#dndquotes

[dykes-for-dnd]

“I look respectfully terrified as I walk over” - one of my players as I introduce a buff elf woman NPC

[khaoskrew111]

Forge: *teasingly* “So how's the most handsome person in the world doing?”

Diego: *Without looking up* “I don’t know, how are you?”

Forge: *Voice cracking* “...fine..”

[beanbinary]

Alexa play Despacito

(DND)

Context: our party had just encountered quite the messy result of an explosion, and it was quite a sad scene. 

DM: Yeah, there are about ten dead bodies. You can spot some sketchy looking guys but also civilians. One civilian had clearly been out on a walk alone. No one knows her.

Sorcerer: She died all alone and no one knew her?! ThAT’S SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO

Me, the bard: *immediately hops to a tab that I had open with a youtube video paused right at the start of despacito and hits play. I was prepared.*

The entire party, losing their shit: YOU MOTHERFUCKING-

The DM, laughing: roll performance

Me: ...

Me: nat 1

DM: So right as you strum the first few notes of Despacito, a cherry tomato flies out of nowhere and soars right into your mouth and chokes you- followed by an onslaught of rotten tomatoes that civilians are throwing at you because that was so bad.

Me OOC: Yeah that’s pretty much the only appropriate reaction to Despacito.

[crustymilkman-blog]

“They’re massaging the poison out of him, but he’s getting off on it!!!?”

-a horror story of nick (part 1)

[preachersooc]

(( Source ))

[dykes-for-dnd]

I haven’t posted on here in a while but I’d like to show everyone my favourite quotes some some dnd games I’ve DM’d/played

Fighter: “I mean the body can take the hit, the booze must survive”

Rogue: “don’t bite the hand that feeds you - go for the legs, it’ll throw them off balance”

Monk: “I’ve got twinks in my inventory!”

Sorcerer: “you went from bored to a full mental breakdown”

Fighter: “NO! You want to hear it in Infernal? NO!”

Sorcerer: “that’s one heckin tiddie window”

Monk: “shit my amour fell off! Quick, sausage sauce!” (Don’t ask me for context I can’t even remember)

Warlock: *mimicking holding phone* “hey mum can you pass me over to Satan, please?”

Druid: “you know that thing pirates do with a knife and a sail? Can I do that but with a kraken and a flaming sword?”

[beanbinary]

Fur is good for scrubbing, apparently.

During tomb of annihilation, our party got captured by the yuan-ti and was forced to do dirty work for them. One of our tasks was scrubbing the grime off of the walls and floors of their washroom.

DM: Everyone roll to scrub. 

Me, a literal tabaxi: 16!

DM: Haha, okay. You scrub so well that one of the supervisors thinks it’d be hilarious to use you yourself as a scrub brush. You are used as a brush for the rest of the time it takes to clean the place.

After having already been locked in a room filled waist-high with water, needless to say this tabaxi was very unhappy. 

Also our ranger rolled a nat 1 and broke the brush. 

[thepinegeese]

It's the Lieutenant. He forgot to take his heat suppressant.