(please be gentle, y’all, this is the first public fic I’ve posted since basically… ever)
inspired by/remix of the cursed light by datfearlessfangirl
okay, so.
the first Split was relatively harmless, believe it or not. it separated out Remus and Roman, sure, but the sides all still lived together and cared about each other.
as a teen/young adult, the sides were in cutesy little pairs.
Janus and Roman, the theater gays.
Virgil and Logan, the couple that considers sitting silently in a room together with headphones on a romantic activity.
and Remus and Patton, the chaotic powerhouses who love nothing more than making messes in the kitchen and screaming I-love-you’s from across the house.
but then
the second split.
it was a crisis of morality and identity on Thomas’s part
so intense that it ripped the mindscape in two
the “acceptable” sides simply got their memories wiped, starting from scratch
while the dark sides were locked away and hurt.
now, neither side knew about the others and the effect it had on them
so when the light sides saw a closet oozing with Bad Feelings, they felt it best to investigate for the good of Thomas
and they were greeted with monsters.
Remus, screaming out horrific imagery and banging his head raw and bloody against the wall
Virgil, spiraling into such a bad panic attack that the shadows around him were lashing out without him realizing
and Janus, fangs and all six arms out, who uncontrollably lied about how they were useless here, how they weren’t wanted, they needed to get out, ssssstupid little sides
the lights screamed
and ran out
the darks chased them
because, here’s the thing
imagine you have known someone all your life. you know their tics, what makes them happy
and you’re not afraid of what they’re like when they’re in distress, because you know what to expect. and you know you’re safe with them.
now. imagine meeting someone for the first time on your absolute worst day.
that’s what happened to the darks.
the Patton of before would have rushed to Remus, gently guiding him away from the wall and crooning soothing nonsense to drown out his babble about death and gore and being alone alone alone
the Roman of before would have nodded and taken none of what Janus was saying at face value, cradling Janus’s hands in his own and humming a quiet tune
and the Logan of before would have tapped out a slow, calm rhythm next to Virgil until he could breathe and handle touch again
but they didn’t know any of that anymore.
all they saw were monsters.
and all the dark sides saw were their friends, family, lovers there when they needed help.
the light sides fled back to the upper mindscape
and the darks slammed into the barrier
screaming and clawing at the invisible wall
for someone to help
for their family to look at them
for someone to explain what was going on
and the light sides closed and locked the door with a sigh of shaky relief.
now, the light sides develop something of an ingrained bad reaction to the darks due to this colossally bad first impression.
Patton: disgust, fear, thin veneer of trying to be polite while getting them to leave the vicinity as soon as possible
Logan: coldness, indifference. not cruelty but no warmth or allowances
Roman: fear masked by anger and intense protectiveness.
and the dark sides all deal with the upheaval, betrayal, and pain in different ways.
Virgil: depressed, afraid, tends to lash out at the slightest provocation. goes from snarky to mean.
Janus: gives up and pretends everything is fine. sees no point in hurting himself to get something back that can't be replaced or repaired. covers heartbreak with snark. can't quite stop himself from flirting with Roman but pretends it's just manipulation. focuses just on Thomas and what's best for him, ignoring all else.
Remus: wears his rotting heart on his sleeve. tries the hardest to get Patton back and is the least equipped to do so. isn't exactly trying to keep the others' spirits up, but more just doesn't lose hope that they can somehow fix this.
the dark sides can only come to the main mindscape at all at night at first.
the barrier stops them any other time
it’s Remus who finds out first, mindlessly banging his head against the barrier to pass the time only to fall flat on his face when it fizzles out
and they all slowly start sneaking in at night to see the home that they were thrown out of
and slowly, the lights start having odd little incidents
nothing in person, at first.
Roman: he finds something in progress and abandoned at the border between the imagination halves that he and Remus both worked on. he can't figure out why it looks so recent even though he can’t remember ever getting along with his brother this well.
Patton: he's having a Sad Night. he thinks he's hiding it well, but someone (Virgil) notices and leaves him cookies that are one of his favorites. not a secret recipe, just ones he likes. there's a little note saying that sometimes it's okay to have a second cookie. Patton can't figure out who would know him this well.
Logan: he’s dealing with an absolute menace of a meeting. he gets back to his room, seething all the way, to see a plain porcelain plate with an unsigned note saying “break me all you want, nerd! I’ll put myself back together!”. he experimentally drops it from a few feet up. it shatters with a very satisfying crack and then, a few seconds later, reassembles itself in his hand. he has a grand old time shattering the plate against the wall again and again until his rage has subsided to a manageable level. he can’t figure out who would come up with an idea like this.
and then there start being little middle-of-the-night interactions. because for some reason, the light sides have a much harder time falling asleep nowadays.
Virgil looks over Roman’s shoulder as he watches a Disney movie in the living room at three AM to try and fall asleep. Anxiety offers a teasing insult to the protagonist. Roman jumps out of his skin, at first threatening to stab him, but then lets him tentatively settle in on the counter behind him. they roast the movie together, gradually picking up steam until Roman actually laughs at something Anxiety says. they both freeze and stare at each other for a heartbeat until Roman sinks out without a word.
Patton finds himself tucked into bed after a too-long day sorting through Thomas' emotional responses. when he wakes up, there's a somehow still steaming cup of sweet herbal tea that tastes like a snickerdoodle. he vaguely remembers a soft voice hissing at him that he needs to pay more attention to his own needs.
Logan is reading philosophy textbooks and muttering to himself out loud. Janus offers a quiet critique. they have a heartbeat of wonderful discussion before Logan "remembers" himself and shuts it down.
eventually, through all this, their memories start coming back. it’s triggered slowly through their platonic interactions with their friends, and then all at once by their romantic partners.
(because the love of friends is just as impactful and important as the love of a partner)
Patton:
Patton is sad and frustrated, muttering to himself and pacing in the kitchen.
someone walks in and he immediately stops and snaps into happy pappy Patton mode. “Oh hey, kiddo-“
it's Remus, who just cocks his head and says "you know you don't have to do that with me, right?"
and after some protesting on Morality’s part
he ends up goading Patton into a very cathartic expression of anger, fear, and frustration, and helps him sort it out.
at some point, Remus has shifted to holding Patton in a loose embrace as Patton waves his hands and rants and sobs.
Patton doesn’t realize that he burrows deeper into Remus’ arms every time he wiggles.
to the point that he’s turned sideways in Remus’ lap, with one arm curled around him and the other one free to gesture.
and then when it’s all over, they’re talked out, and it’s almost sunrise, Remus reluctantly starts to tear himself away.
and Patton, who quite suddenly cannot bear the thought of Remus letting him go, holds on
Logan:
panic attacks? Logan? certainly not. he doesn’t get those.
so when he finds himself gasping for air, feeling like his chest is on fire, and locked into his worst thoughts, he doesn’t know what to do
because he knows how to treat panic attacks
but this isn’t one. definitely
and even if it was, for some reason all his knowledge on how to treat them is slipping from his mind no matter how hard he tries to reach from it
you have to breathe? somehow? but he can’t breathe, can’t think
and somehow through it, he hears a raspy voice
counting steadily and quietly
and he realizes that there’s a stim toy placed in his hands that he’s wringing.
and it looks familiar, but he knows he’s never seen it before
and there’s soft, flowy music playing from a Bluetooth speaker next to him
and that feels familiar too
and without quite knowing why, only having a bone-deep certainty that it’ll help, he slumps over into the person sitting next to him
smells lavender and laundry detergent
feels soft fabric under his cheek
and suddenly everything snaps into place
oh
of course
why does he feel so safe? because he’s with the safest person in the world.
Roman:
okay so
Roman alternates between being scared of Deceit and feeling extremely attracted to him
this, naturally, freaks Roman out
and he expresses this by getting more and more aggressive towards Janus
at some point, he panics and attacks Deceit
Deceit freezes with Roman’s sword to his throat. they stare at each other
before Janus sinks out
a day or so later, he comes back
all six hands up, ungloved, and open to show that he means no harm
“You win.”
“… What?” says Roman.
“You. Win. I’m tired of fighting you. Grant me one last request and you’ll never have to see me again.”
some buried part of Roman is conflicted. but his conscious self jumps at the opportunity. “What do you want, snake?”
“Dance with me.”
“… What.”
“Grant me the honor of one dance, my prince, and I’ll leave. You’ll never have to deal with my presence again.”
And Roman, wary of some trap but eager to be rid of the beautiful confusing disgusting snake, agrees.
They rise up in an elegantly decorated ballroom
dressed in a fancy suit (Roman) and an elegant ballgown (Deceit)
and they dance
at first, stilted and formal
keeping to the steps and no more
but then Janus seems to come to some internal conclusion
and folds himself in close to Roman
before spinning outwards, skirt swirling, and coming back in
and somehow, without Roman quite knowing why, they’re dancing.
flourishes, leaning into each other, Roman even lifting Deceit into the air at one point
and his heart keeps pinging strangely
aching
(familiar, this is familiar, you’ve done this before)
but eventually, the dance has to end
and they both come to a stop as the song finishes, panting heavily
Janus is smiling through his heavy breaths
and Roman finds he is too
but Janus’ smile cracks and falls and he steps back.
“Well,” he says. “That was the deal.”
and he lifts Roman’s hand, which somehow has his sword in it although it didn’t a second before, so that the blade is at his throat
just like the night before
“One quick cut ought to do it.”
Self Preservation exposes his throat to his beloved.
because he doesn't want to hurt Roman.
because this dance was his last selfish act before he gives up
one last moment to remember his prince by
and Roman pauses with his sword at Janus’ throat.
because Roman can't figure out why Janus, the evil self serving snake, wouldn't take an opportunity to hurt him to save himself
why he asked for this dance at all
why his arms around him felt like home
and all of a sudden
the memories he’s been denying all this time hit him like a truck
and he remembers
(after all that, Roman congratulates Janus on his idea to bring his memories back by dancing together)
(Janus smiles at him and changes the subject)
the barrier weakens the more that the lights feel comfortable around the darks.
the more that Thomas feels comfortable around them.
by the time everyone’s memory is back, it’s like it was never there at all.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Characters: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders
Additional Tags: Blood and Violence, Werewolves, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Warning: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Vampires, Forest God Patton, Vampire Remus, Human Roman, Blood and Injury, Near Death Experiences, Body horror? whatever you call having roots growing into your skin
Series: Part 1 of The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep
Summary:
Roman didn’t show up on his normal patrol around the village. Remus was looking forward to following him around and grilling him about the young lad he was interested in, but now he has a much larger concern: the fact that the human he’s taken a liking to might be in danger.
