsuya Nijisaki."
[track list + lyric snippets under the cut!]
{1. that's not my name- the ting tings
people around got to find something to say, now
holding back, everyday the same
don't wanna be a loner, listen to me, oh no
i never say anything at all
but with nothing to consider, they forget my name (ame, ame, ame)
{2. huey newton- st. vincent
entombed in the shrine of zeroes and ones, you know, you know
oh, with fatherless features, you motherless creatures, you know
oh, in perpetual night, oh, it's terribly frightening, you know, you know
you got the pop and the hiss, in the city of misfits, you know
safe, safe, and safest, faith for the faithless
dim, dim, and dimmer, sucker for sinners
{3. echo- crusher-p
what the hell's going on?!
can someone tell me, please?
why i'm switching faster than the channels on tv?
i'm black, then i'm white--
no! something isn't right!
my enemy's invisible, i don't know how to fight!
the trembling fear is more than i can take
when i'm up against the echo in the mirror
{4. bad apple!!- rockleetist x ashe (original from touhou)
maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real
but it wouldn't mean a thing if i told you how i feel
so, i'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside
and i wish that i could live feeling nothing but the night
{5. help, i'm alive- metric
if my life is mine
what shouldn't i do?
i get wherever i'm going, i get whatever i need
while my blood's still flowing
and my heart's still
beating like a hammer, beating like a hammer
{6. blame it on the girls- mika
blame it on the girls who know what to do
blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
blame it on your mother for the things she said
blame it on your father, but you know he's dead
{7. the stand- mother mother
“tell me your fears!”
okay, it’s everyone here!
“you mean, just all of the people?”
yeah, and all of their peers
and all of their pets, and their chandeliers
and their cigarettes-- i haven’t smoked in years!
{8. the only difference between martyrdom and sui/cide is press coverage- vitamin string quartet (original by panic! at the disco)
[instrumental]
{9. this is how i disappear- my chemical romance
there're things that i have done
you should never ever know
and without you is how i disappear
and live my life alone forever now
{10. "from now on, we are enemies"- fall out boy
i'm just the man on the balcony, singing:
"nobody will ever remember me"
rejoice, rejoice, and fall to your knees
(for a)
lunatic of a god, or a god of a lunatic?
oh, their faces are dancing, they're dancing 'til
'til they can't stand it
a composer but never composed
singing the symphonies of the overdosed
a composer but never composed, singing:
"i only want what i can't have"
"i only want what i can't have"
{11. worried about ray- the hoosiers
the future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh
the truth be told, the truth be told
i'm worried about the future holds, the future holds
i'm so tired of being worried about ray
{12. fear and loathing- marina & the diamonds
i live my life in bitterness
and fill my heart with emptiness
and now i see, i see it for the first time
there is no crime in being kind
not everyone is out to screw you over
maybe, oh, just maybe, they just want to get to know you
{13. mama- my chemical romance
well, mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue
you should've raised a baby girl, i should've been a better son
if you could coddle the infection, they can amputate at once
“Well, that was one of a kind memory trip, bearly shocking if you ask me. But oh boy, oh boy, just like how I love them - self-centered and full of me! Oh, and who knew sharks had freckles? But who cares, anyway?”
“Moving on.”
“Which means don’t move a muscle or I’ll let you have a taste of my beary paw. I’m tired of you bastards taking the spotlight! It’s Monobear’s time to shine!”
Listening to Monobear’s command, you stood still, nervously glancing at your classmates. Hopping off of his seat, Monobear quickly waved to the crowd. Next to him, a wooden crank waited. Had that always been there? Placing his paws on the handle, he still had one thing to say.
“GET DOWN, MR. PRESIDENT!”
Monobear slammed his body against the handle, pushing it down with great strength. Loud sounds filled your ears as your past passed through your eyes. Was this the end? No. It couldn’t be. You all had won, right? This couldn’t be the endroll. But it certainly was the end for the wall that separated you from the other class.
As Monobear was doing some kind of lift-ups and push-downs with the handle, you noticed how the wall slowly moved further down, becoming one with the floor. Your view was clearer without the glass; you noticed a bunch of teenagers looking in your direction, just confused as you were. What a sight.
Monobear Theatre || Yoshiki || Thinking Out Loud (Under the Light of a Thousand Stars)
Yoshiki Shouda probably should have been more responsive during the entirety of the trial. He was the token kid from the dead, and he had barely taken advantage of his one time in the limelight. He faded into irrelevancy once more. He had admittedly allowed it to happen, but there was still a bittersweet feeling to being revived. It felt exactly the same as being dead: Distant.
He could not even react against the initial words implying that people thought that Hana was the mastermind. He was simply still and quiet like he had become after being off'd. He hated himself for not making some kind of scene. Why had it been so difficult to do something that came so naturally before? Had he lost his edge? Did he ever even have any? He cursed himself, for he knew that the dead could have very well been watching him.
Or maybe that was too selfish of him to assume. Who knew? He sighed, gripping his recorder. That was the one thing he had always been confident in-- the one thing that he had control over. Whilst it was a mutual relationship between him and his instrument, that feeling of control was what keep him from being too self-deprecating, he hoped.
And then it had been confirmed that the vote he had put in as a last, desperate resort was right. Staring at the bespectacled figure who he had talked to so casually just before, he cocked his head to the side in bemusement. It seemed surreal... Was this the man he had truly wanted to blame? It was true that Yoshiki had a lot of frustrations and blame he had imagined he would want to toss towards the mastermind, but all he could do was remain silent in his own confusion.
"Ah, no, no, my mistake — I should’ve given more of a warning, er… Apologies for taking you off guard. Ahaha…”
The words the ghostwriter had said bore a strange meaning to him now. In hindsight, he wondered if Keita knew that his words could be twisted now considering his newly revealed role in the scheme of things. It all seemed bitter when reflecting on it and attempting to stretch it to apply to the entire scenario, but Yoshiki did not say a word out loud against him.
Maybe he should have.
Then came the culprit execution. Many had thrashed against the murderer, though Yoshiki's own opinion had been rather neutral. To judge someone based on ignorance or having spilt blood at this point seemed ridiculous. These last weeks could have been summed up as 'lots of people turn out to be murderers and ignorant', and perhaps it was death that made the musician more apathetic towards the individual people who fell victim to the heat of the situation and were driven to kill in addition to the people who just turned out to not be well-versed in certain manners.
It wasn't their fault, Yoshiki could reason. That was what he would leave it at, and that was it. He did not care to dwell on it, and his mind had shifted gears when Yoshiki finally got to witness an execution in the flesh. However, it held no significance at first, it seemed. The executions felt like they should have been a reminder that anyone could die at any point, but this was the end, wasn't it? Even when he was alive again, there were no stakes.
However, the events of the execution itself convinced him otherwise-- that there was a purpose to all this. He watched, expecting some sort of pitiful, quick, ironic death that was particularly animated. He had become used to that. He had become used to seeing gore, as much as he would want to flinch and wince at the sight of it nowadays (if he didn't just laugh in horror).
This was inhumane.
He was witnessing what felt like the lifestory of some poor kid. He was going through it all in an abridged format as if he was holding someone's hand. He was getting to know their family dynamic and what was the worst of everything. He was feeling pity. Everything just kept going on and on, and then he had not even registered the fact that Minoru was being executed as opposed to just forced to be tortured with the past-- something that shouldn't matter, something that should just be tossed out the garbage can.
The giggling that continued and faded out sent a chill down the recorder player's spine. It was the aspect of the execution that hit home the most out of everything. Out of the disappointment from others, out of the domineering father, out of the wonder and curiosity gained from what would become his talent later on, from the relationship that was tossed out-- all of it.
Yoshiki's eyes grew wide, and his grip on his instrument became tighter. When he realized that the marine biologist was dead, his face was drained of color. That was the end? That was how it would all transpire?
Turning to Keita once more, he spoke with a serious tone in his voice that barely had a hint of his usual childish air, and his face grew dark. His smile had broken off.
"Hey, Poindexter... Or, rather, Yamaguchi-kun, huh? You deserve that much-- basic human respect, you know?"
"You sure did set up somethin' grand, didn't you? That execution right there? People might be silent against it, and they sure as hell shouldn't be--"
Unless they're fucking heartless. He wanted to add that, but he didn't. Yoshiki bit his tongue to suppress the urge before he continued.
"You might have done a crime I can't forgive, but you don't deserve a death as bad as any of what you helped orchestrate. Nobody does. I... I don't know where this is all going to go, but you've got center spotlight, so make your last words all a good one before you're a goner."
Then his smile returned, though whether it was genuine or not was another case to debate.
"Good luck. You're heading to a good place after all this, so make it a time to celebrate, you fucking sinner!"
