#dont read this.

[xxflameheadxx]

I just don't feel good. I don't know how to put it besides that.... I feel bad all the time. Even when I feel good, it's like.... The moments between remembering you have poison ivy. It's just gonna start itching again the second you look at it. Like "haha hee hee what a funny video!" *turns off video* "oh God what if I'm annoying and no one likes me and I never do anything with my life and I should just kill myself and"

Like skcjckdkgjckfk I feel like Certain People don't need me in their lives anymore and I'm getting more and more frustrated every day with the fact that my life is going nowhere and I'm living the cringiest life of anyone I know rn

I'm literally unemployed and living for free at Moth's mom's house. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Sharing a literal shotgun shack with 3 other people, 4 cats (soon to be 5!!) and 1 dog. I'm genuinely fucking embarrassed to admit to how I live in any capacity. I barely leave the house. I never see anyone but Moth. I just want to feel like I have agency in my life again; I want to live my own fucking life.

Lately I've been having really troubling gut wrenching thoughts about :( idk. I want to be alone more and more lately, but I think if I broke up with Moth (or vice versa) I'd just fucking kill myself. I mean on a practical level I have no money and nowhere to go. But also without them I have literally no one. And I do love them... It's not like I don't. I'm just unhappy in general and I can't figure out what I need. I figure I'm just splitting or something but it's. Idk I feel like I don't deserve to be in a relationship.... I feel like they love me more than I deserve to be loved. I feel like I'm cheating them somehow. Idk. Like I said, I don't think I could survive being alone at this point.... But I need SOMETHING.

I really want to lash out and hurt myself or do something drastic or something. That's the kind of headspace I'm in.... It probably won't make me feel better, but. I don't know. In this kind of mood, I'd usually want to do an angst RP, but that's fucking pointless to ask now. Plus I'm stupid and I don't have any ideas for anything ever. I just need some way of getting these feelings out in a satisfying way.

I guess that's why I'm writing this... Also because I'm delaying going to bed. I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like anything... I don't know. I'm sorry.

[itonje]

oc nonsense ignore

truly hate the idea of valsetti and neji interacting..valsetti isnt. an alter ego and it's actually lilys grave mistake when dealing with them because no matter how hard she tries, she cant kill what august calls an idea manifested, some physical form of the spirit of american greed and capitalism and white apathy and hedonism and they always come back because it's what the people want, they want a show and they want to see the representation of all their worst sides mocked and as long as theres some form of resistance the clown will always come back to mirror it or. whatever. anyways even if August comes out while embodying this idea, this spirit, they're not REAL and it does neji more harm than good to get the two mixed up and actually the reason why they get along is cos neji falls in love w august and not basically what is a fictional character. this has nothing to do with anything i just rlly wanted to say it

[yourlalisa]

The fact I wanna be with you, but you dont wanna be with me. The fact that when I think about ywaou, I literally get butterflies and I smile. The fact that everytime I talk to you I wanna tell you I love you, but that'll just crush me in the end.

The fact that I dont wanna be with anyone else; this is a sick game someone made up... :(

...I want you.. fuck.

[gayhags]

yes Madonna is 60 yes I’d still have *** with her

[strxmblessed-blog]

i want this semester to be over 

i can just carry on but storm it that doesnt make time go faster

i want to figure out what im going to do

i dont even know what i actually want

hell of a captain i make

[birilli-fication]

[80sgirlfriend-blog]

ok im putting this under a read more because its stupid and embarrassing but

everytime i see a pic of bob on m y dash i have to go through a series of giggles and blushing and burying my face in my hands before i can continue scrolling and its so stupid like...why does HE have that affect on me.... still....after 9 months like idek what to say its just weird bc that happens with no one else 

[jakes-tush]

The cook looked in the mirror, it’s eyes had bags like swollem bruises. It sighed and looked around the large industrial kitchen. silver and bronze pots, pans, utensils and gadgets were neatly strewn about the overly sanitary work space. It walked over to the bathtub sized sink and looked out the small porthole sized window. The pillar of smoke collaborated with clouds that used to be white to make slate grey streaks in the sky. 

“<well at least the sky is grey my love>”

It turned around at the melodious voice.

“< i love you>” 

It said, it’s smile trying to mask it’s concern. The impossibly tall young man uncrossed his legs and hopped off the counter. his shirt too tight for the strong body underneath. The cook grinned slightly and staggered over to him. It ran it’s delicate fingers over the mans collarbone and sighed. It let all four of its arms fall and looked up at him. it closed it;s eyes and begain to lean backwards, then fall. The man calmly moved and caught it before it fell too close to the ground.

“<when will you ever let me fall?” 

“<never, porcelain dolls are much too precious to fall and break, my love>”

he pulled it up and took off his shirt. it looked confused util he pulled the shirt over its head. Then proceeded to pull it close to his warm body. It wrapped it’s arms around him and listen to his heartbeat. this is the beat the my soul dances to. it thought. The man kissed the top of the cooks head. 

“< I love you my dragon.>”

In the overwhelming silence the could hear echoing footsteps approaching down the flights of stairs to the kitchen. It sighed again and looked up at him. He was noticably holding back tears. It;s heart sunk as it knew what it had to do. 

“<gods do not deserve this type of punishment, i can’t keep doing this to you.>”

“<I am not god, you were the one that created me.>”

He pressed his hand to it’s cheek and said

“<do what you must>”

and pulled away. The footsteps echoed loudly through the kitchen now. They both were tense with stiffled sobs. The cook whispered through its teeth and pressed his forefinger to the mans forehead, and its pinkie and thumb gently resting on t=his eyelids. It dragged its hand down to his heart and pushed. The man stepped away at the sharp pain coming from its fingers, then sensitively stepped back, it kept pushing, to the man it felt like he was being stabbed and knives were flowing through his veins. The cook watched as the mans body contorted into a familiar shape and slowly lower to the floor. It picked up the dark violin from the floor. 

“<beautiful warriors should’t rest on the floor my god>” 

It could sense the dissaproval from the instrument. and grinned sadly. It ran the shaft of is forefinger along the curve of the center bout and felt him ring a soft pleasant note.