#deserving help

[againstshame]

I know this is wrong, but sometimes I wish I were a little bit more disabled. I’m not disabled enough to “count” but I do have problems, challenges, and just things that make me different. But I’m not disabled enough to say “oh, yeah, I’m disabled.” I know that properly disabled people face loads of ableism too, so we’re all screwed in different ways, I guess. I just… I’m tired of this.

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[mentalillnessmouse]

I have a lot of anxiety attacks and I scratch my hands until the skin breaks when under pressure so my mom decided to send me to a therapist. I'm scared however because its the same therapist my sister sees, and she was not very happy when she found out. I'm so afraid. I'm not sad, so maybe I don't deserve it? I just wanted help with coping and getting past the constant fatigue. I want motivation, I want to get out of bed, I want to do things. Should I still go? Do I deserve it? I'm afraid.

Hey anon,

That sounds like a really difficult situation and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that right now. Having anxiety is really debilitating and can stop you from getting the most out of your life, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy can definitely help by equipping you with the right coping skills and tools to manage that anxiety in a healthy way.  

I understand that seeing a therapist for the first time is scary and I can imagine that having the same therapist as your sister may be uncomfortable and awkward for both of you. I encourage you to try and speak to your mother and explain that you might be more comfortable with seeing a different therapist to one your sister sees, if that is the case. If that doesn’t sound like something you can do, or your mother doesn’t agree for whatever reason, I would suggest seeing the therapist and discussing this with them. Typically, therapists do not like to see siblings (unless it’s family therapy) because it creates a bit of a conflict of interest and it may be more difficult to develop trust with the therapist. Having said that, it would be important to be honest to the therapist about your feelings and what would make you most comfortable because you are the priority in this case, not your sister. Your therapist may be able to refer you to another professional or direct you to further resources according to your needs.

If you’re not able to make it work in that way, I suggest that you check out your school’s counselling services if you haven’t already. They are usually also able to help you with finding the right mental health professional and may even be able to sort out an appointment for you. Additionally, check out this step-by-step guide on getting a therapist. 

Whether it’s that therapist or a different one, I encourage you to seek therapy because you do deserve help and you do deserve to have the energy to do the things you want to do. It’s not about how bad you have it or how sad you are, if you are struggling then you are worthy of help and you are worthy enough to be able to live a satisfying life. I know it’s scary but I promise it’ll be worth it.

- Tea

[againstshame]

this is hard to write cause brain not thinking clearly, but I have a hard time walking for a number of reasons. I feel really guilty about this. what if I am just faking this, and it's not real? my parents say it's normal to have a really hard time walking (no one else does) and so I can't really do much about it. I wish I had a mobility aid or something, but also that would ,make me feel guilty too. :/ can you respond?

I have no way of knowing what could be causing you to have trouble walking, but if other people around you don’t seem to have the same problem you have, then it probably isn’t normal.

You don’t need to worry about faking. Faking is something people do on purpose- if you’re worried about whether you’re faking this problem, then you’re not doing it on purpose. It’s really hard to have people in your life tell you that something you’re feeling isn’t real- especially your parents- but everybody deserves to be able to take their own feelings seriously. Don’t let other people talk you into believing that you’re just imagining things if that’s not how it feels to you. When you have a problem or you’re in pain, you should be able to tell people and they should try to help you. You’re not doing anything wrong here.

Maybe it would help to understand why your parents might be reacting this way. If you turned out to have a disability, your parents would have a responsibility to take you to a doctor, make sure you got medical care, mobility aids and anything else that you would need. That might cost money, and it would certaily take some time and effort, and require them to change their routines and how they do things. When addressing a problem would take a lot of work, sometimes people just get into denial about it instead, especially if it doesn’t affect them directly.

There may not be much you can do now, but I do think you should talk to a doctor about this eventually if you can.

[againstshame]

I hate not having a diagnosis for any of my disabilities, I can't help but feel lazy because of it. I can't ask for help for a thing my family doesn't believe I have because they brush me off and tell me I'm making excuses until I can't help but agree with them. I wish they would just listen to me so I won't have to reach out and hurt myself more just to please them and fit the 'standard'. They always tell me I just want attention and it makes me wonder if maybe they're right and I'm just a liar

[againstshame]

having high support needs f*cking sucks. allistic people don't want me, and other autistic people don't want me even more. so many people SAY they "care about autistics with all support needs", but their idea of what "high support needs" means is just "someone who has extremely low support needs, except they're nonverbal". the autistic community seems disgusted by people like me who can't take care of themselves and it's so upsetting, i just want to feel welcome somewhere :(

[againstshame]

There are some things that I like about being autistic such as my intense interests and how happy they make me, but there are just sooo many negatives. I hate feeling like a burden to those around me because I need extra help and can't do a lot of things on my own. Being told over and over that I'm not trying hard enough and could do anything if I pushed myself is starting to take a toll on my mental health.

[againstshame]

I’m considered “high functioning” like I went to a public school and I’ll probably be able to get a job and I can do social interaction and mask very very well but it all exhausts me so so much, i end up lying on the floor in a dark room with my head pounding trying not to cry after a regular amount of social interaction, I’d be completely wrecked at the end of every school day and it has destroyed my mental health. I could pretend to be allistic and move out, go to uni and get a job and be normal but at the end of every day I’d still come home and fall apart, constantly burnt out and depressed. If I wanted the chance at living a happy life I probably wouldn’t be able to move out of my parents house, probably wouldn’t be able to get a job, definitely would have to drop my mask completely and change almost all the relationships in my life. Disappoint everyone who assumed I was high functioning and could make anything of my life.