#day1499

[deathimselfart]

⏁⊑⟒ ⏚⟒⏃⌇⏁ ⍜⎎ ⎅⟟⌇⋔⏃⊬

[yourflowersfirst]

day 1,499

i accepted and who i was and bloomed into something i never thought possible. i began to hug myself tightly every night before bed. i stroked my own hair lovingly, i traced along all my jagged edges that no one else dared to touch. the pads of my fingers became my own version of poetry. my kneecaps are my favorite thing to stare at some days.

no one else enjoys it. or me, for that matter. i must be a monster; i always get barren comments about the way i look. barren meaning horrible, rage inducing, in this context. some tell me i’m still too big, too huge, too blurred and smudged. i’m too heavy, ill crush you. i am always too much to some. overwhelming, physically and emotionally, im a girl who constantly needs more, more, more. these comments tell me to stop eating. stop being a fucking pig. run more, they say. 6 miles isn’t enough. i’m still fat. fat!!! i want to carve that word into myself. i hope i’ll finally be tiny enough for them to love me.

other words spat at me tell me the opposite. that my boobs are too small, my bones too pointy. my teeth are too crooked, my collarbones too prominent, always pointing slightly slanted toward the sun. maybe you’re scared i’ll stab you while you sleep. the temptation is certainly there. you dont like the concave of my stomach. you tell me i am full of dust. empty. too small. i stopped wearing push up bras and began running, isn’t this what everyone wanted? you can count my ribs but i’m still too big for some, too little and meaningless for others. i always thought that if i got smaller, you’d find room for me in your life. “eat more,” you goad, under the pretense of care. “it’s better for you. i prefer you that way.”

the opposite of what i’ve been told my whole life.

some nights i wake up, sweaty, panting from a ptsd infused nightmare. i touch my skin, feel my lungs gulping in air. i know i’m home. no one else wants to settle in me, nest in the hollow of my pelvis. endless loneliness. i tell myself its better this way.

[kabunaluna]

May 11,2024 it was a brilliant sunny day in Stockholm

[russellolsonart]

2022 Daily drawing no.:038 Daily drawing no. to date.: 1,499 . . . . . . #day38of2022 #day1499 #1499 #february #february2022 #procreate #random #character #design #onedrawingadaychallenge #onedrawingaday #dailydrawing #drawing #illustration #russellolsonart https://www.instagram.com/p/CZtPWwqLPBN/?utm_medium=tumblr

[marcmadej]

#rsd1499 #day1499 #dailyrun #runstreak #nrc #fvrj #foxvalleyrunjunkees #runjunkees #goingfor2000 #dedicatedtochad #rip #godspeed #daily5kplus #blessed #drawwithyourfeet #brooks #lifeisgood #harvestnewbeginnings #loggingmiles Got 5 plus breakfast trail mix miles with Amy today #happyplace #training4iceage #yorkville #hashtag #sawweekee #swk (at Saw Wee Kee Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDCdN8vgwFanZjSsE8omLw0Dj4UernTYKHbokQ0/?igshid=15v5ufzws75ma

[bellascreativity]

#100happydays #Day1499 Thank you to everyone who came to our paint night! It was lovely to spend time with so many people I love! 💞 (at Monmouth, Oregon)