This will be my dream diary thing. Because this is torture. Maybe getting it out will help.
Last nights sleep was slow to come, the doxepin didn't set in within 45 minutes like it has been. Unsure if it's because of fear of the dreams, because I took a rescue anxiety med earlier in the evening, if I need a higher dose of doxepin.. no idea.
In childhood home. Me and one of my kids were napping on the couch, it was 3 am. Some TV show in the background. I was hungry so went to the fridge and found lots of..... I think it was supposed to be cake?
Was grabing literal handfuls of it, not like, getting a plate or anything.
Mother came home, with others. Dad's best friend and his wife, some of their grand kids. Someone she said she used to work with, although he looked like best friends dead father figure. They delivered a couch (significant only because it was the same couch once delivered there.)
Mom as usual was complaining about how I live far away. Informing me of some sorta family gathering I didn't want to go to on my dad's side. I am unsure if dad was dead in the dream. At times I was waiting for him to come at times I knew he was dead. I switched between the *knowing*
Then the teeth started(common dream theme teeth usually hurt and are lose, triggering my *knowing*). This time tho it was different. A back tooth started falling to peices. Just the one. So I was poking at it in a mirror and it looked like a pimple. So I popped it. But it was endless. Tooth chunks and blood and pus came out in giant amounts. So much I though my tounge had fallen out.
Woke up after the *knowing* because I started screaming about how this is why I hate sleeping now.
Fell in and out of repeated false awakenings in my own current home. Where everything was normal. Until I got the *knowing*
Had a while once actually waking before I accepted I was actually awake.
Lack of anxiety, depression, and OCD behaviours from luvox is amazing.
But these dreams it gives, make me feel sick. I feel like I want to cry now.
It doesn't seem bad any time I talk about it or write it out. But it makes me feel bad. I don't like the way these dreams feel. Or the way the people look at me. The uncanny valley is heavy in them.
There was more that happened but so many false awakinging caused the rememberence to fail some.
