#depression -

[regesc]

thinking a lot about how noct’s house is like, picture perfect depression house because here’s the thing: its an absolute shitfest of a mess, a DISASTER, he’d be ashamed for ppl to see it but you know what rlly solidifies him as just being  a super depressed teen who barely functioned? the fact that he tried. that when you look you can see the attempts at tidying up: the fact that the trash is mostly in bags, that things are piled onto tables and chairs where possible or that his clothes are in the basket in his room, that there’s stacked books like he tried to pick things up and just couldnt, the fact his cupboard’s open in his bedroom and theres stacks of books near it like he started putting them away or how the trash can is full, etc etc. the fact that! there is genuine effort to try to clean up shown in small places and its those little moments of ‘i want to try, i dont want to live like this’ vs. his complete dejection when he comes home to that mess every day that differs noct in myhead from just. messy spoilt teen to teen genuinely struggling lol.

[badamore]

feeling real dull and hazy right now

[ecuwe]

omfg so my doctor prescribed me 75 mg of sertraline but I've been taking 50 mg bc the pills are rly hard to break in half and I thought I was doing fine. anyway just got back on 75 mg and realized I have been very depressed, possibly the cause for me withdrawing from a class and almost failing another lmaoooo why tf did I do that

[thekairoscollaborative]

Really struggling w our mental health rn. These times are always hard but it feels like they're only getting harder each year. N there's so much on our plate rn. I feel bad cuz it seems like we only come on here to rant but things have n continue to be kinda shitty. Hopefully by January things will be improving.

[pseudologika]

my situation feels the most poignant in the minutes right after waking up when i’m trying to coax myself into getting out of bed. a mix between berating and pleading with myself to just get up, get up, get up... 

i’m starting to have suicidal thought patterns again and i’m so disappointed in myself. so irrational and dramatic. i promised i wouldn’t ever kill myself after seeing how devastated people were by the shooting a couple years ago and yet i’m having these stupid inclinations again. i think “if this one thing was different then it would be better” and that’s almost never true once i go and try to change it. depression is not something i can grow out of. it molds and adapts to my situation and i no longer believe i can just leave it behind

it’s so fucking hard to get up in the morning with my mental and physical illnesses.. if it wasn’t finals week already i think i would seriously consider dropping out... i think i shouldn’t be in school at all right now but i’m so close to graduation. things are so hard and idk how to talk about it to make people take me seriously. because i haven’t let a lot of people in. and when i do, they see that i’ve been getting good grades and making rent and seem happy so they figure i’ll make it through like i always have..

[meeresbande]

we’re actually thinking about another stay in psychiatry again... except idk it doesn’t seem like such a good idea??? idk idk... we are so tired and exhausted and feel hopeless... good things and hobbies just seem so exhausting and just make us sad because we’re too tired to actually do them or enjoy them... cant take care of ourselves, our basic physical needs...

but we’re already on a waiting list for a (hopefully actually really good!) clinic at the other end of the country, which we might actually get to go to in winter!

but we don’t even really look forward to that either? idk it’s a new place and so far away and it seems a bit scary and also... a lot of work probably... urgh we really need help

[arckhaic]

prompt: some day

here’s a list of things i’m not that good at: 

waking up on time ( you see, the sky is always half brokenby the time i drag depression weary / heavy / sunk out of my bed )

replying to messages ( i remember you laugh & i grow full on on the thought of you. thick with memory / empty on words. i’d reach back but i’ve gorged myself. i only ache. ) 

keeping a conversation going ( when people use my name / i / fade. unremember me. give me back to the sky. i want to bebroken & without kings again. ) 

opening up ( i am all heart & no body & i give anything to be ripped apart. ) 

letting go ( i still hold onto your bones even though they are ash in my mouth. every time they remind me to breathe, i tell them i can’t. you won’t let me. )