#disso

[trans-seraphim]

psh, i can't have a dissociative disorder. i don't struggle with dissociation. because i have a system.

[arcusf4rley]

Im so pathetic but july always tries to convince me im not.....

Its the way i distance ourselves from everyone. Sometimes its for good. But the way i shut family out.... :(

[arcusf4rley]

Starting tag for disso.. or whatever is wrojg woth me. I wasted like our whole evening. Its all a blur. The last .... 5 hours are a blur

Im minty right now

I feel bad i alwayd waste emilys time and energy so i cleaned

:C

[arcusf4rley]

Not open about dissociation except dpdr anywhere anymore

[4lt4ria]

dissociation is defined in so many ways by different people. "overwhelmingly damaging consequence of unmet dependency needs" is certainly one though

[4lt4ria]

.

i have read that the idea of being one singular compacted identity is a very western concept but I do wish those people who say that would say who they mean. What cultures? Its something I should delve into on my own one day.

Anyways. I have came to my own conclusion recently. My sense of self is very fragmented and I do happen to have dissociative symptoms, but I do not think I really am what one would call a system. I have to agree with my old T, I likely do not have that disorder. Fragmentation can occur in CPTSD and BPD as well. These parts, They feel more like imaginary friends who hold memories or certain ways of thinking, who talk to me as i go about my life and before they felt like enemies. Ive worked hard to get their trust and find peace with them. Because theyve always been around

Funny how I talked about this in the osdd subreddit and people went on to claim I am in denial but I really think they are soothing their own denial. They can't grapple with the idea that this is all very complex, the fragmentation of a person and the way a brain can work. And that they possibly may not be systems themselves. And that its okay, it doesn't erase the complex way they experience cognition and just the many complex ways we experience..living life...

That said, i do think dissociative disorders are real but i am done with trying to figure out what my deal is. Its just better to live life and find harmony with those parts of yourself who often may be in discord with one another/you

[4lt4ria]

.

I hate having dpdr-like symptoms at the job. At my old job all i did was mostly stock milk so that was ok. Annoying but whatever. Its ok if things feel fake and weird when you just have to stock milk.

But at this job i have to interact with people all the time and juggle a bunch of multitasking, but i feel lobotomized and its hard and i lose basic proprioception & my eyes look dead but i can consciously move my eyes around and awaken them so they dont look as dead/motionless. Its hard tho. 😪