#dearjewels

[dearjewels22]

I haven’t heard a genuine “I love you” in so long...

[dearjewels22]

Me: Hello God.

God: Hello...

Me: I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?

God: I'd rather not.

Me: Why?

God: Because you're not a puzzle.

Me: What about all the pieces of my life that fall to the ground?

God: Leave them there for a while. They fell for a reason. Let them be there for a while and then decide if you need to take any of those pieces back.

Me: You don't understand! I'm breaking!

God: No, you don't understand. You're transcending, evolving.

What you feel are growing pains. You're getting rid of the things and people in your life that are holding you back. The pieces are not falling down. The pieces are being put in place. Relax. Take a deep breath and let those things you no longer need fall down. Stop clinging to pieces that are no longer for you. Let them fall. Let them go.

Me: Once I start doing that, what will I have left?

God: Only the best pieces of yourself.

Me: I'm afraid to change.

God: I keep telling you: YOU'RE NOT CHANGING! YOU'RE BECOMING!

Me: Becoming, Who?

God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light, love, charity, hope, courage, joy, mercy, grace and compassion. I made you for so much more than those shallow pieces you decided to adorn yourself with and that you cling to with so much greed and fear. Let those things fall off you. I love you! Don't change! Become! Don't change! Become! Become who I want you to be, who I created. I'm gonna keep telling you this until you remember.

Me: There goes another piece.

God: Yes. Let it be like this.

Me: So... I'm not broken?

God: No, but you're breaking the darkness, like dawn. It's a new day. Become!! Become who you really are!!"

[dearjewels22]

my daddy is a deadbeat

my mother is a warrior

[dearjewels22]

You’re the moon, dear girl. And it’s important to understand that no man can offer you the stars when you own the night sky.

r.h. Sin

[dearjewels22]

[dearjewels22]

progress is still progress

[dearjewels22]

The most important learning is the ability to accept and expect mistakes and deal with the disappointment that they bring.

Mr. Rogers

[dearjewels22]

The best thing I could’ve done for myself in the last few weeks was cut off a guy that I had been comfortable with for 7 years. At first I just completely went ghost: no calls, no texts for 2 weeks straight. It took that 2 weeks for him to notice I hadn’t contacted him 🙄 then he figured out I was purposely not answering and opening his snap but not relying and he started to panic. Calling me non stop at odd hours. Sending texts saying how bad that was bothering him. Blah blah blah! Now it’s about you? Didn’t ask was I okay or anything. Just that somebody is ignoring you. Oh okay. 👌🏾

I had just reached a revelation that I was giving way too much of myself to the potential of the guy I thought and wanted him to be. It had been 7 years of a situationship. An empty hope of a future. “I’m not ready but I fuck with you heavy” type of thing. Classic bullshit that I tried to give the benefit of the doubt because in the beginning I was just trying to rebound my ex lol.

Long story short, I can no longer be infatuated with “potential” and “what could be”. IT IS WHAT IT IS! I was feeling trapped because on one hand I’m dealing with someone and don’t want to be disrespectful and entertain other guys but on the other hand there’s no real commitment so why shouldn’t I? I hated that feeling so I just had to be straight up and honest about my moves. Cutting ties. As much as I want to remain friends with him because he was a lighter side to this dark world and always made me laugh... he just doesn’t know where the line between friends and lovers is and I won’t let myself fall back in the trap because I’ve tried to push him back to the friend zone before and it didn’t work.

I can’t accept half ass commitment. You say you love and care for me but your actions don’t add up to that. In the end, I’m going to continue to be faithful and hopeful that the right person will soon come. I have to let go in order for something better to attach. And instead of looking and praying for a better man I’m going to push on making myself a better woman. God’s got me!