seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from Italy
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Italy
seen from Germany
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Japan
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Germany
day fifty-three- lord of the jig
She dove into the deep water, and it swallowed her whole.
The envelope completed its dampening enclosure,
Cradling her body in a cool, gentle caress.
Welcoming and kind in its wet embrace,
She felt at home as she plunged through the calm,
Sinking further into the dark, quiet world she adored.
Finnpoe Quarantine Series: Day Fifty-Three
Day Fifty-Two l Day Fifty-Four
“I’m charmed,” Poe laughs, and his eyes sparkle.
“Only the best for you,” Finn promises him, pouring his lover a glass of champagne.
“This is terrible wine.” Poe chokes on the drink, setting his glass down. “Thank you.”
They share a look. It’s their dinner date- Poe has insisted on granting Finn a traditional dating experience- except their resources are severely limited due to the entire state of the galaxy.
“We also have a boxed meal, Poe,” Finn says serious, and Poe snorts.
“Romantic.” He rolls the ‘r’, and Finn’s cheeks become inflamed. “We have a luxury dinner, we have candles-” he gestures to the torch sitting face-up on the table- “and we have each other.” Reaching across the table, he takes Finn’s hand. “It’s all we need.”
When a writer I really admire chooses my story to win a contest and says some really really really nice things about it:
Day 53 of 365...
Day fifty-three. OMG. OMFG. Today I saw Billie Eilish live and it was one of the greatest experiences of my entire life. What made the night even better is that I got to share the experience with all three of my sisters. All I want for the rest of my life is to create memories with my family that we will remember forever, and this was one of those moments. I used to always make fun of people who cried at concerts. I honestly just did not get it. But the second she started performing “Everything I Wanted”, omg I understood. I understood so deeply. I wept. I bawled like a baby. The moment was so powerful and symbolic. A song written with her brother about their relationship & being each other’s saving grace, while being there with my sisters who I love and adore. I had to grab them and experience that moment with them. It was a beautiful night and one I wish I could relive over and over again.
day fifty-three
today was boring. i wore a beautiful blue dress that so many people complimented and i drove ana home. it was hot and sunny and i was happy but not content.
i don’t want to talk about my day anymore. i’m so goddamn frustrated, i’m tried of myself, i want you. i want to hear all about your days and about your thoughts and how you’re feeling and whats on your mind and what your fingers are itching to do. and most importantly, i want to do all those things with you. i want to spend hours curled up with you, just winding my fingers through your beautiful dark hair because i miss the feel of it. i want to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you until i can’t breathe and you become the only air that i need. i want to pull you so close that your scent is the only thing i can smell and even then i don’t want you to ever step back. i want to be lost in you, immersed in you. if you couldn’t tell, i miss you.
today i wrote in my poetry twitter for the first time in a long time. it made me think of all the nights, especially in prague, where i’d come back to wifi and see all those sweet little 140-characters-or-less poems you’d write about me. i miss those. hopefully you’ve been writing to me, even if you can’t send letters? in some of the pictures your mom sent me it looked like you were holding a pencil and a sheet of paper and i’m really praying that you were writing to me. fuck i hope you’re thinking about me.
i also made a list of all the things i want to do with you once you come home and a water balloon fight is at the top of the list. also, i want to do that thing we always talked about doing, filling my back porch with a ton of blankets and candles and watching a movie and eating dinner curled up under the stars together. i’m also daydreaming about another bath with you. fuck, even just hearing your voice would brighten my day.
i’ll admit it, i have been listening to your voicemails a few times every other day or so. it’s just nice to hear your words in your own voice, you know? because i have letters and texts from you, but only a few recorded voice messages. there’s one part of one of the voicemails where you tell me that you’ve loved me since the day you met me, and how i always need to remember that you love me, and if there’s only one thing i could ever remember, it should be that. it is, jacob. it really is.
one day closer to you coming home and i am positively elated. i’m trying not to stress about it, and i’m trying to curb my anxiety. i just really hope you’re as excited to see me as i am to see you.
hey, i love you big guy. there is so much explosive warmth in my heart for you. i can’t wait to dream of you tonight.
sweet dreams brown-eyes.
Day Fifty-Three
So I have an idea to write something for the first time since Matt died. That’s cool. and different. really kinda excited about it.
Something I’ve been thinking about is that I find it hard to believe that anyone wants to listen to me. Especially when I’m talking about/through really heavy stuff. Who wants to be burdened with that? Who wants to look a depressed, grief-stricken, sometimes-suicidal twentysomething in the eye and know that all you can do for them is to listen and respond somehow? Who would want to do that? How can any I-helped-someone high outweigh the effort of the helping?
It doesn’t make any sense to me. But whatever the reasons, Rudy’s done it and been there for me when I’ve had the greatest need of my life. I believe that his help kept me safe and alive so far this summer. And I don’t think I can ever adequately express that to him.
Matt knew me better than anyone, I think. But Rudy has put in the time and patience to know me now, as the mess that I am. I’m trying to see signs of God in that.
I would post more tonight, but Rachel and I talked for over two hours, and I need to go to bed.
