#de:code:janeval

[jaehyunrk]

                ⌈  ☾ de:code eval –– ... song recordings  ⌋

gorilla is... a song. the first time he’d heard it, he wasn’t quite sure exactly what to feel. it wasn’t exactly the kind of song he though he’d see himself replaying, but the more he’d listened to it (since well, he didn’t have a choice but to constantly replay it), the more he’d grown some affection for it. it’s not exactly the kind of song you’d belt out, but it’s got an addictive rhythm to it.

it’s when they’re introduced to the b-sides does jaehyun truly feel his affection grow, proud to call their soon to be mini album his. 

entering the recording room, he can’t help but feel a little small. they’ll be using his voice for the public to hear, they’ll have songs with his name on it. he gets behind the microphone and fiddles with the headphones before putting it on. alright, he thinks, recording. he’s got the lyric sheet in hand, scribbled with notes in handwriting that only jaehyun could understand. sure, he doesn’t have a lot of lines, and sure, he’d already expected that, but with the few lines that he does have, he’d wanted to do well. a part of jaehyun had always been that of a perfectionist, even since he was in school, his parents had raised him to do everything up till perfection. he wouldn’t call himself a hardworker -- merely a product of his parents incessant need to have a son to boast about. an idol son probably wasn’t what they’d want to boast about.

jaehyun gulps down on his drink.

“jaehyun,” the producer’s voice is heard. “can you hear me?”

“yes,” he replies.

gorilla begins to play and jaehyun clears his throat a few times as the song gets to his part.

hey girl, adrenaline i’m usually very nimble my agility is the best when the real time comes

his only lines in the song, yet he wonders if he’d done good enough.

“let’s go a few more times.”

and he does. he repeats the lines a few more times until satisfactory and they move on the next song. it’s one of his favourites from the album, lukewarm. again, he doesn’t have a lot of lines, but the page is scribbled with notes.

i think i’m a bit tired meaningless phone calls, affectionless voices

though, this time it’s jaehyun who says something as the producers listen to his recording. “actually,” he begins, “i think i can do better. can i retake that? thank you. sorry,” he bows his head as he focuses once more. he’d made a promise to so jiseob after all; that de:code wasn’t going to let him down. and he would make sure of it.

[rkwon]

you got, got me.

@rkmg !!

it isn’t long until they’re back in comfortable territory for won. the dance studio is quiet with only the two of them in it, but to be learning choreography again makes won feel at home. getting to do so with his boyfriend is the icing on the cake, though, because mingyu looks so darn cute when he’s concentrating. ( though that’s also a curse, because won wishes he could kiss him every time but they have to wait. his patience is selective and certainly doesn’t apply to this. ) 

“hey, let’s take a break. I’m tired.” he coaxes mingyu over, sitting down with his back against the wall and two water bottles in his hands. he waves one at the taller, and passes it over when he joins him. there’s so much going on lately that moments like this, where the world feels like it stops still for them, are precious. “how are you feeling? are you tired, too? we can go home whenever you want.” he’s not sure the dorm is quite home yet, even if they’ve been there a few months now. he’s fond of ( most ) of his members, but it’ll never beat living alone, just him and mingyu. “do you like the choreography? I’m just relieved the references to gorillas are stylised into more of a dance, rather than having us literally try and imitate apes on stage. what a debut that would be. people would definitely be talking about us, at least.” 

[rkhongjoong]

▫︎ ▪︎  ━   do it for fun .

they said they were close now ... but how close is close?

this thought is what plagues him, because hongjoong still can’t be sure whether or not he wants this  -  has thought more times in the past few months that he doesn’t rather than that he does.  perhaps he should take his own hints, or maybe he’s just not letting himself enjoy this debut for what it is.  his lifelong dream, finally coming true.  he’s a little more set on trying to enjoy himself this month, trying to swallow the desperate anxiety and the restless despair that creep up in his throat when he thinks about what will happen soon.

it’s easy to cover his worries when he’s with kangjoon.  and if he’s trying to enjoy this month more than any of the previous months he’s spent as a future member of de:code, practicing with him is probably the best thing that he can think of to do.  (  hongjoong will remember though, not to bring up the line distribution.  )

“ hey, hyung.  wanna go over my lines with me? it’s almost my birthday, after all ~~~ let’s have fun today, okay?”

▫︎ ▪︎  ━     <     @rkkangjoon     >

[rkbyunbaek]

( full circle ) ;

@rklino

whenever he practices with minho there’s a sense of fatigue sitting in his limbs that he doesn’t get when he trains his dancing with any of the other members. an exhaustion that runs deeper than usual but it’s one baekhyun enjoys -- it means he trained well. that he practiced a lot and pushed himself to new limits and he can do that best with minho. 

it means that baekhyun needs a few more breaks than usual as well, though.

he holds the door open for the other as they exit the cafeteria after grabbing a few more bottles of water for everyone, walking slowly to squeeze some extra minutes of rest out of this. the plastic bag with the water dangles in the air and baekhyun watches it. “has this always been your dream?” and baekhyun is a little surprised himself at how the question tumbled out of him out of the blue. just like that. but it’s something he’s curious about, always if he’s honest. “becoming an idol, i mean,” he adds. because he’s aware that a lot of people are not here because they always had the same dream as him. some see it as stepping stone for another path, some got onto it more or less by accident. he’s curious how it was for minho -- he was at the mgas too, after all.

[rkkangjoon]

.like a shadow

@rkbyunbaek

he was a little bitter about the lack of lines in their debut song, though he supposed it couldn't be helped, if there were not many lines to begin win. at the end every member had to get their share one way or another. there was no time to be greedy, when the coaches assured them to have their best performance in mind. their reveal was laying ahead, and the debut song would be of most importance to impact the industry. they wanted to leave a strong impression, a trace in a world that was overflowing with idols, so their performance as a whole, as a team was what had to be focused on at the moment.

but still, since he had been assigned as lead vocal, he had had somehow hoped for more lines. after the month of drilling himself to meet the coaches expectations, kang joon had thought he would be able to show off his singing he was more or less confident in. but it's nothing to be bitter about, especially when it was them as a team that would be debut so soon. he still couldn't help to be a bit nervous about his current standing within the group. as long as they didn't signed the idol contract yet, kang joon couldn't be too sure if there would be a last minute change in their line up.

though it wasn't really something he could talk with anyone about it, kang joon liked to hover around baekhyun more often these days, silently staying close to him. he wasn't too sure why, but there was something in their leader's vibes that comforted him and calmed down his heart, even if they didn't exchanged a word. so whenever they returned back home after training, the other de:code members could find kang joon either hanging around hongjoong teasing him once again, or clinging to baekhyun. even when they were supposed to practice their lines, kang joon at times went out to look for the other. "baekkie!" he hummed, as he opened the door and noticed the younger man at the other side of the room. at once he lets himself flop next to him and leans against his back. "let's practice together, ok?"

[rkmg]

look at me and smile.

〈♦〉JANUARY 24TH, 2020 → de:code evaluations. recording.                      ↳ stay with me, beautiful, & look at me and smile.

tw: homophobia (?), anxiety truthfully speaking, mingyu was extremely excited to record all of their songs. he was still slightly shaken because doing so meant that they were a step closer to debut, which causes amalgamation to ensue as he feels about a hundred things at once regarding this. he’s nervous, but that mixes with excitement, which mixes with happiness and fear and everything you would expect from a boy that has lived his life as a normal person and was about to be thrust into the spotlight and public eye. being homosexual definitely didn’t make that any easier for him. he wanted to be himself, but he couldn’t entirely be himself and it was just... way too much going on in his brain for him to focus on.

all of that aside, this was going to be a good experience for mingyu, he was confident in that. he was very proud and pleased with his lines in their songs so far, given this was day two of the recording process so he already knew what to expect. they were taken to the recording room by age, which meant he was the third from the last to go. that left him with plenty of time to get lost in his head, but he hated for that to happen. so, instead, he quietly socialized with group members and did his best to think how how fun this was going to be.

his trick was thinking positive thoughts, even if he didn’t believe them. this is something that he wasn’t always capable of doing, but he has been working harder at it. he didn’t want to be seen as moody and pessimistic, he wanted to be a happy, fun, entertaining presence for won, his group mates, his fans, and even himself. this was supposed to be something good happening in his life. this was meant to be his dream come true, so he didn’t want to squander it with bitterness, fear, and self deprecation.

when it was finally his turn to go back, a huge smile formed on his face before he stood up and made his way to the room. as he was recording everything, despite his occasional error and the request that he go back and try something again, he felt better about these three songs than the first three. he also really, really liked them. that only fueled his excitement and helped put some of the negative thoughts to rest for the time. he felt lucky to be in a group with his best friend and songs that he actually... sort of loved. if one thing was for sure, that’s that it could have been so, so, so much worse. he’s grateful for what he has and he is proud to be able to say so.

[rklino]

he fiddles with his sleeve as he waits patiently for his cue to start. he watches the coaches behind the glass, eyes trailing between them and the rest of the members waiting for their turn. his teeth worry his lower lip, and he straightens up when he makes eye contact with the coach. the voice over the intercom tells him to go-- so when the music starts, minho takes in a deep breath and lets go.

his eyes flicker across the lyrics as he move through them, trying to find some semblance of a style, a tone that he feels fits the song. towards the end, he feels himself falter, and the tight expression on his face is apparent when the portion stops. he breathes out, calling out quietly, "ah, i'll try again?"

the expression on the coach's face doesn't change, but he sees the motions of starting up the song again, so he at least understands they're on the same page. he swallows, does the count in his head-- and goes again, but he doesn't have enough breath, it comes out too strained. he doesn't hesitate to ask again, and it's a continuous cycle.

after the third time, the coach offers up. "take a second to gather your thoughts, and your breath for starters." they comment quietly, and it isn't mean, but it isn't kind. it's informative, and minho nods his head jerkily as he takes a moment to do so. it's maybe a minute or two, and by the time the white noise settles in his head-- minho motions to try again.

this time he goes through the lyrics, keeping his breathing as controlled as possible, trying to curb his accent so the pronounciation sounds right. after he finishes the portion, the music clicks off abruptly and minho purses his lips, shoulders tensing up at some sort of critique. some sort of continuation of try again.

but it doesn't come. instead, there's a hum, a small smile and the coach clearing him off with. "thats much better. you can come out now,"

and while minho doesn't feel as good about it, knows there's still plenty of songs to go, he's at least happy that one of them is out for now.

[rkbyunbaek]

( vortex ) ;

@rkwon

they’re all waiting for their turn to record, some practicing their lines for one last time before they have to be performed flawlessly in the studio -- the others are at least, because he and kangjoon already had their turns, hongjoong and minho currently in the studio doing their parts, singing their lines. they were instructed to resume with training once they’re back but baekhyun prefers helping the others out while he can, when they need it or feel unsure, nervous. prefers to listen to the overlapping voices singing not quite in harmony.

it makes him smile, somehow likes the moments where he gets to watch the other members work hard the best. ( that, and seeing them getting their well-deserved rest after a hard day. )

baekhyun makes sure to get not too distracted from wonwoo despite all the voices in the practice room, all that singing that’s sort of meshing together. it’s good that the younger is sitting right in front of him, it makes it a whole lot easier to concentrate on him as he sings his lines a second time for him. once he’s done, baekhyun nods and a light smile curls onto his lips, he pushes his hands together to clap softly for him. “sounds good to me,” he tells him, “just listen to the producers instructions and i think you’ll have a good time in there,” his words fade out with a laugh. “are you nervous?” baekhyun tilts his head a little to the side, blonde strands of hair falling into his eyes and he brushes them away with a quick swipe of his hands. “you can not only dance but you can also sing well. ever thought about picking up rap as well?” he wiggles his eyebrows at him playfully.