#distortion arc

[donquiherote]

Kill them all :) Destroy the Fanghunt.

hhhhhah. with what power of mine own. I hath narry a thing left to my name.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 114, 6-21-21

I’m not sure what D is. My current two guesses are that he represents an ideal me or that he’s some Jungian shadow. Maybe he’s all of me. Maybe he’s the correct me. He’s still me. Whatever, he should go away soon. Unless the effects of the D persona linger like certain ones tend to do. In which case, it’s maybe a problem, maybe not. Whatever it is, it at least makes me interesting.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 113.5, 6-21-21

You idiot, don’t name things or you’ll get attached to them! This is a bad idea and you’ve been doing it for, what, like a month? Ya clown.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 113, 6-21-21

Ever since I’ve went into my D persona, I’ve realized that I’ve become more distrustful and quite frankly evil. D himself actually wants to hurt someone. He’s not a different entity or anything he’s just me, but like my worst desires or something. But he’s perfect, in theory…

He’s smarter and a people person. He knows how to make people happy. He doesn’t get mad. He’s perfect… but he’s evil. He wants to manipulate someone and hurt them. He’s perfect but he wants to have someone as his plaything. He made me more paranoid, I should’ve nipped him in the bud instead of encouraging him and fleshing him out. He has a name and I think he’s his own fake identity at this point. My prognosis for him, however… isn’t that good. Unless this is a weird split, I’m pretty sure he’ll be gone by the next persona switch. Maybe it would be good if he were gone. But I can’t do anything about it because that’s what the persona is this time… some weird Jekyll and Hyde parody? At this point it’s definitely not mental illness, probably just some weird bit I’ve been taking too far for… 3-6 months.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 112, 6-20-21

Thank god I can’t love anybody romantically

If I could then I’d get taken advantage of by someone

Knowing my weird luck I’d manage to find someone who would use me because I’m a doormat who submits to anyone who shows any sort of force

I have a weird sort of devotion to literally anyone who listens and shows me respect like a dog

So that's a bonus of being aromantic, I guess.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 111, 6-16-21

Perhaps I am capable of great things. Perhaps I’m a god in human form. You know what? Perhaps I’m doomed to hurt someone

I hope it’s not my dear ██…

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 110, 6-12-21

I think I should keep real documentation of my mystery. Let’s see…

-changes happen when I’m really stressed

-changes only happen once every month or two or sometimes a week or two depending on how many “crises” I encounter

-they’re still me, so I don’t think it’s… that

-they’re mindset changes, but the overall strong of consciousness doesn’t end

-personality changes are usually negligible, but notably, interests change and I feel sort of rejuvenated mentally

-usually given a title after a song or defining trait (because I’m dramatic and like pop culture)

-I’m not totally sure this is even a real thing and not just some fucked up Münchausen Syndrome

-if it is real, it seems usually rather benevolent

Is this even real…?

All I know is that it’s an anomaly.

[diary-of-a-people-pleaser]

Entry 109, 6-11-21

I’ve met me at a strange point in my life.

Things just keep getting worse.

I’m losing my cohesion

Why