As you know, we’ve been hard at work at keeping the simulation running and running smoothly however, there are always some things that slipped through the cracks. This list will detail all the repairs, bug fixes and patches that have been implemented as of 2026
Physics:
Gravity set to increase by 3% every month
Rolling after a jump no longer cancels fall damage for a platform more than 700 feet in the air
Fire is now 30% cooler when surrounded by sodium
Gold is now 35% stronger than steel
Fixed no clipping issues in Waffle House, Austin, Texas
Stairs now are frictionless when wearing full plate mail
Chemistry
Chemistry students forget chemistry 4x Faster
Sodium only explodes in Orange Crush
Added new version of Alcohol “Vodkiskey”
Fixed “Checkered heating” in microwave
Unloaded Quarks
Reloaded Kuarks
Biology
Pistol shrimp given understanding of FTL Travel
Dogs now see color purple as Mirrored Surface
Increased Infant immortality rate by 7%
Adjusted Cancer spawns by 35%
Everyone is Neurodivergent now
Erased Monarch Butterfly poison stinger
Removed Herobrian
Bones are now 6% more brittle when hit with moose
Meese are now 35% more likely to spawn in road
Government
Editor’s Note,
This section was ruined when we put it in, but unfortunately we continued to build the system around it and now we can’t take it out without the whole system crashing.
Removed need for arguments to make sense
Economy
Added infinite money glitch
Billionaires are now marked under “Dragon” category, it’s now a challenge to rob them rather than a crime
75% more likely to go bankrupt after winning quick time event “Lottery”
Removed 33% of health benefits
Food
Pizza is 53.45% less nourishing
Increased Tryptophan levels in turkey by 400%
Pufferfish is completely safe to consume
Sweetened human flesh by 47%
Hunger diminishes 68% slower when rich
Increased starving in North Korea
Psychology
Increased self doubt by 350%
Added Dopamine to loot table of losing at poker
Added Dopamine to loot table of selling soul
Added new level of happiness “Godlike”
Hanging with friends spawns Dopamine loot box
Hanging friends creates -68 points of dopamine
General life
Added “You sure bout that?” To every response table in regards to life choices
Geese officially reclassified as hostile NPCs
Brain starts up 35% slower in winter months
Changed color of the interior of the sun
Social anxiety triggers even when alone
One sock per household is removed nightly as a tax
Stability improved by lowering expectations
Tutorials still missing. Figure it out
Headphones now tangle while stationary
Confidence has been nerfed
Autocorrect aggressively confident and consistently wrong
Drivers lose all sense and logic when observed
Unfixed
Billionaires to be patched, probably next year or something
Water is not wet, it makes things wet
Mermaids
Corporate ladder is currently balancing out
Dev notes
Stop min maxing for better outcomes, it won’t work.
The economy is not bugged. It is behaving exactly as designed by people we no longer work with.
Balance team confirms that pigeons are still overpowered. Nerf delayed due to union negotiations.
Patch 2027 will not “fix everything.” It will add more systems that interact badly.
One Final Comment
The Surveillance team would like to ask John David Smith of Little Rock Arkansas to please stop consuming rabbits by the metric ton.
Skulls have been removed for system maintenance purposes.
Good news everyone! According to the dev notes, Abdirak’s sexiness to creepiness ratio is 6 to 3!
Father Abdirak is a follower of Loviatar, a goddess that thrives on inflicting pain on others. He is indulging in some private 'worship' (self flagellation). He offers to help alleviate the player's pain by giving them 'penance' - i.e, beating them. Loviatar = loh-VEE-a-tar. He is a young and charismatic preacher with a threatening edge.
Abdirak: Greetings, child. I've met few aside from goblins here.
He has paused in beating himself to stand and greet the player.
Player is one of the few non-goblins he’s met in this place. Welcomes another for conversation and discussion but there should be something vaguely threatening about him. Charismatic, sexy, and creepy all in one.
Abdirak: Ah, are you also here to assist with the prisoner?
Player: You mean the one they are torturing?
Abdirak: Please. The things they are doing to that man... so crude and primitive.
Distates. Like an expert in wine being present with a bottle from Tesco. He loves pain, he just has an issue with the lack of artistery.
Abdirak: I was invited to to teach them. I live for pain and its intricacies, you see, but alas...
Discusses eyes light up at the mention of pain but discussing it in an academic sense
Abdirak: Pain without purpose is a terrible thing, wouldn't you agree?
No horror in his voice. Discussing it like an intellectual pursuit. It is not the violence he takes issue with, it is the fact that they do it simply for fun.
Player: It's appalling.
Abdirak: Exactly, pain is an intimate thing. It should be delivered with a loving and measured hand.
Eyes light up as he discusses pain and his approach to it. This is clearly something he is passionate about and believes in.
Abdirak: But trying to discuss such subtleties with these creatures is simply...
Slightly irritated, the goblins have fobbed him off and he’s been left to his own painful devices.
Abdirak: Hah. I realise this looks strange, but I assure you, it is a most intimate form of worship.
The player has pointed out that he is beating himself bloody. He smiles, his eyes lighting up as he begins to explain. He believes in what he is doing.
Abdirak: You see, pain is a loving thing. But trying to explain it to these goblins has proven...
Passionate and enthusiastic as he explains. Pain and its infliction is his pride and joy.
Player: I thought a follower of Loviatar would approve of pain.
Abdirak: You know the Maiden of Pain? How refreshing. But there is more to us than that.
Eyes light up as he discusses pain. Considers pain and its intimacies a form of therapy and even art, but he knows that not everyone will feel that way about Pain, or his Goddess, Loviatar.
Abdirak: Yes, we worship her through pain - often our own. But it is an intimate and loving thing and one we offer up.
Abdirak: If you would permit it, I can show you first-hand.
He is offering to beat the player with a weapon of choice, This is a sincere and genuine offer, He believes in what he is doing and that it will, ultimately, help the player.
Player: What's a follower of the Maiden of Pain doing here?
Abdirak: Ah, you are familiar with the Scourge Mistress? Good. I am simply spreading her message, friend.
A smile. The player has realised that he worships an evil goddess. He knows he is likely not going to win this argument on the merits of pain and torture, but he is sincere as he explain how he worships his goddess.
Abdirak: I worship her through pain - usually my own. But I have a skilled hand when it comes to its infliction.
Abdirak: Care to expand your horizons? It will be worth it - you have my word.
A smile as he offers to, basically, beat the player. It is a sincere and genuine offer, he believes it will help.
Abdirak: Yes. One who claims to be a master of pain. Tch.
Player has asked who invited him here. It was a goblin who is torturing someone next door. His tone is dismissive. He believes the goblin doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Abdirak: Pain is intimate and loving. But trying to discuss that with these creatures…
Irritated in the opening line, but then his eyes light up and he smiles as he discusses PAIN. It is his life’s passion and something he is enthusiastic about.
Abdirak: Forgive me, but that look in your eyes - something terrible has happened to you.
He’s looking the player in the eyes and is concerned - he can see the player has been hurt (emotionally) and is worried. This is sincere.
Player: That’s none of your concern.
Abdirak: Do not be ashamed, child. What I see in your eyes, in your soul, is only natural.
Player has told him to bugger off, basically. Abdirak assumes the player is embarassed, he is sincere - he has seen pain in the player’s eyes and wishes to comfort him.
Abdirak: Because I see those same eyes when I look in the mirror, dear one.
Player has asked how he knew something terrible had happened them. Abdirak sadly replies. He is think of his own traumatic past, which ultimately led him to turn to Loviatar as a way coping with the trauma.
Abdirak: We've all suffered in these dark times. It is little wonder you bear scars of pain and anguish.
He is trying to comfort and connect with the player.
Abdirak: Please let me alleviate this pain.
hesitates on the word ‘alleiviate’. He believes that the beating he is about to offer will genuinely help. Sincere. Said with a smile.
Player: And how would you do that?
Abdirak: As the Maiden of Pain, the goddess Loviatar, teaches us...
Player has asked about the ‘penance’ Abdirak has suggested. Explaining about his goddes Loviatar. Sincere. Believes pain is a beautiful thing. Voice more sexy than creepy.
Abdirak: ...through penance - administered by my skilled hand.devnote
Abdirak: My work can grant peace and serenity - the likes of which few experience. It will be worth it - I promise.
He gestures to the table, where a selection of weapons lays ready. The priest should look very sincere in this scene. He genuinely thinks he’s helping you.
Player: Touch me and you'll lose your hand.
Abdirak: Is that a promise?
Player has threatened him with physical violence. He is delighted. Almost winks as he says this.
Abdirak: A pity though. You would know such sweet relief at my hands.
sighs at the player’s rejections. Sounds charismatic and sensual as he thinks of the beating he would have inflicted on the player.
Abdirak: Now, if you'll excuse me, I should return to my own worship.
plans to return to self flagellation. Looking forward to it.
Player: I've no interest in the teachings of such an evil goddess.
Abdirak: Pain is pain, dear one. It is above 'good' and 'evil'. devnote
Player has told him that his goddess is evil and that he wants to part in this practice. His argument about pain is sincere, he sees it as neither good nor evil, simply as proof that we are alive - and that is worth worshipping and experiencing.
Player has agreed to the beating/penance. Excited. Sexually charged. Already imaging the pain he is about to inflict.
Abdirak: But wait - you are hurt. Please tend to your wounds before we begin your penance.
Player has agreed to do penance but their health is too low. The priest is warning that they must heal first. Genuine and sincere, he doesn’t want to hurt them.
Abdirak: I prefer a fresh canvas.
A smile as he says this - vaguely sexual overtones.
Abdirak: Dear child, I told you - take care of those wounds, and we will begin your penance.
Player has tried to come to him for penance but is still wounded. Tone gently chiding, as if speaking to a child.
Abdirak: Sweet child. While I enjoyed that, I'm afraid your reaction was... lacking.
Voice low and intimate. Player did penance but did not react correctly. He regrets that the player does not get a reward (but he had a great time, which is all he really cares abotu)
Abdirak: Interesting is an understatement, dear one.
voice low and intimate, as if speaking to a lover.
Abdirak: Loviatar herself found your performance... inspiring. She has deemed you worthy of her blessing.
Voice intimate and filled with admiration. His goddess has chosen to bless the player - a sacred gift.
This can be anything - for reaching a hand out and gently passing it over the player to holding both hands out and closing his eyes in concentration as he passes on the blessing. As long as it is something that indicates that a spell/blessing is happening, it can be anything.
Abdirak: And on a personal note, thank you. That was positively divine.
This is a low, sultry. Almost whispered in the player’s ear. Sexy and intimate. But also creepy as all hell.
Dev Update!
a little snippet of the characters' "daily" lives! a little peaceful isn't it?
Hi guys! Working on CGS and dialogue when I get the chance to. Recently I have newfound respect for writers, its very hard to express the character's personality through dialogue, it is something exciting to learn about tho.
Summer is finally around the corner and my work is getting busier! hopefully I find more time to update everyone.
Have a good summer everybody!
-lafiaso
Hey, it's me! K1ng0fSugar! And today's my birthday! And as a gift to myself...?
NEW ✩~UNITY! LOGO!!!!!
(6/19/23) ---> (9/21/24)
✩~UNITY! is special to me, and since it wouldn't be here without me, I think its only appropriate that it's birthday is also mine! I wanna thank everyone whose taken interest of its existence, I promise that I'm gonna do more work both art and writing wise to fully maximize its radiance LOL!
Again, thank y'all for being here! And as always--
Stay Unified!
So, Dragon Age: Origins, obviously, on PC, known for its tactical camera. Dragon Age: Origins on consoles didn't actually have tac cam, and Dragon Age 2 didn't have tac cam at all, so tac cam remains this interesting feature in the Dragon Age franchise where some players feel like it is a key part of the DNA, and other people never use it whatsoever.
What we found in Dragon Age: Inquisition was it was a feature that was not used very much, and even those people who did use it often used it simply to survey the battlefield before doing most of the combat in the third-person over-the-shoulder camera.
Because it's such a radically different camera angle, tac-cam requires a significant amount of additional level design and especially level art work to allow it to coexist with that over-the-shoulder camera.
- Mark Darrah, former Dragon Age Executive Producer
