I am constantly going through revelations and problems at this season in my life and one of them that is nagging at the back of my mind is how I relate to others... I recently wrote an article about how we relate to others is how we relate to God, so I'll try to take that into consideration with my following stream of consciousness... I feel like I always want to help people with their problems, but to the point where I usually lose friends over it. People don't like me for it. Perhaps I'm too invasive with advice. It's just the way I am though. I am a do-er, not a thinker. I am not good at JUST listening when there is a problem and I believe I have ideas on things they can attempt to make it better. How can I just sit there and listen to people's problems? My heart breaks for them. I am an overly empathetic person. It is a strength but it is a curse as well. The curse is that my empathy causes me to rush out to DO something about a situation that I see people in... Often times, I extend myself to help them without their request; simply at the mention of their problem, and what I've learned is that you can never help someone who doesn't want to help themselves at least to some degree. Becasue so far it's always been a case of leading the horse to water, and not making them drink, however I find myself constantly trying to drown the horse... It just bothers me, because I feel like I want to always sacrifice my time for people. I want to do something for them... I think what it ultimately comes down to, is that's the one thing I always wished SOME one would do for me... I'm always the problem solver; when something is wrong, and no one wants to confront the issue, it's always been me to step up to fix it. I am constantly placed in the role of leader simply because no one else will step up, and I want to see the task accomplished. I often say that people live life like they play video games. I play Team Fortress 2, which is a team based co-op game with many different classes you play to try to achieve one goal. I find myself not concerned with getting game achievements, or counting my kill-death ratio, or getting vengance on people dominating me, but rather just on accomplishing the goal, even if it means sacrificing my character. I play as Pyro. I go out and cause as much chaos and havoc as possible in the shortest amount of life. Burn bright, and burn out. I often times will throw myself into an obviously heavily guarded area, just to cause a distraction or damage so the other team can finish them off. It's very much how I live my life. But it's all because no one else will, or at least that's how I feel. I've always wanted a mentor. Someone to stick with me, by my side. To ask me how my day went, what am I going through, how they can help, or give advice, but that has never been my life. I don't consider myself to be a strong person, because I'm constantly seeking advice and help, and yet others have said that I am strong, simply because I try so hard, and sacrifice so much, and struggle so emotionally... I ask God to send me a leader and HIs response has always been "You are the light and salt in the earth." I used to struggle with the feeling that it meant I had to do this journey alone. Always playing leader, with no one to follow, but God showed me otherwise, thankfully. I have God of course, HE is the mentor in my life, the only one who can and will ask me how my day went, what I'm going through, what HE can do to help, and always gives advice... He calls me to be light in the earth, but simply a VESSEL of HIS light, therefor the weight is not on my shoulders. That revelation came, and that is all well, and yet time and time again I find myself in this spot again: always trying to help others, and being scorned in so doing.... I think it is because the very nature of the new testament is that we are not to try by our OWN works, but to trust and abide in the Lord, and to allow Him to work THROUGh us. I always struggle with that, but it is the root of my problem... That being said, what does that mean how I relate to God then, if we relate to others as we relate to Him? Does that mean that I am constantly trying to earn God's favor by doing, doing, doing? I'm always asking what I can DO to improve my walk with God, and not spending enough time hanging out... Perhaps thats why I always feel so isolated with other people, because I'm not allowing God to just BE my friend... Perhaps I'm always forcing Him to be the do-er, the leader, the activator, and not allowing Him to be my comforter, my companion, my friend... People have often said that I make projects out of people. What does that mean I do with God? Do I see my walk with Him like one big project with a goal, instead of enjoying the actual presence of God? I don't know if that's entirely true. As much as I want to help my friends, I enjoy hanging out with them as much as I enjoy helping them. And I enjoy hanging out with God as well... But what then, does it reflect about me? I am constantly pushing my opinions on other people, with how I think they should solve a problem; what does that mean about how I deal with God's advice? So I don't know... how do I tackle helping others? I understand that it's not ME that helps them, but God through me, and I understand that it would be an act of selfishness to expect something in return, and yet the gratification of knowing I'm making a difference in people's lives does drive me, though I guess it shouldn't? Any thoughts?
