TEN REASON I HATE “GRAVITY”
I mentioned to a friend that I enjoyed Brad Pitt’s new movie “Ad Astra”. He replied, “I put it above interstellar but not as good as gravity or Martian.”
“Gravity” was a movie I long ago put out of my mind, but when he mentioned it, all the reasons I hated it came flooding back.
First I will say that the film had a great sound mix. But I don’t enjoy movies for their Foley.
The film opens with George Clooney’s character wasting furl doing cartwheels in outer space trying to break a stupid record; doesn’t he know resources in space out limited? An of course following Chekhov’s rule about wasting fuel - that mistake will come back to bite him in the ass.
Next Sandra Bullock’s character is working on the Hubble Telescope. A warning sounds that a disaster is eminent and Clooney orders her to stop. No, she says, give me another minute. I think that happens at least twice - WTF? Didn’t they train her to follow orders at NASA?
Then later, Clooney is starting to drift out into space (no more fuel!) and Bullock and he are connected by some debris. Based on the laws of physics in outer space, the slightest tug should have pulled Clooney back - but nope! Even though the film billed itself as scientifically accurate - it wasn’t.
When Bullock finally reaches the safety of a capsule she strips like Barbarella to reveal a cute set of athletic bra and panties - but astronauts wear elaborate longjohns (and diapers during space walks) under their space suits to regulate the temperature. But that wouldn’t have looked sexy on Bullock.
As Bullock tries to find safety, she travels from the Hubble Telescope to the international space stations, then to a Chinese Space station. The movie suggests that all three are at the relative same distance from Earth. In fact, the Chinese Station orbits approximately 180 miles above Earth, the International Space Station approximately 250 miles above Earth, and the Hubble approximately 330 miles above Earth. So much for scientific accuracy!
Like the Melodramas of the silent film era (Perils of Pauline) Bullock encounter one disaster after another: space shuttle hit by debris, Clooney dies, the escape craft on the international station is in usable; the station is destroyed, at the Chinese station it gets damaged by debris BUT just in time Bullock is able to get in the reentry capsule, but on the way down there’s another fire, then in Earth she lands in a lake and almost drowns!!!
Bullock’s character is a fucking jinxed - bring disaster to everything she touches.
Then there’s this bullshit quote from director Cuarón describing the final scene: "She's in these murky waters almost like an amniotic fluid or a primordial soup, in which you see amphibians swimming. She crawls out of the water, not unlike early creatures in evolution. And then she goes on all fours. And after going on all fours she's a bit curved until she is completely erect. It was the evolution of life in one, quick shot".
And the worst part is this piece of shit was the best picture Oscar. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
