i think it’s very telling about the writing of hazbin hotel that one of the biggest criticisms i see and personally have is “i wish i believed that these characters gave a shit about each other as actual people, and not as a nebulous concept”
Dear Striker: When i first saw you, you were so cool. I got you as a pin on my backpack in high school and I loved to draw you. However, within the past 3 years I, learned more about media literacy (maybe) and I don't like you that much anymore. My new favorite cowboy is Starlo from Undertale Yellow. He has the same aesthetic as you, but he is a sweetheart written with nice spirited intentions. He loves corn.
Wine fueled rant about Shameless that spiraled out of control
Ok so it has been a long while since I’ve made a Gallavich post, I’m still salty and I don’t plan on watching this new season, though as it grows near I am looking forward to reading @koganphrancis ’s scathing episode reviews that gave me life through Season 7.
So here is the thing that really bothers me and I think it is one of the main reasons the writers think they can get away with their bull shit and it comes from the seasonal promotional posters. For the past, Imma say, 3 or 4 seasons the main posters for them only include 3 characters (the ones shown on everything), the three characters that the shows creators some how think are the most popular. Lip, Fiona and Frank.
Lip.
Fiona.
Frank.
And where they are fucking wrong is that these aren’t actually the most interesting characters in this fucking show.
Lip is an arrogant asshole, Fiona… to be honest I don’t even know who she is anymore but all of her plots are “I’m going to take care of myself for a change” and revolve around which ever hot dick shes fucking, then there’s Frank who hasn’t had an interesting or relevant plot since Season 4 (where I would argue they should have fucking KILLED him, but he’s William H. Macy…so, you know, they cant?)
* Also random side note, if they and him were locked into some kind of 7 season contract I would have fucking saved the whole LIVER FAILER plot for the seventh season! For real cuz if anyone knows anything about hospital politics a LIFE LONG ALCOHOLIC would not have gotten a new liver. Period. I mean just watch some House episodes and you can see how the whole fucking board of directors have to come together and debate about the god damn donor list, if a person shows signs of heavy alcohol/ drug abuse or suicidal tendencies they are not given a top spot. ALSO WHERE THE FUCK DID THE HOSPITAL BILLS GO????
SO anyways, I’ve been reading stuff, sleuthing in the fandom like a phantom and I have some opinions.
Firstly about how Mickey and Ian’s break up and how its totally and completely fucking out of left field. I think that the negotiations, like last year, were going on during filming/around the time editing and filming was being wrapped up. I’m not sure what went down but that scene is so disjointed and the aftermath and the Sammi thing, I think that was all thrown together last minute as a way to write Mickey/Noel off (in a terrible, poorly written, petty way).
In some previous interview, JW stated that Gallavich was endgame and that he thought they were going to be the sort of “Stable” couple on the show.
I think the original intention was going to be that Sammi was dead. Boom.
*That would have probably been either a main plot point in season 6 or it would have been sort of fleetingly mentioned as a thing then it would have gone away.
I think that Ian was supposed to come back from his field trip to insanity with Monica and have a sort of heart to heart with Mickey
*Ian shows up at Milkovich house
M: Where the hell you been?
I: with Monica…
M:…You ok?
I: ‘Nods with teary eye’
Gallavich hugs
then they would just have one of their nonverbal moments with the tone of “We’ll figure this shit out together” and that would have been that. Episode ends.
And then the train wreck that is 6, 7 and most likely 8 was spawned with Noel being gone. Cuz here is the THING. Fiona ISNT INTERESTING, her plots ARNT INTERESTING. In the UK version Fiona left with Jimmy/Steve Season 1 (not that I am saying the US version should stay true or that the UK version is better, to be honest I don’t really enjoy the UK version). I don’t think she should have but I feel like if you are going to keep this character you should at least have a FUCKING PLAN of where you want her to FUCKING end up. Cuz season 1 Fiona, she was fucking great, I liked her, she was on my list of people I liked. I stilled liked her in Season 2, then Season 3 she started to annoy me, then FUCK season 4 Fiona and now she is just…..terrible. Season 5 Fiona I could tell they were really loosing touch with who she was.
*Another side note tid bit – her opening scene in Season 5 told me all I needed to know, her plot was going to revolve around some new fucking dick. We get this random ass scene with some guy we don’t know as a way of introducing him and letting us know that Fiona’s plot this season was going to be her desire to date this guy. Then her plot was literally, Ooooo this foreign lead singer is hot, My boss is hot, The lead singer is an asshole but his friend and base player is hot, my boss thinks I’m a Chaos junky, let me marry this base player I don’t know etc. etc. etc. There is no growth of character, there is no resolution, its just….. bullshit, its BULLSHIT
Then there is Lip who they fucking lost touch with…. Man I don’t even know because I never really liked Lip, he’s an arrogant piece of shit and to me has never redeemed himself AT ALL. To be honest I rather enjoyed watching him spiral out of control but that’s not my point. My point is that Lip has the same character/ plot issues as FUCKING FIONA its just reversed. Lip’s plots revolve around what ever new fresh PUSSY he’s fucking. And it took me a little while to figure that out, figure out that that’s why he isn’t interesting, not just because I don’t like him, not just because he’s an entitled arrogant douche, but because he has no PERSONAL GROWTH PLOT ITS ALL ABOUT THE GIRL HES FUCKING.
I could argue that with Fiona maybe it was hard to find a plot for her, what is she doing if not caring for the kids or fucking some new guy? Do I agree with that notion? No, but I can see it. With Lip, though? No, I don’t fucking buy it, he could have just had a “Stuggling in college” plot…there was just, no need to make it about some girl, Now I… don’t hate Amanda but for real? S1 Lip -Karen, S2 Lip – Karen and Him being an idiot/Pregnancy, S3 Lip – Mandy, S4 Lip – Amanda, S5 Lip- Amanda/Helen, S6 Lip- Helen, S7 Lip- Sierra. Now I am not saying that there shouldn’t be any romance, I’m not advocating that Lip and Fiona should always be single. What I am saying is that Amanda and Helen and Sierra are totally unnecessary. Lip’s spiraling out of control plot could have just been him realizing he isn’t as much of a genius that he fucking thought he was, hes fucking failing in college BOOM that is an interesting fucking plot, the girls don’t think hes the shit anymore BOOM that is some build up to a persons fucking identity crisis. It just never made any SCENSE to me that Amanda would just suddenly be like… fuck my boyfriend I like his roommate cuz he has a little brother he takes care of. It just came out of left field for me and I didn’t get it. I really just…. didn’t get it, still don’t even with the weird plot with her wanting to piss off her dad, I NEVER GOT IT. Season 4 could have been the beginning of the end- it could have been him feeling lost, failing classes- no friends- no girls- shitty roommate, the struggle, then instead of him using Liam like a Chick Magnate they could have showed how FUCKING difficult it is to try and go to school and having a FUCKING child with you (a struggle that many women and men actually fucking face while trying to get a degree with out being able to afford child care). The whole Helen thing, ok maybe, that could have stayed as the catalyst that drives Lip to his rock bottom but…. Sierra? No, she just….. GOD, Season fucking 7 could have been about him attempting to GET SOBER WITH OUT ANY PUSSY.
Any-fucking-way, lets move on to Frank. Oh Franky-Franky-Frank. S1-4 Frank had something he did, and when they gave him Liver failure that should have been the end but no, they got him a liver and now his plots are just… comical stupidity? Season 5 Frank is… just making beer? Then meets Bianca who dies, Then Season 6 Frank is just a fucking asshole and that Queenie chick shows up, Season 7 Frank is…. making a new family of homeless people? Then Monica shows up? Its just random shit. I will be totally honest here, I stopped paying much attention to Franks shit Season 5, it was just so damn BORING. HE IS BORING. HIS PLOTS ARE ALWAYS BORING EVEN FROM THE BEGINGING. He is just this looming piece of shit in their lives and that’s all well and good, he sort of keeps them together in a way and I’m fine with his shitty boring plots because they were the sort of “comic relief to the show” and I’m not saying they need to kill him off or make him have better plots, whatever, my point is HE IS NOT INTERESTING, he should not be a MAIN that the show revolves around. As the random drunk father who comes in and out and is comic relief he is great but he is not the most interesting character in the show and he should not be who they focus all of their plot attention to.
So, with this in mind though. The writers act and think that these three are the show, the MAINS of the show and they for some reason think that LIP, FIONA, and FRANK are the reason people watch. So they put their energy into thinking of SHITTY plots for those three and then the other characters got tossed to the side and their plots are some how EVEN worse. Carl for example finally got a decent plot I guess with the whole military school thing (but he seems to be around for season 8 and this Meth bullshit sooooooooo, I guess he’s not doing that anymore????? I really only watched S7 for Mickey’s return and payed little to no attention to ANYONE else besides Ian, and I’ve not been all over the new promos and stuff, haven’t even watched the trailers or anything) but I hated his whole….drug lord thing is S6 HATED IT, I was SO PISSED WHEN THEY SENT HIM TO JUVIE OH MY GOHD.
Anyways, Debbie’s fucking baby plot…. I could see it, ok. I could. She has been one of those girls who wants to be older and that had been building for a while, the whole dad’s family wanting to take the baby thing I could have really lived without, though. But I’m….. not…… mad……….I………guess. I’m not happy with it…..but……I could see how it went that direction. Not a fan of so much of her plot though, it went really weird in S5. The whole Matty thing was just…… I hated that they decided to make Debbie into like…. what they did season 4. It really fucked her up and the direction they took her while believable I really wish they went a different route. Also I wish they hadn’t made her a fucking RAPIST. That would have been great.
Then poor fucking LIAM who they obviously have NO FUCKING CLUE what to do with. I mean…..he never fucking talks. Hes supposed to be like 7 now and he just says random cliché tocken black shit????? I just can’t even. Coming from a Biracial girl who grew up with her white mom mostly….um no. I’m not sure what I would have done with him, but I would hope the writers would put some kind of fucking effort into his character and plot, give him a quirk besides that fact that hes BLACK. Cuz that was his quirk when he was a baby, now he needs a fucking PERSONALITY. Like in the beginning when Carl and Debbie were young. Debbie was the sweet on and Carl was the kind of a sociopath weirdo. GIVE LIAM A PERSONALITY QUIRK THAT AS HE AGES YOU CAN GROW FROM. Like make him super good in school, or like the new Debbie in that he is really sweet ( I could really see that being a good direction to go in, in that, there are no 'sweet’ Gallagers anymore) and comforting. I don’t fucking know just give him something to fucking BE. I swear S1 Carl had no plot besides him being kind of weird and violet but they WORKED with it and made him one of my FAVS, fucking loved Carl’s development.
The Balls and the Thrupple was some bull shit. I’m not even going to break that down.
Now we move on to sweet sweet Ian and I have ranted about him before so I’ll try to keep this bit short and sweet. THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING POTENTIAL WITH IAN. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. But because they didn’t know how to write him with out Mickey anymore and how to write him dealing with his FUCKING BIPOLAR they decided to let him fall into the same fucking pit that Lip and Fiona are in where his fucking plot revolves around SOME NEW DICK. You see in S4 the fucking point of view shifted from Ian to Mickey and they had a fucking ROUGH time figuring out how to shift it the fuck back. Now Ian’s plots haven’t been all about him either, in Season 1 it was about him being gay and Kash and Mickey but, just like the rest of them, he actually had a personality that we were being introduced to, then S2 we didn’t see Mickey much but we knew they were together and we got more of just Ian and we got to know him more, same in S3 (this doesn’t just go for Ian btw, in S1-S3 we got a lot more growth and understanding of the characters beyond the dick/pussy they were fucking, there was just a lot more good meaty shit going on plot wise) Anyways, Ian got reduced to the “token gay” and just….. it just fucking sucked man. Everything sucked. I mean fuck, I can’t even explain how much I hate the jail scene. Or the fucking SHIFT OF GAY FIREFIGHTERS. UM FUCKING SERIOUSLY?????
*fucking side note tid bit! Fucking NO ok that isn’t a thing that exists in reality ok. I can totally buy the Gay baseball game thing, I can see that being a thing that happens (though making Tony gay….I really didn’t think that was super funny???? I don’t know, I can see him discovering that he was gay mainly because he had been a virgin for so long buuuuut his whole “Your sister made me gay” thing? I just wasn’t amused), you know, the gay firefighters and gay cops doing a thing like that, just like I can imagine female firefighters and female cops doing something like that. But the shift? WHO thought that was funny?WHO I WANT TO KNOW WHO
I think they had a whole plot lined up for Ian and Mickey. I think S6 was going to be them working on getting Ian medicated and on the right path and dealing with that.
THEY HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL WITH THESE CHARACTERS but they are ignoring it in favor of OTHERS. They make Fiona and Frank’s boring ass plots the main fucking focus along with Lip and there is so much potential in EVERYONE ELSE but they just…. don’t do anything good with them.
I’m drinking wine and this has gotten out of control, I don’t even know what the main point to this is supposed to be besides I think the writers focus too much on 3 boring characters and thus make ridiculous shitty plots for everyone else and they have totally lost touch with what the show is supposed to be about! It used to be about a family living SHAMELESSLY they were proud of their heritage and their life. They loved who they were! Fiona was a shameless hood girl taking care of the family and trying to keep them all afloat, Lip was the genius who would rather stay where he was then be the “golden goose”, Ian was the responsible middle child who wanted to go into the army- in love with the neighborhood thug and loved his life, Debbie was sweet and the shining beacon of goodness and innocence in their life, Carl was the wild one with sociopathic tendencies, Liam was the baby (haha), Frank was the shitty alcoholic father and Monica was the bipolar mother who abandoned them. But there was still family here, here was connection and strength and love. Loyalty and Shamelessness. SHAMELESSNESS. That was the fucking point.
Now whats the point? SHAME? They're all trying to become some kind of middle class bullshit? I just……. I don’t know what this show is anymore and it makes me sad.
for anyone who was curious, hazbin hotel’s second season ended with the powers of heaven and hell, including all the overlords, doing a care bear stare on a malfunctioning weapon to stop it from blowing up half the city
sorry for mourning my own version of a show that was never going to happen, but abel being in hell could have been such a fascinating idea with the canon fact in hh that nobody in heaven actually knows how you get there, and could have done so much heavy lifting for the characterization of those in heaven and a tragic explanation of why everyone is so stubborn that redemption isn’t possible and everyone is Where They Belong
like imagine the inherent tragedy of the first person to die, the first person to be murdered, the younger son of the First Man, being sent to hell, and nobody knowing why. those in heaven, the angels, maybe expect him to join them, and he just… doesn’t. and they don’t know why
and then eventually, adam, who in season one was said to be the first human to make it to heaven, dies, and gets to heaven. and abel isn’t there, and nobody in heaven can give him a reason why, just that he was judged and they’re sorry, but they don’t understand those judgements themselves, only that they’re divine and absolute
maybe adam doesn’t buy that at first, because what could abel have done that was so wrong? it’s bullshit, and it’s bullshit that he can’t go see his kid. but eventually eve gets to heaven, maybe, and seth, and all the other children of adam and eve that weren’t named. their descendants start getting into heaven, and those descendants, etc., etc.
and cain doesn’t, once he dies. (of old age, killed by lemach, when his house fell on him, any interpretation works)
and with the fact that cain went to hell… well, it adds credence to the idea that these judgements are Correct, as incomprehensible as they may seem. the first son of man going to hell is a tragedy in itself, yes, but with what he did to his brother, it seems right. everyone can convince themselves that this has to be Right. of course he wouldn’t make it here, of course divine judgment would punish him. if he is where he “belongs,” if that judgement was correct, and the rest of the family making it to heaven is correct, (and why wouldn’t it be?) then abel must be where he belongs too, as sad and as horrible as it may be. there was something fundamentally Wrong with both of them, and neither could be saved
and as more and more people make it into heaven, as generations pass, they just become more and more stuck in the idea that this has to be Right
and now the stubborn, angry, head-in-the-sand attitude that initial judgements are binding and perfect from those in heaven have an emotional hook. from adam, who has had to convince himself of that to cope with the fact that his sons are in hell, from lute, who cares about adam and was seemingly born and bred to believe this, from sera and others in power, who would not be able to deal with the shame and grief that would come with the realization that these judgements have been unfair and arbitrary and wrong from day one. that the first ever murder victim was sent to hell for no good reason, because of a judgement nobody even understands
and if they can convince themselves that the judgement towards abel was Divine and Moral and Right, if they can brainwash themselves into believing that to dispel any guilt and doubt and grief… well, what hope is there for someone like cain, who really did do something horrific? what hope is there for any sinner, really?
why would they ever let themselves believe anyone could be redeemed? what would it say about the wrongs inherent in their system, that would discard two of the first humans to ever exist?
and the idea of meeting cain and abel in hell, maybe even having adam meet them after his death… the idea of a sinner going to heaven and an angel falling to hell and said angel being reunited with his son and unlearning everything he convinced himself of so he wasn’t constantly mourning them could be so interesting
but instead abel is just in heaven and adam just, like, didn’t like him, because despite claiming it is a show about redemption and moral complexity, the characters on this show have the emotional depth of a piece of cardboard
