Third Age Relics: Darkfriend Application
Posting this in full! All text below is the work of Douglas Banks. [This was written/posted by Douglas Banks ([email protected])]
Hmmmm, look what showed up in my mail along with the W-2......
-------------------------------------------------------- DarkFriends Inc. Application for Membership
Name: Age: Ajah(if applicable):
Please answer the following to the best of your ability.
1. In 50 words or less, why do you want to serve the Great Lord?
2. How did you first hear about DarkFriends Inc.? _ friend _ relative _ Trolloc _ dream _ other (please explain) ___________________________
3. Are any members of your immediate family darkfriends? If so please state name and rank.
4. Any special abilities or connections we should be aware of? Channelling, viewings, brother to daughter-heir, etc?
5. Please list any accomplishments or awards that might be of interest to Shai'tan. Include any dark deeds done, dark prophecy written, etc.
6. Personality and motivation are extremely important to us here at DarkDriends, Inc. The following questions are designed to see if your personal traits are compatible with our philosophy. Please answer the following as honestly as possible. Remember, there are no "wrong" answers, but certain answers might get you killed.
a. Which most accurately describes your plans AFTER the Great Lord slaughters the dragon reborn at Tarmon Gai'don? _ Revenge on hapless fools who crossed me. _ Power, power, power! _ Fawning adoringly at the feet of the Chosen. _ Replacing the Chosen. _ Perfectin a recipe for honeycakes.
b. Which best describes your usual frame of mind? _ murderous _ scheming _ devious _ tenderhearted _ bootlicking _ seething _ plotting _ neighborly
c. Tell me about your mother. _ sweet _ dead (I killed her) _ mysterious _ I'll tell you about my mother!! (BLAM! BLAM!!)
d. Lews Therin: Ilyena _ Rand: Aviendha _ Rand: Elayne _ Rand: Min (careful!)
7. Would you object to any of the following? _ working in close relationship with Trollocs and other subhuman beasts? _ working under potentially deranged Forsaken? _ giving up any relations or ties with the Whitecloaks or Whitecloak satellite programs, including but not restricted to the Whitecloakettes and the Ladies of the Sunburst Dessert Club?
Please mail the form to the above address with a check for $35 and the head of a chicken. You should expect a response from DarkFriends Inc. within two to three weeks. If your application is exceptional, you may be invited to meet the Dark Lord himself at his luxurios abode in Shayol Ghul. If we find that you are not fit for service, please do not disclose any of the information on this application to others; Darkfriends Inc. frowns upon such behavior, and we will be forced to nail your tongue to the door.
Thank you for your interest!