Hello, here is a prearranged reminder to write about the conclusion of that Sabertooth-unwillingly-attached-to-pissed-off-Bruce-Banner storyline from Deltavengers that still gives me SUCH joy... 8)
Thank you for reminding me!
For new followers, Sanguine Tensor began years ago as an Avengers AU. While it was very fun, it already was MASSIVELY different than anything from Marvel and I wanted to own my work, so I excised all the Marvel bits and made Sanguine Tensor. See the Deltavengers tag on my tumblr for more.
A few key differences from the comics and MCU are that Sabretooth has an adamantium skeleton, the Spot had 4D pass-through-stuff powers, Bruce Banner is in a neck brace that sedates him if he gets too riled up, and Florida is full of invasive genetically modified giant raptor chickens.
This particular story started with Sabretooth and the Spot breaking into a Florida SHIELD base that happens to have Bruce Banner. The break in goes badly, they take Banner hostage, and the Spot decides to ditch Sabretooth and mess with his former co-worker Banner by taking one of SHIELDs adamantium handcuffs and slipping it on both Sabretooth and Banner. Chaos ensues.
Sabretooth breaks out with Banner (hard to take off handcuff when your wrists are too full of unbreakable claws to flex easily, and the other dude will turn into a giant angry monster if you manhandle him too much). And he flees across Florida, with a very annoyed Banner. Sabretooth hates Banner because he can't hurt him without facing the Hulk, and Banner hates Sabretooth because he's a huge asshole who stinks.
There's on the run for about a week, staying at awful motels and dive bars heading towards a meeting place with "The Lockpick" who claims she can open the handcuffs. Pretty quickly Bruce gets very tired of this and at one particularly dangerous bar he chucks a bloody mary at the biggest biker he sees, causing a massive barfight.
The whole time the two of them are bickering and Banner gets riled up enough for the collar to sedate him a few times, but they finally make it to the meeting place, an abandoned airport in the middle of raptor chicken swamps. "The Lockpick" arrives in a little plane and they meet in a decaying hanger. Turns out the Lockpick is Deadpool (a woman in the AU) and there was a bit of miscommunication… she's broken past SHIELD locks in the past by blowing them up. With explosives.
Sabretooth is pissed and Banner loses it. As usual the collar goes off, except this time a warning goes off "SEDATIVE DEPLETED. PLEASE EVACUATE THE AREA" and everyone kind of goes "ooooh."
Deadpool isn't stupid, she flees and starts up her plane, and Sabretooth starts clawing the now transforming Banner. He briefly seems to be dead, but of course he gets up pretty quickly, and looms over Sabretooth.
That's when Sabretooth hears the single most terrifying word in his life.
"Kitty."
Sabretooth panics, slashes at the Hulk, who squeals in pain (he's just a big baby) and kicks Sabretooth hard enough to break the adamantium handcuffs and punt Sabretooth out the hanger. Deadpool is ready to take off, Sabretooth jumps in, and as they head for the runway they realize something.
Deadpool left the doors open.
There is a giant raptor chicken in the back of the plane.
The chicken panics, and attacks. Sabretooth is trying to fight it off while Deadpool tries to get the plane in the air. At this point the Hulk exits the hanger, chasing them while shouting "KITTY."
Deadpool gets the plane off the ground, but the Hulk is about the catch up, Sabretooth finally gets the upper hand against the chicken, and chucks it out the door. It impacts the racing Hulk and effectively explodes in a burst of feathers, and it's ridiculous enough to distract him from the plane long enough for their escape.
In the end, everyone is covered in blood and feathers and they all pretty much decide to never speak of that week again.