#dr. laura markham

[themomsandthecity]

Dad forces son to destroy Xbox: Good Parenting?

by Stacy-Ann Gooden posted in Mom Stories We all want to teach our kids right from wrong. But, is public shaming the best way to discipline a child? A YouTube video of a father forcing his son to destroy an Xbox console because of failing grades has got many people giving his style of parenting... Read more » Want to get the full story? Click on the headline above. And thanks for reading the BabyCenter Blog. http://bit.ly/1KWVWpI

[elainascorner]

Mother's Day: Our Labor of Love

"Job Description of the Week Mother Wanted Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. Commitment required: The rest of your life. Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right."

[barnardbabyblog]

Toddler Tip - Listen to Your Child and They'll Listen Back

Over the last 6 months or so I've noticed something special (well, to me everything about Emilio is special, but you get what I'm saying) about Emilio.  

*He listens.

And when I thought about what I might be doing to enable this behavior I realized it is because **I listen to him.  

When he tells me a story, I actively listen and ask questions.

When he asks for my attention I give it. 

I get down on his level. 

I listen to him, I model the behavior and in return he listens to me.  

And then I got this email from Dr. Laura with tips on getting your child to listen and it reinforced it all- so I wanted to share. 

1. Don't start talking until you have your child's attention (I find this does make a difference, I get upset when I tell him something and he's not paying attention and being upset and asking for something to be done or not be done goes nowhere.  So I usually stop, get on his level and ask him to look at me so he can listen.)

2. Don't repeat yourself 

3. Use fewer words (realizing this in Emilio's second year was huge - little kids don't hear or understand everything you say and they'll use selective hearing because they have to- if you have a strong point - make it with few words)

4. See it from his point of view

5. Engage cooperation (sometimes this feels like bargaining  but approached the right way it really works and doesn't feel like I'm setting him up to feel he should be rewarded every time he listens)

6. Stay calm

7. Set up routines (These kiddos thrive on expectation - Emilio asks all the time, "what are we doing after X" and I set him up for what is coming so he's much more open to doing it)

8. Listen (See above)

9. Watch for understanding

10. Pare down your orders to what's really non-negotiable (aka- pick your battles)

*He's a toddler/pre-schooler of course he doesn't listen all the time and to everything, and of course we have our moments of active non-acknowledgement and doing the opposite of what I've asked.  

**Of course I don't always listen to him and have my "busy-mom" moments when I have my head in my phone, or my ear tuned in to something someone else is telling me while he's trying to get my attention.  

[barnardbabyblog]

Sometimes I can be a little holier than thou in my own head about my parenting.  Not like, "I'm so much better than any parent ever." but more like, "I think I know what I'm doing, and I think my way makes more sense than other ways because my son is Awesome with a capital A."  So instead of sharing some of the ways I look at parenting, and specifically discipline and managing emotions in a toddler that might come off at - look at me do it the best - you should be doing this too if you want to be a GOOD parent, I want to share a resource that has been so helpful for me in facilitating some of the ways I do manage it and I truly see it make a difference.  

Dr. Markham's philosophy stems from a simple phrase- empathetic limits.

Here's an example of how I implement it:

Last night, I gave Emilio some new bath toys.  (Baby Lux inspired me) and he was thrilled.  Getting him out of the bath is usually a little bit of a challenge, but there was no way he was going to leave tonight.  I thought I had it on lock, he had said goodnight to the toys and everything.  But when I lifted him out he turned in to a shrieking animal full of pain and tears.  I was actually surprised I could stand him up and dry him off and that he didn't melt in to a mushy puddle of upset toddler.  So as I towel dried him, I explained what was happening and connected with his being upset,

"Hey bud, I know you're disappointed because you like your new toys.  We have to go to bed now, and you can play with the toys tomorrow night."  I then asked him to turn and face me so I could give him a hug to show my empathy for him feeling upset (Something Dr. Markham encourages).  As soon as I got him in my arms he sighed and through the tears asked for "Milk night night".  Which in Toddler speak was, "Mom, I'm tired and I just want to go to bed."  So I picked him up and hugged him some more and said, "I know bud, you're a tired guy, let's get you to bed."  

I felt like I was able to avoid a meltdown, while still moving us to where we needed to go and get some extra cuddles in.  

Score!  

Is it always this easy?  No.  But, I will say that when I get down on Emilio's level, offer sympathy and understanding while staying firm on my limits we typically move pretty quickly to resolution. And it usually ends in a hug, while I'll always take.