I know my love is self-destructive and that is why I do not allow myself to fall in love, completely. I pull myself before I drown, tormenting myself between wanting it and not wanting myself. I can't, I shouldn't fall in love.
Before you proceed, be aware this little tidbit story has mention of drug addiction and use, violence and sexual violence. There's also quite the fair bit of cussing and strong language.
If you do not feel comfortable with such, please do not read.
If you decide to read, please do so at your own discretion, and remember, this is simply a work of fiction.
Thank you for your understanding.
What Did You See In Me?
It was a rare quiet night at the Watters-Munch house.
Even rarer for it to be a balmy, not overly hot, night in Tomarang.
With the two youngest kids already passed out in bed and the oldest out at a late night long party with friends, Wolf and Blair had a VERY rare chance to just relax and enjoy each other's company. A blessing, as handling a rambunctious preteen, an hyper toddler and a mute teen with a knack to sneak out undetected is not as easy as some parents want to paint it out to be.
Wolfgang took the chance to drag Blair to their back porch and snuggle on the sofa they had bought together when he first moved in with Blair into Blair's old rental apartment.
But somehow, Wolf found his mind miles away, an old nemesis of a feeling gnawing at him. He couldn't, to this day, understand why Blair fell in love with him. He himself knew he wasn't easy to get along with at all. Mean and moody to a fault. Hot-tempered and quicker to use his fists than his words. Hardly ever in a good mood, not to talk about his… Illicit side job. Granted, it was what paid for this home they both worked so hard on renovating, but still… Just what…?
"Wolf?"
It makes no sense, Blair could have had anyone they wanted. Anyone at all.
"Wolf."
Why me? They're aware I'm THAT gang's boss, right? Then why didn't they…
"Wolf!"
"Uh? Oh, sorry, babe. Was…"
"Lost in your own mind? Could tell. What's up, Wolf? You're not usually this quiet with me."
"Uhh… Well… It's…"
"Out with it, love. What's eating you up?"
"Ahhh, you see…. Shite, how do I say this…"
"Wolf…"
"…Okay, okay… Blair, tell me honestly… What do you see in me? What DID you see in me, back then? I was a mess, babe, still am. Always getting into fights, consuming all sorts of substances I shouldn't, drinking heavily… Yet… There you were, always by my side, always having my back. Still here, even if I'm still a fucking disappointment of massive magnitude."
Blair blinked as they heard Wolf's words. What did they see in Wolf…? How could he not see it himself? Oh, gods…
"Wolf, my dearest, Wolf. You really need me to say it out loud, love?"
Wolfgang looked down and nodded, knowing how useless it was to try and hide his uneasiness from Blair's sharp intuition.
He felt the small hand of his beloved caress his face lovingly, which he took and kissed tenderly.
"What did I see in you, uh…? Well… I saw a boy whom…"
"…looked up at an exhausted stranger who'd asked him for the directions to the principal's office and, rather than just say those, got up from his spot, left his group hanging and accompanied said stranger to the principal's office, even if it meant risking the detention he actually got for smoking weed in the schoolgrounds."
"…didn't hesitate to defend a lonely, friendless new student from the unwanted, lechery words and touches of an older student."
"… got suspended for jumping into a fistfight with that same older student after he broke a girl's heart publicly and slandered her by claiming she was a slut."
"… whom struggled with his homework, and yet made sure to never let his baby brother have any doubts and difficulties with his own."
"…did his best to help his mom out, even when she was less than thankful for his immense efforts."
"… found out the stranger he helped was struggling to make ends meet, juggling studies, work and a four months old child, and stepped up to the challenge by helping out as much as possible, practically living in said person's apartment, cooking, cleaning, looking after the baby… As if the baby was his own."
"…fell in love with the struggling parent, then had one hell of a time convincing that person to give him a chance… Never giving up until that person gave in."
"…used nearly all of his painfully saved up money to buy a terrain and a house, so his now little family could leave that awfully tight apartment and live more comfortably. And he renewed most of the house himself, to booth."
"…didn't hesitate to jump on his beloved's defence when their ex decided to show up out of the blue and start shit for no good reason. Whom stood in front of a judge and unashamedly admitted he'd to it again and again, as many times as needed, until that shitty ex learned to stay the fuck away from HIS family."
"…opened his heart and arms to a child whom he had no blood ties with, so much he went ahead and adopted both that child and it's half-sibling, not caring for what others would whisper."
"…worked his ass off to try and finish highschool, all while working hellish shifts of up to 16 hours, and still somehow making time to take care of the now five year old, help the eight year old with their homework, play with both of them and leave their lunchboxes ready for the next school day, so they wouldn't have to eat the awful cafeteria food."
"…gave up getting his highschool diploma to be there for his adopted child when the child got bullied so badly at school, the only peaceful solution they could come up with was to allow the child to study from home, and one doesn't leave a child home alone all day."
"What I saw, Wolf… Was the man you'd become. Troubled, yes, but true to his heart, fiercely loyal to his loved ones, deeply dedicated to his family. And I fell in love with that man I could tell you'd come to be, even back then. I fell in love with you, all of you. There's no one else I'd rather be with, be loved by. If there really is anything such as Soul Mate, Wolf, that's what I KNOW you are… My Soul Mate."
Wolfgang could only stare at Blair, stunned and speechless. Had he really done all those things…? Yes. Yes he had. Every single one of them. And he'd do it all over again, as many times as they came, if it meant he had his little family with him. He felt tears threatening to fall.
"Shite, babe… You ARE serious, uh…"
Blair smiled sadly and caressed his face again.
"Dead serious. Don't you ever doubt yourself, Wolf. Nor do you ever doubt how much you mean to me. Shit, Wolf, I was sixteen, had just had my second child and been abandoned in that apartment by his dad, had to pay rent and a shitload of baby stuff, plus the hospital bills, tuition fees, school supplies… I have only YOU to thank for being able to finish school and not losing Alec to the system. I'm still terrified to even imagine what would have become of him if he had been taken away by the social assistants… I was about to go into a full panic when madam Grove suddenly showed up with Adi and told me my grandpa had been hospitalised and she believed it was better to leave my child with me than with complete strangers… Even IF, technically, I WAS a complete stranger to my seven years old child… If you hadn't been there for me, I have no idea what would've become of me and my children, Wolf. Adi and Alec would probably be in some orphanage or foster family, and me… I'd probably be another beggar sleeping under the bridge and not knowing how to turn my situation around. But I had you, love. You were my rock, thorough all those storms. From the moment I first saw you, I just KNEW there was way more there than just a moody, troubled 17 years old. Wolf… "
Wolfgang swallowed down the hard lump in his throat.
"…why ever would you doubt yourself like this, Wolf? I say boy, but seriously… At 18 you were more of a man than many others will ever be in the entirety of their lives. Just how many 18 years old do you know whom would do all that for somebody else, no questions asked, nothing to be gained in exchange? I know of none, Wolf. None, but YOU. That's how you got my heart, and hell, I pity the poor fool whom unknowingly says I 'Could do much better than that damn gangster'; after all, that same 'damn gangster' saw that I got through those hellish times… Made me the happiest person in the whole damn universe…. Wolf…"
No more words were need. Blair hugged their beloved giant of a man tightly, letting him hide his tears on their chest, while letting out tears of their own. So THIS was it. Doubting his self-worth. Regretting some not so smart decisions. Their voice cracked with the tears when they next spoke.
"We all regret a good number of decisions, actions and words… Even me. My biggest regrets are also the ones which led me to meet you, love. I regret not having been more wary of that helper at the ranch. I regret not having told my manager of that idiot's lecherous advances and liberties. I regret breaking my grandpa's heart and not being there with him when he breathed his last. But, Wolf… Had I been wary and more careful, Adi wouldn't be here. Had I reported that sad excuse of a man, Alec probably wouldn't be here either, nor would I have transferred schools and met you. I regret many things, but even my regrets brought me closer to you, love. I'd go through it all over again, even the worst of it, if it meant I could get to be with you in the end. Shit… Wolf…"
Both were now crying, holding onto each other for dear life. Crying tears of joy, tears of relief. And both were sure as one can be now. This was what they wanted, both of them. A life together, to the end.
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