#dear existence

[dearexistence777]

[dearexistence777]

[dearexistence777]

However love they show me , care , affection , or even need either want , everything.. anything . It's always not me , it's never me .. never been or never will , I don't know what's in me that makes me so unlovable , don't I deserve this love ? Maybe I do .. maybe I deserve love , but never had it, or maybe love doesn't want me like I want it .. I pray that may love find me but it looks like love doesn't want to . . I'm not negative neither pessimistic, I'm just a girl who craves love NO craves the idea that she'll be loved . Will I ever be loved ? It seems impossible, unreachable, like a good dream or a nice tingling idea in my head that makes me bear that maybe I'm some kind of a burden , maybe no one wanna deal with that , yet even if they show any sign that they want it It then disappears.. cause it's not even real , it's all fake .. love isn't like it was before or maybe I'm not that lucky to be loved the way I want, maybe it's not the right time or the right thing now but I just need to make sure or even know for the slightest bit that I could be loved .. cause if I'm not , where all of this love in my heart would go?

[penofthegoldenchild]

Dear Existence

Dear Existence,        You are dark, somewhat painful, but something deep inside of you, their lies something poetic. But you see it is hard to love you when I see that others, your children, no matter how undeserving receive your blessings while more and more my sanity is taken away from me. Like a man succumbed to months of tortuous dark, I scream at nothingness with nothing to listen to my cries of pain. Nothing to hear my terrified screams as I reach for my own slice of the unknown. But you, my boy, you are truly a cold being. Whenever I try, it seems that not only do you take away, but you parade success not mine in front of my face and jealousy creeps inside of my heart. I sometimes feel as though I hide behind my faith, like I hold on to God as though he were a safety blanket, like I'm undeserving. But then I look at these words and suddenly you don't seem so dark anymore. With every word penned I am closer to God, soaring on the orange warmth inside of the clouds, the pristine ocean blue of the sky, and I stare out in the world, the darkness you shed not affecting me anymore. I can smile at the obstacles you present to me. In fact, I can even appreciate what you throw at me. Thank you for making it harder, because you made me so much stronger.                      Much Appreciated,                     Bad Azz