burnt snake primary (interest in a lion model) + burnt snake secondary (badger model)
Hey, I hope you’ll be willing to sort me. I was a timid kid, always did what I was told, I was nice, respectful and I believed what adults were saying. My family valued books so I took pride in reading early too.
It's a normal, human thing to want to please your parents, and to believe what you're told as a child. I suppose a very strong tendency to fit in with the family culture might point to a young Badger primary... but that's not the only explanation. Going to need more data.
I could never play alone and always wanted a friend, almost as much as I wanted peace and quiet of my room. And yet, boredom was often my companion.
Hmm. This need for community, companionship, another person around is sounding very Badgery.
I have two younger siblings and I was their nanny.
Ah. Got it. So if you aren't a Badger secondary... you definitely learned to model it.
I taught them various words and its meanings, but I also cheated in card games, would be mean to them or blame them for things I knew I would be punished harsher for.
Hmm. Interesting. I mean being mean to your siblings is neither here nor there - I mean I'm sure you resented them a little for nanny duty for one thing, I've been there. But this tactical move of blaming your siblings because you kew that your parents would be more lenient with them... that's definitely the sign of an I-Move secondary (Snake or Bird.)
Once at my job I had (more like wanted) to figure out why the Internet was down, was it the death of a router or electricity problems. A co-worker was convinced it was the router because everything else was on, I wasn’t so sure. I searched my head for the easiest and quickest way to solve this. It was of course to see if the outlet was popped by the kettle before.
I know that English isn't your first language, and I have to admit that I'm not completely sure what "popped by the kettle" means. I think it means "someone accidentally unplugged the router in order to plug the kettle in."
Now that I think about it, there were easier ways to go about this, and without me even leaving the room, but then I figured I’d take an old job NOKIA and see if it charges from that outlet. It didn’t, and I felt really smart and gloated silently that I was right and they weren’t. With high-stakes problems I really think I just do what needs to be done.
You've definitely got this love of going a little bit solo when you problem solve. You did a little experiment, you isolated the problem. Could be Bird... but somehow I'm really getting single-player Environment Snake from you. Might be the slight agent of chaos energy.
I’m a nurse, well, I’ve a nursing degree. Going back to that system after all I’ve been through was a difficult decision. I was bored studying it, a breakup with my friends from college was awful and I still cuss thinking about them, most clinical weeks were shit while we were being ignored, shunned out or used for free labour. Like I had one proper clinical month in 4 years were I was properly taken around with the nurse’s consent, and was given space to learn things. It’s a different republic man.
Sigh. Okay, so it's sounds like your Badger secondary is on full display here with nursing, just like it was with nannying... but I'm sort of thinking it's a model. You CAN do it, but you don't enjoy doing it. This is also the second mention of you being bored. Which, yeah is a human thing... but it's also MORE of a thing for a reactive, improvisational secondary. I'm kind of liking Snake for you.
I never wanted to go back, but job market was shit, so with a heavy heart, kicking and screaming, I faced the reality of me running out of savings, and sent a job application to a hospital, not without my mother’s nudge and support from people I know, who kept saying if it will be awful, you will leave. Sure, like I would even go back if it was that easy.
A badger secondary would put a little more weight on what the community had to say. Also, you talk about always wanting friends as a kid, but as an adult you seem pretty aggressively independent. Burned Badger? Snake?
I know, I know, I could have tried less medical procedures heavy nursing positions, but one thing I knew was that starting in a hospital meant with good social relations I could always ask for help and have an experienced nurse to learn from. Those other places kind of leave you on your own in the field.
So there's definitely some Badger in you. A very PRACTICAL Badger secondary model at the very least.
Sometimes I am a bit sad for being the reasonable one, for not trying to be an artist, to be a translator of a lesser known language, or for not studying literature and living in a dream that one day it will work itself out somehow. But then I get warm in my bed, I get to buy books I want, treat my dogs or get them to a vet when something’s wrong, help my mom or buy a new bed-sheet, and I know being comfortable was more important than whatever my head imagined.
I'm kind of liking Snake primary for you. You have that pin-point practicality Snakes always seem to come back to in the end. Art, following your heart and all that stuff... it sounds nice, and I'd be nice to do. But at the end of the day, the most important thing is to stay warm, buy yourself and your dogs little treats, and help out your mom. That's a Snake primary, with a small circle.
Snake do tend to like Lions, and when things are calm and going well, Snake primaries will often model something else, for fun basically. So I hope something eventually shifts for you (since no situation is permanent) and you can do something maybe a little more Idealistic, which suits your Snake secondary a little better... since I bet it can get both bored and burnt-out by nursing.
Also I know there would’ve been a lot of boot licking, besides the need to be really smart and ingenious, which I wasn’t.
Clients are... a very difficult part of being an artist, it's a thing.
Would I be happier if I followed my sworn oath to never come back? Maybe, if I could study again, learn what I really want, which is too much to pick one subject, as I think a lot of things, could be neat to study for 4 years.
This feels like a Lion primary fantasy to me: Life is loud and chaotic, wouldn't it be nice to spend four years just figuring your self out?
Not nursing though. Maybe if I was able to work in a bookshop or a coffee shop.
This sounds a bit more like a Snake secondary fantasy: work at a nice little shop where there are a lot of low-stakes interesting problems (like figuring out why the router isn't working) and lots of people coming in for you to bounce of of and have fun with.
However, my idea of comfort was more important then. It turned out fine, it doesn’t haunt me.
Because this is, at the end of the day, the only acceptable answer for a Snake primary.
Not like my study years. I’m not sure I would ever go back for masters though, and I shouldn’t, right, as someone who found their subject so boring.
This is definitely a big challenge with you - you get bored easily. Which makes me think Lion secondary or Snake secondary (and with everything else I've read, almost certainly Snake.)
My fantastical dream is living in a nice place, a cottage full of books and comfort near some castle where I can go socialise, work or do anything else with my time that’s needed. But when I come back to my cottage, I am not alone, although I can be if I want to, but instead I am surrounded by a group of friends, who feel like home, who I can be myself with, as in I know I am stupid, and I do and say stupid things as I’m sometimes too airhead or too emotional, but I will first be met with their understanding and kindness rather than judgment and outrage. Basically I want a found family that I don’t have and a home to make my own and with my rules. So little in life is how I want it to be, and only fictional found families are understanding, supporting and kind. That’s why we like them.
I think this is a Double Snake fantasy. Live in a comfortable little cottage, surrounded by friends/found family who "feel like home." That's the dream of a Snake primary. Then you can leave and go someplace cool (a castle!) in order to meet people, work, or just go along with whatever's happening that day. At which point... you come back home and take off all your faces, go into Neutral... and don't have to worry if someone thinks you're stupid, emotional, or air-headed.
(that's a little bit of negative self-talk coming through. Often people with strong Badger secondary influences can look at their Improvisational tendencies and think they're not valid/real/logical. I hope that's not the case with you.)
I know people see reality in various ways. In my reality, everyone is selfish and doing things primarily for themselves (starting with me) so it is hard to understand when we barely can see past our noses.
Yep. You're a Snake primary. A slightly Burned Snake primary, sounds like.
(which might explain why you're sort of fascinated by the Lion way of doing things. Burned Snakes will sometimes model Lion because it seems easier/less painful, and Burned Lions will do the reverse.)
In reality, I want the family heaven, the damn Hallmark Christmas movies. I don’t think I’ll ever do the whole normative family thing, but I’m either lonely or everyday is the same now and nothing’s special.
Staying within the bounds of this system (because I'm not diagnosing anything else over the internet) it sounds like your Snake secondary needs some enrichment. You cheat at games and figure things out for fun! There's got to be something interesting for you to get into. Also - yeah you probably need People apart from your pets and your mom. Easier said than done, though.
I want a plot of land to call my own so I’d be able to put my pets to rest when the time comes, so I’d be able to visit them.
This is why I love Snake primaries. What an incredibly lovely thing to say.
I feel most powerful and confident when I improvise and it works.
SNAKE.
I went for a little trip alone last winter.
Oh yes, absolutely. I love this for you.
I checked for my ride to and back, all possible times, wrote it so that if my devices went out I had something, and I knew I could survive a day or two until my ride home. I booked a place, and I knew where I planned to go for the event. The other 2 days? Who knows, just go around, see the town, explore, and see the places I have not seen. All of this was made spontaneously a few days before because I had a fight with my brother and decided going and staying with a Buddhist group was better than celebrating New Years at home. I had a great time, everything was okay and I am really proud of myself for doing that.
Your Badger model (planning, double checking, making sure all your info is written down) and your Snake secondary (leave on a whim, do whatever once you get there) are playing very well together.
Sounds like a snake secondary right?
Sure does.
But then why do I physically hate lying? I think I am afraid of getting cough [caught?], afraid of not having the right answer in the moment. It seems that I can never evaluate a situation well and choose the right thing to say for a useful lie. I would rather anyone else create the lie and I would then try to make it as honest as possible. I doubt it would work, unless it wasn’t that important.
Your Snake secondary sounds like it's a little Burnt. Not actually that surprising, considering it looks like you've been around such heavy Badger secondary energy all your life, and been expected to use your Badger secondary, and only your Badger secondary, so much. The message you would have been getting is that the Snake secondary way of doing things is - unreliable, cheating, bad. Which just isn't the case. Snake secondaries have a perfectly useful, morally neutral way of doing things.
But all of this - 'I'm afraid, I can't, it wouldn't work,' all that is Burnt secondary language. As is "With high-stakes problems I really think I just do what needs to be done," which is what you said earlier.
I wouldn't be too concerned though. From everything else I've read, you're grounded, stubborn, and have a good sense of who you are. Chances are your Snake secondary is just rusty. Also this: "I would rather anyone else create the lie and I would then try to make it as honest as possible" - that's a good description of how a Snake secondary works. You're bouncing off whoever you're talking to, you're not creating from nothing.
It was difficult when I didn’t know what I’ll do in the future, after school, when all my plans failed. It was really difficult to go through high-school with no friends and shun out, like, if I was a badger primary originally, that would’ve messed me up so bad that I’d never know. I never had a chance to look like the two amazing healthy badgers I know who surrounded themselves with communities and are thriving.
I do think that part of this is just - that you fundamentally do not want a Badger-style community. You want a Snake-style community, which is different.
It was hard when my college friend started to shun me out and drifted away when she found better like I was nothing,
This friend - this one important friend left you, and that gets a shout-out on a level with your plans for the future falling apart. Very Snake primary
or when I had to lie heavily in my academic papers because no one cared to help and I was exhausted to care myself after covid and almost half a year of clinicals and paper writing.
Okay this is fascinating. First, it does sound like you had a bout of situational depression (or similar) which you pushed through, so good for you. But I'm interested in the way that - okay, you lied on your academic papers when push came to shove (which I would expect from a Snake secondary.) BUT. That decision is bound up with your Burnt primary, in feelings of abandonment and loneliness. I'd say you don't like lying, because you associate the need to lie with feeling alone. Ideally, you feel your life should be set up in such a way that you don't *need* to lie.
My relationship with a long time friend from art school is important. She was a positive and inspiring figure in my life, as well as someone who taught me a lot about communication and friendship. We fought a lot, but neither one of us wanted to let the other one go, maybe because we knew we wouldn’t find anyone else who’d match our freak, so we had to figure it out.
Sounds like an important Snake primary relationship.
I love my siblings but all they gave me was a baggage of fear that I was a horrible sibling and broke something in them.
You were a kid. Kids don't have the emotional maturity (or authority) to raise their siblings well, that's just not a job that they're able to do. It's the job of the adults in their life to make sure all those interactions are running as they should. You can be a horror of a little kid a grow up into a wonderful, well-adjusted adult, or you can be a lovely docile little kid and fall apart when you get older. All you can do (all you have to do) is be decent to your siblings now.
My relationship with my mom is really important. To this day she thinks I’d be an artist or that I was a really studious and meticulously prepared person, but without her support I would not be the person I’m today. Neither I’d be that without all the loops I’d to jump because of her haha.
Sounds like your mom might be a Lion Badger. Which could help explain where those models are coming from. It's common for Snake primaries to build models for their important People.
Thank you for your time!
You are very welcome.
Thank you to Novemberkid for such an excellent submission. If you'd like a Sorting of your very own, commissions are open on my ko-fi. :D
If you'd like to read more about the system I'm using, my explanation is right here.















