if you think you are worthless, you are a black hole, taking everything in, doing everything you can to build yourself up, and your entire world bends around your attempts to do so. you are bitter and resentful of the struggles of others for stealing attention away from your own. you feel profound compassion when and only because their struggles validate your own. you use the evil in the world to validate your own goodness, suffering to validate your love, you will dig yourself deep into misery to keep yourself safe. you will hurt and weaken yourself in every way to validate your own self-pity. you will make yourself loathsome to increase the world’s hatred of you. you will avoid opportunity to avoid potential failure. you will create arbitrary rules and beliefs to govern and preserve yourself from shattering even more. nothing is honest anymore. nothing CAN be honest when you have an open wound. you are bending light around stars.
but in this storm there are moments that come by themselves. when someone loves you and shows you through that love the thing you’re unable to see in yourself. when you learn to love someone or something intensely for no reason at all. when for inexplicable reasons your heart opens up and you see the abundance of beauty and goodness around you. when you learn to let go, when you are forced to let go, when you realize that the thing you’re holding onto never existed.
