End Violence in Our Schools and Communities with Love
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I wrote a book because I believe we can all make a difference in saving and enhancing the lives of not just our children, but people around the world. I am an expert in school-related violence not by choice or research, but because of personal experience.
December 1, 1993: While in class as a freshman at Wauwatosa West High School in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, the associate principal to Jay Breitlow, then 15, was shot and killed. This entire event shook the community, and he was one of thousands of students who would walk the halls in which his life was taken.
However, it shook his family a little more, as the associate principal, Dale Breitlow, was also his hero. He was also the father. He was my father.
Writing a book on life, researching, re-researching and going back to that tragic day time and again has been, as you would expect, extremely difficult for anyone effected by violence, yet at the same time it can be therapeutic.
I was always that person that “this could never happen to” - until it did.
In talking or writing about the subject of "guns", it's apparent that anyone engaged is talking about things that are often socially, spiritually and certainly politically charged. At the same time it is everyone's great hope and deepest desire that the thoughts contained the book/conversation/lecture/snippet will raise a new idea save at least one life and create a new thread of conversation.
This article has the ability to become the impetus for change in how we treat everyone from the mentally ill to the perceived healthy; from the school nerd to the athletics star. The day this sentence is no longer relevant is a day for us all to rejoice, as it means we have created a tangible change in schools and playgrounds everywhere.
School-related violence, and violence in general, is a real-life problem that has answers. However, it's the my belief that the questions we are currently asking don’t have solutions. In my book Love Not Guns, I wrote
I believe that many of the answers for protecting our schools lie directly in the questions themselves. Merely asking the following question puts into motion the foundation for the solution: “How can I create more love?”
Most people don’t have the time or resources to create a platform for global change. Most people are not president of the United States or the mayor of New York City. But that doesn’t mean you lack the ability to create change.
In fact, I believe it means the opposite, in that you have just as much – if not more – direct power in shaping your community. It is far more likely that your neighbor will have influence on you or your family than anybody you see on TV, and vice versa!
For decades, the United States has struggled with keeping schools safe for our innocent and loved. Despite law after law and one new safety precaution after another, the violence and death toll rises.
Because when we ask questions that center on guns, an implement that cannot by design add to life but can only take from it, there are questions being asked that will never have answers. More or less guns cannot be a question with answers because it's a question rooted in fear.
Instead, the only thing people seem to agree upon is that a safe and healthy environment for education is paramount to the success of our communities. So why aren’t we focusing on the one thing that binds us all together: love?
Love holds the answer to all our questions when you ask the questions the correct way.
I’m not talking about creating a 1960s hippie revolution all over again, although that might not hurt. What I am suggesting is a practical ways to help your children, neighbors and total strangers.
We are truly at a wonderful time in human evolution where facts are almost exclusively found via fingertips. This also means misconceptions as well - which in turn can promote fear and/or love to move as fast as your megaphone is loud.
The challenge is to look at every question at every angle and figure out, “When is talking about love not an answer?” An excerpt from the book gave the idea for change:
I feel that in the end, nobody can have more connection with what is at stake than me as a husband, son and father. I stand by all research, questions and answers in this book.
Since I lost my father, I have struggled to identify with the people who want to ban or limit guns in our communities. I have also struggled to identify with people who want more guns in our communities. I have enrolled in gun safety classes to attempt to connect with one side of the gun conversation, only to feel pulled back to the other side and be the class no-show.
Then one day, a friend of mine asked me if I would consider giving a talk at our local Rotary Club about gun violence. She knew my experience made me somewhat of an expert and that it would be a powerful talk if I would accept. I told her I would think about it, and I internally debated if I really wanted to be back in the public eye again, even if it was just a hundred local friends.
Then while talking with my aforementioned friend and life coach, Dr. Tom Preston, he helped me see that I could talk on this topic, but that my answer was different then just “yes or no” to guns. You see, I can’t identify with either side, or even be in the middle of the conversation with guns because that is not a conversation that ultimately provides answers.
Year after year, month after month, we continue to see the headlines on the news about the latest school shooting, and you would not be alone if you were thinking: “Well, there is no answer.” Yet the fight goes on and on. One state has different rules; one senator wants to change federal laws; one mayor wants more background checks; one city wants guns in the hands of every resident; one president wants different laws than another. It seems as if there won’t ever be a consensus.
Then one day, it will come out for you in a conversation as it did for the author when he spoke with Dr. Tom that the answer we are seeking is different than the questions people were asking. The reason why there is no answer to the gun debate is because it’s the wrong question. There is no loving answer to a question that centers on implements of death and destruction.
The better question, in my opinion, is: How do we solve violence in America? And that answer is with love!
Love starts in asking what you can do for your neighbor. What you can best do to ensure we are raising children that are rooted to a values system that is deep in love. If we all believe that life is good, that there is always a blessing in the curses of life then we will always express and experience love. This does NOT mean life is devoid of challenges.
In fact challenges are a necessary addition to life. Different philosophy's, religions and cultures all have unique ways to deal with challenges but there is one thing that binds them all together: they are all required lessons, rites of passage, or part of life. They are also all rooted in love.
No chief would tell his young warrior to expect to hunt dinner and for it to be easy. Yet time and again challenge presents itself to our society and the responses are becoming more and more dramatic and fearful. There is no love in fear. There is no response in violence.
Today, when you leave the house, or come home or meet a friend for lunch ask yourself this one question to start creating change in the world: how can I express and seek more love today.
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