I have never married my kids dad, so I'm not familiar with divorce. But the father and I are not together and live separately. When I had the kid we weren't together either so when I gave birth she stayed with me and he would visit (it was a mutual agreement) it wasn't until she turned that we started to do split custody. It's been about a year(?) Ish since we've done so and I'm not going to like I got extremely depressed the first week she was at his house. At first it wasn't that big of a deal, but then things started to set in and I started to panic. It was the first time she was away from me for a long period of time. Which made me anxious and worry about her. But I had talked to the dad and he does keep me updated, it's easier with us to co-parent since it's a mutual agreement that we just didn't fit and we had no hard feelings for each other. Plus we live in the same town. I got in to see a therapist and decided that the weeks I don't have her I will go out and do stuff. Try to keep myself distracted, plus I work so I try to pick up even more shifts the weeks she's not with me. But I do try to remind her that I love and try to keep in touch when she's with her dad. She's still young and doesn't quite grasp the concept of all of this. But her dad and I both sit down when it's time to swap and give each a run down of everything that has happened and we both discussed our parenting styles and what we should do. Communication between both parents is really good but also make sure you remind your kids you love them. You're going to be fine, it's going to be really difficult at first but you got this <3
Thank you for sending me this. I'm glad you guys are able to co-parent so effectively! That sounds ideal. I don't know if I'll ever get to that point with my husband, but I really hope we can. He's not open to communicating anything right now, and when he does speak to me, it's aggressive. I stopped trying to keep him updated on anything to do with the kids because he doesn't ask/respond/seem to care in the least until he's ready to take them for the weekend.
It's been a major struggle. But what really gets me is not being with them. Even though it's only on weekends right now (until the judge decides), it's so hard not having them there. Did I have a life before I was a mom? I can't remember. My soul is so accustomed to theirs that nothing else seems to satiate it in their absence. I tried reading, tried drawing (which I haven't done seriously in years), tried writing- nothing came of it.
I know it's just a hill I have to climb- things will turn out better eventually.
I appreciate you sharing your story with me. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know others have this same lost feeling without their kids. ❤️ Thank you for reaching out. I hope your daughter knows how lucky she is to have a parent like you.
