#dearparker

[dailydoseofbliss]

I keep hating you, Parrker. I don't know why. Please let me go.

[dailydoseofbliss]

Dear Parker,

It’s been what? 4months since you were gone? Yeaaa. That’s what I thought. You wouldn’t believe how fast I was able to move on from you. I couldn’t believe it myself. But you know what, I’ve never thought I could ever want someone the way I have wanted you. Actually, it’s much more. It feels really good. Though, I’d like to tell you that he’s gone for almost a week now. But then, he’s not gone forever like you are. He’ll be away for a few months, it could be a year. But what’s important is he’ll be back. You know what, we were so emotional that day. The day when he brought me to the train station. He was crying. We were crying. He was hugging me so tight for abt 15mins. I’ve never felt so secured about anyone in my life. And frankly, it feels good. I am so happy to have met this guy. I am so happy that I gave our thing a chance, even if I was so skeptic, Im happy I made the right choice. Right after you broke my heart into pieces, somebody came into my life promising nothing. I didnt expect anything,too, but here we are, waiting for the day we get to hug each other so tight again. I love him. I love us. Now, I totally understand why you had to leave. I get why I had to let you go. It’s because I will meet this wonderful person. Although it scares me so much, I know Im risking a lot but it’s worth it, you know?

I hope you’re happy with whoever you are with. Thank you for leaving.

Always, Your average girl xxx

[dailydoseofbliss]

Dear Parker,

Day nth! And I still cannot totally get over what we had. But you know what, I found somebody better, somebody who's actually worth enduring the pain to see leaving. He's a really nice guy. And I think I might just lost him forever like how I lost you. There's just a bit difference, Coz the pain I felt when you left was the bad kind of pain, the pain that poisons nerves and brains. Now this pain that he's causing me is the pain that made me appreciate myself. This pain made me appreciate my whole being. I regained everything I lost when I lost you. I loved you,Parker. But this guy, I like him too much and he loves me, I know. And he is leaving soon. But the pages of our story has still a lot to be filled. When I have him back, I'd let you know. By then, maybe you'll believe that love can wait, and it can actually conquer distance. Catch yah later, Parker!

[dailydoseofbliss]

Funny how you're new girl's name is same as mine. I wonder if you think of me when you say her name.

DearParker

[dailydoseofbliss]

No matter where you are or who you are with, I will always, truly, madly love you.

Letters to Parker

[dailydoseofbliss]

Dear Parker

I have been wanting to write you a letter.. Since the day you left. But I never had the chance to because of the following reasons: 1—I don’t want to admit to myself that the brief 2 months that we shared actually matters. 2—You chose to cut off the communication so I don’t wanna look like chasing. 3—I hated you for the past 3months

But now, I figured I’m already better. I just wanna say thank you for making me feel what I felt. I never thought I’d be capable of feeling such thing at 23. Thank you for the sweet words, non-sense talks and surprise kisses. Everything felt perfect then. So thanks!

Also, I hope you’re ready for the next stuff I’m about to say. I’m the type of person who sees the good in everyone, I give people too much benefit of the doubt which I gave you,too for the last 3 months my heart was grieving. Until I realized, I am human,too, I am allowed to be mad and angry! And mind you, I am rationally angry, I have this right to be really angry at you. Here’s why. Fuck you for getting my hopes up. Fuck you for making me feel special. Fuck you for messing with my feelings. (Alright, we both know you’re about to leave in a few months. We did talked abt that and you might say I should have seen it coming) But still Fuck you for giving way too much than what I asked for. You made me think that our thing could work when you yourself cannot even hold on to anything we’ve said. Fuck you for not even saying a word when you left. Fuck you for getting into a relationship way too soon (2weeks) And fuck you for making me feel bad about myself.

There were days that I thought I was not worth loving, or fighting for. There were days I’d lose hope on love. There were days I see every guy as the same guy who would just suck the happiness out of me and leave me hanging on the cliff.

When I think of you I feel euphoria and rage at the same time. It makes me think of revenge, and stupid stuff. Yes, I did. Until one day, I woke up, and as I was about to start my usual routine, I found myself staring at the mirror. I used to be the girl who is full of happiness and hope. I thrived through challenges. I smile the fears away and I am the friend everyone can lean on. I realized, I need to be back to that old self. But this time, equipped.

You know what Parker, I loved you to bits and pieces of my heart. But you didn’t see it. You didnt even take time to be thankful for that love. But it didn’t all go to waste coz I learned what I have to learn. Frankly, I really understand why Taylor Swift wrote all those songs. For her, it’s the relief and in the same way, since I can’t write songs, I wrote you this.

I may not see you anymore, and I think you’ll never get to read this but that’s okay. Because starting tonight, it’s no longer about you, starting tonight this is all gonna be about me.

For the last time, goodbye.

[dailydoseofbliss]

I still smile when I remember you.

[dailydoseofbliss]

Maybe you don't want me in your life as much as I do want you.