#double danish

[apostlewithapomegranate]

hai guys... long time no see. updates of danish lore from like. past 3 years:

survived arranged marriage(s) (it just never ends)

got a job (hence why i stopped begging for art comms... also lost the ability to draw tbf & starting from scratch)

was hoping to be transferred to a work sponsorship so i can leave home but that never happened cause my job grade is too low or whatever weird khaleeji legalities

after saving up for a year, now planning to return to parkistan so i can escape my family/the gulf/kafala system - esp. since i will be threatened with my family sponsor visa being cut off and being deported to pakistan if i retaliate and go against my family, so it's like. might as well risk it myself

i'm thinking of relocating to lahore cause 1. i've only lived in the countryside of karachi outside of my village in balochistan and it's too family-oriented (i.e. snooping, gossiping aunties) + full of fellow baloch people for my comfort, 2. the more upstate areas in karachi are expensive as hell, & islamabad is pretty much the same from what i can tell.

those are the only areas i'm familiar with/can find any info on. i'm looking for anyone who is in lahore & can be my guide/support when i relocate cause i'm #scwared. if you're outside of lahore, i appreciate any help + i don't mind staying elsewhere too, if it is possible for me.

atm, i'm looking for joabs & accomodations + figuring out how to transfer my funds. so any info on pakistani banking systems and help with housing search (or maybe able to give me shelter for a month or two?) would be appreciated.

[apostlewithapomegranate]

emailed dastak but they haven't responded yet. might send them a whatsapp if that's possible... feeling a bit hopeless but good things can also happen to the hopeless and defeatist... i hope. recently had this epiphany that i'm always trying to figure out things and control outcomes on my own but that's not possible. only idk where to start cause of the Isolation(tm)

[apostlewithapomegranate]

like 2 writing/literature/whatever you wanna call it tunglr blogs obsessed with the Dark Themes reblogged posts detaching real life from fiction, and it makes my head spin a lil bit... cause are you all playing with the horror of life in fiction for fun? as a thought experiment? none of you grappled with the denial of trauma being the very means by which trauma is bequeathed? don't know any lesbians married to men + in a toxic relationship with a girl bestie? never had a real life body horror moment when you were disabled, like in a unpalatable way where your ostomy bag bursts, among abled bodied folx? never cooked a meal enough to feed 10 people only to eat the entire thing all alone and yet your hunger wasn't satisfied by the end of it?

[apostlewithapomegranate]

last reblog reminded me... was gonna make a long ass post about how wahhabi politics caused palestine to be viewed as only a muslim + arab issue with no care for non-arab & non-muslim palestinians, only for KSA (and other wahhabi countries in the gulf but KSA was the propganda's originator) to become muslim zionists & have the pan-arab nationalism/wahhabism movement forced on palestinians (see: hamas being equated to isis when they're literally enemies lol)

but i knew posting that would get pan-arab nationalist types upset and i didn't want to mire the palestinian cause as a non-black/gadjo/non-palestinian... tho, read about the khobar massacre in 2004 as tiny view into how gulf arabs painted the palestinian cause #backintheday

[apostlewithapomegranate]

not me spending international lesbian day contemplating how to say no to this guy wanting to marry me. Hm

[apostlewithapomegranate]

oh this blender shit is easy (<- has been hyperfocused on learning how to use the tools for a whole day without eating or showering)

[apostlewithapomegranate]

mullah of the local mosque came back from egypt and gave us the most delicious desserts i've ever eaten & i was thinking once again how wrong that tiktok video was where someone said white ppl aren't good at cooking but they're the best bakers

[apostlewithapomegranate]

need to find a discord group or something of disabled ppl dealing with incontinence because i think soon (maybe even now & my internalized ableism has me in denial) i need to start wearing diapers & having no one to talk to has me. very lost about how to go about my day with all this