#day posting

[lavaboy]

idk why i feel like i cannot communicate anything without upsetting ppl lately what is wrong w meeeeeee

[congratsonblooming]

Day Zero

I am here, back on the blog that raised me, staring at the screen with a can of Redd's Wicked Apple Ale in one hand and my phone in the other.

I have work tomorrow. I have important work tomorrow. I have the sort of work that makes things go to hell if you call out. I have the sort of work that people rely on you showing up for. I have work that I should be proud of, but feel a little angsty over. It's not artistic, bougie, or fresh in any way, shape, or form. I'm the person that people joke--to my face, mind you--that they hate to speak to.

I am here, the latest of bloomers: someone who is only just now beginning to come into themselves. According to my culture's rulebook, I should have my own house, a successful and cemented career, a husband, and 2.5 kids. Instead, I have tons of medical debt, a career field that I've only been in for 6 months, a handful of girls and guys that have turned me down, and a few succulents I forget to water and nearly kill even though they only need to be watered once a month.

I am nothing special. I am your typical modern day human being.

And I, unfortunately, have a very loud mouth and need everyone to hear my innermost thoughts. So, as I begin to try to get better--as I try to free myself of old addictions and habits and thought patterns--and as I unravel the path I've taken to get here, I'm doing so out loud and in the open so everyone can see.

It's more fun that way, I guess.

[lavaboy]

sometimes, I just want to grab them and tell them: I would like to hold you longer, hold you softer, let you rest against my chest and fall asleep the way you do on the couch when we turn the heater on. It could be nice to fall deeper into each other, make out under the dark moon, alive in each other’s eyes, like nothing is wrong and nothing exists beyond you & me.

most of the time, though, I just say: goodnight

[lavaboy]

i don’t know when it became easier for us to comprehend all people containing evil than to believe that all people contain some good

[lavaboy]

just arrived to the er with a full battery abt to do some damage on this website

[lavaboy]

i have covidddddd just after finding out i have a chronic illness and am immunocompromised this is gonna be so!! much!! fun!!

[lavaboy]

no you don’t understand i have to dress sexy to the acupuncturist if i don’t how will they poke me with needles?? explain that buddy