#dnd shit post

[spellcheckpodcast]

Post-session post: I'm not sleeping tonight

[lulu-the-heavymetal-bard]

Thoric taking damage right before we go see a Gold dragon

Thoric: I’m going to try and jump across the broken bridge

DM: you fall 60ft, take 30 damage

Thoric: Still alive! Alright let’s try that again!

..........

Thoric: ok, I’m going to try to walk across the broken bridge

DM: you’re too heavy so you fall 60ft and take damage again....

Thoric: Barely alive!

Gildove: for the love of my goddess please stop! Stay there I’m healing you!

...........

Thoric: ok what if Vor shrunk me?

DM: alright go ahead and try

*Vor shrinks Thoric then attempts to throw him across the bridge*

DM: you land hard across the bridge and take damage

Thoric: sweet, ok I go into the room now

DM: there’s a statue of a dwarf and lever

Thoric: I pull the lever

DM: a trap door opens and the statue shoots fire at you and you take 20 fire damage

Thoric: STILL ALIVE

[jesterrlavorre]

Need to make a gnome gnecromancer someday

[lulu-the-heavymetal-bard]

So we'll be facing a dragon soon

Lulu: can i seduce it?

Morn: can I also seduce it?

Thoric: can I kill it?

Vor: can we convince it then kill it?

Gildove: can we convince it?

Nicile: can we not die?

........

Lulu: can we belittle it?

Morn: can we feed it?

Thoric: can we tax it?

Vor: can we deceive it?

Gildove: can we be friends with it?

Nicile: can we not die?

.............

DM: it helps lost kids sometimes

ALMOST EVERYONE: LET'S KIDNAP A LOST CHILD

Nicile: can we not die?

[lulu-the-heavymetal-bard]

I've been found out

Lady Silverhand: your friend here is part of a criminal organization known as Bregan D'aerthe

Lulu: *fuck*

Everyone who's with me:

Literally no one else knew aside from the DM and I and it was a magical time when everyone found out

[jesterrlavorre]

Concept: tabaxi sorcerer that has a devil bloodline or something and has tiger markings like a rakshasa

[tiefighter]

ALSO PIRATE AU

look it’s honestly not morty’s fault his ship got taken over by pirates. He was sailing along minding his own business on his way back for work and then suddenly there’s a really attractive tiefling lady and some drow dude asking for every hat on board and kicking the captain out. Honestly, it was kind of bloodless, which is a little bit of a worry. Only when they bring him onto their ship and make it obvious that it’s him they were there for he has to wonder what the fuck they want with an accountant who can judge the trajectory of a cannonball so accurately he never needs to fire twice and oh. oh.

“This is vistra, she’s gonna kick your ass and you’re gonna like it.”

Chas let them tell her once not to whistle on a ship and that she wasn’t allowed to BE on a ship and now she sits on the prow whistling to her heart’s content and drinking far too much.Vic has a cat on the ship named A Cat and it is a pissy fucking asshole of a creature but they dont have a rat problem (they have a dragon problem)

[tiefighter]

Medieval dnd fantasy auuuuuu

Morty’s science is almost but not quite like magic and it’s just different enough that when he’s driven out of town for not being able to understand how similar the two are it hurts more than it probably should. 

Vistra is a gentle creature made of fire and brimstone with her father’s hammer and her mother’s inability to let anything go. She fights for things she believes in and fights with the people she loves because they don’t believe in themselves (lookin at u morty)Vic is pretty much a pain in the ass with a sword attached but he loves his horse more than anything and follows them all into hell because they ask him to and honestly, what’s murdering a king for people who will lie through their teeth so you get to keep your stolen cloak?Chas is trouble with a capital T and when she and Vic start teaming up it’s Terrible for Everyone and they only lie about the dragon because they really want there to be one, and then there is and then there’s SCIENCE and suddenly it’s not lying anymore. 

Look ‘m not saying giant cuddlepile full of swords scales and horse hair but what I am saying is that it’s a good idea.