It's nearly been one month since I had surgery, and while the sutures have mostly healed, the debilitating (very unexpected) side effects have only gotten worse.
I wish I could find the words to express how scary and emotional this has been for both me and my partner. But the whole problem is that I've lost my ability to understand/interpret complex language (amongst other serious cognitive problems).
I have tried to stay optimistic, but it's so fucking hard when every one of the past 27 days has been nothing but a blur. I've lost all short-term memory, I cannot tell you a single thing that's happened in the past month. Hell, I can't even tell you what I did this morning!
I am completely unable to perceive time. I have what we call 'time slips' where I lose chunks (usually hours) of time with no recollection of what I did during them. Yesterday I was SO certain something happened 4 days before and my partner had to remind me it had only been the day before.
I can't remember routines. I can't cook, I need help doing housework. I have post-it's all over the house, with step-by-step instructions for even the most basic tasks. There's one taped to the outside of the shower glass, because I was having difficulty remembering the steps of how to shower. Prior to making this instruction sheet, I had gotten stuckin the middle of showering, because I genuinely couldn't remember what came next in my routine. I couldn't even recall of I'd already washed my hair, so I had to start all over again.
Usually, writing would be my coping mechanism. But I have lost the ability to write altogether. I can put words on a page but they're completely disorganised and make zero sense. I can't read either, even my own fics I've read 100x before feel like they're in another language when I try to read them.
Because of this constant state of confusion, I can't drive, I can't look after myself without my partner helping me tons. I have basically lost all of my autonomy.
It is as if I developed full blown dementia overnight. It's so terrifying to suddenly lose all cognitive function.
I feel like I've lost what makes me, me. My partner has had to become a full-time carer on top of their full-time job. Without them constantly checking in with me throughout the day, I wouldn't even remember to eat or take meds or drink water. We've had to put so many systems in place just to try and make sure I remember to do the very minimum tasks relating to daily living.
We have been through plenty of hardships over the past seven years, but this current situation has been the worst, it's a constant test of our relationship. I am forever grateful to have such a phenomenal partner to help me through this rn. I love you so much @phantomhag-666.
We're hoping our new doctor might be able to give us some answers. But bc I have such a complicated medical history, it might take some time to figure out what's happening. At this point, I can only pray this isn't a permanent change for me.
