#distract skill

[littlemissanne]

---Indoor Gardening---

I’ve been doing a lot of indoor gardening lately. It’s been a lot of fun. Honestly, I really enjoy plants. I’m like Poison Ivy from Gotham without being a cold-ass villain.

I’ve been doing a lot of DISTRACT activities: painting, drawing, photography, indoor gardening, cooking, etc. I’ve cut my willfulness down by half, which is a good thing! :)

I talked to my PCP this week. She wants me to see a Gastroenterologist about my nausea. I never actually saw a specialist about. Doctors probably just assumed it was my medications causing my nausea. And that could be it...but they just want to be sure now.

My asthma came back. I’ve been wheezing and short of breath. At first, I thought it was my weight and the fact that I am super out of shape. But it’s my asthma from allergies. Thank god. I catastrophized for a moment there and thought my RA had hit my lungs! I do that a lot. It’s something I am slowly trying to unlearn.

Indoor gardening really brings me joy. I have an aloe vera plant, a purple gem cactus, a succulent, a basil plant, and I’m growing some wildflowers as well. It’s very exciting for me to have a new hobby. It makes living (not surviving, living) through the pandemic more bearable. I always try to seize the day, destroy the day.

And I think I’m succeeding.

[littlemissanne]

Exhausted

Today was a mid-range pain day for me. On a spoonie pain scale I am about a 5. I think about my pain A LOT and there are some things (exercise) that I cannot easily do. Now that I took my night meds and the gabapentin is kicking in, it’s about a 4. I am aware of the pain I am in (Fibro and neck arthritis) but I can get things done. 

I did mindfulness to this bird song. I know it sounds weird...but this helps me stay mindful. I also write down inspirational phrases on a white board (a portable one) and use it to inspire myself to stay skillful throughout the day. 

I don’t always stay skillful but it helps me turn the mind towards using my skills. I have to turn my mind over and over again...but it’s worth it. Now that I am aware of my issues I can’t go back to the old ways of doing things. Well, I CAN...but it wouldn’t be the best choice for me. I’m in DBT to help rewire my brain to healthier thinking and behavior. I don’t want to live in the old ways anymore. When I was told that in DBT (that I couldn’t go back to the old ways), I got annoyed. I wanted to go back to the old ways just to spite my DBT leader and I realized then just how headstrong I really was. 

I don’t like being told what to do. But if I had told myself that (I couldn’t go back) I would be okay with that. I cannot like my headstrong nature mess with my progress. 

I got a new therapist. I actually know her from DBT. Aaaand she’s awesome. I mesh well with her and she seems to appreciate my weird sense of humor. I was worried that she was going to be overly strict and that I would be terrified of being vulnerable with her. None of that happened...it was like talking to my mother...I felt completely and instantly comfortable with her. She is a mother...that may be why. Or I’m projecting my feelings about my mother onto her. 

It’s funny. I thought she was going to be like a bad-ass Drill Sargent kind of person. She’s open, easy going, and firm. Also since DBT has been on Zoom...I got to see her adorable dogs. 

I am doing three charities: Girls Love Mail (writing letters to patients with breast cancer), cards for hospitalized kids (making cards for kids in the hospital), and the snuggles project (blankets for shelter animals). They are a great distraction during the pandemic. 

I also starting painting rocks. I am making my brother a painted rock for his birthday. A galaxy rock. It’s OK looking but I wanted it to be more artistic. I’m flying by the seam of my pants with this activity basically. 

Also started playing my Clarinet again. It’s amazing how much I missed it. I never realized. My old therapist told me that my “clarinets missed me”. She was right. I want to join a community symphonic band in the future.