He remembers how close he thought he was to his matesprit when the two of them were conscripted into the fleet, and how happy he was for her when she became a Mediviscerator just like she always wanted. He recalls how, at the dinner date he planned as a celebration for that, she told him that they didn’t have to be matesprits anymore. Now the pails had been filled, she said, the concupiscent requirements met, and there was no more reason to pretend. He remembers how confused and hurt he was, and how he told her that he wasn’t pretending. She said that she knew that already, and when she left the table and walked away he remembers that he drew himself up straight and tight and held it together so well. But then, of course, he also remembers that he returned to his respiteblock on the recruitment ship and sullied his sopor with tears later that day.