#dear antis

[dylanaz]

[softlywithhissong]

I’m calling bullshit on your hate.

STOP STEREOTYPING SANGWOO FANS!

I am a Sangwoo fan. I am also a Bum fan. A strange dichotomy, I know.

Both of these characters exhibit problematic behavior, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a fan of them, either individually or simultaneously. Does being a fan of either of these characters mean that you support these damaging behaviors in real life? NO. Calling out people who support REAL LIFE crimes is fine, but calling out people who are trying to enjoy being a fan of a FICTIONAL character IS NOT OKAY. You are clearly not helping real life people by doing so. You are being judgemental and self-righteous, shaming people to feel superior and patting yourself on the back for it. You not only contradict yourself several times, but you also act entitled to hate real people for liking something you personally don’t, have the arrogance to proclaim what the author “better not” do, and wish ill on real people. The hypocrisy is appalling. Do you not see the irony? You are not protecting people from real life abuse BY HATING ON REAL LIFE FANS of a fictional character. You are in fact engaging in verbally abusing real life people. It doesn’t matter what the character does; it’s fiction. Are there real people existing out in the big wide world who do crimes or support criminals? Yes, but to generalize, stereotype, and basically accuse FANS of being as bad as the people who do this or to conflate us and lump us together is disgusting, illogical, and highly offensive.

How can we “still stan his ass / this ship”? We can because the beauty of fandom is that you get to pick and choose what you like. You get to twist it up, turn it inside out, and make it into an AU parody of itself. ART IS SUBJECTIVE. It’s about what individual thing each and every one of us found gut wrenching or what pulled at our heartstrings. Don’t invalidate what other people found or resonated with just because it’s not the same thing you did. People fear different things. People emphasize, magnify, and conversely minimize different things based on what concerns each of us individually. That’s okay and people shouldn’t be shamed for having a different opinion. After all, being a fan is a form of opinion. And opinions are not facts. Don’t confuse the two; you holding an opinion does not make your opinion a fact.

Fiction is about emotional catharsis. It doesn’t matter that stealing a car or killing a dog are not crimes worthy of the death penalty in real life - I wanted to see John Wick kill all those fuckers for killing that little puppy.

And NOT ALL MEDIA should have a healthy or happy ending. Was Romeo and Juliet’s double suicide a healthy ending? NO. It was a tragedy! Tragedies have an important place in media. They often serve as cautionary tales. If you want another cliched boring “bad guy dies/goes to jail” ending, WHY ARE YOU SHAMING FANS WHO WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT? You have an endless supply of your preferred ending. Go watch one of the thousand CSI/detective/cop procedural shows. They are everywhere. While I enjoy psychological thrillers (AS RARE AS THEY ARE), I am also a fan of some great detective shows and murder mysteries. I could recommend so many fantastic ones. But some of us want a unique ending for Killing Stalking, even if that means something “unhealthy” by real life moral standards. It was labeled a psychological thriller, after all. Not a mystery. Not a detective story. It was also labeled BL, and even if it gets a twisted/unhealthy ending because of the psychological thriller genre, it still qualifies because twisted BL is still BL.

I do not excuse Sangwoo’s abusive treatment of Bum. I’m often disappointed and angry on Bum’s behalf. And while I find it difficult to believe canon Bum would be in a healthy relationship with anyone (and I would love to make a post about how I see his fondness for frogs as symbolism for his relationships), I still have the ability to enjoy the possibilities of a healthy fanon-based relationship or even appreciate the grim take of a tragic and/or twisted unhealthy ending. This is how I still ship Sangbum in certain contexts, but not always, because context matters and it depends. I know that sentence sounds ridiculous, but that’s how it works! Because it’s OKAY TO SHIP FICTIONAL UNHEALTHY SHIPS. Because it’s fiction. And if people can vent their issues through the written word in order to not do so in real life, good. Many people find reading/writing therapeutic. Some authors write a lot of problematic behavior as angst. Do they deserve hate? NO. There are plenty of instances when I have shipped a healthy ship but not shipped it (and in fact wanted them not to end up together) in certain fics because I felt the fic had portrayed an unhealthy relationship. But did I send hate to the author of that fic when that ship ended up together anyway? NO. Just because it ended in a way I didn’t like didn’t give me or anyone else the right to spread hate or shame over a fictional story.

Also, as a Bum fan, I do not appreciate seeing any victim blaming of Bum. There’s some out there (including your despicable “Bum better not” comment), but at least this hate is not anywhere near the amount of Sangwoo hate. As a fan of both characters, I can see that there is clearly so much more Sangwoo hate out there. And it’s fine to criticize, dislike, or even hate Sangwoo as a character, but it’s NOT OKAY to hate on his fans. He is a fictional character, but his fans are real people.

I am a fan of Sangwoo because he is an intriguing, complex, and well-written character. He’s got flaws. All characters do. And I understand his flaws are pretty damn big. But I understand that he’s a fictional character. I would never support a real person committing such crimes or abuse. So, frankly, while you may find my being a fan “annoying” - I will not be shamed or hated upon.

To quote my sister, “In the safety of fiction, we can deconstruct the complexities of what’s morally gray.”

In other words, exploration through FICTION, discussion, and debate are welcome. Hateful posts are not.

This is a long post, so I’ll put my further calling bullshit on arguments made by haters behind a “Keep Reading” link:

Also, the criticisms for being a fan because of “fetishizing gay men” are bullshit. Firstly, anything anyone finds hot could be labeled “fetishizing” which is ridiculous. Secondly, some fans are gay men who are not “fetishizing” - they are simply enjoying the story even if it is twisted. (It’s okay to be a fan of a story that portrays an unhealthy relationship; not every story is meant to be a moral standard.) But also, this bullshit argument is just reducing people down to a ridiculous stereotype used to stifle women in fandom. This has been used through the ages and it is wrong. Are there possibly straight women out there objectifying gay men the way straight men would objectify gay women? Yeah, there’s probably some. But I’ve been in fandom a LONG time and this is not representative of fans in general, let alone all female fans. How about you let women consume all forms of media they find identifiable, cathartic, containing unique storyline with complex flawed characters, or even (gasp) entertaining? Stop shaming people. And maybe especially - don’t resort to misogynistic tropes to do so. I think it’s safe to say that fans (including female fans) generally tend to be a fan for more than just a character’s appearance and body parts. There’s usually character traits, personality quirks, things that draw you to go beyond casual reading/watching into becoming a fan.

Personally, I identify with stories portraying gay relationships equally as much if not more than with stories portraying heterosexual relationships. Maybe that’s because I’m bisexual, but I don’t think so. I believe that straight people can also find themselves identifying with the story and the struggles portrayed - no matter what the sexual orientation of the pairing portrayed.

You think I only like portrayals of gay men rather than women? No, I like both. Killing Eve is a fantastic example of a fandom that I would love to see grow! I despair at how small the fandom is compared to my usual fandoms, but it’s new! It can grow and I can’t wait for season 2. The harsh reality, though, is that f/f ships tend to be smaller fandoms. This may be due to so few well-written female characters in general throughout media - though, this is improving and having more female writers in media helps. Killing Eve has great characters and really great writing, so hopefully they can buck this trend and grow a decently large fandom featuring f/f ships. Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe from Legends of Tomorrow are a pretty big ship, which is heartening, and Xena/Gabrielle from Xena Warrior Princess were an absolute juggernaut back in the day (kudos to anyone who recognized Xena from my main tumblr’s icon).

You think I only like hot men? Or that I excuse the actions of killers who are hot men? NO. I watched The Fall with Gillian Anderson and Jamie Dornan, where Jamie Dornan played the serial killer and NO - I was not a fan of his character, let alone attempted to excuse any actions by his character whatsoever, even after they explained his tragic backstory. And You on Netflix is just too obnoxious in my personal opinion for me to even watch. But I’d never take time out of my day to hate on any fan who enjoys it.

Calling out problematic stuff in media is fine, but don’t use it as an excuse to spit vitriol and hate at fans who you disagree with.

P.S. Seriously, ask me for recs of good detective shows/murder mysteries. I’ve got so many I could recommend that are way better written than most. Want a female detective? I’ve got plenty. Want a gay male detective? Got it. Want a murder mystery twist where the murderer wins? Got that.

[abandoned-as-mustard]

“if the film needs a book to explain it then it’s failed at being a film” no, stan, it’s because a) all the films have novelisations (would that mean your favourite films are now shit because they had novels?) and b) you can’t accept that the novel might actually make sense. 

[roseandbee]

I am a Larrie, but even if I weren't, I'm still LGBT+, and seeing anyone I respect respect my sexual identity like that is just so comforting, especially when my own family does not. If you have a problem with someone you think is straight picking up a rainbow flag, regardless of the source, I can only come to certain conclusions: 1. You're homophobic. You are afraid of the rainbow flag and all it represents. 2. You think a straight person can't be an ally. See #1. 3. You think you can't possibly be wrong about Harry being straight. See #1. 4. You think anyone you find sexually attractive owes it to you to find you sexually attractive. That's not how nature works. Ever. Also, you know what? See #1. 5. You have been taught that one man with one woman is natural and good and holy and anything else is a sin. See #1. 6. You're afraid I'm right. See #1. Then think long and hard and decide whether you want to keep hating or join the love. It's much nicer here, trust me. I don't care whether you are still straight or LGBT+ and just now realizing/accepting that. We will welcome you. Choose love. Choose kindness. Listen to Harry. See Harry. Accept Harry for all that he is.

[youngandmadeoflightning-blog]

Before I go to bed, a message for antis:

Since a bunch of you have discovered me now, welcome! 

I’d say something like “why the fuck are you on my page?” but that’s a bit overdone, and I have a feeling you don’t even know, so I’ll just say this as clearly as I possibly can:

I’m about 99.999% positive that there’s nothing you could say that could scare, upset, or offend me, or hurt my feelings. I grew up with a sister who has severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder who spent years thriving on terrorizing me and making my life hell, and I went through years of intense daily bullying by people I actually had to face, so some faceless, useless, meaningless text messages on a computer screen are pretty dull in comparison.

So if you really need to get your rocks off by attacking Larries, by all means, come here. I’d much rather you use my ask box to bitch about “what jerks Larries are” or whatever your insult of the day is than to go after someone else who would be more sensitive to your hate mail. 

Peace.

[soulaani-doll]

No offense but how tf can I side with you when you tell ppl to choke?

[softlywithhissong]

Dear Antis,

In anticipation of a new chapter of Killing Stalking, I humbly ask that you antis PLEASE STOP inserting your shaming and bullying into the #killing stalking tag.

New chapters come out every Thursday. Of course the fandom is going to react! Stop being so appalled every Thursday that it’s trending on Tumblr, a social media platform where FANS interact.

If you don’t read the webcomic, stop shaming people over something where you don’t know what the fuck is actually going on! We can see that you just like judging people and getting on your little soap boxes to feel superior. Shaming is a form of bullying. Cut it out.

And if you do read the webcomic, you should know better! Your many many condescending PSAs and public shamings are not only unappreciated but unnecessary! Take comfort in knowing that the majority of people have common sense! Liking a character who does problematic things is okay! These are complex and FICTIONAL characters who do shady things in shady circumstances. Understanding and empathizing is not justifying. Liking morally gray and even villainous CHARACTERS will never be equal to supporting or condoning their actions in real life. After all,

Liking mob movies and tv shows doesn’t mean you support actual organized crime!

Hannibal, Breaking Bad, countless murder mysteries, action movies, horror movies, video games, comics, soap operas, etc. Any story with a shady character! Being a fan of these and the characters contained therein does not equate with supporting toxic behavior and/or actions in a real life setting. So, dear antis, STOP CONFLATING THE TWO. (By the way: the same applies to ships. Stop ship shaming.)

It’s even...

*gasp* Dare I say it?

It’s even... okay to root for the “Bad Guy“! The “Villain”. Of course! Because this is FICTION! If we can’t express ourselves and achieve healthy emotional catharsis through fiction and appreciation of fiction, then where can we?

Have you really never rooted for a compelling “Bad Guy” because they’re interesting?

Have you really never rooted against the “Good Guy” for any reason?

Not every good guy feels like a “Good Guy”; some of them exhibit behavior that you associate with real life abusive people and situations. (For example, Unpopular Opinion: I don’t like Seungbae. I have many reasons why, but I’ll save that for another post.)

Luckily, fiction - like all art - is subjective and we can each bring our own experiences and differing interpretations with us to the collective table that is fandom.

[20tomlinson02]

Dear antis what more do you need,

Harry turns up in London after being away for a while

Louis misses a rehearsal,

Louis shows up to the xfactor show with a mark on his neck, then later covering up with a turtle neck, looking all gay and happy,

He's happy that's all that matters 😊

❤💛💚💙💜