Welcome to the Margarita Zone 🍸 (Joseph Christiansen may be a cult leader and potential demon but that doesn’t stop me from admiring his impeccable fashion sense)
This fic operates under the assumption the speculated “cult/Halloween ending” is the true ending, and that Robert knows as much about the cult and Joseph's true nature as Mary. )
For the first time in months (if he were being honest with himself, years) Robert didn't smell of cigarettes and whiskey. Well, he only sort of smelled of whiskey, as that scent wasn't going to come out of his clothes and his skin and his sweat any time soon. He had at least made an effort to shower and mask some of the smell with one of the few bottles of cologne he didn't buy at a truck stop. He didn't have that nagging part of his subconscious telling him he smelled when Simon nestled close. He could just enjoy the feeling of his form slotting in against his side like a missing piece of a puzzle. God, he had to scoff. Puppy love like his wasn't his thing. Completely ruined his image as the lone wolf in the leather jacket when he waxed in his mind with Shel Silverstein-esque poetry about missing pieces. Still. He was okay.
He was okay being in this moment, with people he'd come to care for. Being okay had become an exceedingly rare thing for him in the past few years.
Eyes half-lidded and voice drifting between being awake and falling asleep on his shoulder, Simon eventually sighed, “I should probably go mediate Mary and Amanda. I'm pretty sure the graduation present she gave her was a flask.”
“Damn, she completely ripped off my idea.”
“Please don't encourage my daughter to drink under the age.”
“You don't have to use flasks for booze. You can fill it with water, apple juice, liquid cyanide. It's multipurpose.”
“So are water bottles, which are more commonly associated with non-alcoholic drinks on the go.”
“What's stopping anyone from filling those with vodka and passing it off as water? S'what I do whenever I go to the gym.”
“We both know you never go to the gym.” Simon stood, moving slow and almost reluctant, his fingers lingering as long as possible as they ran up Robert's arm. That was just his nature. He was patient and mercifully slow even when opening old wounds. When he said he was willing to wait, he knew those were more than empty promises. Robert felt the smile creeping on his face and tried hiding it behind his hand. “Also Val is showing off her knives to Hazel and Briar, you may want to talk to her about that. We don't want them turning into the delightful children from down the lane, if you know what I mean.”
“Can do.”
Simon flashed him a grin and turned just as Amanda took a swig of something from her new flask across the yard. She instantly yanked it away from her mouth to give him a sheepish grin. Mary just looked the other way. Robert watched his back as he made his way over, because where else would his eyes be? On his ass? Certainly, but he told himself he should tear himself away from those admittedly plush glutes to probably also make sure Val wasn't handing out knives to the younger party goers. As he moved to stand, a firm hand on his shoulder pushed him back down against the bench. The mere touch sent electricity down his spine into his legs. He turned and a pasty blonde face looked down at him.
“Great party, huh?” Joseph's lips split apart in a smile just wide enough to show off a flash of canines. The epitome of Robert's mistakes and regrets made manifest. He roughly shouldered his hand away, turning back around. The air was too thin around him.
“Yeah. Great.” Better when Joseph was on the other end, not paying Robert any mind. Bad enough he had to see him around the neighborhood and attend his stupid barbecues, now he actually wanted to talk. Like they were just neighbors enjoying a graduation party.
Joseph slid into the seat next to him and the tranquility he and Simon had cultivated in this corner of the party curdled. Despite wanting to look anywhere else, he glanced at him out of his peripheral. A sliver of a pink cherry blossom shaken loose by a breeze landed on Joseph's shoulder and wilted into a limp, brown husk. He pinched it between two fingers, flicking it away.
“I'm so proud of Amanda. I pray my kids turn out as good as her.” He chuckled at the joke only he knew as he smoothed out the wrinkle he'd made in his sleeve. “And Val. She's become a lovely young woman. I bet you're happy to see her again.”
Robert's fingers wrapped around a fistful of his jeans. “Don't play this coy bullshit with me, Joseph. If you have something to say, say it. Don't dance around the subject like I'm some putz that doesn't know what you are.”
He smiled and if it weren't for the fact Robert's fists were white knuckled against his knees, he would have punched the smug fuck. He knew that wasn't the only reason he didn't do it. He knew he couldn't even if he tried.
“It's just that, well... I've seen how close you two have gotten. Late night drives, when you think I'm not watching you.” The figure made by something that didn't know what a man was supposed to look like flashed in his mind. That night, they'd both seen that thing on the edge of the treeline. Robert's stomach tied in knots.
He should have known better. He should have just kept driving with Simon right out of Maple Bay, until they hit the border into Mexico or drove straight into the ocean. Joseph held the sleeve of his sweater and rubbed the material between two fingers. Seeing that damn thing around his neck made him want to strangle him with it. He went on in his aggravatingly nonchalant way of speaking, “He hasn't been here that long, has he? Feels like it was only yesterday he drove into our little cul de sac.”
“It's just sex, alright?” Robert spat, “Meaningless, on the verge of whiskey dick, shoving him out the door the next morning, petty sex. Give him a few months before you start getting paranoid.”
“And I support you in any of your sexual escapades, one hundred percent! And I know you are exceedingly talented in keeping those matters where they belong. But you know you can't lie to me.”
I see through you went unsaid, but the words floated somewhere in the air between them, silent yet piercing. Somewhere across the lawn, laughter erupted from the group surrounding Amanda. She beamed. She looked so happy, Simon's arms slung around her shoulder, basking in the glow of everyone congratulations. It felt completely alien. Like watching a television too far away to make out the details. The few feet of space between him and the rest of the party might as well have been miles. Robert was alone and adrift in a boat ready to capsize. He glanced down at the perfectly manicured hands folded over each other, hands that had once held his and pinned him against the wall in a fit of passion.
Joseph was the thing under the water's surface waiting to pull him down if he made one mistake.
It was a precarious truce they'd come to over the years. Not so much a truce as a threat- that if Robert ever told anyone what he knew, he would lose the one thing he had left in this world. He hadn't always been good to Val. That had nothing to do with Joseph, he was a shitty person before they met and he would be a shitty person forever. He couldn't blame that facet of his personality on him. But he had lived with the knowledge that Val was okay somewhere. Alive, maybe even happy. If he stepped a toe out of line, he was putting her in danger. It didn't matter that she was states away, didn't even matter that he himself didn't know where she lived, he knew what Joseph was capable of.
“I like him, Robert. Really, I do. He is genuinely a kind person. I enjoy his company quite a bit. It would bring me no joy to rob Amanda of the only parent she has left.” His voice was almost soft, or as close an approximation as a thing like Joseph could muster. If Robert didn't know any better, he'd swear he was being sincere. But he knew better. “It would crush everyone to lose him.”
“It's just sex,” he insisted.
“You're usually such a good liar.” He sighed, patting his hand on Robert's shoulder as he stood. He instantly bristled. He couldn't pull away. His nerve endings froze over, his body felt filled with static nothingness, not even dread or ice, just...static. “You know better than anyone how this works. Consider this a friendly reminder what awaits the shiny happy people in our community if they get too happy.”
Color flooded back into the world once he let go. His peppy, hip youth minister mask slotted back into place. He integrated back into the party and no one was any the wiser. No one alive would think ill of him. Everyone just thought he was a good man trapped in a loveless marriage. They pitied him. Seeing him laughing with Craig, cracking Jokes with Damien, Robert felt ill knowing all the heartache he'd caused these unsuspecting men. He was so light-headed when he finally stood he had to hold onto the tree trunk for support.
“You okay, Pops?” Val's voice, which had filled him with such pride and relief just this morning when she said she was coming out, now made him shudder. She put her hand in the middle of his back, head tipped to look him in the eye. He avoided her gaze. “That looked kinda intense. What were you two talking about?”
“Nothing,” he barked, a little hastier and rougher than he would have liked. It was enough to make her flinch, and he's never hated himself more.
“You look really... pale. Did he say something-”
“It's nothing, just drop it.”
Her mouth set in a thin line and her nostrils flared. She looked so much like her mother when she did that. Suddenly her being there made him wish she was a continent away, that he had never spoken to her again.
She threw Joseph the side eye. “Honestly, that guy never did sit right with me. Gives me the creeps.”
Robert whirled around to grab her by both shoulders. The movement was so sudden she almost yelped and her eyes went wide. “Good. Stay far, far away from him.”
He leaves the party without a word to anyone. That night, he packs her things, and Val is on a flight back home by morning. She isn't even angry with him. She expects it by now. He doesn't leave the house for a week afterward, and every message that dings on his computer from Dadbook goes unread. He doesn't answer the door or pick up his phone.
cw: suggestive, its about banging everywhere
robert and demon!joseph singing to joseph about screwing him lol
this is their dynamic theyre in love
song is tapped that a/ss from crazy ex gf
i have a bit of stuff i havnt posted. because its like this. does anyone else like this flavor of trash♥ lol like u cant even read the text properly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
im tryin to use img desc tool but idk if its working ??
img desc:
3 panel comic. rob and joe are kissing in a bunch of bubbly bubbles. demon joe flies over them screaming "two dudes! chillin in a hot tub five feet apart --" and then zooms underwater where he is licking two 'popsicles' as rob and joe blush in surprise and demon joe says "cuz they gay as hell."
