(CHAPTER 7) there’s a river full of memory STAR WARS
Previous // First
A03
The room still feels like him.
Hours out from Coruscant, Anakin is hidden away in the room that had been his master’s, curled up under his blanket and numbly signing off on the other man’s paperwork. His head and heart ache, a burning fury caught in his throat like rotten food, and yet he feels too empty. Usually when he gets angry, it gives him more strength, strength that he would use to protect the people he loves from a fate like his mother’s. He’d never be too late again, he’d stop the from being hurt again - the Tuskens had just proven to him what Palpatine had been trying to show him for years, that the Galaxy needed stricter control, a heavier hand, all to bring about the peace that it deserved.
But now, after seeing Obi-Wan’s face, young and soft but with a look in his eyes that Anakin would have associated with the new slaves on Tatooine, the anger just makes him feel tired. Obi-Wan had looked at him with fear, had had the expression that Anakin had seen far too often on new slaves, those that hadn’t been born into the life, but had been captured and sold.
He remembers the Tuskens, remembers cutting them down for what they did to his mother. It hadn’t fixed anything, hadn’t made him feel better or brought her back, but he had avenged his mother. His beautiful, wonderful mother who didn’t deserve what had happened to her. Anakin would have made her a queen if he could, he would have killed those filthy Hutts and put her on a throne, but instead he had held her as she died.
At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that justice had been swift and unforgiving. They had paid for what they had done to her.
He had done the right thing, he had made sure they couldn’t hurt anyone else. You had to put down animals like that, who had gotten a taste for human blood, or they’d do it again; Anakin had done his duty to make sure they wouldn’t. He’d done the right thing, Chancellor Palpatine had assured him of it. To be angry was to be human, Padmé had told him.
They wouldn’t have said those things if Anakin had been wrong. They understood him better than anyone, they were good, kind people who wouldn’t have loved him if he did something wrong.
And yet - he thinks of the young face staring back at him with fear, holding his lightsaber in small hands, screaming through the Force to pay attention to him, to look at him instead of anyone else in the room. Obi-Wan had been trying to protect others from him.
Obi-Wan could tell what he had done. Obi-Wan would tell people, and everything would be ruined.
Maybe if he made him understand that the Tuskens weren’t people -
The Order wouldn’t understand, they never do. They think he was too old and too angry to be one of them, but Anakin had proved them all wrong, he had become the best of them. He had lived up to the legacy Qui-Gon had laid for him, and he’s working to bring balance and justice back to the Galaxy. But if Obi-Wan told them about the Tuskens, they wouldn’t ask questions; they hate him, and if they knew, they wouldn’t hesitate to throw him out. The Chancellor had told him what they would do to him if they thought he had Fallen, had told him history that the Order hid from him. They’d lock him away from the rest of his life, would take away the freedom he had fought so hard for.
They’d punish Padmé for loving him.
He couldn’t let that happen. The Jedi would ruin Padmé, would take her away from him. They’d take Ahsoka from him, if they knew - her and Rex, and the rest of the 501st. They’d make the Senate punish Chancellor Palpatine for being his friend - they’d never liked the Chancellor, had never liked their friendship. They didn’t approve of any connections outside of the Order.
They’d lock him away, another pair of chains weighing him down, and-
The door buzzes, sliding open, and Anakin pulls himself from his head, bemusement shining through his spiraling thoughts. He could have sworn he had locked the room down.
“General.” Rex greets as he steps into the room. His Force signature is rolling with distress, with anger and a choking fury and drowning sadness, but his face shows none of this. He’s reserved, expression shuttered, and as he watches, the Captain reels everything back in behind the shields Anakin remembers Obi-Wan tutoring him how to make after Ventress had gotten into his head. It makes Anakin suddenly hyper aware that his Captain had left a Force imprint in his Master’s bedroom.
Well, it’s not too surprising. They work with the 212th so often, and Rex is nothing if not diligent with his paperwork, and Anakin knows how much Obi-Wan would prefer to avoid his office at any opportunity. It would be much easier for him to work with Obi-Wan, so that they could compare reports more comfortably. Obi-Wan even had those armour racks the clones liked to use for anyone who came in to do paperwork.
Honestly, they both work too much.
Anakin shakes himself from his thoughts, “Rex.” He says roughly, crawling out from under Obi-Wan’s sheets. He’s honestly glad to see his Captain; Rex is a good man, a stable rock in the storm of his head. Seeing him never fails to make Anakin feel more settled. Rex is a good friend, one of his best.
He hopes what Obi-Wan said hasn’t changed anything.
“How’re the -” he hesitates slightly, thinking of the two younglings on the biobed, curled around each other and watching him like spooked Tookas, “- kids?” It’s weird; Obi-Wan and his Commander were two of the most adult-like adults that he knew. They’re serious and focused on their duty, enough that Anakin forgets that Obi-Wan is only in his thirties, and Cody is technically twelve.
To think of them as kids? It feels wrong.
Rex flinches slightly - he’s close to Cody, Anakin remembers, to see him in such a state must be just as distressing as seeing Obi-Wan is for Anakin. “Commander Tano is showing them around.” The Captain says roughly, unhooking Anakin’s lightsaber from his belt and wordlessly handing it over. “It’s been a stressful day for them.”
Anakin laughs bitterly, “It’s been a stressful day for all of us.” He thinks back to how Obi-Wan had revealed his darkest secret. He’d always been afraid of it happening, that one day he’d share everything with his Master, and that the man would then turn around and betray him, that he’d chose the Code over Anakin.
But - well, hadn’t he already when he had disregarded Anakin’s visions of his mother’s death? The Chancellor sure thought so, and he was so much better with people than Anakin is. Anakin prefers droids to people, prefers mechanics to relationships, and Chancellor Palpatine just seems to know everything about how to talk to people.
Rex was a lot like him really - not good with people that is.
Rex dips his head in a silent nod, lowering himself to sit on the edge of Obi-Wan’s bed with a surprising amount of ease for his usually awkward Captain. “Kix is keeping an eye on them.” Anakin gets a flash of a memory from the clone, one Rex chose to share with him, of Ahsoka cheerfully leading the two small kids down the hall, Kix trotting along behind them as the Padawan and medic have an exaggeratedly playful conversation, trying to pull the boys out of their shells, and Anakin can’t help but smile fondly.
His Padawan would make an amazing Knight.
“General.” Rex hesitates, eyes conflicted and expression tense, and he’s quiet for a long moment, looking torn and physically floundering for words. Anakin waits patiently for the man to decide what to say. “What do you know about General Kenobi’s apprenticeship?”
Raising an eyebrow in confusion, the young Knight tilts his head, “His Padawanship?” He echoes in confusion. “Honestly, not much.” Anakin shrugs; Obi-Wan hadn’t spoken of it, so it must have been pretty boring.
It would have been nice though, having a Jedi like Qui-Gon as a Master.
“He was apprenticed to Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and was Knighted at twenty-five -” the pride of becoming a Knight younger than his perfect Master is a familiar thing, “- pretty normal stuff, really.”
Something twists in Rex’s expression - in his entire being really. “Normal?” He repeats, and his tone, something Anakin can’t explain, unnerves him. “Sir, all due respect, but being sold into slavery shouldn’t be normal.”
Anakin goes cold. “What?”
Rex stares at him, eyes burning, “Sir, this Obi-Wan Kenobi is twelve years old, and the last thing he remembers is a Fallen Jedi selling him into slavery.” Anakin feels sick. “He says he’s not a Jedi, that he was sent away -”
“No.” Anakin interrupts, his entire worldview turning on it’s head, into something that doesn’t make sense. It can’t have happened - Obi-Wan was the perfect Jedi, they never would have sent him away. He couldn’t have been a slave, he would have told Anakin if he had. It would have helped him understand the pain Anakin was going through when he had first joined the Order. “No - no, that can’t be right.” Rex is watching him, brown eyes dark with anger, “He would have told me!”
“I don’t think he told anyone, General.”
“He should have told me!” Anakin barks furiously, flapping a hand, and he barely notices the clone’s recoil at the violent move.
Force, he’s so angry. He needs to talk to Padmé, or Chancellor Palpatine; they’d help him make sense of things.
“Get out.”
Rex falters, “Sir?”
“I need some time alone, Rex.” The Knight hisses out between clenched teeth, “Leave.”
Rex follows the order, like he always does, and he leaves Anakin behind to his thrashing thoughts. He fishes his comm out with shaking hands, plugging in a code he knows off by heart.
The Chancellor answers immediately, just like he always does. “Anakin, my boy!” Already, Anakin finds his stress melting away as Chancellor Palpatine’s kind voice washes over him. The man always picks up. No matter how busy he is, he always puts time aside for Anakin, ready to lend an ear and his hard-earned wisdom.
Anakin used to wish Obi-Wan would be more like the Chancellor.
“This is a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?”
Anakin swallows, settling his nerves, and he talks. “I need some advice, Chancellor.”
anything with baby neil is my life blood right now, like de aged to four or five and just so precious and doe eyed and everyone can love on him like he deserved to have!
*shows up two months late with starbucks*
I have no idea if this is what you were looking for anon, butI sure did have fun writing it. also on AO3
—
“So,” Nicky said, huddling at the doorway withthe others. “This is fun!”
“Nicky,” Dan hissed. “Not the time!”
A pair of wide blue eyes poppedup behind the couch. Dan tried for a friendly smile, but the eyes dropped backdown the second they spotted her.
“What? It’s been awhile sincewe’ve all hung out with the ickle newbies around—”
“How the hell did this happen?” Allison demanded.
“I don’t know!” Kevin said. “Oneminute I was in the bedroom watching videos and the next moment they were—like that.”
His voice rose shrilly towardsthe end. “Shhh,” Dan said, hearing a scuffle behind the couch. “They definitelydidn’t recognize you?”
“No,” Kevin whispered, staringat the room more fearfully than Dan thought a pair of six-year-olds warranted.To be fair, she was currently repressing her own panic pretty hard. “They sawme and scattered. Andrew’s barricaded himself in the bathroom.”
“Okay,” Dan said, lookingaround. Even Renee looked incredibly off-balance. She was going to have to keepthis together or it wouldn’t be long before the whole team was in hysterics.“Okay, who here has experience with kids?”
The only thing that could’vemade the following silence more resounding was if crickets had chirped.
“None of you?” Dan said. “Fuck.”She covered her mouth, holding out a hand towards the child behind the couch.“No, don’t listen to me, don’t—”
“Dan, I’m pretty sure Neil hassaid a hell of a lot worse than that—”
“He doesn’t remember thatthough!” Dan rubbed her hand over her short hair, taking a fortifying breath.“Alright, Kevin, call Coach, tell him to get his ass here as fast as possible.”Then maybe she could have a proper meltdown. “Allison, try and look up someonewho might have expertise in this kind of—whatever.Renee, try to lure Andrew out. Matt, you’re with me.”
“Oh, let me help!” Nicky said.“I’m sure I’m great with kids!”
“I think they’re going to need abit more subtlety, Nicky.”
“Come on! Don’t forget Ipractically raised Andrew and Aaron, and they turned out alright!”
The others just stared at him.Nicky deflated a little. “Alright, you may have a point.”
“Just…order food or something.Keep it simple, kids don’t like fancy stuff.”
Nicky nodded, eager to help. Dantook another deep breath, and stepped into the living room.
She tucked herself in beside thecouch, crouching down to seem less frightening. “Hey, there,” she said, andwinced internally at the horrible, cutesy voice coming out of her mouth. Mostof her experience with kids had been her aunt’s squalling baby.
The tiny child huddled behindthe couch stared at her, wide-eyed. Dan didn’t have a good sense of thesethings, but he couldn’t have been much more than four, still round-cheeked andchubby. “It’s okay,” she said. “You’re safe. Do you know how you got here?”
Toddler-Neil shrank a little bitfurther. “Where’s my mommy?”
Dan inhaled sharply, her chestsqueezing. “She’s not here right now, but we’re taking care of you right now.My name is Dan, this is Matt.”
“Hi!” Matt said, with a big grinand a wave.
The little boy’s eyes jumped toMatt and he flinched, shrinking behind the back of the couch. “Oh no, Neil,it’s okay,” Matt said hurriedly. “Shh. Shh.”
“I want my mommy,” Neilwhimpered, squeezing into a tight ball.
“I know, sweetie, I know,” Dansaid, gesturing Matt to get back. He backed away, drooping. “Do you wantsomething to drink? Some juice?”
“I want my mommy!”
“She’s going to be here soon,”Dan lied. “Why don’t you come watch TV with us?”
A soft tap came at her shoulder.She looked up, and Nicky held out a glass of milk with a shrug. She acceptedit, turning back to little Neil. “Hey, Nicky got you some milk. Isn’t thatnice?”
Neil’s face screwed up, hischubby cheeks growing redder.
“Oh, no, Neil, shh. It’s okay.”
“My name’s not Neil!”
“Oh,” she said dumbly, glancingaround for help.
“Nathaniel,” Aaron supplied fromwhere he stood behind the kitchen counter. Dan supposed this was all probably prettyshocking to him too, considering his twin was also shrunk, but right now sheneeded to focus on the immediate problem.
“Right. Nathaniel.” Shegrimaced. The memory of Neil’s flinch whenever the name was spoken made hermouth taste foul. “Can I call you Nate?”
Neil’s big bottom lip trembledas he watched her. “Lola calls me Natty.”
“Who’s—” She stopped, spottingMatt’s desperate gesture from the corner of his eye.
He tapped his finger to hischeek. “She’s the one that—”
“Right. Okay. Nate sounds good,right? How old are you, Nate?”
“Four.”
“Wow. You must know a lot ofcool stuff by now. Um.” Fuck. Oh, fuckit had been a long time since she talked to kids. “Do you play Exy?”
Aaron made an exasperated noise,but it was the exact right thing to say. Neil’s whole face lit up, starry eyed.“Exy is the best!”
“It’s totally the best!” sheenthused. “Can I tell you something cool?”
Neil nodded hard, his curlsbobbing and falling into his face.
“We all play on an Exy teamtogether. I’m the team captain!”
“Are you good?” Neil demanded.
“We’re the best.”
“Wow,” Neil said, scootingforward a few inches. “I wanna play, but mommy says I’m too little.”
“You are very little,” Dan saidin a serious tone.
“Am not!” Neil said indignantly.“I’m four.”
“Sorry. I’m sure you’re very bigfor a four-year-old.
Neil scrunched up his face, alittle pouty. “Not little.”
Dan actually smiled at his tinysulk. “Are you hungry?”
Neil picked at the carpet.“Yeah.”
Dan shot an inquiring glanceover at Nicky. “Pizza’s coming in half an hour,” he said.
She turned back to Neil. “Do youlike pizza?”
“I guess.”
“Okay. Is there something you dolike?”
Neil’s shoulders hunchednervously. “Mommy says I should eat whatever she says.”
Dan had to physically restrainthe anger that surged through her. How dare that woman treat Neil—
She was dead, Dan remindedherself. Neil’s mother was dead, and nobody was going to hurt him ever again.
“Well, mommy isn’t here rightnow, so you can eat anything you want.”
Neil’s eyes peeked up at herfrom under his hair. “Anything?”
“Yup.”
He picked at the carpet foranother couple seconds. Finally, he whispered, “Hotdogs.”
“Okay. Hotdogs it is. Nicky, dowe need to do a grocery run?”
Nicky ran to the freezer andflung it open. “Uhhh, so we’ve got burgers—”
“Neil—sorry, Nate wantshotdogs.”
“Okay, I’ll just—” He paused.“So would it be wrong of me to take Andrew’s car, considering the only twodrivers should definitely not have their licenses right now?”
“Nicky,” Dan growled.
“Right! I’m off!”
“And get some toys or somethingwhile you’re out.”
“Got it. Aaron, come with?”
Aaron looked deeplyuncomfortable, but he nodded.
When the door closed behindthem, Dan settled back against the side of the couch, holding her arms out toNeil. “Okay, so we’ll make hotdogs soon. Want to watch TV?”
Neil stared at her for a longmoment, then abruptly threw himself into her arms, latching onto her side likea limpet. Dan scooped him up, cradling his tiny, soft body in her arms andtrying to hold him clear of the milk glass.
“You’re so nice,” Neil murmuredagainst her sweater, squeezing his chubby arms around her neck. He smelledclean, like soap and baby powder, and Dan’s heart melted as she hefted him up.She crooned softly against his head, smoothing his silky curls with one hand asshe got to her feet.
“Oh my god,” Matt breathed, eyeswide. “Oh my god, he’s so cute.”
Dan kept bouncing Neil gently,an involuntary smile on her lips. “Can you check how Renee’s doing?”
Matt stared at her for anotherlong second, looking hypnotized.
“Matt?” she prompted.
“Right,” he said, skirting theroom to give her and Neil lots of space. Dan settled on the couch, rubbingNeil’s back. He nestled into her side, warm and solid.
She could just see the hallwayout of the corner of her eye, so she noticed immediately when Renee and Mattemerged from the bathroom a minute later. Renee had her head ducked down, apainted-on smile on her face, and beside her—
Holy shit.
Andrew was nearly as small asNeil, his hair glowing platinum blond. His hand was firmly wrapped around two ofRenee’s fingers, eyes suspicious as he cast about the room. “You said there wasice cream?” he demanded.
Renee’s smile eased a littleinto something more genuine. “I promised,” she said, tugging him over to thekitchen. Matt hovered in the hallway behind them, staring over at Dan andmouthing, “Oh my god.”
Dan could only nod, mute. Andrewwas so small, so fragile—her arms tightened around Neil protectively. They werechildren for God’s sake. It had neverreally struck her before that either of them had ever been this small—it feltlike they’d manifested directly into hard-eyed young men. How stupid of her—
Neil squeaked in protest,squirming out of her grip. “Sorry,” she said, loosening her arms, but he hadalready forgotten, clambering up the back of the couch to stare over at Reneeand Andrew with wide eyes. He attempted to climb right over the top of thecouch and Dan grabbed him, airlifting him to the floor.
He toddled off quickly, grabbingone of the barstools for support and staring at Andrew. “Your hair looks dumb,”he announced.
Tiny Andrew scowled. “Your facelooks dumb!”
Matt looked like Christmas hadcome early. He fumbled his phone out of his pocket, and grinned over at Dan.She buried her head in her hands, uncontrollable-borderline-hysterical laughterbubbling up in her chest.
The door swung open, lettingAllison in with a fog of rose-scented perfume. “Alright, I got a hold of somequack PhD at the university who claims to deal with this shit, but he—”
Whatever he said was lost.Allison froze in the middle of the living room, gaping at the scene in thekitchen. “Holy fuck?”
“Allison,” Renee, Dan and Matt said.
“Fuck,” Neil said.
“Neil!” Matt said.
“Fuck!” Andrew said.
“This is a disaster,” Dan said.
Allison sat down in an armchair,looking absolutely floored. Renee pulled a pile of bowls out of the cupboard,portioning out half a dozen scoops of ice cream. Allison blinked, pointing afinger at the two children, then closing her eyes for a long moment. “So, thisPhD assho—”
“Allison,” Dan warned.
Allison glared at her. “This guy says it’s a quantum flux, orsomething, and there’s no telling how long it’ll last. He says it usually wearsoff within a few days, but if it doesn’t, we should take them in for testing athis lab.”
“We’re not taking them into a lab,” Matt said, affronted.
“Well, we can’t just leave themlike this,” Dan said.
“Like what?” Neil asked,sneaking up behind Renee’s leg and poking Andrew in the stomach.
Andrew grabbed Neil’s hair, pullingit hard.
“Owwww,” Neil whined, boltingback to the living room and wrapping his arms around Dan’s knee.
Renee frowned down at Andrew.“That was mean, Andrew,” she said.
“He started it!”
“That doesn’t mean you get to bemean to him. He’s younger than you.”
“He started it,” Andrew sulked.
Renee cast her gaze over thegroup with a pleading expression.
No aid was to be found. Healthychildhoods were in short supply among the Foxes; Dan wasn’t sure if any of them knew a good way to teach akid a moral lesson.
Renee sighed, offering Andrewhis bowl of ice cream. He jumped up, eyes brightening. “You have to promise notto pull Neil’s hair again,” she said severely.
“What if he pulls mine first?”
“Then you’ll tell me, and I’ll dealwith it,” she said.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Okay,” Andrew said solemnly.
Neil rubbed his face againstDan’s knee and she bent down, scooping him up. “Do you want some ice creamtoo?” she asked. She was pretty sure they had this all backwards. They weresupposed to give kids dinner before dessert. This had to count as extenuatingcircumstances, though.
“Yeah,” Neil mumbled, peekingover her shoulder towards where Renee was setting the table. Andrew clamberedup into a chair, grasping a spoon in his fist and digging into his ice creamlike he thought someone was going to take it away.
Actually, that was probablyexactly what he thought. Dan rubbed a hand up Neil’s back, as much for her ownsake as his, and carried him over to the table, sitting at the far end. Neiltwisted around but made no move to leave her lap, so she kept her arms in aloose circle around him as Renee put a small bowl of vanilla ice cream in frontof them.
Allison still looked leery ofthe two children, but she took a seat at Renee’s insistent gesture. Matt satnext to her and Renee took the head of the table in what had to be the weirdestteam dinner they’d ever had.
“So, Andrew,” Dan asked, “haveyou ever played Exy?”
“No,” he said, shooting her asullen look.
Well, that was never going towork twice.
“Have you started school yet?”she tried.
“I go to Mrs. C,” he said.
“That’s cool,” she said, as sheknew what that meant. “Do you like her?”
“She smells funny,” he said.“Her books are good. Sometimes she reads to us and it’s really nice.”
“What’s your favourite book?”
“The Giving Tree.”
A round of blinks went betweenthe adults at the table. Renee rallied first, smiling at Andrew. “I really likethat book,” she said. “Why is it your favourite?”
“It’s kind of sad but alsohappy. And Mrs. C always does weird voices.”
“I like The Paper Bag Princess,”Neil announced.
Andrew made a face at him.“That’s a girl’s book.”
“No, it’s not!”
“Books can be for boys andgirls,” Matt said.
“What’s the Paper Bag Princessabout?” Renee asked, distracting Andrew by scooping a little extra ice creaminto his bowl.
Neil launched into a longexplanation of the story which left the Foxes more confused than when they’dstarted. His ice cream melted into a puddle of sugary soup and he didn’t arguewhen Andrew stole it and noisily slurped it down.
A hammering at the door madethem all jump. “It’s unlocked,” Matt called, and Wymack breezed in with Kevinon his heels.
He stopped in the doorway,surveying the scene. “Oh,” he said dumbly. “So Kevin wasn’t drunk.”
Kevin looked affronted. “Youthink I would joke—”
“I think if you’d coached theFoxes as long as I have, you’d have some trust issues, too,” Wymack said.
Neil squirmed on Dan’s lap,wriggling up so he could flatten himself against her body. His eyes were gluedto Wymack, wide and fearful.
“Uh, Coach,” Dan said, wincing.“Volume.”
“What?” Wymack said, then hiseyes dropped to Neil and understanding dawned. “Right,” he said, more softly.“I’m just going to call Abby. She’ll know what to do.” Which was very plainlydeflecting, and Dan wondered why she’d thought Wymack would be any help in thisat all. He was well-meaning, but he could be terribly conventional in his totalinability to deal with children.
She watched him flee into thehallway with something like resignation. Kevin approached the table tentatively,looking nearly as uncomfortable as Allison. “Hello,” he said, awkward andformal. “My name is Kevin.”
Dan steeled herself, knowingexactly what she needed to say next and hating herself for it. “He’s thegreatest Exy player of all time,” she told Neil.
His eyes lit up, but it wasAndrew who spoke up first.
“Mrs. C says tattoos are for badpeople which means you’re probably a really, really bad person because you havea tattoo on your face.”
There was a beat of silence,then Allison snorted. “Yeah, tell him, Andrew.”
Andrew shot her a suspiciouslook, but turned back to Kevin. “If you’re a bad person then Renee will hurtyou,” he said. “She’s really good at fighting. She said so.”
“Wow, Renee,” Allison said. “Whoeverknew you’d be so good with kids?”
Renee shot her a glare. “I don’tsee you doing any better,” she hissed.
Allison snickered, her pleasureat Kevin’s discomfort overriding her own awkwardness around the kids.
Nicky and Aaron chose thatmoment to arrive, a pair of grocery bags over Aaron’s wrist and a giant boxdwarfing Nicky. “I bought Lego!” Nicky sang, his face smushed and hidden behindthe giant box.
“Christ, Nicky,” Dan said. “Howmuch Lego did you buy?”
“It was on sale!”
“It’s not like—” Dan checkedherself, glancing at Andrew, who was still scowling at Kevin ratherimpressively. She sort of hoped thiswouldn’t last long, but she wasn’t going to say that out loud, not when Andrewand Neil had no memory of what had happened and abandonment issues ten mileshigh.
“Don’t look at me,” Aarongrumbled. “You think I have any control over him?” He dumped the bags of foodon the counter and regarded his twin brother. As if sensing his gaze, Andrewturned his head and stared at him.
“I got you something,” Aaronsaid, gruff, and dug a small stuffed cat out of the grocery bag.
He shoved it towards Andrew,dangling it by the neck. It swayed there, splotched in brown and white, itswhiskers drooping and bent from being shoved in the grocery bag. Andrewcontinued to stare at Aaron, eyes wary.
Aaron sighed and dropped the catinto Andrew’s lap, retreating into the kitchen. “We got hotdogs and we pickedup some more ice cream,” he said to the room at large.
“Thanks, Aaron,” Renee said, pushingher chair back and joining him. Pots and pans clattered as they set to cooking.
Nicky wobbled and finallytoppled, landing on his ass with a crash. The colourful box in his arms tippedover, rattling like a ball pit in an earthquake. “Ow,” he said woefully,rubbing his elbow and extricating himself from under the box.
“Do you want to play Legos?” Danasked, looking down at Neil. He’d already forgotten all about Kevin.
“What’s Legos?” Neil asked
“Oh man,” Matt said. “Legos arethe greatest. You can build anything!”
“Yeah?” Neil said, twisting hishand in Dan’s sweater and turning his big blue eyes on Matt. Dan couldpractically see Matt turning to goo at the sight.
“Totally! Do you want to try?”
Neil’s hand pinched Dan’s stomachas he twisted, nervous. She bit back a grimace, hefting Neil in her arms to tryand loosen his grip. “Matt’s very good at Legos,” she said, having never seenhim play with Legos before in her life. “And you can have a hotdog after.”
“Okay,” Neil said, voice small.
It wasn’t enthusiasm, but shecould work with that. “How about you, Andrew?”
Andrew looked up from his lap,jumping. “What?”
She caught a peek of the stuffedcat in his lap disappearing under his shirt and wisely said nothing. “Do youwant to play Legos with Nei—Nate?”
“No,” Andrew said.
“Okay,” Dan said. “Come on,Nate, let’s get the Lego set up.”
She lifted him off her lap andplaced him on the ground. He latched onto her leg immediately, giggling whenshe tried to take a step. “Hey,” she said, looking down at him.
He giggled again and wrapped hislegs around her ankle like a koala. She huffed and swung her foot through, hisweight like a tiny boulder on the end of her leg. “I’m going to need achiropractor after this,” she muttered as she heaved Neil into the living room.Matt snorted.
“Alright,” she said when they reached the Legobox. “You have to let go now.”
Neil’s hands just tightened,pinching her muscles uncomfortably. “Hey, buddy, we can’t play Legos with youattached to my leg.”
“You’re going to play too?” heasked, peeking up at her.
Oh. There were the abandonmentissues again. “Yeah, definitely,” she said.
Neil slowly let go, creepingforward towards the box. Nicky had already wrested the top open with a pair ofscissors, and was pulling the plastic packaging off of a giant bin of looseLego pieces. Dan gestured to Matt to sit, and he squashed down immediately, bigand gangly on the floor.
Dan grabbed the paperinstruction manual and folded her legs to sit next to Neil. “Hey, look, we canmake a race car. Isn’t that cool?”
Neil stared at the pictures andpointed at one of the others. “Rocket ship!”
“What do you think, Matt? Can wemake a rocket ship?”
“I dunno,” Matt said, toneserious but eyes dancing. “It looks pretty complicated. But if Nate’s helpingus, I bet we could do it.”
Dan smiled at him over Neil’shead and his lips quirked up at her, lopsided and sweet.
“We need orange bits for thefire,” Neil said, studying the picture intently.
“Okay,” Matt said. “Can you helpme find some?”
Dan leaned back on her hands,watching as Matt and Neil dug through the bin of Lego together. Nicky hoveredfor another second, hands wringing and eyes wide and adoring, then he met hereye and fled to the kitchen to help with the hot dogs.
Dan’s breath left her in a slowexhale. This was probably going to interfere with their season, she thoughtidly. They had a game tomorrow night, and the freshmen were definitely notready to cover for Andrew and Neil. They’d manage, though. They always did. Shewatched as Neil unfurled, his fearfulness evaporating in the face of Matt’sunwavering warmth, and felt settled, like a cat curling up in a sunbeam.
Pizza arrived almost exactly thesame moment as the hotdogs were ready, and chaos broke loose as the Foxesscrambled to make sure Andrew and Neil both got whatever they wanted. Neil gotketchup all over his shirt—she was about 90% sure that was actually one of hisreal shirts, shrunk down with him—and Andrew made lofty comments about howmessy and dumb he was until Nicky smudged pizza sauce on his nose, making himshriek.
Neil grabbed Dan’s hand andtugged her back towards the Lego. She bit back a groan of exhaustion. “Howabout you play with Matt for a bit? I’ll be right here.”
“But we’re not done the rocketship!”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m notyoung like you. I’m very old and slow.”
She made a show of hunching herback and creaking her way towards the couch and Neil giggled in delight, hunchinghis shoulders and tottering after her.
“Come on, squirt,” Matt said,holding out his hand. “Let’s finish that rocket ship.”
“You’re making a rocket ship?”Andrew asked.
“Yep,” Matt said. “Wanna join?”
“I don’t want him to play withus,” Neil said, stomping his foot. “He’s a meanie!”
Andrew’s face screwed up. “WellI don’t want to make a dumb rocket ship anyway!”
“Guys, guys, shhh,” Matt saidfrantically. “Neil, you shouldn’t say things like that.”
“I’m not Neil!”
“Sorry, Nate, buddy—”
“He’s mean!”
“And now you’re being mean.”
Neil stopped, staring up atMatt. “No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Now, how aboutyou say sorry for being mean to Andrew, and then he’ll say sorry to you. Andthen we can all build the rocket ship.”
“I’m not saying sorry,” Andrewsulked.
“Andrew,” Nicky said. “That’sbad manners.”
Andrew kicked his foot againstthe ground, and he hugged the stuffed cat against his stomach almost angrily.“Sorry,” he muttered, unconvincingly.
Nicky looked stunned that his reprimandhad worked. Dan couldn’t help but feel the same way. Andrew didn’t apologizefor anything.
Neil scowled at the carpet.
“Nate,” Matt said. “It’s yourturn.”
“He was mean first,” Neilmuttered.
“He said sorry.”
“Fine.” Neil scrunched up hisface, glaring at Andrew. “I’m sorry,” he said, in what had to be the leastapologetic voice Dan had ever heard.
Matt covered his eyes, his lipscurling with repressed laughter. Dan retreated to where Renee and Allison saton the couch, watching as Nicky and Matt tried to wrangle the two boys towardsthe Lego pile.
Aaron hovered beside the couch,watching with a frown creasing his forehead. Dan tapped her finger against herthigh, looking up at him. “It’s probably not permanent,” she reminded him.“They’ll be back to normal soon enough.”
“You don’t know that for sure,”Aaron said. “What if—”
He cut off, his nostrilsflaring, the whites of his eyes flickering in the light.
“We’ll deal with that if itcomes to it,” she said. Aaron shoved his hands in his pockets, his expressionpinched. He didn’t look reassured.
Dan glanced back at the kidsplaying in the Lego, unsure how to comfort him. Neil had just knocked overMatt’s rocket ship; it looked like he was trying to build his own now.
“Daaaan,” Matt whined. “Nate isbullying me.”
“Am not!” Neil said. “Matt isjust dumb!”
Andrew pulled the top off of thetower Nicky was building and pulled out all the red pieces, piling them to theside. Nicky pouted, trying to steal one of Andrew’s red pieces and nearlygetting his hand bitten for his trouble. Andrew added the red pieces to a smallsquare wall and carefully placed his stuffed cat inside.
“He really seems to like thatstuffie,” she said.
“Yeah,” Aaron said.
They watched the kids’ anticsfor another couple seconds before Aaron sank into the beanbag chair next to thecouch, chewing on his thumbnail. “I had one like that when I was little,” hesaid. “I brought it everywhere.”
“Huh,” Dan said. “Wow.”
Neil only lasted another twentyminutes before he started drooping, covering yawns with his hands. He crawledout of the pile of Legos he’d accumulated and toddled over to Dan, burying hisface in her knee.
“Hey, buddy,” she said,smoothing her hand through his hair. “Ready for bed?”
“No,” he said petulantly, butlet her lift him up and cuddle him against her chest.
“I don’t suppose anyone has apyjama shirt that would fit him?” Dan asked, not hopeful.
“I picked some up at Walmart,”Aaron said. “They’re on the counter.”
“Oh,” Dan said. “Thanks. How’sthat sound, Nate? Want to check out your new pyjamas?”
He nodded, his face smushed intoher collarbone. “Okay,” she said, hauling herself off the couch with a grunt.She transferred Neil to her right arm, propping him on her hip so she could up-endthe bag onto the counter. “Dinosaurs or cats?”
“Dinosaws,” Neil mumbled.
“Awesome,” she said, grabbingthe matching t-shirt and pants
“Want mommy.”
“I know,” Dan said, hefting himup a little higher. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”
“Not tired.”
“Sure,” she said. “Whatever yousay.”
She carried him into thebathroom, grimacing at the state of it. Boys.Two of the three towels hanging up looked like they hadn’t been washed inmonths; they smelled it, too. The sink was crusted in grime and powderytoothpaste residue, and the counter was littered in nail clippings and stubblyhairs.
Dan lowered Neil to the bathmat, holding out the pyjama shirt. He raised his arms expectantly.
“I’m not dressing you,” shesaid. “You gotta help me here.”
“Mommy always does,” Neilsulked.
Dan pursed her lips. “Can youpull your shirt off? I’ve got your new one ready.”
Neil squirmed, wrestling withhis t-shirt like a fish in the grasp of an octopus. He got one arm out of hissleeve but got stuck, and Dan had to pull on his other sleeve to get him out.She held the pyjama shirt out and he wriggled into it. Backwards, but Danwasn’t about to get particular.
She hesitated at his pants. Wasthis weird? Neil was her teammate.She shouldn’t be seeing him naked. This was just—
She shoved the thoughts aside;Neil was four, and she was going to be professional about this, damnit. Shetugged on his waistband and he obliged, pushing his pants down with theunselfconsciousness of childhood. She stripped them off his feet quickly andhelped him step into the pyjama bottoms, turning her head partially away. It was weird, but only because everythingabout today was weird.
He latched onto her hand once hewas dressed and she stood, knees popping from kneeling on the tile floor. “Bedtime?” she asked.
“Okay,” Neil said, leaningagainst her knee for a moment. She tugged and he followed her into the hallway.
“Hey, Kevin,” she said, tiltingher head towards the bedroom. “Which bed can Nate use?”
Kevin hurried up from thekitchen table, squirreling a small bottle of something into his pocket. Dangave him a hard look, which he avoided, ducking past them into the bedroom.
It was slightly less gross thanthe bathroom, though there was still a fugue of musty laundry smell over theroom. “Neil’s bed is the loft,” Kevin said, kicking a pair of dirty boxersunder the bed.
“Gross,” Dan said, side-eyeinghim. Kevin at least had the good grace to look a little ashamed of himself.“Which one’s yours?”
Kevin frowned in confusion, butpointed across the room at the single bunk. “Alright,” Dan said, giving him upas a lost cause and leading Neil over to what she presumed was Andrew’s bed,beneath Neil’s. She wasn’t putting a toddler in a loft.
Neil clambered up clumsily,hanging onto Dan with one hand. She let herself be drawn down, ducking her headto sit on the bottom bunk with him. The sheets, at least, were blessedly clean.
Neil burrowed down into theblankets, the tufts of his curls spilling out over the pillow. His eyes blinkedup at her, sleep-heavy but worried.
“Hey, buddy,” she said softly,smoothing his hair with one hand. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Neil mumbled, but shewasn’t fooled. His grip on her fingers hadn’t loosened yet.
“Um,” she said, casting aroundfor inspiration. Kevin stood in the doorway, hugging himself anxiously. “Do youwant me to sing?”
Neil scooted a little closer toher. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” She paused. Singingwasn’t really her thing. “Okay.”
She took a deep breath andstarted to sing, voice low and quiet. Neil scrunched down into the bunk,staring up at her with half-lidded eyes.
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound…
She kept singing even as Neil’seyes slipped closed, his face pushed into the pillow. His grip slowly went laxuntil finally she was able to gently tuck his hand under the blanket and easeup off the mattress.
Kevin still stood in thedoorway, and Dan jerked her head towards the living room. She closed the doorpartway and padded softly into the main room, where Nicky was arguing Andrewinto a pair of footie pyjamas with little cat ears on the hood. Dan droppedonto the couch with a groan, resting her head against Renee’s shoulder. Reneewrapped an arm around her, rubbing her back.
“Couldn’t we just have one quietyear?” Dan asked. “One year where we can just relax and focus on Exy?”
“At least it’s not the mafiathis time,” Allison said. “Just space-time itself fucking with us. You know,normal shit.”
Andrew perked up from across theroom, like he had some kind of weird swear-word radar. “She said a bad word,”he said.
“Stop eavesdropping,” Allisonsaid. “It’s rude.”
Andrew glared back from underhis cat hood. “You said fuck.”
“Ooookay there, Andrew,” Nickysaid, reaching his hands out and redirecting Andrew’s attention. “Don’t listento Allison, she wasn’t raised right. We were getting ready for bed?”
Andrew frowned petulantly.“Shit,” he muttered, kicking the carpet.
Nicky shot Allison a glare. “Youare a terrible influence,” he said.
“I’m not tired,” Andrew said.
“Um,” Nicky said. “Right. So…”
“We can watch TV for a bit,” Dansuggested. That had always put her to sleep as a kid.
“Good idea,” Nicky said. “HeyAndrew, how about you take one of the bean bag chairs? Which one do you want?”
“Red one,” Andrew said, claimingit immediately and curling up like the cat he was dressed as. Nicky disappearedinto the hallway and came back with an orange and white Palmetto Foxes blanket,draping it over Andrew and the bean bag. He scrunched up, pulling the blanketaround him like a protective cocoon.
Despite his insistence that hewasn’t tired, he was out like a light by the time they had even picked achannel. They settled on Discovery, just in case he woke up again.
Nicky watched Andrew snufflesoftly in his sleep, his tiny body rising and falling with his breaths. “Shouldwe move him?” he asked, uncertain.
“He’s probably fine there,” Dansaid. “I think—” She rubbed her eyes, groaning a little with tiredness. “Ugh.We should’ve put them in our room, Kevin’s useless.”
“Hey,” Kevin said, offended.
“When was the last time youvacuumed?” she snapped. “This place is a dump.”
Kevin’s ears went red. “We’rebusy,” he said.
“You’ve got the same schedule aseveryone else, and we don’t live like this,” Dan said. “I would have expectedthis from Neil—he’s basically a wild animal—but I expected better from you.”
Kevin muttered somethingindistinct, though Dan caught the words “cleaning staff” and “night practices.”Somehow, it wasn’t a surprise that the Nest didn’t expect its athletes to cleanup after themselves.
Dan sighed. “I’ll stay on thecouch. If this goes on any longer, we’ll move them over Abby’s house. Everybodymight as well head to bed, we’ve got a game tomorrow—”
A slight creak of a doorinterrupted her. She looked up in time to spot Neil sneak into the hallway, handstwisted into his pyjama shirt.
“Hey, buddy,” Matt said. “Youokay?”
“It’s dark,” Neil mumbled.
“Oh, sorry, Nate,” Dan said,hauling herself off the couch. “Do you want me to turn on the light?”
Neil fidgeted. “Can I stay outhere?”
Dan softened, looking at hiswide, staring eyes as he hovered in the hall. “Of course, sweetie. Andrew’ssleeping out here too.”
Neil’s eyes swept over the groupof adults before he crept out of the hallway and over to Dan, leaning againsther knee. She rubbed a hand over his hair. “That’s okay,” she murmured. “Shh.Shh.”
“The scary noises always comeout when it’s dark,” Neil said, voice muffled against her jeans.
“It’s okay, Nate. You’re safe.Shh.”
Neil reached his arms up and shepicked him up, cradling him against her chest. His arms wrapped around herneck, squeezing. She kept shushing into his hair, bouncing him gently andlowering herself to a seated position next to the other bean bag chair. Neilshifted, pulling out of her arms and lying down right next to Andrew on the redbean bag.
Andrew’s eyes squinted blearily,mumbling some kind of protest. Neil ignored him, squirming under the blanketand cuddling up against Andrew. Andrew made a soft, grumbly noise, beforesettling back down, Neil’s head pillowed on his hand.
“Oh my god,” Nicky whispered.“Can we keep them?”
“Nicky,” Dan said wearily,tugging him away from the sleepy children. The Foxes followed like a hive mind,congregating in the kitchen.
“What? Everyone’s thinking it,I’m just saying it.”
“They are nicer this way,”Allison remarked. “And there’s some pretty cute kids fashion out there. I couldteach Neil to dress properly from the ground up.”
“Not you too,” Dan grumbled.
“Our season is doomed withoutthem,” Kevin said. “We have to do something—”
“This isn’t about Exy,” Dan said. “This is about gettingour friends back.”
“Thank you,” Dan said. “Come on,Matt, back me up.”
“I dunno…”
“Neil’s your best fuckingfriend. Don’t pretend you don’t want him back.”
“He is pretty cute though.” Hewrapped his arms around her waist from behind, resting his chin on top of herhead. “Face it, we’d make great parents. You’re a natural.”
“Oh god no,” she said. “I am notgoing there with you today.”
“Aw, babe—”
A resounding pop startled her out of Matt’s arms. Hereyes shot over to check if the noise had woken Neil and Andrew.
Neil stared back at her, scarredcheeks sleep-smudged and sharp. The blanket she’d draped over him was tangledaround his legs, and then Andrew’s fist lashed out, catching a glancing blow tohis ribs.
Neil scrambled away, scanningthe room with wary eyes. The dinosaur pyjamas were weirdly warped and stretchedover his adult frame, mottled purple and blue. Andrew kicked the blanket offhis legs, rolling to his feet and glaring bloody murder. It was only slightlymitigated by the fact he was now wearing a giant cat onesie.
Neil looked down at his clothes.He looked across to the pile of Legos. He looked up at the rest of the Foxes,huddled in the kitchen.
“What the fuck?” he demanded.
Matt’s face melted into a grininstantly. “Oh man,” he said, already pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Youare never going to believe this one.”
Starting this update out with the offer of the One Sentence –> 5 Sentence prompt – throw me the first sentence and a POV/pairing (MCU/Marvel is what I’m most familiar/comfortable with) in an Ask and I’ll try to turn something around within a day or so & post it here.
I also signed up for my first writing challenge sort of thing - @ifdragonscouldtalk‘s Avenging Comes in Tiny Packages Contest, thanks to a truly offbeat prompt from @voodoofee and some egging on from @tisfan and @hddnone. The prompt sunk its teeth in me and wouldn't let go - I managed to get almost 2k written in less than 2 days! It features de-aged Tony, Bucky and Steve with possibly the most unlikely parental figure/guardian I would personally never have thought of, but I think I'm making it work...? There's tie-ins to Agents of SHIELD and as a bonus, it's a partial CA:CW fix-it... kinda/sorta. Not the weirdest thing I've written, but it's up there. This will almost certainly be a Gen-rated fic, since it's kid-focused, and is due for the contest in early April.
Forging the Shield: (Stucky pre-war a/b/o prequel for To Shield from the Storm) With Chapter Two going up tomorrow, the fic will start to earn its Mature rating. Chapter 6 is complete and beta'd; I need one more chapter to wrap things up with a bit of Stucky lovin'. :^)
Carry On, Wayward Sons – Chapter 2 got posted last week, as I found I'd written almost a whole additional chapter beyond that. Updates will be sporadic, since I still don't know just what these two boys are up to. I’m going to try to meld this with another StarkQuill idea that bounced around out of my head and onto paper last month, but it’s lower priority than the above two items. You might see it before the next WIP on the list, if only because I think it's going to be shorter and require less prep work.
The sequel for To Shield from the Storm (possible title idea- TBD) has been waiting patiently for its turn, as more research is needed here as well. Despite having the first two scenes sketched out, I'm not sure when this will see the light at the moment.. late spring or summer? The fic will be Steve POV and stick as close to canon as I can make it.
The Subtle Briar – Nothing new this past week - other projects are demanding my attention. I think if I dig into my Agent Carter: Season One (and Two) Declassified books, perhaps I’ll get further inspired.
Am also working on an exciting collab with @tisfan – but not sure we’re ready to talk much about it, since we’re just digging into the idea & getting some words thrown down. If it ends up being a go, it will slot in somewhere in the next month or two, I think.
I also have a meet cute WinterIron AU one shot I want to work on that may end up with genderfluid!Tony, and a half-dozen or so other half-baked ideas. I should prob go look at the @imaginetonyandbucky prompts at some point as well.
Any words of encouragement on these projects would be greatly appreciated.
