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Hello Grayson. I think you're silly to provide advice to strangers, but perhaps you can help me. Please tell me how to circumvent Father so that I may have my own way in things. Sincerely, Damian Wayne
Dear Damian,
If I knew how to do that, I would've succeeded years ago. Try asking Alfred first.
Stay silly!
Dear Dick, I'm considering eating Itty. How should I cook him? Thanks, Hungry on the Watchtower
Dear Hungry,
Do not eat Itty. Itty is a gentle little being. Itty is our friend and as long as he's not eating living people's bones, he's fine.
Anyway, that's very cruel and I ask you to please not eat Itty.
Also, he probably isn't that nutritious anyway.
Hello Smart Bird Man. Me born on Monday. Me very very worried me die on Sunday. But it not happen. Me never die. Me tired of life. Live many many years. Me want to die so me can rest. You help me yes? If no help me then me smash Smart Bird Man's family and eat Smart Bird Man's bones.
Dear Fair of Face,
Well, since I really don't want my family to get smashed OR my bones to get eaten, then, sure I'll help you. I know several good homes where you can just rest and relax for the rest of your days, however many that may be.
Leave my family alone, thanks!
Dear Dick - I've been giving a lot of serious thought to becoming a lawyer. The problem is: I can breathe underwater, I can speak to marine life, and I rule an underwater kingdom so I may be overqualified. Any advice?
Dear Qualified,
I always think you should pursue your dreams! Maybe you could even be a lawyer in your underwater kingdom!
Dear Bluebird of Paradise, my partner and I broke up recently. How long should I wait before getting involved with someone new? Weeks? Months? Or is it more like swimming after eating?
Dear Recently Parted,
I think there's no real set length of time you have to wait. I think that whenever you feel you've recovered and are thinking clearly, you should go do what you like. The most important thing is that you're able to gauge how you're doing after the break up and what your feelings are about having a new partner.
Happy hunting!
Dear Dickie - Apparently there is an invisible man sleeping in my bed. Do you have any thoughts on who I should call?
Me.
Dear Dick - I am running low on Chocos. What should I do to prevent the travesty of running out completely?
Dear J'onn,
I would suggest running out to a store this minute to buy some more!
Happy eating!
Dear DB - I have these lyrics stuck in my head every time I'm in the same room as you: "If your horny, Let's do it / Ride it, My Pony / My saddle's waiting / Come and jump on it". Do you know what song this is? It's bugging me.
Dear Buggy,
That would be "Pony" by Ginuwine.
And, uh, how often are we in the same room, by any chance?
