March 18, 2026
This was a bad one, folks. This is probably the worst one since I started this blog. We've got the trifecta here:
The internet lied to me
I fucked up on my own
Burnt one of my main typing fingers, which means writing this is already extremely fun
So let's get into it while I'm still filled with enough rage to post through the pain lmao. Fair warning, my anger is palpable throughout
Ingredients: bread, butter, eggs
Procedure: I followed this recipe to cook boiled eggs in the rice cooker. It said 8-9 minutes for medium boiled and 10-12 minutes for hard boiled. I aimed for medium, but hard would've been fine too. 1 cup of water was used, as instructed, and the eggs were left to rice cook in the steamer tray for about 8 minutes. At the end of the 8 minutes, I checked the egg doneness using the spin technique recommended by the fucking food network, thought it looked okay, but wasn't feeling confident so I put the bigger one I'd tested with back in with the other one. At this point, the bread was put in the toaster, the toasting cycle was completed, and then it was buttered. Once the toast was ready, the eggs were removed and spun again, still looking good compared to my control, raw egg
Results: I saved the pictures for here because this is how it fucking turned out
DOES THAT LOOK FUCKING BOILED TO YOU?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
I ate the toast at this point, feeling unbelievably pissed off and hopeless. The cherry on top was the fact that during this whole incident. one of the pieces of toast got a little wet, so not only was the toast starting to get cold, one piece was also soggy at the top! This would've been forgivable if it was the only issue but of course it wouldn't be. Otherwise, the toast was fine - my toaster kinda sucks (you can see the unevenness) but it's toast, it's fine, it's whatever
Ingredients, again: the same eggs, canola oil, salt, pepper
Procedure, again: canola oil was placed in frying pan and eggs were fried in it until they looked reasonably done. Salt and pepper was applied near the end of the cooking process
Results, again: And once again, here's a pic, cause even this was a fucking trainwreck
Some of the failure here was admittedly my fault, but I don't think I can be blamed that much given how close I was to just giving up and eating shredded cheese for dinner at this point. Firstly, my small frying pan is fucked - I need to replace it, which I haven't done yet because I can't find the same one I have, so I need to measure it and ugh, it's a whole thing. So for two eggs, the logical choice if you don't have a small frying pan would be to use a medium one. Well, the medium one is what I used to cook those burgers a few days ago and it is gross, so I haven't washed it yet cause I, quite frankly, don't want to deal with it. As such, my only choice was to use the large frying pan. Which was just fucking unnecessary and means I now have to wash TWO frying pans soon but it's whatever, it's fine, it's Fine. Incidentally, my spatula is also disgusting from the burgers, so I used a random ass extra one I found when I unpacked that actually worked fine, but now I also have to wash TWO spatulas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, because I was using the large frying pan, I used canola oil instead of butter, which is what I would usually use for eggs. I didn't have enough room temperature butter for the large frying pan and I didn't want to waste time on waiting for fridge butter to take it's time melting in the pan because of everything above. I didn't even wait until the oil was all the way heated cause I just wanted this fucking over with. Turns out, eggs cooked in canola oil are not nearly as good as ones cooked in butter! They're slimey. The salt and pepper doesn't stick. It tastes like oil rather than egg. Just ugh. Wasn't ruined enough to not eat, but probably the worst eggs I've ever made. Like genuinely in my entire life
And, when cleaning up some extra oil, I accidentally got some on the pad of my right ring finger, which of course burnt it. And!!! As the final, extra cherry on this shit sundae, I overcooked the yolks - they were solid and powdery as fuck. I blame the canola oil for this too, as it was harder to tell how far along they were compared to with butter
Fucking miserable experience. At least the piece of toast that wasn't wet was good
Notes for next time: just stop trusting the internet. Everyone lies. That's all they fucking do on here. Recipe sites lie, tv network websites lie, lies lies lies, it's all lies. You can't boil eggs in a rice cooker, at least not in the time indicated. Also never, ever fry eggs in oil again - butter only









